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Contests

FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A SCARS ON BROADWAY LIMITED EDITION LITHOGRAPH AND SIGNED CD

Friday, August 15th, 2008 at 3:39pm by

Congrats to MetalSucks Maniac Renee for winning last week’s last week’s Funny Photo Caption Contest; Renee — whom I sincerely hope is aware of the double-hilarious meaning of her entry — will receive Nachtmystium’s Assassins: Black Meddle Pt. 1; Terror’s The Damned, The Shamed, and Hail of Bullets’ …Of Frost and War in the mail for coming up with this caption for the photo at right:

“Men will go to extreme measures when they get jungle fever…”

We’ve got an awesome prize pack for five winners this week. All 5 will receive a limited edition Scars on Broadway lithograph; four of those will also win a Scars on Broadway CD, while the grand prize winner will receive a copy of the CD autographed by the band. All you have to do to enter is come up with a funny caption for the below photo and post it in the comments. Good luck!

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  • John

    Ummm….BRAINS and GO RAMS!!!

  • Scott

    Job For A Cowboy shows are crazy enough to make you take a shit on a zombie’s face.

  • b-rad

    “no, no… that’s not my cirrhosis acting up… it’s part of the act, i swear!!”

  • The Mighty Fucking Quinn

    What Burton C. Bell does when Fear Factory has “down time.”

  • matt

    “Why so serious?”

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    “That’s the last time I buy V8 at the airport!”

  • Johnny Death

    “Sh*t, i forget to tell grandma to put out the lemon squares AFTER our set!” said Anders as he watched grandma put her beloved squares on the VA rec room table

  • Josh

    “Sorry I’m late, I just got finished shooting some scene in The Exorcist with Linda Blair. She let me keep the cross.”

  • http://www.myspace.com/bettyd420 Renee

    Seriously guys, the poisoned tomato epidemic wasn’t that bad…

  • http://www.roxwel.com Pick-Axe Bobby

    BHAHAHAHAHA @ Johnny Death!!!!!

  • prometheus

    “Ughhh! That ram brain tasted better going down, than it did coming up.”

  • Cullen

    fuck, why don’t you guys tell me I have shit on my face? I just ate a damn jelly donut

  • Elpants

    I told you guys drinking real blood was a bad idea. Next time lets just use Kool-Aid.

  • Atom

    Oh man…No one’s here! I even got this wicked skull and everything! Fuck this, I’m gonna start a metalcore band.

  • Jim

    What’s the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can’t gargle sand.

  • Joe

    “Our shows are made possible with generous donation from Focus on the Family and the Republican Party.”

  • Tommy Leebowitz

    I really hope that goat didn’t have AIDS…

  • David Meredith

    Small oral explosives are VERY metal but they are hell on your bridgework.

  • http://www.myspace.com/jay234t Jason

    “Awwww… C’mon. I wasn’t done with that pie.”

  • Brian

    This just in: Wes Borlan leaves Marilyn Manson for Danzig

  • Thrunq

    Sadly, “Grimfights” was a short lived sport…a short lived, blasphemous sport.

  • Sammy

    “…and that’s how the ram came to lose its head.”

  • Figures…

    In an aftershow interview. Frontman Dogshit Jackson of the band Septic Sewer Dog Manure said,

    “Ya know, it’s just an image…this is what I feel when I sing, I get these emotions ya know, its kinda like the other day, when I was watching the Miley Cirus “Best Of Both Worlds” concert…and Miley did that little spin around to the camera…OH, I was just captivated ya know? I just want to express that in my own way, and hope I make people feel that same way”

  • Josie Vinci

    That shit was delicious but it’s no match for newborn babies!

  • Harris

    Necrophagists first and only concert at a rally for PETA

  • jesse

    Listerine kills 99% of germs and bacteria, including the ones that cause the gum disease gingivitis.

  • Drew

    Just who is running the show, here?

  • Sean

    Who says huffing blood is bad for your health? Look at me I’m totally normal!

  • Jack Davis

    Only living photo of Big Foot. Yes, he plays drums!

  • Wolfface

    Uhm …hey you there in the back. could you please STOP throwing turds at us. It’s getting annoying.

  • Malacoda

    The Were-Panda strikes again.

  • Ben

    Black Metal, Bingo hall style.

  • enemyofgod72

    Milton froze stiff ,stopping the show, as he saw his mother show up to hear the “boy band” he told her he had started.
    or
    “What do you mean that wasn’t a fake baby?!”

  • patchs

    “ARGH! im so metal i’ll rip off the head of the goat like ozzy and the bat but i’ll but the head on a steak and sing about it! “

  • Eric

    “Demon Hunter sure has changed since last tour.”

