VENOM? VENOM, IS THAT YOU?
Wednesday, May 14th, 2008 at 12:55pm by Axl Rosenberg
Holy crap, dude. Did you hear about this awesome new tour? It’s gonna be rad, dude. It’s Desaster with Throwdown, Airbourne, and Trivium are the headliners. It’s called the “Close Your Eyes” tour, ’cause if you close your eyes, you’ll think you’re at some awesome show with Venom, Pantera, AC/DC and Metallica. For reals, dude!
What’s that, dude? Oh, you don’t know Desaster? Yeah, they’re these totally smart black metal dudes. Like, while those chumps in Sigh were off recording a tribute to Venom, this band just made an album that sounds exactly like Venom – and they don’t have to pay any of the royalties! I know, dude, it’s totally sick, isn’t? Totes sicko.
Cool, dude. So I’ll see you at the show. And, hey, did I mention the best part? Each ticket comes with a free blindfold! WICKED!
(one and a half out of five horns)
-AR
tempting, but i think i’ll save my $11.95 for the “Close Your Ears” tour instead, featuring every dreads-sporting, synchronized jumping, nu-metal leftovers that are still chasing the dream 10 years later!
bullshit…major bullshit…. no one will amount to the greatness of a PANTERA live show…..and if it ain’t RHINOBUCKET than it ain’t gonna be AC/DC, anyhow you can take that eyepatch shit, put it on and try some bear cock and donkey vagina eating contest(is that beef jerky?)…. i ain’t goin to no fuckin show and closing my eyes, might as well get a CD and kill the lights or the ever popular goin to a show and watching it through your 2 inch cell phone screen, get the fuck outta here, if I gotta have an eyepatch to enjoy the show at least let it be “ALESTORM” where one would deem it a necessity. Don’t say “hey, yeah dude, close your eyes and you get PANTERA”… that only happens in imagination land:(cue the music) “IMAGIN-NAY-AY-AYEEE-AYYYY-AY-NAYYY-EEE-TION… gimme a break guys, can’t believe you katts are goin for this commercialized-gimmick shit…. anyhow, I’m spent…. have a good one….
Whoops. Looks like somebody either turned off his sarcasm detector, or is just plain retarded.
I’m gonna go with option two…
well, in a shit-lovin’ music world that we’re stuck in today, there’s no tellin who’s serious anymore….. I mean, C.O.B. and IN FLAMES on the road together.. THEY’RE THE SAME FUCKING BAND, yet it’s taken seriously, WE have articles about LIV FUCKING TYLER on a METAL site? And it’s taken seriously. ONLY time we should be hearin about her is is if PETER STEEL forced himself on her causing vaginal tears(now that’s metal!) .. so HOW FUCKING CALCULATING of me to ‘tard out and think someone may be taking this shit seriously. suck my fuckin balls TJ HOOKER….. looks like your fuckin “idio-meter” is broken… CRAZY when someone is call “retarded” for making cohesive points and defending Pantera’s good name. If you want shit to be readily known that shit ain’t serious then fuckin put up a goddamn SARCASM meter next to the headline, I aint gonna be takin no flack for this site constanly hyping lame shit 75% of the time which is taken seriously, then turnin around and “sarcasticly” hyping something that seems just as valid as the other 75% pile shit. looks like tj hooker’s gotta commen sense gasket busted up somewhere, go in for a check up.
sorry for yelling… please pass the doobie to this guy right here
I don’t even understand what most of that means…
in that case…..apology accepted