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Contests

FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN CDs FROM GOATWHORE AND THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER!

 Thursday, June 5th, 2008 at 5:06pm by

Congratulations to MetalSucks commenter Jim, who won himself a copy of Shai Hulud’s new CD Misanthropy Pure and Aletheian’s Dying Vine by coming up with the funniest caption for last week’s photo caption contest for the photo pictured at right:

“The secret government project to produce a genetic supermutant by splicing Ted Nugent’s DNA with Ann Coulter’s produced this being known as Superdouche. However, it still felt short of the targeted level of doucheiosity, which was believed to be in the Gene Simmons range.”

Nice one, Jim. This week we have a very special photo — MetalSucks reader Susan Helene Gottfriede sent us a frenzied email asking why the hell we didn’t post anything snarky about the picture that recently surfaced on TMZ.com of Yngwie Malmsteen showing up in court with his stage clothes on. Frankly, the only reason we didn’t post is that we couldn’t come up with anything. So we bring it you.

Our prize package this week is from Metal Blade Records, featuring Goatwhore’s A Haunting Curse and The Black Dahlia Murder’s Nocturnal. All you have to do to win is come up with a funny caption for the below photo of Yng-Yng and post it in the comments. Go!

Yngwie Malmsteen in court

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  • TheCount

    “Hey! If Gene Simmons say’s it’s cool, then it’s cool!”

  • steve57

    Glenn Danzig’s brother may not have had the King’s voice, but he sure had the looks…

  • http://www.myspace.com/evilsammy Sammy

    “Vince Neil?! Vince Neil??!! I’m ING-VAY fucking Malmsteen!!”

  • Jim

    What? Do I want to smell what? No, I don’t want to smell your thumb mister! Auugh, what the fuck? Why does your thumb smell like weird european dachscund cheese and taint?

  • http://www.benapatoff.blogspot.com Dave

    We are a “go” for unleashing the fucking fury.

  • Will

    …Malmsteen then stating, “I’m still cool, right man? It’s not like I’ve drastically changed my looks over the years in a desperate attempt to be cool right? Plus this new diet has really worked out for me.”

  • Dr. J

    People make fun of Yngwie Malmsteen for showing up in court with his stage clothes on, but they don’t realize that he was actually attacked by a bear before hand, ripping open his shirt and he was only able to defend himself by using the powers of METAL.

  • Aaron

    If it’s wrong to seduce bitchin chixx with hott lyxx, then I throw myself at the mercy of the court.

  • http://cultclassicmoviereview.blogspot.com You Don’t Know Me

    Damn, Fonzie… you really let yourself go!

  • BLACK213

    On the back side of the picture of Himself:
    Please help Lawyer ripped me off, then left with my wife
    Anything you can give will help.
    God Bless.

    Of Course with Yingy being a rocker, he turns it over to his pic whenever a hot chick walks by.

  • Mario

    Yngwie Malmsteen guitar god by night………by day discount male stripper.

  • ben

    i mean really i dress up all nice and even show a little cleavage and what do i get for it? seriously what does it even mean to hold someone in contempt?

  • Muhammed

    Yngwie Malmsteen, Dog the bounty hunter impersonator extraordinaire.

  • Dr. John Zoidberg

    Yeah, nice to meet you too. Glad you like the music. Now go away, I’m waiting for my crack dealer.

  • http://www.hibernum.net hibernum

    Meatball sandwich?

    Yngwie approves!

    Rockon!

  • poopynugetteer

    I’m a fuckin retard and heres my stupid thumb.

  • Wolfface

    “Here does my thumb smell funny to you?”

  • http://DarkTwinCities.com devil

    I only know two sentences in English.
    I don’t know what I just said.

  • Tommy Leebowitz

    “Oh I would do anything for love, I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that!”

  • http://n/a JW Gacy

    “heads or tails?”

  • Man-man

    Here’s three pictures to prove that I still have more hair on my head than on my chest. Ok, so what if it’s a Dingleberry transplant!

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com liquidman666

    Smell my finger.

  • http://www.myspace.com/bovinusmusic Bovinus

    you thought last weeks guy was a douche bag look at me ,come on !!!

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com liquidman666

    Does this gold cross make me look fat?

  • Jeff Felker

    “Had A bad night last night, one of the hooker’s tried to escape, bit my damn finger!” “oh you wanna see?”

  • Muttweiler

    I am Yngwie J. Malmsteen miwwionaire I own a mansion und a yacht!

