FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN EPICUREAN AND HAIL OF BULLETS CDs!
Friday, June 13th, 2008 at 4:05pm by MetalSucks
Congrats to MetalSucks pioneer Hibernum, who won last week’s photo caption contest and will take home a copy of Goatwhore’s A Haunting Curse and The Black Dahlia Murder’s Nocturnal. Hibernum came up with the following caption to the photo at right of Yngwie Malmsteen after his court appearance:
“Meatball sandwich?
Yngwie approves!
Rockon!”
This week we’re giving away two more releases from Metal Blade Records — Hail of Bullets’ Of Frost and War, and Epicurean’s A Consequence of Design, the latter of whom is appearing on the MetalSucks-sponsored Metal Blade Fresh Meat Tour. All you have to do to win is comment with a funny caption to the below photo. Good luck.
Although it is believed by most that Joe C. died a few years ago, the truth is that he really left Kid Rock to tour with someone more talented.
Ron Jeremy, age 3.
Due to the recent epidemic of STD’s in the child porn industry, the genres top paid actor has opted for full body protection. In his own words, “don’t be a fool, wrap your tool…and you head, torso and legs for that matter”.
After yet another lonely night on the tour bus, Dani Filth gets desperate.
After a bad dream that their son thomas would find himself dating porn stars and models mr and mrs lee decided to get him accustomed early in the fine art of making love to women with unrealistic body parts…
“Dad. . Dad. . .you left this in your closet.”
“Mommy TOLD me to wear the red body condom.”
Redneck daycare
“Young Revrant! Put your girlfriend down, right now!”
(Rev, all in fun, k?)
And who says boys don’t play with dolls?
After a long day of giving America’s finest headbanging basement dwellers material to argue about, Vince and Axl participate in an intimate display of exhibitionism.
See Sammy? There’s your proof. They ARE two different people!
See Daddy, this is how you make a baby.
Jeez, SexEd is being taught younger and younger these days.
“The Paris Hilton Lifesize Doll – Now With FREE Case Of Chlamydia!”
From R. Kelly’s personal collection….
Try to decipher Ozzy’s speaking voice has messed this kid up for life.
Hey mommy, this is what daddy was doing to my nanny yesterday while you were at work….
Michael Jackson’s new photo album leaked!!
ok first off last weeks winner was not the best. that was cheap. what aboutthe fonzie one? but now this week.
gene simmons as a little kid. as you can see he learned early on how to a pimp and to teach those hoes how it works around here.
Mommy,Mommy I got daddy’s floatie!!
Yea bitch who’s your daddy??
What Lars Ulrich used to fuck before he fucked over his fans.
Mud Wrestling!
Hey dude! Get her mouth will yeah?
and moment later he fell in Tommy Lee’s pool.
Taken during the Waco Jesus set at OEF last year.
Yo mom, if you continue giving me milk instead of beer I’m gonna walk around like this all day!!!
Is this how you do the wheelbarrow, dad?
Sorry, honey it was too hot to leave lil’ Jeb in the truck when I got yer anal lube and he just wouldn’t let that fucker go, what’s the harm?
Hey Dude plug her other hole up so she won’t sink and then into the pool.
Hey Dad are you sure this is all you wanted for Fathers day?
“Superman that hoe!”
When i was 10 months old i killed my father to marry my mother
I live on a diet of meth and coke
I have every Std that is know to man
I one time beat a man to death with my inflatable girlfriend
And i was born to play lite Death metal Jazz power pop
My name… Yura Fag
“It’s about that gift from Father Ryan. No, I’m pretty sure it was under the 20 dollar limit.”
Premature Inflation
I seen daddy do this before. with mommies friends
The day Gene Simmons lost his virginity…
She didn’t know I was midget. She thought it was just an innocent game.
Rock Star School. Groupie Nailing Class.
Part 3:
The Reverse Wheelbarrow.
Rain, sleet, or snow… that two year old will still nail that ho!!!
Danny DeVito’s new film “Mud Sluts 4″ reached a new level of pathetic when the producers couldn’t find any actual people that would have sex with Danny DeVito.
“and when i am a big rock star like daddy, i’ll be doin’ groupies like this 24/7!!!”
The Love Guru introduced Verne Troyer to his wife,
Austin Powers showed how to shag her!!!
Kevin Federline’s first time with an air-headed bitch…
“dude, she was hitting on me first”
A young Buffalo Bob wearing his first skin suit and shown here taking another victim.
Relax kid, the prom isn’t until Friday, May 6th, 2022 AD.
Short-Men and Tall-Women do go together after all!
I suppose He’s just curious, so He’s learning a bit early (more actual ‘practice’ than text-book ‘theory’, though).
Maybe this baby wants us to change the age of consent to 6-months…Seems kinda young, but children grow up fast these days…Before you know it, he’ll be driving a an 18-wheeler, and complaining that his feet don’t reach the gas pedal.
