Weird Al’s new album “Polka your eyes out” drops in 3 weeks

Cradle Of Filth’s newest member ‘Blizzard Thorn’ greets fans at a stage-show with a truly vile incarnation of the band’s ill-mentioned and oft-ignored classic ‘Heaven Torn Asunder (Yakitty-Sax Remix)’ accordion style!!!

An accurate visual description of The Devin Townsend Band’s “Vampolka”.

gaahl’s new boyfriend shows him the lighter side of black metal with the album
“Trannysvaian Hunger (The Accordion Years )” featuring all of Turisas And Korpiklanni

“Don’t be reedikolous!” Balki has always been into the black Metal!

You guys seen my distortion pedal? This accordion’s going to sound horrible without it.

With his new “edge” look, Poindexter just knew he’d be the next American Idol.

The bastard child of Dee Dee Snider, Negral, and Weird Al Yankovic.

“Anthems to Oktoberfest at Dusk”

Vadim Pruzhanov’s Kvlt Mariachi band (pre-Dargonforce)

Who says the accordian isn’t metal?

Only one with the darkest of minds and blackest of souls can truly master the art of the black metal accordion. Unfortunately for the rest of us, Dirk can’t.

“I TOLD you I could come up with a better song than “St. Anger”!!!”

“We don’t consider ourselves (insert genre_____). We’re just a rock band.”

Charlie thought Accordian would be a cool name for their metal band. Richard took it a bit too far.

“And you thought only Germans celebrated Oktoberfest?!”

Wes Borland’s new photo shoot from Marilyn Manson backing band. Little did he know they were going for a new sound on this album: Heavy Metal Zydeco! “The Beautiful Craw fish!”

Former Lawrence Welk castmember and anal sex enthusiast Graham Wellington decides to try to appeal to a more youthful demographic.

“The photo that was originally going to be used for the MetalSucks Photo Caption Contest has mysteriously been replaced by a pic from The Crow’s alternate ending!”

Polka Black Metal!

You want to look like a idiot, like me? Read my self help book “Polka Black Metal: The Art of Self-Embarrassment” it’s guaranteed to work.

“The only thing in black metal that is more gay than Dani Filth!”

not an entry – why do we get the best laughs out of black metal?

“This is Winslow. He’s the lead singer of the black urkelcore band, Thou Art Laura. Listen to their first single, “Did I Do That, Lucifer?” on their myspace page!”

@ Malacoda

(1) Your 1st comment was funny.

(2) In regards to your second comment/question:

I think it’s because during the late-1980′s and virtually the entire-1990′s the ‘Goth’ crowd (I’m not just talking about ‘Gothic’ music but the culture and those who adopted its style of dress) took themselves TOO SERIOUSLY…Even worse TOO MANY PEOPLE adopted that whole:

“Woe, Melancholy and Morbidity is me, I’ve seen the darkness of the world (even though I’m only 14 and you’re 46 and have fought in wars) whereas you who live during the day and fear the night have not. Now I am nothing but a lost soul, amongst the rest of this godforsaken earth (and somehow by saying that I imply that I am better than you because of it!)”

…Pompous and ‘passive-arrogant’ attitude (if that even makes sense). Also, in some areas, it becomes so widespread (and dare I say: ‘mainstream’?!) that it kind of loses it’s ‘counter-culture’ appeal. So they naturally became an easy target for anyone. Just check out this page for more:

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=gothics

…and this one…

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=gothagain

Black Metal typically shares in the Goth (Sub?)Culture in it’s aesthetic, but also in the music, especially ‘Symphonic-Black-Metal’ (Cradle, Dimmu, etc.) where keyboards are used to create an Orchestral/Classical sound associated with Goth-Rock and Gothic Metal (Versus the more ‘Raw-Black-Metal’ sound of the early 1990′s).

Although the Genre’s tend to blend/cross, I’ve noticed that Goth is ‘softer/more-introverted’ while Black Metal is ‘more-aggressive/in-your-fucking-face-murder-everything’-ish.

Last but not least, I’ve notice that many Goths often denounce their fellow Goths to be ‘Pseudo-Goths/Poseurs’…Which adds onto the ‘arrogant-elitist-still-in-the-closet’ stereotype. I think that might just be the ultimate reason many individuals make fun of Goths – to bring them off their clouds and ‘cut’em down to size’.

Oh, and Nevermind the ‘Emo(tion)’ Crowd – which are supposedly the ‘City-User-Friendly-Goths’ – a slightly watered down version of a lifestyle already under-criticism.

