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Reviews

VENOM? VENOM, IS THAT YOU?

 Wednesday, May 14th, 2008 at 12:55pm by

Holy crap, dude. Did you hear about this awesome new tour? It’s gonna be rad, dude. It’s Desaster with Throwdown, Airbourne, and Trivium are the headliners. It’s called the “Close Your Eyes” tour, ’cause if you close your eyes, you’ll think you’re at some awesome show with Venom, Pantera, AC/DC and Metallica. For reals, dude!

What’s that, dude? Oh, you don’t know Desaster? Yeah, they’re these totally smart black metal dudes. Like, while those chumps in Sigh were off recording a tribute to Venom, this band just made an album that sounds exactly like Venom – and they don’t have to pay any of the royalties! I know, dude, it’s totally sick, isn’t? Totes sicko.

Cool, dude. So I’ll see you at the show. And, hey, did I mention the best part? Each ticket comes with a free blindfold! WICKED!

metal horns
(one and a half out of five horns)

-AR

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  • TedTedPoleyPoley

    tempting, but i think i’ll save my $11.95 for the “Close Your Ears” tour instead, featuring every dreads-sporting, synchronized jumping, nu-metal leftovers that are still chasing the dream 10 years later!

  • http://WWW.MYSPACE.COM/WHISKEYRAMBLEPROJECT x101whiskey_ramble101x

    bullshit…major bullshit…. no one will amount to the greatness of a PANTERA live show…..and if it ain’t RHINOBUCKET than it ain’t gonna be AC/DC, anyhow you can take that eyepatch shit, put it on and try some bear cock and donkey vagina eating contest(is that beef jerky?)…. i ain’t goin to no fuckin show and closing my eyes, might as well get a CD and kill the lights or the ever popular goin to a show and watching it through your 2 inch cell phone screen, get the fuck outta here, if I gotta have an eyepatch to enjoy the show at least let it be “ALESTORM” where one would deem it a necessity. Don’t say “hey, yeah dude, close your eyes and you get PANTERA”… that only happens in imagination land:(cue the music) “IMAGIN-NAY-AY-AYEEE-AYYYY-AY-NAYYY-EEE-TION… gimme a break guys, can’t believe you katts are goin for this commercialized-gimmick shit…. anyhow, I’m spent…. have a good one….

  • TJ

    Whoops. Looks like somebody either turned off his sarcasm detector, or is just plain retarded.

    I’m gonna go with option two…

  • http://WWW.MYSPACE.COM/WHISKEYRAMBLEPROJECT x101whiskey_ramble101x

    well, in a shit-lovin’ music world that we’re stuck in today, there’s no tellin who’s serious anymore….. I mean, C.O.B. and IN FLAMES on the road together.. THEY’RE THE SAME FUCKING BAND, yet it’s taken seriously, WE have articles about LIV FUCKING TYLER on a METAL site? And it’s taken seriously. ONLY time we should be hearin about her is is if PETER STEEL forced himself on her causing vaginal tears(now that’s metal!) .. so HOW FUCKING CALCULATING of me to ‘tard out and think someone may be taking this shit seriously. suck my fuckin balls TJ HOOKER….. looks like your fuckin “idio-meter” is broken… CRAZY when someone is call “retarded” for making cohesive points and defending Pantera’s good name. If you want shit to be readily known that shit ain’t serious then fuckin put up a goddamn SARCASM meter next to the headline, I aint gonna be takin no flack for this site constanly hyping lame shit 75% of the time which is taken seriously, then turnin around and “sarcasticly” hyping something that seems just as valid as the other 75% pile shit. looks like tj hooker’s gotta commen sense gasket busted up somewhere, go in for a check up.

  • http://WWW.MYSPACE.COM/WHISKEYRAMBLEPROJECT x101whiskey_ramble101x

    sorry for yelling… please pass the doobie to this guy right here

  • TJ

    I don’t even understand what most of that means…

  • http://WWW.MYSPACE.COM/WHISKEYRAMBLEPROJECT x101whiskey_ramble101x

    in that case…..apology accepted

  • bare bones

    How about the fact that it is obvious that Venom is only one of the influences on Desaster’s sound and you could have easily pointed to early Sodom or Destruction and had the argument make more sense? The reviewer is an idiot… not for his opinion of the album but his simplistic viewpoint of the music. Its fairly clear he listened to the first 2 minutes of the first song and ignored the rest. You, sir, are a moron. Its kind of like saying that Nifelheim are a shameless Iron Maiden rip off. By the way, Sigh fucking blows. They always have…