This gives new meaning to the term ‘child-predator’…Regardless, I don’t think the inflatable-woman can sue for rape…As can be evidenced by the look on her face; She seems quite willing.
As the age-old maxim goes: ‘Practice Makes Perfect’…I suppose the earlier you start, the better you become at it. But as for ‘little fart-pants’ here, I wouldn’t be surprised if he ran out of sperm before he hit puberty.
Baby to Inflatable-Lady: “Alright baby, after we do this you have to change me. Capisce?!”
Baby to Everyone: “I fuck who I want, when I want, where, when and how ever the hell I want…As for why – that’s anyones guess, but just look at me ‘Mommy wow! I’m a big kid now’.”
If You fuck a Baby – You get 6 years in Jail. If a Baby fucks You – He gets a 15 minute time-out!!!
While men in their TWENTIES *fap* to digital-images this TODDLER *scroggs* plastic-woman-flesh…NOW THAT’S TOTALLY (PLASTIC) METAL!!! Talk about being outdone…But Jeez.
Baby Says: “This is what I intend to do to Briana Banks, Sarah Elizabeth, and Neriah Davis – All at the same time. So I’m warming up with Ms.Polyurethaney here…Nuff said.”
See how badass I am! I’ll scrogg this naked chick in full view of EVERYONE!!! Man, George Thorogood and the Destroyers must have written that song about me…Cuz ‘I’m Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba bad, bad to da’ bone…Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba bad, bad to the boner…Bad all the way down to my baby boner’…Which I’m using right now.
Baby to Inflatable-Lady: “Was it as good for you as it was for me?”
Baby says (sardonically): “…Giggity, giggity…I stiffed my dickity, now I’ll coochie-coo you with my giggity-happy-goo-tool! NOW HOW’S IT FEEL TO BE ON THE RECEIVING END OF THE STICK? BITCH!”
Oh, and a coochie-fuckin’-coo to you too! *Pow* right in the cunt.
Remember folks, it’s not the size of your scrogger, it’s how you use it…And who cares if it isn’t big enough?! I mean, she’s just a plastic-whore with a fake personality…Just like all the other goddamn women out there…I know too much. Gosh, I’m only 2 and I’m already bitter…Urrggh, somebody toss me a beer before I throw a temper tantrum and kick your ass!!!…Or your shin…Whichever I can reach easier.
Baby says: “I may only be 18 inches tall, but I have a gigantic venom-spewing *Penis*…er…*Cuttlefish*. I suppose the moral of the story is that appearances can be deceptive.”
I think this sets a new record. Quick, someone call ‘Guinness World Records’, because I think he is quite possibly the youngest porn-star in the world…And while you’re at it, call CPS.
Kid says: “When in doubt do as i do.” What a model character for todays REALLY young-youth…And they say they kids aren’t alright…I think this proves the critics wrong, ones and for all.
Baby to someguylookingathimfuckingaplasticdoll: Hey Mista, how ’bout a l’il privacy here?!
Baby thinking to himself: God, is there nowhere you can have sex in public privately…Oh wait, the public is invading my privacy…No wait, my privacy is invading the public…No wait…public=pube+lick…No wait…Man, the world is too complex…I’ll understand it all in the morning…Oh what a hangover…I just drank half a coca-cola and now I am totally inebriated…Better not drive my tricycle home drunk, I might get pulled over.
Baby to Plastic-Lady: Hey babe, how bout you come back to my place and finish the job?…But I gotta warn ya’ you might not fit in my crib so easily.
Baby to Inflatable-Lady: Oh, so this why everyone loves to come to the fare…Too bad it’s a rainy day, or else I’d be making you cum yourself wet like those geysers at Yellow-Stone National Park on memorial day…I can hardly wait to comeback next year!
(Note: Read this lengthy-caption in a ‘Stewie-Griffin’ voice).
Baby to Inflatable-Lady: Look babe, I didn’t intend on making this a one night stand, but my moms callin’, I’m gonna have to go now.
Baby imagining Inflatable-Lady’s response: Uh, Call me!
Baby to Inflatable-Lady: Uh yeah, about that, you see I don’t have a telephone, so I’m not so sure…
Baby imagining Inflatable-Lady’s response: Well, don’t you have an email address?
Baby to Inflatable-Lady: Oh sure, get out a pen and write it down, here it comes: imnevergoingtoseeyouagain@hotmail.com got that? Good, be sure to email me there and I’ll respond. Oh what, so just because I slept with you means I somehow now ‘owe’ you my life?! Piss off skank, I’ve got more important things to do than see your ugly face again, like…like watching the teletubbies or sponge-bob…Come to think of it, I never really liked that show…but, urrgh, nevermind, I’ll see you around. Yeah.
[...] to MetalSucks reader Dave D. who won last week’s Funny Photo Caption Contest to the picture at right with this timely gem: “What Lars Ulrich used to fuck before he fucked [...]
Hey ladies
Rub on them titties
YEAH THATS RIGHT I SAID
RUB ON THEM TITTIES.
Keep working ,great job!