…Although, I’ve frequented the Goth ‘communities’ (I suppose I have a soft-spot for the whole ‘goth/black-thing’) I’m not an expert, but that’s the best and most thorough explanation I can come up with.

Weird Al tries to cash in on the black metal mayhem of the 90′s:

“White & Nerdy & Grim & Frostbitten”
“Dare To Be Kvlt”
“Progenies Of The Great A-polka-lypse”

And his number one smash:

“I Am The Accordion Wizards”

Thine Ears Bleed

lol, squeezebox gutsfuck. and @awb:
i was kind of just asking a rhetorical question, but after reading that whole long thing you wrote, i see what you mean. it’s exactly what i meant.

Fuck you Fenriz-they don’t call this the devils breastplate for nothin!

TOUCHE AWB!!! well put i geuss i was out of context but i actually hate cradle of filth and most black metal i just saw that they had a new album coming out and that it was supposed to be more brutal and heavier than all of their others so there is my secret. but i understand now and good luck on one of your posts!!!

This is one of many new press shots for Weird Al Yankovic’s new concept album in which he covers 12 grueling tracks of black Metal’s greatest hits.

Unlike his brother Captain Howdy, Master Gunther prefers to torture his victims with accordions and lederhosens…

On this episode of VH1 behind the music.
The year:2010
The band:The Darkest Cradle of Bloody Oktober
The story of how the son of a simple sausage maker single-handedly saved the music industry and brought black metal music into the mainstream. And what they have planned for the future.

“Our next album is going to be so brutal that your colon is going to spontaneously come shooting out of your anus”

“And a 1…and a 2…and a 3…..
Satan loves me this I know.
For the Satanic Bible tells me so.
Little ones to him belong,
we are weak but he is strong…..
Yes, Satan loves me…
The Satanic Bible tells me sooooooooooooooooooooooo.”

Metalsucks poster Reverant on his way to a Disturbed show.

Press release photo for the upcoming game “Accordion Hero.”

Seeing yet another opportunity to cash in, members of Kiss began performing at Bar Mitzvahs everywhere.

“I wanna Have Nagila all ni-i-ight…”

Oy vey!

Sorry Jimmy, Bozo wasn’t available for your birthday party, but isn’t Dieter just wonderful?

Former Doors keyboardist Ray Manzarek looking to make a modern comeback in Scandinavia.

Kumbaya, O Dark Lord, Kumbaya!!!!

Stryper reinvents themselves as black metal: Thee Stryped Lord.

Mustis couldnt make it as a black metaller organist, so he settled for a folk bands accordion player

And with that, Ladders Up An Ass called it quits.

@ steal:

That was fucken hilarious I hope you get the prize.

“I didn’t know Weird Al Yankovic was Norwegian”
or
“God, I can’t even imagine the distortion pedal he’s got hooked up to this baby”

My mother always said i should be an accordian player…well, look at me now, moma!

Eluvitie, geez, Dillinger Escape Plan, wtf?, IWRESTLEDABEARONCE, bleah. If you think we’re gonna give this PolkaDeth shit a listen, Axl, you can go fuck yourself!

Fuck….Georgia was supposed to be stricken out.Yeah….I just lost….fuckin’ text editor.

now you see kids, this is why we don’t do drugs

Petter was fed up with the stagnation within black metal, it was time to make it evil again…

this is how we rock Black Metal in Pennsylvania!!!!

The most br00tal, kvlt, and necro one-man band ever: Satanic Accordian Stuffed With Guts.

The Norwegian black metal terrorist aka “Popescrotum” had found the perfect hiding place for his bomb before catching a flight for the holy city of Rome.

This is why you should avoid Black Metal from Canada.

@lern2swim

hahahahahahahaha that one actually made me laugh!!!! very funny!!! kudos to you!!!

dee snider finally realizes that twisted sister sucks and goes in the musical direction he really thought “was were its at”.

@ Tyler

I love ‘Death Metal’, if it’s like “Amon Amarth” or “Meshuggah” (Progressive-Death)…or the ‘Nu-Thrash’ stuff like “Slipknot” (Why the hell can’t they make another record like “Iowa”? Maybe they should work with Ross Robinson again). As you can probably tell, I love most-varieties of ‘Metal’ (Even ‘Nu-Metal’ if it’s “The Deftones”)…Just as long as it’s not ‘Grind-Core’ or ‘Brutal-Death’. For the following reasons:

(1) ‘Grind’ sounds absolutely obnoxious and the creator of the style should have been killed, and his corpse framed for his own murder and thrown in jail along with Varg Vikernes (I’d like to see who wins that fight – Varg Vs. a Grind-Metaller’s Dead-Corpse).

