As Far as Synthetic Cash Grabs Go, the Van Halen Reunion Tour Is a Pretty Good One

After years of skipping Van Hagar concerts and DLR/Hagar co-tours and God knows what else, I’m proud to announce that Vince and I popped our collective Van Halen cherry last night when we checked out the band’s current “reunion” tour at its stop at Madison Square Garden. I don’t think it had really sunk in for either of us that we were finally going to see this band which had been so important in both of our youths, and to be honest, after being let down by reunions over the years from bands like Kiss and Motley Crue – shows mired in schtick in the face of those bands’ total lack of ability to actually perform their own music well anymore – I had kind of assumed that this show was going to be anticlimactic.

I was dead fucking wrong. Ridiculous ticket prices be damned, lack of Michael Anthony be damned, fact that I don’t buy for a second that EVH and DLR actually like one another be damned – this show, which lasted nearly two hours and encompassed every song you’d ever want to hear these dudes play and even some songs you’d never think they would – fucking rocked my ass off.

Not that there’s a lack of schtick here – there’s a laser show, a mini-blimp (and I mean an actual blimp) that floats over the audience, and, of course, the bar mitzvah band leader from hell himself, Mr. David Lee Roth – but none of it feels like compensation for the fact that the band sucks; in other words, the fact that these dudes play so well means they’ve earned the right to over-the-top arena antics.

The three original members of VH on display here are all in awesome shape and at the top of their game. Sure, DLR has probably had a little too much work done – when he’s grinning ear-to-ear and snapping his fingers he looks like a too-muscular version of Steve Martin’s character from The Jerk, and when the veins burst from his neck and head he looks like the wack job Tommy Lee Jones played in Under Siege – but man, his vocals actually sounded really, really good. And I usually couldn’t care less about drum solos, but Alex Van Halen – the band member who, kind of mysteriously, has gotten less press than anyone (including Michael Anthony and Wolfgang) from this whole circus – absolutely killed it. The dude was on fire.

And what about the man himself, Mr. Edward Van Halen, Esquire? After years of seeing people imitating him, I was floored to realize it’s still a thrill to watch the master himself at work. The guy truly is one of the most amazing guitarists of all time, period, and I never cease to be amazed by his technical skills and just the raw sounds he’s able to get out of his instrument. A bit in which DLR impersonated motorcycle sounds, Michael Winslow-style, and EVH then proceeded to make those same sounds on his axe may sound cheesy – but it fucking worked like a charm, in no small part just because it was amazing to hear Eddie make his guitar growl like a cougar. Hearing the man play “Eruption” live is surely one of the highlights of my year.

Now, a word on Wolfgang Van Halen. I know I’ve been unnecessarily tough on this poor little dude, and it was probably wrong of me to take out my disappointment about Michael Anthony being left out of the fold on him. He’s more than an able bass player and was even a pretty decent stage performer. That being said, his backing vocals were too pre-pubescent sounding for their own good, and you’ve gotta be concerned for the kid’s mental health at least a little: where the fuck do you go after being 16 and playing to a sold-out crowd at MSG with one of the biggest bands in history, especially when you did nothing to earn that honor beyond being the son of he band’s namesakes? There’s almost nowhere to go but down, and while I’m sure this tour will pay for his college education a hundred times over, I’m not convinced it’s worth it. But hey, this is a metal site, not a parenting site, so fuck it.

Bottom line: if you’re a Van Halen fan, you have to suck it up and fork over the dough to see this tour. It’s 110% worth it, I promise you.

-AR