MetalSucks

Perhaps feeling depressed after allowing myself to be strung along by one W. Axl Rose for yet another year, I’ve started to feel, over the past few weeks, as though 2006 ended up being and incredibly disappointing year in metal- until I sat down to try and make a list of the year’s ten best releases. There were so many good discs this year that listing just ten of them seems kinda, well, limited.

The big story this year, of course, was the continued and still-increasing success of metalcore. As this year’s yawn-inducing Ozzfest lineup proved, this is now the most irritating trend in heavy music since the only recently-ended reign of the dreaded nu-metal (yech). Still, the best of these bands combine pop-rock songwriting hooks with often mindblowing musicianship, and, insofar as irritating trends go, I’ll take All That Remains, Norma Jean, and A Dozen Furies over Limp Suckit, Suckin Park, or Suckd any day of the week- so long as their supporters promise to stop doing goddamned karate kicks in the pit, already (like getting slammed by some dude twice my size who keeps screaming “SSSSLLLLLAAAAYYYYEERRRRR!!!!” even though Slayer are nowhere on the bill isn’t painful enough without the occasional stray boot to the noggin?).

The far more interesting trend, though, was the resurrection and reincorporation of all things old school: Metallica toured Europe playing MASTER OF PUPPETS in its entirety. Axl actually finished a tour (sort of) and released some new music (not officially quite yet, actually, but soon, he swears). Celtic Frost and Alice in Chains both finally got around to staging comebacks, and Down have one in the works. When Maiden made a disappointing disc (and insisted on wasting valuble concert time by playing it live in its entirety), Dragonforce and Crescent Shield swept in to carry the power metal flag; Cannibal Corpse became cool again; The Sword made the best Sabbath album since TECHNICAL ECSTASY and Demiricous made the best Slayer album since SEASONS IN THE ABYSS, until Slayer actually made the best Slayer album since SEASONS IN THE ABYSS (welcome back, Mr. Lombardo). Hell, Shadows Fall released an album full of b-sides and covers that was still ten times better than half the crap released this year. The fact that none of these albums made my final list speaks to what an incredible year it was for extreme music.

And so without further adieu…

LAMB OF GOD, SACRAMENT
One word: Wow. LOG have always been consistent, but by changing their winning formula up ever so slightly, these Virginia-based leaders of the New Wave of American Heavy Metal rightfully take their place alongside metal gods like Pantera- and in case there’s any doubt, they spent their summer co-headlining tours with both Slayer and Megadeth. Crooner Randy Blythe still sounds like he gargles with battery acid, but his pipes have audibly progressed, to the point where he can allow himself to veer past Bentonesque demon howl to just this side of vintage Hetfield and Anselmo. The Adler brothers are as tight a team as ever- on the album’s accompanying DVD, they admit that they actually try to make their parts as complicated and difficult to play as possible- and Mark Morton is now officially the coolest lead guitarist in metal, incorporating Slash-style soul into his Kerry King-worthy shredding; think NO MORE TEARS-era Zakk Wylde playing lead for JUSTICE-era Metallica and you’ll get the idea. If that wasn’t horns-worthy enough, Machine’s admittedly-glossy production allows in new levels of aural sensation unthought of any previous LOG effort (are those fucking synths on “Walk with Me in Hell?”) These are the most instantly memorable anthems of the year; when practically every band in the world is trying and failing to make music both crushing and catchy, LOG seem to do it almost effortlessly- and they don’t even have to sound like pussies to pull it off. Dimebag’d be proud.

Dowload SACRAMENT

MASTODON, BLOOD MOUNTAIN
Are these dudes for real? With or without mind-expanding substances, this is the year’s trippiest disc. Ostensibly a concept album about… a blood mountain… or something… it combines Mastodon’s usual talent for riffs so heavy they make your bone marrow hurt with a meditative, expansive sense of epic songwriting only hinted at on their last masterpiece, the metal Moby Dick we know as Leviathan. The results are like Rush by way of Converge; Pink Floyd never made an album this beefy, but Pig Destroyer never made anything so aurally dense. Like Chimaira’s self-titled release almost exactly one year prior, it’s so rewarding precisely because it’s so challenging- the best argument for metal as symphony available. Brent Hinds is the most diverse guitar player this side of Buckethead (who else shreds, squeals, and chicken picks?), and drummer Brann Dailor is second to no one. One more album like this, and we’ll speak of Mastodon in the same revered tones usually reserved for Tool.

