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FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A COPY OF GOD FORBID’S BENEATH THE SCARS OF GLORY AND PROGRESSION DVD

 Friday, July 25th, 2008 at 3:23pm by

black metal poopingApparently toilets inspire commenting, because you all set a new record on last week’s Funny Photo Caption Contest with 97 entries! The winner is Jim, who came up with following, and will receive Scar Symmetry’s new album Holographic Universe and Children of Bodom’s latest, Blooddrunk:

“Eugene was straining pretty hard, when all of a sudden an unseen muse spoke to him the 2 words that would change his life: brown metal.”

This week we’ve got a very special prize; two winners will receive their very own copy of God Forbid’s recent DVD release Beneath the Scars of Glory and Progression (it’s fucking awesome; read Axl’s review), which features a full live show and a telling documentary directed by Denise Korycki. Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo and post it in the comments.

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  • http://cultclassicmoviereview.blogspot.com You Don’t Know Me

    Even Juggalos disown these kids.

  • Monster Island

    A harrowing and shiveringly sinister eve awaits the young lads, as they board Mother’s azure blue minivan. No mocking 16 age restriction will prevent this wykked black mass of preteen denizens from entering the Blackest of the Black Tour 2008, in catatonic Milwaukee.

  • key

    kiss’ new lineup is revealed!

  • ben

    never before has a top hat looked so out of place.

  • http://www.overhypedcrap.blogspot.com Bkudler

    We are the most evil things on the planet until 10:00, 10:30 on weekends.

  • Dave

    It’s Open Mic Nite at the “Metal Mime Convention” and these kids are ready for their big shot!

  • DLT

    “Goddamn it! Billy’s wearing his In Flames shirt again. I don’t know why we hang out with that poser!”

  • DeathMetalDave

    Insane Clown Pussy

  • Drew

    We’re Never Gonna Have Sex announces the release of their new album, “Good Thing Some of Us Kind of Look Like Chicks.”

  • SK

    P.Diddys white party…..in hell

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    From the producers of “Sex And The City” comes a tale of six friends with ridiculous face paint, horrible body odor, eternal virginity, and a dream…

  • canea

    RRRRRRARRR! Where’s our ride to the mall?!

  • John

    “What actually came out of Eugene”

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    Six mimes – apparently dissatisfied with the original – attempt to reinterpret The PussyCat Dolls music video, miming the chorus of the song using their hands and faces (while looking like a bunch of complete douches) signaling:

    “Don’tcha which your girlfriend was hot like me?!”

    Apparently Nicole Scherzinger looks great in an “Emperor” T-Shirt, but misses her boobs and so does everyone else.

  • http://www.myspace.com/imabadseed Devin

    Now introducing… A CLOCKWORK KISS!

  • Sammy

    At the Metalsucks Mansion, we call this: Friday.

  • http://www.myspace.com/bettyd420 Renee

    The new D.A.R.E. kids – “Death Angel’s Ridiculous Entourage”

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    A bunch of Marcel Marceau wannabes attempt to tableau DARK FUNERAL through cabaret…Fail miserably, but succeed at making complete jackasses out of themselves.

    [Seriously look at retards #2, #3 and #4 (from left)...Utter, complete dumbasses]

    THIS IS BLASPHEMY TO BLASPHEMOUS BLACK-METAL!!!

  • http://www.lorusband.com Fleetfinger

    Hey guys, I think this whitening toothpaste kicks ass!

  • http://www.lorusband.com Fleetfinger

    Our curtains are more metal than yours.

  • Elpants

    The God Forbid Fanclub celebrating over the new Live DVD.

  • http://www.myspace.com/metaldrums84 Mike Malice

    Despite Violent J and Shaggy making desperate attempts to recruit for the Dark Carnival, the fact remains that the only frightening thing about it is that even a small group of people take it seriously.

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    Think you’ve seen Evil? Think you’ve seen Hell?! Think you know Black-Metal?!! Well good, cause this is just the prelude to a gigantic sex-orgy with six drunk mimes.

  • n20verdose

    “we work for the joker, and we will get you BATMAN!”

  • Will

    Time: The darkest hour of night. (6:30 p.m.)

    Destination: Their sanctuary of eternal blackness. (Bobby’s house. He has an Xbox 360)

    Mode of Transportation: A chariot driven by a dozen undead stallions, complete with flaming skulls. (My mom said she’d give us a ride in our minivan)

    The plan is set as the six “Minions of Varg” as they have aptly named themselves, set out on their quest for the blackest of brownies….

