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Cinemetal

FRED DURST WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY

 Friday, August 22nd, 2008 at 11:58am by

The Limp Bizkit flow masta’s cinematic opus The Longshots opens today, and, as you can see, it’s getting rave reviews in the press:

“Worth mentioning is that the movie was directed by the Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst. ‘Dude, give me some of that Hollywood magic music,’ one imagines this hard-core rocker, in his capacity as cheesy family-film hack, saying to his (uncredited) composer. ‘Nah, man, a little more sentimental and sparkly. That’s it! Now put it everywhere, man. Awesome. Work it out, dude, I’m going to lunch.’

-Nathan Lee, The New York Times

“Unfortunately, director Fred Durst blends all of these time-honored components with the same skill level that he brought to the stage with his crappy band Limp Bizkit.”

-Drew Toal, Time Out New York

“A surprisingly tepid directorial effort by Limp Bizkit nu-metal rocker Fred Durst, pic seldom deviates from the genre-cliche playbook.”

-Joe Leydon, Variety

“In the ’90s, Ice Cube and Limp Bizkit co-headlined the Family Values Tour as, respectively, a rap legend and the nadir of music up to that point. Cube and Bizkit frontman-cum-filmmaker Fred Durst reteam for The Longshots, canceling each other out into total mediocrity.”

-Vadim Rizov, The Village Voice

If anyone actually goes to a theater and sees this drek over the weekend, let us know. And may God take mercy on your soul.

-AR

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  • ian

    Does somebody hate Fred Durst or what? Axl, what are you 12 years old? Actually the reviews have been mixed. For every review that hates on Durst, there is another that says his directing was solid. Of course, if you hate Limp Bizkit just because it’s trendy to do so, then I suppose you’ll always see the glass as half empty.

    Roger Ebert says:
    “The director, Fred Durst (of the rap-rock group Limp Bizkit), and his writers Nick Santora and Doug Atchison are actually interested in these human beings, not in all the semiobligatory cliches.”

    The Austin Chronicle says:
    “m not exactly sure how to put this – not quite sure I believe it myself, honestly – but Fred Durst, lead singer of Limp Bizkit (perhaps the lousiest rock band in the long history of lousy rock bands), isn’t half bad at making movies. Though it’s only his second effort (the first being last year’s Tribeca Film Festival award-winner The Education of Charlie Banks), The Longshots has a sense of maturity and restraint I didn’t think the mind behind rap-metal anthem “Nookie” (“I did it all for the nookie, so you can take that cookie and stick it up your … Yeah!”) was capable of. ”

    Tv Guide says:
    “Durst keeps the story rooted in the desperation of a dying town, and that gives this formulaic family fare a slight edge.”

  • tim

    I bet it’s still better than the amateur porno he “directed”

  • http://noyokono.blogspot.com noyokono

    Presently at 38% on the Tomatometer- http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/10009783-longshots/

  • Mike

    Axl, you’re a dick, dude. Leave the guy alone. I’ve heard nothing but good about this movie, and just because you have some kind of personal gripe with this guy doesn’t make it right for you to bash anything he does. I’ll probably watch this with my kids when it comes out on DVD.

  • I love Nu Metal….

    I want to see a fist fight between Axl and all the Fred Durst fans on here. That would make for some good drama.

    Axl- ” Durst sucks cock!”
    Durst Lover- ” No he dosnt he popped my metal cherry in 95′!
    Axl- ” Your a terd!”
    Durst lover – ” Freds my hero!!!!!!!”

    let the scuffle begin!

  • MarauderRocks

    Let me start by saying I’m no fan of Fred Durst, but it’s fucked up of you to judge this movie before seeing it and using a few little parts of reviews you picked yourself to try to prove you ignorant point. We get it, you don’t like the guy. But don’t go bashing something you don’t really know anything about. I mean, if you’ve seen the movie and want to offer some honest criticism, then by all means, go ahead. But trying to insult the guy by citing a few small parts of a few small reviews seems pretty…well…small of you. You just embarrassed yourself by trying to embarrass Durst, congratulations.

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    The sad thing is I actually feel sorry for Ice Cube.

  • The Metal Nerd

    Ill give Mr. Durst credit where due. This is a fairly solid family film given he doesnt have much experiance as a film director. Cant really say much for his acting skills, (see Paulie Shore Is Dead.) but I suposse thats why Ice Cube is the star. Axl: Ive noticed something since ive begun to read Metalsucks. You, my hibraic friend, are a fucking Prick. Your site is constantly filled with literally PAGES of useless insulting and beratement of bands/artists that dont seem to meat with some kind of twisted standard the people of Metalsucks have seemed to put in place. And for what? Sele saticfaction? The inate inner teenager in you perpetually screaming HEY! LOOK AT ME! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! HEY! You purposly begin arguement, nay, mud slinging contest, virtual pissing contests between people who otherwise might be able to do something unifying and productive for this and every other heavy music scene in general. Its pathetic, counter-productive, and makes you seem immature and stupid.