  • Eric

    * “Demon Hunter sure have changed since last tour.”

  • SickSixSeth

    Hey Marilyn and Wes! Can I join in too?!?!

  • http://www.failsafefight.com bmwtech

    Just another high school prom night in Norway

  • eclecticle

    Has anyone got some aciclovir? My herpes is acting up. Damn, I really shouldn’t have gone down on that stripper when we were in Thailand…

  • eclecticle

    Metal For Beginners 101:

    Don’t wipe your nose when wearing large forearm spikes.

  • benbag

    no matter how hard he tried…
    the emo frontman still looked like a bitch in 1348
    the 1349 covers band

    I AINT SCAREDD OF YOU MUTHA FUCKAS

  • http://tourguidemag.com Chris Cogswell

    This years High School Talent Show doesn’t quite pan out for the PTA.

  • groverXIII

    I MADE YOU A GOAT… BUT I EATED IT.

    (Meant to be taken LOLcat style with the Impact font… and admittedly not original.)

  • Steve

    “We couldn’t afford a virgin, so we bought this skull instead.”

  • myke

    Gorgoroth frontman Gaahl has announced they he will tour the states in the fall. but on this new tour will bereally underground.” I have decided that I will do a tour of house basements. basically to confirm to our large 14 year old fanbase who know everything about norweign black metal will tour the states in all 50 states. I feel i need to bring a majority of our stage props to every basement across the states. this will be back to roots tour. every laundry basket full of unfolded clothe will be burnt in the name of satan” said Gaahl. But how will choose the right house?? Gaahl said that ” I watch all the comments all blabbermout.net and everyone in each state that bicthes that isn’t a back to basic basement tour wins. So gather up all of your fat 14 year old friends who play world of warcraft and crack outyour daddy’s leather whips were coming for yah!!!! Gaahl was pictured practicing in Fenriz’s basement for a brutal,nercro, and kvelt rehearal sound. King ov hell had no comment for the up coming tour. Tour dates will be announced next week.

  • CT

    metal nights at the home for the mentally ill

  • http://cultclassicmoviereview.blogspot.com You Don’t Know Me

    “Mommy… this sacrificed goat tastes funny!”

  • derek

    I assure you, no animals were harmed in the making of this blood-like substance.

  • Fab

    “Chili powder has never been so hot in black metal…”

  • Matt

    And the winner of the Goat Head eating contest isssss……………………………….Dave!!!!

    Stand up Dave take a bow!!!

  • cj

    I shouldn’t have ate all those cow guts. I got the shits!

  • Mamoulian

    RAWR! I FUCKING LOVE FRUIT PUNCH!

  • Matt

    “My boyfriend is gonna be pissed”

  • lern2swim

    “Moooom!!! I thought you checked all the candy”

  • Dale

    And it was said, that the mighty band Forsythe would summon the Goat lord from the school hallway…

  • Maija

    Oh Man!! I shouldn’t have ate that lolli pop out of that dead goats snatch!! Ugh WHERE IS MY VALTREX!

  • murmaider333

    The only black metal singer with down syndrom

  • http://noyokono.blogspot.com noyokono

    “She’s my cherry pie / Put a smile on your face / Ten miles wide / Taste so good make a grown man cry / Sweet cherry pie”

  • WalkerRooo@gmail.com

    ” You wanna know how I got these scars? ( Followed by that awful mouth thing he does) and Gothem is looking for a new kinda black metal……and IM gonna give it to them……

  • http://www.pro-jikts.com Nickmeister

    I can’t believe I let that bitch shit in my mouth before the show…

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

    Hello, Cleveland! We are Menstrual Mayhem.

  • mike

    Don’t you hate it when you bite your lip and you accidentally keep doing it?

  • Aaron

    “I’ll pass on seconds on the ram…but do you have any Tums?”

  • fearo

    It wasn’t me. I swear.

  • tyoung865

    “Ribs… I had ribs for lunch.”

  • tyoung865

    heres another… “Damnit… I shouldn’t have entered ’cause I hate Daron Malakian’s voice!”

  • http://www.jeti.be snuifduif89

    “damn these goathorns are sharp man…”

  • http://www.jeti.be snuifduif89

    2nd chance: “I ate my mommy and now I miss her :’(“

  • catsaremetal

    WHO TOOK MAH CORPZEPAINTZ????

  • mayhemfan98

    “opps I did it again”

  • MM

    The Orbit gum girl pops up…..”Smashing!”