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    It may seem ridiculous but you shouldn’t laugh at these guys too much, this is how Shawn “Clown666″ Crahan of Slipknot got his start in the music business…Of course then he got off the bottle and realized what an asshole he was being.

    (NOTE: I’m a Slipknot fan).

  • M. Meyer

    Time for some candy!

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    Take a good long hard look at this photo…for these are the only friends you’ll ever know.

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    (Milk) White Supremacists GONE WILD!!! (Ironically some with ‘Black’ Hair) SIEG HEIL LACTOSE-INTOLERANCY!!!

  • Jason

    Cirque Du Soliel announces its new show: Cirque Du Soliel: Le Metal de Virgin Teenagers

  • Jim

    Jared and his circle of friends unknowingly take the first step onto the long and dark path of a pussy free existence, ironically making their lives the most brutal thing ever.

  • asheswillremain

    “Hey guys, I just read the news and it’s totally okay for us to start a black metal band now!” Thanks Gaahl, homosexual would be metal hopefuls owe you a debt of gratitude.

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    Question: Can you spot six things wrong with this photo?
    Answer: The six assholes in it.

    (Notice there’s someone else’s hand in the bottom-left-hand corner of the picture, so maybe there’s a seventh asshole in the room that surprisingly isn’t me).

  • jesse

    @Drew

    While I haven’t thought of anything yet, and may not post anything on this contest… I do have to say that was fucking hilarious.

  • jesse

    The readers of Blabbermouth.net are ready to go to their first Britney Spears concert.

  • ERiK

    Black Metal…. so lame, anyone can do it.

  • -gODGRINDER-

    I asked mom not to meddle
    In my love affair with metal
    Or else I’d go insane.

    But she caught us in the basement
    Don’t know where my self-respect went.

    If I only had a brain.

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    I’m so excited to see N*Suck make their grand returned, demonstrating just how they’ve improved over the years – and definitey pose a threat to the BullShitBoys!!! They look a little worse than before, but they still showcase that same talent (none).

  • muttweiler

    From the makers of Heavy Metal Parking Lot comes… Black Metal Carpool! The Jr. High has never been so evil.

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    …And people said ‘Marilyn Manson sucks’…Just wait’ll the critics gettaloaddadis steaming pile of excrement. I MEAN LIKE WHOA – THEY’RE THAT FAT AND OBNOXIOUS! They’re almost as talented as Detsörgsekälf.

    Detsörgsekälf – In The Blood Of A Thousand Virgins Arises Chevy Chase
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=N-jQnamSi9Q
    (I hope to God this is a parody, for the Devils sake).

  • NASTROSITY

    Hello Mr. and Mrs. Willis were here to take Jenny to Bible study!

  • NuMallCore Pwns Yo Mama

    The Brady Bunch plan their comeback album.

  • In All Seriousness

    Johnny realizes he will never be able to tell his metal friends that his real love is emo. His hat hides his shame, and his laser-engraved My Chemical Romance iPod.

  • Jim

    The kids of Whidney High decide to take their sound in a more evil direction.

  • NASTROSITY

    Alice Coopers grand children react to the news that South Park is making their second fill length movie!

  • WOW

    God damnit these kids are gay.

  • http://www.pro-jikts.com Nickmeister

    @AWB: Dude, your first comment scared the shit out of me… Mostly because:
    1. I’m Dyslexic
    2. My name is Nicholas Schlesinger

  • BLACK213

    A Clockwork Dork !

  • cj

    It’s the new freecreditreport.com band.

  • http://www.nobudgettv.com C.J. the D.J.

    Six former altar boys listening to the new Cemetery Rapist CD

  • Matt

    Stupidly the comic relief taunted Chuck Norris, unwittingly they were signing their death warrants, Chuck is seconds away from unleashing multiple roundhouse kicks to the sternum.

    No one taunts Chuck. No one.

  • Walker

    Proof positive, combine the looks of A Clockwork Orange and black metal and your best chance of getting laid is going for the ole “in out, in out”

  • http://www.myspace.com/emetalreviews Nick

    Yeah, we’re gay… what of it?

  • http://www.masterful-magazine.com/ Choronzon

    Meet the real Children Of Bodom!

