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Editorials

HERE ARE THE METAL-RELATED NOMINEES FOR SOME AWARD NO ONE IN HIS OR HER RIGHT MIND SHOULD GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT

 Friday, December 7th, 2007 at 3:19pm by

grammy1.jpgMore succinctly, the MetalSucks-relevant Grammy nominees are…

Best Metal Performance:

As I Lay Dying – “Nothing Left”
King Diamond – “Never Ending Hill”
Machine Head – “Aesthetics Of Hate”
Shadows Fall – “Redemption”
Slayer – “Final Six”

Best Hard Rock Performance:

Evanescence – “Sweet Sacrifice”
Foo Fighters – “The Pretender”
Ozzy Osbourne – “I Don’t Wanna Stop”
Queens of the Stone Age – “Sick, Sick, Sick”
Tool – “The Pot”

Best Rock Instrumental Performance:

Metallica – “The Ecstasy Of Gold”
Rush – “Malignant Narcissism”
Joe Satriani – “Always With Me, Always With You”
Bruce Springsteen – “Once Upon A Time In The West”
Steve Vai – “The Attitude Song”

I love any category where Steve Vai is up against Joe Satriani, but how the fuck did Metallica get in there? Is that from a Bridge School performance, or from LiveMetallica.com or some shit? Anyway, they’re all gonna lose to Springsteen, ’cause the Grammies, like the major awards, are decided by the blandest people in any given industry, so they’ll just check the box next to the name they recognize.

To that end, let’s look at the other categories…

atallcost-bobby2.jpg If I had a vote for Metal Performance, it’d go to Machine Head – but I doubt that’s gonna happen. It’s hard for me to imagine Slayer winning two years in a row, especially when they went around talking shit about winning last year, and there’s something that warms my heart at the thought of King Diamond taking home the prize (and think of how happy it would make Clean Bobby from At All Cost!), but I fear in my very testicles that As I Lay Dying may cement their status as Most Overrated Metalcore Band (Why doesn’t someone give them award for that? Note to self: speak to Vince about including a new category for the Suckies in two weeks…). And, oh yeah, the Shadows Fall autotunathon is nominated. Maybe that’ll win.

Speaking of autotunathons, what the fuck happened to poor Atreyu? I’d've thought they’d be a shoe-in for certain (Note to self: speak to Vince about including another new category for the Suckies in two weeks…).

ANYWAY, as for that last Hard Rock award thinger, obviously anyone with 1/10th of a brain can see that Tool should win, but I’ve always thought “The Pot” is directed at George W. Bush, and if any voters feels that way, it’ll probably lose for certain – ’cause Hollywood loves to be political until it’s actually time to be political. So we’ll see if the Grammy Gods wanna reward Ozzy for being old and from that cute reality show their kids used to love, the Foo Fighters because Kurt Cobain killed himself so Dave Grohl gets an “A” until the end of days, or Evanescence, ’cause, uh, Evanescence make everyone a lot of moolah. I don’t think Josh Homme has a snow ball’s chance in hell as long as he’s going around talking shit about his record label.

So, the ceremony is in February or some shit. I’m sure we’ll all read about the winners on Blabbermouth, ’cause I’m sure as fuck not watching it on t.v.

-AR

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  • Jim

    The Metallica song is on a “Tribute to Enrico Morricone”. It’s actually just James Hetfield, but they credit the whole band on the track listing.

  • You Dopes

    How does a supposed music site not know about the widely released Metallica song earlier this year?

    And despite what Jim says, the entire band plays on the track.

  • Sammy

    Widely released Metallica song?? I’m way into this stuff and never once heard of it, especially in a market that has a “mandatory metallica” active rock station.

  • Jim

    You know what, you’re right, the whole band did play. For some reason I thought only James was responsible for that track, as well as the Waylon Jennings cover that’s been credited to Metallica (which was done solely by James)

  • http://www.metalsucks.net Axl Rosenberg

    A “supposed site?” I understand that you mean “a supposedly reputable site” or a “supposedly good site,” but you actually seem to be calling into question whether or not this site actually exists, or actually covers music-related topics.

  • NuMallCore Pwns YoMama

    I’m pretty sure this site exists. I think I was just posting here a moment ago.

    Also, I’ve got everything that Metallica’s put out, but I don’t recall hearing about this widely released Metallica song. Will look into it though. :)

  • http://www.myspace.com/freaksystemband Sammy

    Wait, I just googled the song and found a video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTfHxqwYUMk

    Yes, I have heard the song. It’s not bad.

  • http://www.myspace.com/freaksystemband Sammy

    Big DUH, Sammy! This was on the live S&M album, which was release in ’99. No wonder it sounded familiar. It was just re-released live, again. So how does it qualify, logically, for THIS year’s Grammy?

  • You Dopes

    Wrong.

    It’s a different release than the god awful S&M album.

    No orchestra, just the current lineup playing the song while James annoyingly sings his waaah wahh thing.

  • You Dopes

    Oh and Mr I Know All Things Musical…

    The reason it MIGHT sound familiar to you is due to Ecstasy of Gold being played prior to almost every Metallica concert since 1984.

    *rolls eyes*

    Go back to your Tool video, where they do such innovative things like using lasers. Coincidently, last cool in 1984.

  • Jethro_Knight

    Hey Sammy, just outta question do you live in Detroit? Cuz WRIF does do the “mandatory Metallica” thats why I’m asking. I’ve heard it on the radio a number of times too during “mandatory Metallica” here, and yes it is a studio version, and it is the whole band. I actually got the file and made it into a ringtone for my cellphone because it kicks that much ass IMO.

  • http://www.myspace.com/freaksystemband Sammy

    No Jethro, I live in Spokane. But I’ve also heard it in San Diego, where I spent a few years.

    As for You Dopes, I am not sure what crawled up your ass. I realize it’s a different version of the song, but re-releasing a song with a different arrangement doesn’t make it a new song. Must be a slow Grammy year. And you’re a tool.

  • http://last.fm/user/cooperaa Aaron Cooper

    @Sammy:

    This is the first time METALLICA has played the song ‘The Ecstasy of Gold’. They play it from a tape as an intro to all their concerts and so it was played before the S&M concerts. During the S&M shows, the orchestra played it live. This new 2007 recording is Metallica playing the song, so it’s a new song for them if you consider that all previous versions were played by other orchestras.

  • Niggy Tardust

    Yes, You Dopes is a tool.

  • TTquick

    The original is from “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” and it fit the movie well. I give a big yawn to the Metallica version. In the words of the band, So Fucking What. You Dopes is busy masturbating to Rolling Stone and Spin magazine to respond right now.

  • Sammy

    Aaron, got it. Thanks. You’d think I’d know that.

  • TTquick

    Same argument can waged against Satriani. Always With Me, Always With You originally came out in 1987. But I forgot, no one cares.

  • Sammy

    TTQuick, if that is indeed the case, then this really MUST be a slow year at Grammy Central, eh?

    Then again, why does anyone on this site (myself included) give a flying twat burger what the Grammy voters think?

  • http://www.hibernum.net Hibernum

    Hah, can you imagine if King Diamond won?

  • TTquick

    Satriani’s “Always With Me, Always With You” was originally on Surfing With The Alien way back in 1987. As with Metallica, it must be a bullshit live version. Lazy nominations staff the Grammy’s have.

  • TTquick

    Rock instrumental category is complete crap. Steve Vai’s “The Attitude Song” was originally on his Flex-Able release in fucking 1984. Live version again?? Rush and Bruce are the only artists with truly new releases in ’07