Last night, I finally got to hear the new Megadeth album, United Abominations (we’ll have a very, VERY special review for you soon); and although it’s not up there with the holy trinity of ‘deth discs (Peace Sells… But Who’s Buying?, Rust in Peace, and Countdown to Extinction), it is, in fact, a really good album – at least as good as Youthanasia, which would make it the best Megadeth offering in more than decade- and I have only a few minor quibbles with it (more on that later). It’s so good, in fact, that I went to bed last night fully prepared to sit down this morning and post an open apology to Dave Mustaine for all the shit I’ve been giving him on this site as of late.

Then I read Mustaine’s interview in the June issue of Decibel.

To follow, some key excerpt from J. Bennett’s interview… Mustaine’s comments are in bold, my own, in plain type.

ON BEING IN AA:

“[AA is] supposed to be founded in believing in God… So I just kinda went to the source. Instead of sitting in a room with a bunch of people talking about how much dope they’ve splot and how little I’ve ever done, I figured I’d go direct to God, cut out the middleman, and not have to pay my dollar every week.”

What? So Dave became a Born Again because he didn’t want to pay his AA dues? Presumably, don’t AA counselors, y’know, help out as well?

ON THE DECISION TO RE-RECORD “A TOUT LE MONDE”:

“It needed to be done. The song never really got its chance because MTV banned the video. They told us not use a certain director and my manager didn’t listen and used him and they found out and got pissed at me for something I didn’t do. I could live with the failure if it was my doing, but the song never got a chance.”

There Dave goes, blaming everyone else for his own problems again. And by the way: if the song was such a failure the first time out, how come it’s on your Greatest Hits collection?

ON WRITING “A TOUT LE MONDE”:

“Here’s what happened: I was watching Road House, that Patrick Swayze movie. He was using fight moves from the dojo that I trained at. He did this signature move… I later found out that the fight scene was choreographed by my sensei. Then I see Pat at this skydiving center I went to… Then Ghost came out, with Pat and Demi Moore, and it was a great movie. And I thought, ‘If I died, what would I wanna do I could say anything?’”

First of all: name-dropping Patrick Swayze is not cool to anyone except women who were tweens when Dirty Dancing came out and people who live in Bumblefuck and are still impressed by, say, Erik Estrada sightings. Second of all, the first part of your story, about Road House and the dojo and your beloved sensei, has nothing to do with the question; clearly, you just stuck it in there to look cool. And finally, revealing that Ghost was the inspiration for your story is kinda lame in and of itself, but the movie also came out four years before the album did, so your time line is completely fucked.

ON THE NEW SONG “BURNT ICE,” WHICH IS ABOUT CRYSTAL METH:

“It’s got a moral to it, very much like Aesop.”

I think my head is gonna explode. I don’t even know where to start with this one.

ON FEUDS WITH PAST MEMBERS OF MEGADETH:

“…some people don’t like me because it’s fashionable not to like me.”

Fashionable to who, you fucking narcissist? You think people spend months trying to get into “Fuck Dave Mustaine” parties the way they spend months trying to get into Nobu? Give me a fucking break. People don’t like you because you act like an asshole and make statements like this in public, not because the cool kids told them not to like you.

ON THE DECISION NOT TO PLAY SHOWS WITH “SATANTIC” BANDS LIKE ROTTING CHRIST AND DISSECTION:

“It’s not necessarily a policy – I just follow my heart. Before, I used to follow my head, but my heart is closer to my gut… Thanks for the anatomy lesson. Can you tell me where your asshole is in relation to your elbow? No? Didn’t think so. I’ve never believed in singing about Satan and thinking he’s cool, because he’s not. When I was 15, I got into witchcraft and black magic, so I’ve known for over 30 years the power of the dark side.” EUREKA! It all makes sense now! Dave Mustaine is Darth fucking Vader!!!

ON THOSE BANDS BEING KICKED OFF CERTAIN MEGADETH FESTIVAL DATES:

“The promoter kicked them off and I was furious… when the information was related to me that those bands were on the bill, I said ‘You know what? We can’t play show.’ And they kicked them off. But I was like ‘Oh my god, why did you do that?’ Because that just makes me look like a fanatic.”

Okay, now I have a headache… alright. First: you ARE a fanatic. You called your album United Abominations because you believe the Bible predicts the U.N. will fall and this will be a sign of the Second Coming and, better yet, the Apocalypse. Believing that makes you fanatical. End of story.

Second: OF COURSE when it came down to you or Rotting Christ, the promoter dropped Rotting Christ! Just ONE of your albums has sold more copies than Rotting Christ’s entire discography! You were the HEADLINERS! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!

Look: we’ve known for some time that Dave Mustaine is, without a doubt, a total and complete ass munch. To paraphrase Kerry King: give Mustaine enough rope, and he’ll hang himself. Still, given the high quality of United Abominations, I’d feel almost inclined to ignore what a schmuck Mustaine is (after all, I ignore what a schmuck Phil Anselmo is)… if he that “minor quibble” with the album I referred to earlier wasn’t Mustaine himself.

In the same issue of Decibel, critic Kirk Miller nails it on the head: “It’s not the musicianship… if you ignore the lyrics and melodies- yes, hard to do, but try- you’re left with a complex, tasteful, throwback metal album… The problem is Dave… [the album offers] no relief for the listener in the way of hooks or choruses.” The problem with the album is that while the music rocks, nine out of ten times, Mustaine’s vocal melodies blow goats. Take the same record and put John Bush on vocals and you’d have something five times better; but Mustaine hasn’t come up with one “Peace Sells” or “Symphony of Destruction” here- not one song I can imagine standing in a crowd and screaming back at the band during a show.

Dave, pal, baby: maybe it’s time to shut your big fat fucking mouth and just concentrate on, y’know, the music. Whatta ya say to that?

-AR