  • Joe

    The kids go crazy after emo/goth is banned in Russia.

  • The Greys

    “In tonight’s top story, six Middlebrow Junior High School students are dead, in what police are calling a ‘Satanic Circle-Jerk Suicide.’

    “Satanism expert Susan Anton La Vey says this photo, found at the scene, proves that the youths were urged, through Satanist Heavy Metal Music, to masturbate themselves to death.

    “Sources close to the investigation say the parents of the deceased, and school officials, have already filed wrongful death lawsuits against Ozzy Osbourne.

    “More details at 11.”

  • Grymmbear

    The Norway (Maine) cast of “Extreme Home Makeover” begin work on their next project… a beautiful summer home, replete with flowery drapes, well-lit bathrooms, clown paint, and Nestle Quik Strawberry Syrup blood.

    Only on ABC.

  • http://www.pro-jikts.com Nickmeister

    Ronald McDonalds

  • Danny

    This is what you get when your entire knowledge of music was learned at Hot Topic.

  • Wormdrive

    whazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupppppppppp!!!

  • hegster90

    the aftermath of a hot topic 50% off sale.

  • Joe

    Here we see residents of Blabbermouth.net’s Home for Wayward Children, evoking limitless shame from discerning parents since 2001.

  • Regal770

    Hanson’s new direction wasnt well received, neither was their latest release “A white faced Christmas”

  • harris

    Before King Diamond went through puberty

  • http://www.myspace.com/Amethyst_shadows Scary Mary

    The little rascals after their first death metal concert

  • Doug Self

    IF THEY ONLY KNEW……. The guys in EMPEROR hate little FAGS too!!!!

  • bradican

    After “chillin” in hot topic, these maggots came home in Johnny’s mom’s minivan and had an unbelievable night filled with circle jerks, throwing up after drinking 2 or 3 beers, and arguing over whether slipknot or disturbed is more br00tal.

  • banter

    Varg Vikernes’ School of Hardknocks, Spring Break 2008

  • banter

    And only moments later, did they realize with horror, that Tommy was covered in blood, as a result of his new favorite Hot Topic bracelet.

  • dale schmucker

    …and I thought my family was weird

  • Kenneth

    If Slipknot had kids with Liza Minelli…

  • slips

    Dallas Coyle’s life partners.

  • Cam

    A look inside the Neverland Ranch at Shagrath’s Sanctuary.

  • enemyofgod72

    The Podunk 6 prepare to unleash Hell, as soon as Mom lets them out of the basement.

  • enemyofgod72

    High School Musical Cradle of Filth = Filthy Freshman Circlejerk: The Musical

  • b-rad

    Even the most Blackend souls enjoy the alure of floral print curtains.

  • http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com Jeremy Rosen

    Tragically Tom’s (third from the right) idea to protect the campers from bears would shortly be proven unworkable.

  • Gossamer Axe

    The yearly reunion of Gene Simmons illegitimate children. The other 147 couldn’t make it this year.

  • Beams19

    Little Adam and his friends are stoked because they all saved up enough allowance for his mom to take them to Guitar Center to get real instruments, because RockBand on the XBOX was just getting too easy.

  • Hazardofholland

    Fake blood- five dollars
    make up- 30 dollars
    gas to get to hot topic-50 dollars
    a black metal band with flower curtains-priceless

  • Grapeflavoredjeanjacket

    Criss Angel was still deciding on the best way to debut his new back up band when he elected for the off camera thumbs up on the far left.

  • Mario Barrera

    Hey guys lets hurry up and take the picture I can hear my sister banging on the bathroom door. She’s gonna be pissed we took her makeup!!

  • The Mighty Fucking Quinn

    Movie poster for Rob Zombie’s new flick “The Dark Knight II: The Joker’s Rejects”.

    I just wanna say for the record, I love the kid in the top hat.Too funny.

  • Carter

    These kids are going to make a white mess out of Jeff’s Mom’s Caravan upholstery.

  • Robert

    “Prince Diamond” always found it hard standing in the shadow of his father of whom he feared yet admired so dearly but soon others of like minds help him find the courage admit to his father that he was indeed gay and form his vary own band which he lovingly cristened “lenient destiny” but later opted for the less metal but more P.C. “Compassionate Predestination” much to the chagrin of his legendary father King Diamond he titled his first album “Melissa II Electric Boogaloo”

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