  • The Mighty Fucking Quinn

    Don’t worry Axl.The humor isn’t lost on all of us.I laughed when I read he was directing it.People need to chill out.Fred Durst is a pariah to metal fans.If anything, I’ll say fuck it, and wish him luck.I still think he’s a goof, but after watching him become the shell of a man he’s found himself after all these years, I’d be kinda happy if the dude manages to get himself into something steady without turning into a retarded narcissist again.He claims he always wanted to film, so now he has his chance.As long as he doesn’t go back to the “I’m the shit, y’all are just drinkin Haterade” persona that we would love to kick him in the face for, I think we shall live on to hate on shitty metal bands for another day.

  • vance almighty

    and you can call it drek because you’ve seen it, right?

    oh, wait…

  • BladeL

    lol, hating Limp Bizkit is the trendy thing to do?

  • miguel_g(Peru)

    Forgetting how much his band sucked and how annoying he was for a time, Durst just did a generic family movie, that’s why it has such poor reviews. That’s what I can colclude after what i’ve read on the net. You can’t always start with a cult movie if you are a film maker. Jus look at that Shyalaman hack, his debut film (the 6th sense) was an outstanding movie, and pretty much everything else he has done has been bad.

  • Another Opinion

    Some people (Fred Durst) deserve as much bad press as they can get. Remember there are real artists trying to get funding for their projects and no-talent assholes like Durst are, for some reason, given opportunities the majority of truly talented visionaries will NEVER get. I know that’s Hollywood, the way of the world, whatver. But don’t stick up for those idiots out of the sheer goodness of your heart, or whatever moral compass you’re using to evaluate these posts, that is unless you’re a closet Limp Bizkit fan (which I think might be what’s happening here). For god sakes, we’re the metal community. If anyone should be pissed that Fred Durst hasn’t been eaten by sharks, struck by lightning, fallen into a well, or scalped, it’s us. Now he’s making movies? What? Oh and check out the videos of him talking about the movie on YouTube. He now has a southern accent. And no, he didn’t have that when he and Carson Daly used to take turns going down on the devil a couple years ago. Satan’s ejaculate–that’s what conjures the southern drawl.

  • Voodoo Trucker

    @ The Metal Nerd

    Yes, state your opinion on the internet, everyone is going to care what you have to say. The only reason I come here is because of the total lack of sucking cocks of shitty music. Whether Fred Durst is a decent director or not, he deserves to be made fun of for the rest of his life for helping dumb down heavier music.

    @miguel_g
    Unbreakable? Signs? Two great films. Hell, even The Village was watchable.

  • http://www.conorschaefer.com/blog/ Conor

    @ian: You can fucking blow me, dude. Are you seriously defending this movie on its artistic merit?

    As for all you blowjobs saying you can’t criticize what you haven’t experienced yourself, what’s keeping you all from jumping off a goddamn bridge?

    Honestly I’m apathetic towards Durst, but I’m definitely hostile to all you shits acting like the guy is worth defending. That’s fucked up.

  • http://onyourchizzin deez nizzuts

    I love metalsucks, if I didn’t like it like some of these dick lickers I wouldn’t come here and get my fucking panties in a wad because you’re hatin’ on Fred fucking Durst. I hate him, too. Fuck him…and fuck you. Eat one and lick on deez….

  • Devin

    Hey man… I’m not going to lie. I like Limp Bizkit. But then again, I was like 12 years old when Nookie came out.

  • The Metal Nerd

    I wont lie, i owned a copy of the first two Limp Bizkit CDs. Then again I was 15. Fred IS a douchechewer yes, but get off his ass. Hes DONE ruining music. And hey, who knows, in thirty years, he may actually make a good (not great) movie. By the way, you dont like what i have to say, why the hell did you read my post? P.S. Unbreakable was awesome. Signs sucked imo.

  • Chris

    @ Devin: hell yeah man so was i

    @ everyone else: why are we bashin on him? whether or not limp bizkit was good that was years ago, lets keep making fun of disturbed and other shitty bands in the now

  • J.P.

    Axl you’re a dick.

    I hate Limp Bizkit…

    And I prob’s agree that this movie is gonna’ suck, and even if it doesn’t, I sure as hell won’t see it…

    But I just couldn’t pass up on the “Axl you’re a dick” bandwagon.

  • me

    FUCK Fred Durst and all of the fanboys.

    Plain and simple.

  • Tim Requiem

    No family movie has ever been defended on its artistic merit. Kids like anything with a happy ending and a hero/role model. As for the idea that he might make a good movie one day, well then, everyone can eat their words. Until then, Durst can be this generation’s Vanilla Ice, changing his hair and style to whatever he thinks is popular to try and grab a quick buck, and all you fucking chumps can continue to suckle at the miniature penis he cums pathetic waste with, and paying for it with your parents cash too.

  • Revrant

    Well I love Limp Bizkit so I’m sure I’ll like this. Anyone who says otherwise can blow me.

  • Pingback: FRED DURST’S THE LONGSHOTS BREAKS BOX OFFICE RECORDS | MetalSucks

  • Jim Gilletowicz

    Holy Fuck, another STUPID comment from Devin…nookie was never good, cool, or anything other than stupid fucking frat humor that some douche bag record label assfuck thought would play well with 12 YEAR OLDS…Devin, you are a genital wart on the cock of metal fans everywhere….Please kill yourself.

  • Jim Gilletowicz

    Ditto Revrant

  • Jim Gilletowicz

    @Revrunt: don’t you mean ‘eat my cunt’ you pussy?