  • http://www.conorschaefer.com/blog/ Conor

    Where in Kevin “Bjørn Hatejskøll” Thompson sobers up long enough to realize he doesn’t actually have a band, because his drummer is just a Mayhem hoodie pulled over a chair, and goat skulls can’t sing—not even black metal-style.

  • Matt

    Gwar in 20 years playing at the retirement home.

  • terrybeans

    “Nothing says Satan like BBQ sauce and Revlon.”

  • Austin Millbarge

    “…and my guidance counselor said I would never amount to anything.”

  • Sablis

    “Herpes and Downs-syndrome has never looked so good!”

  • bear

    I just wanted to pig-squeal like the cool grind-core kids on youtube…

  • mike

    ::whines:: But, mommmmmmmm!

  • Sablis

    Actually I will upgrade my last caption to: “Herpes and Downs-syndrome in a wonderful unison!”

  • Mike Malice

    Using image enhancement we are able to see what Ozzy will look like for Ozzfest 2020.

  • earthsherm

    inferno hangs his head in shame as nergal devours yet another turkish delight on stage

  • seagoat

    Proof that even death metalers enjoy cunnilingus at least once a month.

  • Scott

    What’s the difference between a baby and an apple?

    …You don’t shit all over an apple before you eat it.

  • Scott

    Sorry:

    *…You don’t shit all over an apple before you eat it during your set.

  • Muttweiler

    Can of white greasepaint $2
    Quart of smashed elderberries $4
    Goat’s head mike stand $14

    Giving Papa and Nana a coronary so you can inherit the house and move out of the basement…Priceless!

  • Dr J

    After Gaahl’s Coming out, Black Metal fans across the country drowned their sorrows in cherry cobbler and crushed dreams.

  • key

    backstage footage of gorgoroth’s infamous 2004 Krakow gig indicates that animals were indeed harmed during the event.

    /horns

  • Gordon Shumway

    It was then that the high school prom committee realised thier mistake in appointing Quorthon Jr to organise the night’s entertainment…

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    SHIT! I thought she listened to country music!! I had no idea My Sister was the Lead-Singer of a Black Metal Band – but – there She is!!!

    Although I really wonder where She got that Severed Goat’s Head for the Microphone-Stand…And If anyone asks – I had nothing to do with it…Honestly.

  • o0Stacey0o

    I gave mom the finger today when I went out without the bib.

  • tmack

    Barney Collins, also known as Gunchins from the band called The Dark Orifice, had a sudden mid-life realization that it is that time in his life that he can no longer fart, while screaming, without shittiing his black pleather pants. This thought was then followed by “I wonder if that means that I am finally metal enough for the VFW world tour”?

  • ks

    “Mmmm…takes like chicken! Now where’s my Rolaids?”

  • Follow4now

    Famous Dave’s house band preforming during all you can eat ribs happy hour. Get a bucket of ribs and a free blood splatter!

    OR

    Jeff Dunham new back metal comedy show coming soon to DVD. His puppet: Ramhead on a STICK!

  • BagABones

    Noticing that the youth minister at his church had just walked in Irwin “Corpseraper” Inglebert was mortified.

  • Austin Milbarge

    “…This is getting to be re-goddamn-diculous!”

  • fightingmike

    Damn, i knew i should have gone to the bathroom before the show:(

  • http://www.myspace.com/infernalnoizeradio wayniac

    Ohhh not again… I was meant to save the ejaculate during the ENCORE!!!

  • iwrestledaferretonce

    “I ate his liver, with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.”

  • Soulfly01

    ammmmmm GUYS I really think I swallowed my dick!!!!

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    @ Nickmeister (or Nicholas Schlesinger as listed on your website)

    (1) I can’t believe you said “[...] let that bitch shit in my mouth” (I was laughing my ass off) I thought it was blood, but it might be shit for all I know.

    (2) I heard some of your music on your website, neat!

    (3) I forgot the third thing I was about to say…But anyway, everyone please read my damn blog/diarrhea. I know I only have one entry on it right now, but I’ll post at least twice during the next decade…Maybe free downloads? Good idea or bad idea?

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    Newest sub-genre added to the Metal-Archives.com list in the last 5 minutes “Suburbian-Black-Metal”. Best defined as “Royal Satanic Blasphemous Noir Metal from the dungens of Norway” (AKA Green-Bay Wisconsin – proudly made in the USA).

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  • darkone

    yumm – need to show up for this gig. but next time i realy need to know that your girlfriend was on the rag dam i hate that shit !!!

  • http://aintnowaychrisbrown.blogspot.com/ Keaton Manning

    Chris Brown likes to watch too much stuff on youtube. His favorite show on youtube is the “Stupid Mario Brothers”