FUN WITH METALLICA HAIKU
Thursday, August 28th, 2008 at 11:21am by Vince Neilstein
Yesterday we received a bizarre press release about a Fuse TV-related blog called “Sami’s Rock It Out Blog” in which the blog’s namesake took a few stabs at metal-related haiku. I fell for the Metallica reference in the email, and when I clicked through was greeted with this completely bland effort:
Metallica has
released new song on the web
Name “My Apocalypse”
BO-RRRRING (not to mention the wrong number of syllables in the last line). How about we have some fun with this? Here’s my attempt:
Armani Shopping
Expensive clothing indeed
Metal, not so much
James, Lars, Rob and Kirk
New Metallica Album
They Should Just Stick To Touring
Saint Anger’s Snare Drum
Sounded Like a Piece of Shit
It still isn’t fixed
Pipe in with your own! Ist fun!
-VN
it’s all been downhill
since the debut “Kill Em All”
metallica sucks
Nice Fucking Sandles
Looking like a big pussy
He wrote Battery?
Metalsucks.net
Tries to be like Blabbermouth
But instead it blows
Axl is a fag
He knows nothing about music
He does what hes told
Metallica is
so much better than you Vince
So fuck Yourself hard
john, it must have been hard to type all that with james and lars penises in both your hands…
James, dude, what the fuck?
What happened to your sideburns?
Please expand your sound.
2nd Haiku is great, but the last line should just be “Just Stick To Touring”
Stupid bus wreck killed
The wrong bandmember, Hey Lars
Switch places with me
Hetfield is a dick
Trujillo is a “that guy”
In this funny pic.
5/7/5 right? (tru-jill-o I think.)
Plaid shorts and sandals
Total bro transformation
Is almost complete
lars ulrich keeps time
like he was getting paid to
not keep time, dick face
Who produced this shit?
How is the guitar sound worse
than on Saint Anger?
When Armani asked
If he’s using cash or card
He said Broken Dreams
Give these guys a break
The new songs are not half bad
But Lars, you still SUCK
A note to Mr. Lars:
You do have toms on your kit
Someone steal his snare
New thrash metal songs
Double bass nowhere in sight
What a shitty drummer
World’s biggest rock band
Can’t get a decent drummer
Lars is a disgrace
It’s over. Dr J wins.
@Ryan.
No no good sir, it was over at 12:48 p.m. on August 28th, 2008.
“Stupid bus wreck killed
The wrong bandmember, Hey Lars
Switch places with me”
Goddamn classic.
Frantic flip flops yeah!
Kick snare kick snare trash can lid
Ride what? Not lightning
dr j make laugh
more than lars in bukkake
super best buffet
New Metallica,
Holy Fucking Shit, It Sucks
Someone do Something
Haikus are not cool
Neither is Metallica
Mustaine owns your soul
Actually, that was kinda fun.But kudos to Dr. J.That made my day.
Metalocalypse.
All hope of maybe
the new Metallica disc
Has again been crushed
Cliff Burton still spins
In his grave, about this thing
that really should not be
^^^oops, 5-7-6 won’t cut it
For whom the bell tolls
Dave Mustaine still marches on
So does Testament
Death Magnetic blows
How do I know? Rick Rubin
Told MetalSucks so
James rocks Armani
You know it’s sad but tru-ue
Rob looks at bitches
James in Armani
true Harvestor of Sorrow
faggy haircut too
James what has happened
you were once metal brother
Armani, Really?
Worst part about St. Anger
It gets stuck in your head bad
Going FRAN-TICK-TICK-TICK-TOCK
Iann Robinson
Has this same photo from here
No credit to you
Even kirk hammet
Doesn’t shred like he used to
They need to just stop
[...] is my fave metal blog at the moment and they’re getting readers to post their Metallica-themed Haiku. I giggled. Check ‘em [...]
plaid shorts are not metal
should let dave grohl write youre songs
bad snare bad snare bad
Well now that’s the perfect album cover!
And although it has been hard putting up with the last few albums. I will have to admit that the new one is pretty damn good. Especially on a good stereo system its perfect. And I actually paid cash for Death Magnetic, which will make Lars happy. But Lars you still and always will and always have right from the very first time I ever saw you open your mouth….sucked!!!
Mirror stares back hard
“Kill” is such a friendly word
Seems the only way