50 THINGS WE ARE NOT LIKELY TO EVER SEE OR HEAR IN THE METAL WORLD
Friday, August 1st, 2008 at 12:34pm by Axl Rosenberg- A power ballad by Slayer.
- A Jew in a Stryper shirt.
- A Zakk Wylde performance with no guitar squeals.
- An Atreyu song with no auto-tune.
- Scott Weiland at the age of 50.
- Dave Mustaine share his weed.
- Dangerous Toys on the cover of Decibel.
- A Deicide album with clean vocals.
- A pro-choice rally headlined by Demon Hunter.
- A calm, quiet, and introspective interview with C.C. DeVille.
- An interview with Sebastian Bach where no one asks him if there’ll ever be a Skid Row reunion.
- An interview with Sebastian Bach where he doesn’t name-drop Axl Rose.
- An story on MetalSucks about Sebastian Bach that isn’t followed by hundreds of comments from Karen James.
- Scott Ian say “no” to an offer to be on tv, have his picture taken, or in any way remind people of his existence.
- A guest spot by Fred Durst on a Boris album.
- A guest spot by Rob Zombie on a Bullet for My Valentine album.
- A guest spot by Glen Danzig on a North Side Kings album.
- George W. Bush at a Gojira concert.
- Tipper Gore at a Twisted Sister concert.
- Joe Lieberman at a Marilyn Manson concert.
- Phil Anselmo at an NAACP fund raiser.
- Josh Homme at a GLAAD fund raiser.
- Varg Vikernes at a church social.
- A MetalSucks article praising Hellyeah.
- A Velvet Revolver fan whose favorite member of the band is Dave Kushner.
- Lars Ulrich reach his goal height of being six five four feet tall.
- A movie version of The Dirt that’s as good as the book.
- Ozzy run.
- Mick Mars run.
- Jason Suecof run.
- The Dillinger Escape Plan touring as direct support for Disturbed.
- A System of a Down lyric that makes any sense.
- Dope guitarist Virus in a shirt that doesn’t have his name on it.
- The chick from In This Moment perform in anything other than that blue dress.
- Courtney Love use spell-check.
- A long-lost diary entry where Kurt Cobain confesses his idolization of Axl Rose.
- Rock of Love with Marq Torien.
- A Dimmu Borgir biopic starring Nicolas Cage.
- Dino Cazares looking down to see his own penis.
- Otep making out with Rob Halford.
- Rita Haney making out with Phil Anselmo.
- A platinum Magrudergrind record.
- A gold Magrudergrind record.
- A silver Magrudergrind record.
- A copper Magrudergrind record.
- Chris Barnes on The View.
- A Broadway musical based on the songs of Suffocation.
- A Toby Wright-produced album by The Human Abstract.
- A Pulitzer Prize in journalism for Geri Miller.
- An actual, real live photo of Axl Rosenberg and/or Vince Neilstein.
-AR
51. A revolutionary, ultra-progressive and original Christian metalcore band.
A Thousnad Times Repent.
Thats where you wanna be!
Awesome band.
52. Limp Bizkit headlining Wacken.
53. A “for real” final Kiss tour
53. Bands actually giving a shit about what Metalsucks.net says about them.
54. Dallas Coyle getting a life.
55.God Forbid not breaking up due to shitty sales and noone giving a shit about them.
56. Metalsucks.net NOT turning into just another Blabbermouth.
re: #50: scared pussies.
57. Chinese Democracy
58. Another good Metallica album
Scott Ian will show up to the opening of a Rite Aid if there’s a camera crew there.
32. BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
38. Cage did play Ghost Rider…and Dimmu basically all wear the same jacket….
59. Understanding anything Ozzy Osbourne ever says.
60. Randy Blythe not being a sloppy, drunken, idiot.
You are funny.
61. Me ever receiving the album I won on Metalsucks’ “Completely Unreadable Band Logo of the Week” Ahem Ahem.
11. Already happened http://www.komodorock.com/interviews/interviews/komodo-rock-talks-with-sebastian-bach-200807236377/
Although he did name drop Axl :)
62. Me not laughing at this.
Otep in Playboy. Otep in Hustler. Faith No More Re-unite, with Courtney Love. Glen Benton shake hands with Jim Baker, then convert to christianity. Kittie actually put out a decent record. Mercedes Lander in Playboy. Napalm Death record a pro bush album defnding the iraqi invation. GWAR tour sans costumes/stage show. Behdmoth go country. The girl from in this moment les-out with Candice from WoJ. Korn go Straight Edge, release greatest hxc album ever. A Biohazard album better than World Demise.