  • Estaban

    The before, during, and after of the court ordered administration of “pharmaceutical aids.”

  • http://www.myspace.com/tythemetalhead deathmetalfan99

    Yngwie’s new solo album cover. “20 Years Later and Still Showing Cleavege in Leather Pants, Thumbs Up!”

  • http://www.myspace.com/bettyd420 Renee

    After several shots of tequila, I would swear that this guy is my mother in drag…

    Note to self: Call a psychiatrist.

  • http://metalmartyr.com Metalmartyr.com

    After seeing “You Don’t Know Me’s” comment “Damn, Fonzie really let yourself go”, it’s not even worth trying to beat that one.

  • http://www.failsaferock.com Keith

    Kind of a cross between Billy ray Cyrus-Montana and Johnny Cash. On heroin.

  • Jim Gilletowicz

    THERE IT IS!!! It was in me bum the whole time!

  • Susil Kumar Jena

    Hurry up, the stock is limited!

  • Anita bediay

    Judge:Didn’t I say no wookies in the court room.
    Bailf:Uh thats Yngwie Malmsteen .
    Yngwie:Judge if it pleases the cou…
    Judge:Mr.Malmsteen what are you doing?
    Yngwie:Eating doughnt you want some?
    Judge:Ah hell no did you just eat your own neckless?
    Yngwie:Yes

  • Harris

    “My chest hair is more metal than yours!”

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    “If the boys from Dillinger Escape Plan can make Disturbed look cool, surely I can make this the standard attire for all future courtroom appearances.”

  • vitruvianApe

    the case got thrown out due to the fact that all the court documents got . . . *wait for it* . . . – shredded.

  • dale schmucker

    crazy americans have it made. the judges here in america are absolutly beautiful. I intentionally got a $5 parking tx. to see the beautiful female judge. back where I come from they ( the judges) are fat, dumb, and old enough to fart out dust!!!!!

  • Ambience23

    [reporter]: Today, Guitar-Hero/Metal-Elvis impersonator Lars Johan Yngve Lannerbäck, better known as Yngwie “Cheesecake” Malmsteen, was seen leaving a courhouse. When asked why he was there, the virtuoso replied, “I was battlings my manager(pulls out guitar,a quick arpeggio follows). I wants mine cheesecakes (pitch harmonic follows). Now watch this!(goes into insane solo).”

  • Cam

    alibis from hell

  • chris

    “In Sweden it’s a tradition to have sex with the photographer so let’s go up to my hotel room”

  • http://therimofhell.com Reverend Mortis

    Yngwie assures his fans that although he lost the Jenny Craig endorsement, he has picked up Viagra & Hair Club for Men. Rock on!

  • Zorbs

    Who is the fastest? I am. Just look at my rock callus…and that’s just on my pick hand.

  • catsaremetal

    Hello, I’m Yngwie Malmsteen. I’m a guitar wizard from Sweden. Ever wanted to shred like me? Now you can too! With my easy to follow 3 Step Yngwie Malmsteen Swedish Shred Wizard Program.

    Step 1: Put your left hand on your hip and pout like a Swede. The thicker the pout, the better.

    Step 2: Attract eletrical energy by doing the thumbs up! Can you feel it? Now that you have an awesome amount of energy on your fingertip, proceed to step 3.

    Step 3: SHRED!!!!

  • Pingback: FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN EPICUREAN AND HAIL OF BULLETS CDs! | MetalSucks

  • Orionadon

    “Yes, my chest hair is more metal than, yours.”

  • NUTTzach

    He can break my achy breaky heart anytime.

  • http://forums.plexapp.com/index.php?/user/13919-policeauctionsaa/ empalminefeal

    Hey very nice blog!! Man .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your blog and take the feeds also…

  • http://www.bodypillowdirect.com Addison Jackson

    my dad had a hair transplant and it was very costly’;`

  • http://www.gardenlightingfaq.com Garden Lighting `

    hair transplants are overly expensive but i can say that the results are great-~,

  • http://www.uwsp.edu/athletics/mbb/schedule.htm Schedule

    Maybe you should change the blog title MetalSucks » Blog Archive » FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN CDs FROM GOATWHORE AND THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER! to something more better for your blog post you make. I enjoyed the the writing nevertheless.

  • http://www.wlanrouterlab.com WLAN Router

    i think it is expensive to get a hair transplant but the procedure is well worth it “,`