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Editorials

BLACK DAHLIA MURDER TO TEAM UP WITH THE SHINY BROWN TURD

 Friday, January 11th, 2008 at 11:39am by

ZuneYesterday evening a press release arrived at the MetalSucks Mansion that looked a little something this this:

MetalBlade Records act The Black Dahlia Murder — (sweet, those guys are cool, what are they up to?) — is both Zune’s… — and then I stopped reading. Seriously, someone is actually doing a promotion with that piece of useless crap? After the jump, the rest of the press release in bold, with our own commentary, natch, in plain text.

Michigan-based melodic death metal band The Black Dahlia Murder, one of the most influential artists in the death metal scene today (damn right!) are the latest band to join Zune’s (aka “The Shiny Brown Turd”) “Ignition” and “On The Road” programs (this news is sure to excite the approximately 17 Zune users nationwide). These programs are efforts by Zune to provide extra exposure (through attempting to co-opt a music genre) to the band across multiple Microsoft properties (like the craptastic Internet Explorer) as well as support the band’s upcoming tour schedule.

As part of the Ignition program, The Black Dahlia Murder is offering free and exclusive material on the Zune Marketplace, the newly restocked and redesigned online music store, for the month of January (this must be REALLY exciting to this guy.) These features include:

Zune “Freebie” – free audio track download of “What a Horrible Night to Have a Curse,” from their 2007 release Nocturnal. (gee, that’s nice of them, offer a free download of something that’s been out for months already.)

Zune “Breakdown” – exclusive track-by-track commentary of Nocturnal by vocalist Trevor Strnad. (as in “ima break this piece of shit mp3 player down”)

Zune “Guestlist” – an exclusive audio playlist personally constructed by the band. (consisting of music over the heads of 99% of Zune owners)

Additionally, Xbox Live currently features exclusive video of a BDM fan autograph session at last year’s Summer Breeze Open Air Festival in Germany (I don’t know about you guys, but I personally LOVE watching videos of bands signing autographs.) and a free video download of “What A Horrible Night to Have a Curse.” MSN is also streaming the video for the same track right here. (great, something that’s already available for free!)

Gotta hand it to the Microsoft folks; your innovative marketing techniques are no doubt to thank for the Zune’s smashing success. Oh wait.

-VN

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  • fuckstein

    have you even used a Zune? or are you just a hater to be a hater? or do you think it’s cool to be a hater? cause i had an ipod, and the piece of shit broke after a year and apple didn’t do shit to fix it without charging me. so i bought a new one. and the piece of shit broke after two years and the battery died after an hour. so i was given a zune, and bam. seems to be working well and honestly, you might not think it’s cool but it’s fucking cool to use. i will let you know more in a year.

  • Kye

    Oh Zune…you’re so much better than the fucking iPod

    Mainly because I don’t have to endure the shitfest of a music system that is iTunes

    But to be fair, I don’t own either and instead just stick to cd players…that’s right, someone out there still uses one.

  • http://countshockula.blogspot.com ezra

    well, thats 1 of the 17 zune owners out there.

  • Dr. Rockso

    I think my zune kicks ass. But wtf do I know. I do cocaine.

  • http://last.fm/user/cooperaa Aaron Cooper

    Zunes are awful, I’ve played with a coworkers.

    iTunes is not a shitty player, it works just fine and is integrated very nicely with iPods. There’s seriously no better media player/portable combo out there (I am not an Apple fanboy, I hate them just as much as I hate Microsoft).

  • http://www.hibernum.net Hibernum

    I could see the brown Zune being popular because it looks like something Atari would have made in 1982.

    I’ve never used the interface, but it is hard to beat the ipod’s format. One finger simplicity. Of course it would be nice to use without itunes. I hate itunes. But since it is all about the hardware, I can’t see it beating the nano.

    Besides, who cares, ipods are obsolete anyways. iphones are the future.

  • http://DarkTwinCities.com devil

    Everyone is REQUIRED to say they “hate iTunes,” but no one ever specifies why it is necessary to hate iTunes. I dig iTunes. It’s easy, it works and I’ve never once had a problem with it. But I guess I have to hate it like everyone else. For whatever reason.

  • http://www.sithomeandrot.com papa bear

    devil: reasons to hate iTunes (and I do use it as it seems to rip MP3′s faster)

    1) HORRIBLE volume ‘leveling’ even if you turn it off it fucks with volume
    2) horrendous fidelity. It adds midrange to everything. Fuck with the EQ as much as you like, you will get the honky blast that is iTunes.
    3) Horrible handling of the library. i.e. not creating auto playlists for bands when you import them and grouping the songs by album if you want it to.
    4) Supports iPods and…uh…iPods.
    5) if you buy movies from iTunes you have to launch a whole separate media player to watch the god damn thing.
    6) and on…and on…and on…

    I won’t even get into iPods. I gave up on those sucker traps ages ago. The scroll wheel alone is enough to cause World War 3. It won’t be usurped by Zune anytime soon, but the Zune interface and navigation blows the iPod out of the water.

    I do agree with Hibernum that phones with integrated media players (iPhones and otherwise) are the wave of the future. Who the hells wants to carry a phone, mp3 player, camera…et al when you can have it in one device? Not I.

  • John M

    …i’ll just stick with creative’s zen series and call it a day

  • http://countshockula.blogspot.com ezra

    who buys movies?!?! on itunes?!?!?! as we say in mass, SUCKA!!!

  • http://www.hibernum.net Hibernum

    Devil,

    I don’t like itunes for several reasons. First, I don’t like the library function. I’d rather just drap and drop mp3 into my ipod. I don’t use it for listening to mp3s because it is a memory hog compared to winamp classic. My computer is aged, so memory is a premium, especially when I’m running a memory intensive program like Adobe. In fact I usually have to ctrl+al+del and kill the itunes programs that run in the background at all times to free up memory. If I go to a friend’s house, and they don’t have itunes, it is hard to share mp3s. That is irritating (hey it isn’t over the internet so the RIAA can’t catch me). The sync function is rather limited. I guess it is much of an interface question. Mac users don’t mind not having a scroll wheel or right click on their mouse. I tried using a Mac and the lack of that drove me crazy. So for me it is really tedious to use. I can’t just drag and drop an album on my ipod or easily delete an album directory tree like I can using a Windows interface. Oh well. Maybe in 5 years we’ll all be using linux?

    I like the ipod’s hardware. The nano is so small, I really won’t want a smaller unit. The perfect size, really. But I won’t buy another ipod again because they are obsolete as I have a cell phone on me at all times. I really wish the ipod could do good stand alone playlist editing more than “on the go” and had a better way of handling pictures, but like I say who cares. iphone or the iphone killer in a year for me (in that case the zune is a dinosaur, right?).

    And yes I think the zune looks turd ugly.

  • http://countshockula.blogspot.com ezra

    My mac has a scroll wheel and right click on the mouse. It’s 3 years old.