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Editorials

JAMEY JASTA SHOCKS EVERYONE BY PROMISING THE SAME SHIT EVERY OTHER MUSICIAN PROMISES

 Wednesday, February 13th, 2008 at 1:57pm by

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I’m so fucking tired of headlines like this one. You realize that if you always say your new album is gonna be your “heaviest” or “best” or “biggest” or whatever, that it makes it pretty much impossible for anyone with half a brain to take you seriously, right?*

This is becoming like the metal world’s equivalent of those idiotic post-game interviews you see with athletes: “It was a team effort and we played as a team” or “We came to play and we played hard” or “We tried our hardest and we played good but they played better.”

Please. Just blow me.

-AR

*The funny thing about this is, I actually do like Hatebreed. Huh. I guess I’m just that big a dick.

  • http://DarkTwinCities.com devil

    My personal favorite is, “This next album will be our Reign In Blood.”

    Ugh.

  • Talos

    Same tired drek from a vocabulary deficient beef neck tool.

    This to me, was a great interview that sums up this type of press release: (excerpt)

    Xero Tolerance Magazine: Are you pleased with the final result?

    Christopher (artist):

    “It’s the best thing I’ve ever done!!!!!!!  It kicks ass! It’s raw! It’s organic! It’s back to my roots! It’s the heaviest thing I’ve ever done! It’s a herd of loin-clothed cattle strapped with atomic bombs whilst being jet-propelled by the awesomeness of Celtic Frost. When you defecate, you’ll feel steel and other various alloys ripping your rectum. It’s kvlt and tr00. That’s how fucking awesome it is; I have to use the most pedestrian rock band responses to describe my enthusiasm. “

  • http://www.jonesyandthewayne.com Wayne

    Hey Talos—

    I bet Jasta can spell ZERO correctly, which is more than I can say for you, you xero.

    Also, I’m pretty sure a comma doesn’t come after “This to me”.

    Not to be a Nazi or anything, but you’re not the Big Smart Guy you think you are.

  • The Pig In Zen

    I think that headlines like this wouldn’t be that bad if Jasta had previously said, “The new Hatebreed record isn’t that good. We could do better, and maybe about 3 or 4 albums from now, we will. But this one… yeah, don’t bother.”

    That being said, it’s a little silly to expect anything from a Blabbermouth headline, 60% of which read roughly like, “BRET MICHAELS: ‘I was in POISON in the 80s’” or “KERRY KING on the new SLAYER album: ‘I played on it’”. I have never seen so many non-headlines in my life.

  • Porkpsam

    the songs he made with kirk for the other band which he says he had no pressure to work on suck ass. He needs the pressure.

    and what exactly would constitute having this be “the biggest album” for hatebreed yet? as in sales? length? or is it just gonna be vinyl only? and wasn’t he supposed to be working on a coffee table book or some nonsense? where’d he get that brilliant idea? sienfeld? is it gonna be about coffee tables, and actually have fold out legs which will make it an ACTUAL coffee table?

  • Sammy

    “Hi, I’m Jamey Jasta. The rest of the band – you know, the actual musicians – are going to write our heaviest album ever. I’m, as usual, going to write some lyrics that sort of rhyme and yell them into the microphone.”

  • http://www.myspace.com/bannisterslash Bannister Slash

    Now YOU TOO can make the HEAVIEST SHIT EVER using Jamey Jasta’s “Success In (semi) Hardcore” formula! Just follow these simple steps:

    1.) Song starts at 130 beats per minute, with Jamey screaming something about friends, honor, and strength.

    2.) Chorus hits with a huge sing-a-long (Say it with me: “I! Am! Self-assertive!)

    3.) Cue breakdown (duhn-duhn-duhn, duhn-duhn-duhn, duhn-duhn-duhn duhn). This is also known as “Metalcore Kick Drum Mirror Technique.”

    4.) Repeat for next 10-13 songs.

    5.) Be sure to wear a Headbanger’s Ball baseball cap amd Catalepsy t-shirt.

    6.) You WILL be heard!

  • Sammy

    BanSlash, you just repeated what I said….um, only way better.

  • http://noyokono.blogspot.com noyokono

    Don’t be a hater! I’m so stoked for this album!

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