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Editorials

THE CLOSEST I HAVE EVER GOTTEN, OR WOULD EVER WANT TO GET, TO FRED DURST

 Thursday, April 24th, 2008 at 2:11pm by

So I went to the premiere of the new Tina Fey-Amy Poehler vehicle Baby Mama last night (don’t ask). It wouldn’t really be an event worth talking about, except that when I got to the swanky after-party, who did I find myself standing next to but one Mr. Frederick Durst.

Once I got past the shock that, yes, he really does look that bad these days (even when in a suit instead of whatever he rolled out of bed with), I found myself facing a series of choices for how to best proceed:

  • Should I kick him in the nuts?
  • Should I ask if he wants to do an on-the-spot interview and then ask him why he sucks so bad?
  • Should I give him my business card (yes, we do have business cards here at the MetalSucks mansion)?
  • Should I do and say absolutely nothing?

Ultimately, I chose the fourth and final option. Why? Well, kicking him in the nuts or insulting him seemed like a surefire way to get myself kicked out of the party, and the lil’ lady and I wanted to see if we could seduce Tina Fey into a three way (the answer, in case you’re curious, is “no,” although Chevy Chase told us he was down for anything so long as he could whistle that “Holiday Roads” song the whole time). Ditto for giving him my card; it’s unlikely Durst knows MetalSucks or is in any way aware of the not-so-complimentary things we’ve said about him in the past, but if, by some off chance, he took my card and then looked at the site, well, I didn’t want him having my cell phone number. ‘Cause he seems like the kind of cat who would just crank call you from now until the end of time.

By the way, he had a relatively attractive woman with him. Good to know that being famous a decade ago still gets the dude laid.

-AR

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  • http://megalomania Ken M

    you should of taken a beer bottle, smashed it on that bald head of his, and said “Sup now punk bitch”.

  • Ross

    You guys just lost a ton of respect from me. For all the fucking useless complaining you guys do about Fred Durst on here, and how metal you claim to be, you were too afraid of insutling him becuase you didn’t want to get kicked out of a party?? I’m sure that Tina Fey really took the time to chill out with some guy who is in charge of a blog, right? Oh, nevermind. You probably stood in a fucking corner with a notepad taking notes you could update about it today. Fucking pussy ass bitch.

  • http://www.pro-jikts.com Nickmeister

    I wasn’t gonna say anything about this, and yeah sure, make fun all you want, but I always thought Limp Bizkit had some sweet tunes… At least musically (not so sure about lyrically, of course!).

    As a group of musicians (and again, I guess excluding Mr. Durst), Limp Bizkit had a funky groove. First album was cool and different to a lot of shit of the time, and then Significant Other had some sweet tunes (e.g. Nookie, the first track, and some others).

    Everything else after that shiz sucks chode… Except Boiler, that tune had (musically) a lot of feeling.

    And again, these are only my thoughts… I haven’t listened to L.B in years (not like I did actively anyways), but I’m sure they must form part of more than the odd-one-out’s guilty pleasure.

  • Brandon

    I had to shit through them and a bunch of other bad bands at Summer Sanitarium ’03. I stood in the back, and Durst came out into the crowd during their horrible cover of ‘Behind Blue Eyes’, he walked up to me and tried to shake my hand. I backed away and told him to fuck off, just in time for an crowd-thrown beer to hit him in the face.

    And since it’s so cool to hate Metallica now, a Summer Sanitarium reference is the perfect opportunity to throw out an insult! Way to go!

  • http://DarkTwinCities.com devil

    For some reason he still gets in to the Playboy Mansion. Why they still let him in there I don’t know, but just being there gives you access to hot, single women. And these women figure, “He got into the Mansion so he must have money or power.” The guy probably does still have a little change.

  • http://lordsofmetal.nl Fleischberg

    By the way, he had a relatively attractive woman with him. Good to know that being famous a decade ago still gets the dude laid.

    -AR

    It also works for O.J.

  • http://www.myspace.com/evilsammy Sammy

    Axl, turn in your testicles. At least give the man your business card.

  • vman

    of course he had an attractive woman with him, the 90′s made that dude rich.

  • J.P.

    In your situation and in that place, I don’t think it would of been metal to punch him in the nuts, not even ballsy, it would of fallen more on the “cool asshole move” and “legendary youtube” categories.

    But yeah, you probably should of at least given him your card, even if it meant changing your cell number. He needs to know how much his cover of “behind blue eyes” sucked orangutan penis, oy vey zmir.

  • ERiK

    You must be part of the elite to be hanging out at those swanky parties. Metal head by day, hipster at night, or vice versa?

  • http://www.contemptmedia.com contempt.media

    If this were an Indiana Jones movie, you would have just been turned into a horrifying skeleton.

    “He chose… poorly.”

  • defender of the faith

    fred durst? i thought that faggot was dead. too bad. limp bizkit is the gayest excuse for a metal band i have ever seen (besides all this emo bullshit). if i ever see that fag in my town im gonna slap the shit outta him. Metal Rulse fuck freddie durst!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • BrineB

    Fuck Durst. Talking about his sorry ass just brings up bad memories of that shitty music all over again.

    Damn right I said it. I’d love to give him my fuckin’ card.

  • Anon

    “Chevy Chase told us he was down for anything so long as he could whistle that “Holiday Roads” song the whole time.”

    Best part of this post. Classic.
    I too saw the movie (girlfriend’s idea), and doesnt Tina Fey have some amazing legs? Made the whole movie worth while.

  • calibur

    should have call your mates and wait for him outside. beating him up while signing Rolling,Rolling, Rolling