Download BLOOD MOUNTAIN

IN FLAMES, COME CLARITY
All truly great- and I specify “truly great” because their worst is still pretty awesome- In Flames albums start with the letter “C”- CLAYMAN, COLONY, and now COME CLARITY. Who are the sick puppies who think this band sold out and isn’t hard anymore? And how many young American bands should be paying these dudes royalty checks? Anders and company do what they’ve been doing since the ‘90s: combining the rage of death metal with technical prowess of British New Wave- Carcass meets Maiden. This album is the perfect combination of the raw slabs of meat that were THE JESTER RACE and WHORACLE with the more polished, almost industrial style of REROUTE TO REMAINS and SOUNDTRACK TO YOUR ESCAPE. By the way, to all the would-be In Flames out there (that means you, As I Lay Dying): it doesn’t hurt that these guys are still pretty much one of the best live bands in the world, either.

Download COME CLARITY

TOOL, 10,000 DAYS
Tool are the band we all wish Metallica were: if they’re only gonna release one album every five years, at least it’s gonna be quality. Even with the weird ambient numbers that bog down the middle of the disc, this one is an instant classic: “Vicarious” and “The Pot” spiral and expand, constantly shifting and evolving like we’ve all come to expect from this most revered of bands; “Jambi” is inarguably the heaviest track they’ve ever recorded, the title track and “Right in Two” the most meditative. Of all the albums released this year, only Blood Mountain is as rewarding to multiple listens. Extra props for having the coolest cover art of all time.

ALL SHALL PERISH, THE PRICE OF EXISTENCE
I understand why all the grindcore fans are so stoked on Napalm Death’s SMEAR CAMPAIGN- it’s a great album. But this, All Shall Perish’s second effort, is BRUTAL, and too-often incorrectly labled “metalcore.” Let’s be real guys: this band would make the members of Bleeding Through shit their pants. Vocalist Hernan Hermida is like some wretched hell spawn of Randy Blythe and Chris Barnes (“Eradication”), and the axe-slinging tandem of Chris Storey and Ben Orum sounds like machine guns (seriously, tell me that’s not a firing squad in the middle of “There is No Busness To Be Done On A dead Planet”). Did we mention they’re practically Marxist (“Wage Slaves”)? This album makes me feel like someone is trying to kill me- and I mean that as a compliment.

Download THE PRICE OF EXISTENCE

INSOMNIUM, ABOVE THE WEEPING WORLD
Oh my God, where the hell has this band been hiding? Why is this release not causing rejoicing in the streets among metal heads everywhere? The third (Third!!! Really, who are these dudes?!) release from this Finnish melodic death metal band is EPIC, the musicianship impeccable. This album makes me want to march off to save the world from a killer asteroid while jousting atop a giant black steed, all in slow motion, if possible. If this band would kindly come play in the States, soon, please, I would gladly offer up all our women to have their babies.

Download ABOVE THE WEEPING WORLD

ATREYU, A DEATHGRIP ON YESTERDAY
If you’d asked me a year ago which metalcore staple’s follow-up to their breakthrough album would be superior, Atreyu or Killswitch Engage- I would’ve predicted that KSE would blow these Neverending Story-lovin’ SoCal punks outta the water any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
Well, we all make mistakes.
The riffs and melody lines are anthemic, the solos Dimebagalicious, the vocals furious, gut wrenching, winded- and then elegiac, emotional, wounded. I understand why purists hate this band- because they’re close-minded assholes. This album reminds me why I love Anthrax and Motley Crue in equal measures.

Download A DEATH GRIP ON YESTERDAY

GOJIRA, FROM MARS TO SIRIUS
Pre-ROOTS Sepultura meets Strapping Young Lad prog metal and they’re environmentalists and they’re French- FRENCH!!! Who the hell knew the French could make metal? In any case, this album is slow and thick like fresh maple syrup, and heavy enough to make you think a stampede of elephants have just marched over your chest.

Download FROM MARS TO SIRIUS

LACUNA COIL, KARMACODE
I’d call this the guilty pleasure album of the year- except that there’s nothing to feel guilty about. As if to put an end to any Evanesuckence comparisons once and for all, these Italian headbangers put out an album more in line with early Korn than Linkin Suck, an effort heavier than their breakthrough, COMALIES, without sacrificing any of that disc’s pop-metal hooks. Add a dash of Nine Inch Nailsishness, and suddenly tours with In Flames and Rob Zombie seemed just about right. P.S. Christina Scabbia: still hot.

Download KARMACODE

TRIVIUM, THE CRUSADE
The Metallica album we’ve all been waiting for.

Download THE CRUSADE

LAIR OF THE MINOTAUR, THE ULTIMATE DESTROYER
Okay, I know this technically makes eleven albums, but seriously, I can’t leave these dudes off the list. They’re not on some faux-indie label like Roadrunner, but on genuine lil’ bitty Southern Lord, they get no love, and they made the most raucous disc of the year. Everyone I play this for thinks it’s some underground demo from the 80’s; it’s like the conjoined twin love child of Bay Area Thrash and Southern Sludge. Seriously, do yourself a huge favor: order this album over the net if you have to. It’s totally worth every penny.

Here’s to ‘07…
-AR