63. Simone Simons not being uber hot.
64. Cristina Scabbia not being hot.
65. Sharon den Adel not being hot.
66. Sarah Jezebel Deva not being fat-assed and ugly as hell.
67. The band Distubed not recording another bad 80’s cover
67. Glen Benton having an intellectual and open-minded conversation with an interviewer
68. The singer of The Showdown in a shirt with sleeves
69. A Belphegor album without a song about sex
70. The new Wintersun album actually getting released
71. or Severed Savior’s new one, for that matter
72. Devin Townsend ever having high self-esteem
73. A female fronted band that you can actually take seriously
74. BTBAM ever playing “The Man Land” live
75. The Red Chord ever playing “Bread Pants” live
76. A Plant Vochestra album
77. Dethklok ever touring with good bands
78. Cannibal Corpse going prog
LAWL @ 68.
79. Metallica and Megadeth joining forces and releasing albums as Megatallica.
@Shiv #73
Wicked Wisdom OWNS that shit, man…
Fuckin’ Willenium. Goin’ to Miami and shit..
Did I really write that?
Lol @34…That chick has that dress in 4 fucking colors and just can’t seem to preform a show without looking like shes going to the prom.
@79 Metallideth?
LOL. I totally agree with 68.
@ jesse
Mega should come first, because we all knew that Megadave is the greatest.
In regards to No. 3:
http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=q0N2WFwTbJg
I know it’s live but whatever haha.
Wait, why the fuc am I on Japanese youtube? O_o
re: #50 – what, you think that’s not our Ace in the Hole??
Neilstein is a funny name! haha
*31. The Dillinger Escape Plan making music that doesn’t sound like chopped up pancreas.
#29
Ouch.
Harsh, but fair.
Metallica recording the Unforgiven III – OH shit they just did that
MTVs Headbanger’s Ball actually playing something worth hearing/seeing
Glenn Benton becomes a televangelist
Brittany Spears making her comeback with Cookie Monster vocals(though it may be cool)
Dani Filth blowing Bam Magera — I may have spoke too soon on this one
Slayer new album — Raining ABBA
In League With Satan: The Broadway Musical
Lamb of God go christian – release “Walk With Me and Jesus”
Black metal bands stop wearing corpse paint
and finally …
Lars Ulrich turns down $5 from his own child for an autograph –File under will never happen!
LMFAO this owns 50 Ways To Annoy A Metalhead
90.Kirk Hammett finally growing a pair and Telling James and Lars to go fuck themselves.
[...] Glad we managed to (somehow) stay off the 50 THINGS WE ARE NOT LIKELY TO EVER SEE OR HEAR IN THE METAL WORLD list. Though #50… [...]
91. a SUCCESFULL Limp Bizkit comeback
92. Slash stops drinking vodka
93. Dimebag Darrell, Freddy Mercury and Kieth Moon start a new supergroup trio RIP
Metallica ever producing a half decent album again…oh and how about something WE MIGHT SEE..TRIVIUM IN A GANGBANG WITH METALLICA…..BAREBACK!!!!
Re: 73. Ludicra, DUH.
Also,
“enemyofgod72 Says:
“Black metal bands stop wearing corpse paint”
Where in the hell have you been for the last fifteen years?
Re: Shiv
The fact that #74 is true makes me sad as hell.
Elync Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 2:33 pm
61. Me ever receiving the album I won on Metalsucks’ “Completely Unreadable Band Logo of the Week” Ahem Ahem.
Ha Ha, i had to laugh at this because I agree…Ahem Ahem. Won one months ago and never got mine either.
94. …grammar check or proofreading being employed on ‘top’ lists.
dude that one on Suecof was funny an d harsh at the same time. AWESOME
Didn’t ozzy run like 6 miles in an episode of the osbournes.
Not that I’m saying I watched it.
*awkward silence
Heaven and Hell on Ozzfest…
Headbangers ball actually playing extreme metal and not shitty metalcore/screamo.
95 (or whatever fucking number we’re on). A tour featuring Down and Heaven and Hell.
96. Another Rammstein tour in North America.
97. Brian “Head” Welch speak publicly about anything other than playing in and/or leaving Korn.
95. should say HellYeah, not Heaven and Hell.
mick mick mars did run, sometimes