(2) In my opinion, there’s nothing ‘Brutal’ about ‘Brutal-Death’. It doesn’t even sound ‘Heavy/Aggressive’ – it’s actually quite ‘muted’ compared to even the most mainstream modern ‘Death’ bands…The only thing that’s ‘Brutal’ about ‘Brutal-Death’ and ‘Grind’ bands is the low-fidelity production quality of the records they usually make (which is usually on par with most ‘Raw-Black-Metal’ bands of the early 1990′s).

…I do like some ‘Brutal’ bands like “Suffocation”, “Vomitory”, “Withered Earth” and on rare occasions a little “Dying-Fetus” and even “Cannibal Corpse” but most ‘Brutal/Grind’ bands like “Internal-Bleeding”, “FleshGrind” and “GoreRotted” (AKA “The Rotted”) just suck balls and/or lack talent, should never have released a record…And the members should have committed suicide in high-school, so people would actually have felt bad for them if they suddenly ‘dropped-dead’ and then thought about all the possibilities their wasted-potential-future(s) could have produced and accomplished (like NOT making shitty music, that makes even “Metallica” look cool by comparison).

Actually despite what I just said about “Gorerotted/The Rotted” (see http://www.myspace.com/gorerottedmetal) I do cut them some slack since they make me laugh with their silly-shitty songs. Making me laugh doesn’t change the fact that their music still sucks – and sounds like a bunch of ‘jack-hammers’ going of simultaneously while still not managing to sound ‘heavy/aggressive’…Just plain annoying if you ask me.

As far as ‘Metalcore’ is concerned…Maybe there should have been like 4 really good ‘Metalcore’ bands, but there’s now an over flow of them as well today…And they all sound pathetic (I don’t mean ‘all’ of them, but you get the idea).

As for ‘Hardcore-Punk’? Stupid. Anything ‘Punk’ I hate…Sorry.

Honestly, if tomorrow I was offered a choice between listening ONLY to ‘Nu-Metal’…Or let’s make this even worse…ONLY listen to either “Limpbizkit” for the rest of my life or ‘Hardcore-Punk’ and ‘Brutal-Grind’, I would most likely choose “Limpbizkit”. THAT’S RIGHT!! I’D MUCH RATHER FAVOR “LIMP-COOKIE” OVER ANY PUNKSHIT!!!

Actually no, I’m exaggerating.

‘Punk’ is okay to listen to, but ONLY for the sake of humor!!! A little “Black-Flag”, “Misfits”, “Ramones”, “The Clash” or “GG Allin” never hurt anyone on drugs…Even still, I’d much rather listen to “U2″ and “Depeche Mode”…Plus I actually like “U2″ and “Dep-Mod”. I know they’re not ‘Metal’, but I still like them…I also like “Nirvana” too!

…Great, now I gone ahead and proved to everyone reading this that I’m a total dipshit.

Anyway (I don’t even remember why I was wrote this…but) it was nice chattin’ with ya’! Please visit my shitty blog and leave some comments or something as I will someday post something on it (Right now there’s only 2 entries – by next decade there will be 4).

And now…the latest addition to the ever-growing list of metal sub-genres:

NWONABM

New Wave of Norwegian Accordian Black Metal.

although with much crtitizim carcass has selected a new norweign disney channel icon elinar from the wiggles to open the worchester show when asked why bill steer commented we already have 1349 and veil of maya toghether on the same biill why not?

the show is on spetember 5th tickets are $35

Does anyone know if the guy in the picture has an email address or a MySpace account? Man, I just can’t wait until this guy comes out with his debut CD:

“the gosepell ACCORDIng tO sataN”!!!

By the way the title has a subliminal message: the capital letters spell “Accordion”.

you say black metal is boring???!!! just look at this new much more brutal act rightfully and simply called “Satan’s Accordian”

“DUDE!!! I’m telling you, I finally figured it out!!! If you take that Judas Priest song “Better By You, Better Than Me,” back-mask it, transpose it from guitar to trumpet, then record it AGAIN going forward, transpose THAT from trumpet to piccolo, take the results from the recording and play it backwards on the accordion, you can totally hear Phil Anselmo screaming ‘DO IT! DO IT!! DO IT!!! DON’T YOU TRY TO DIE… LIKE ME!!!’”

The Infamous 4th member of the Doodlebops, Umlat!

“Guys I’m sorry, I swear that the accordions didn’t come in black!”

“Please Love Me.”

i was reincarnated to prove that people would rather listen to this technical, air-driven music than listen to death magnetic.

Due to a terrible substance abuse problem, the gypsies had no choice but to replace their monkey.

after tiny tim’s son fell in love with cradle of filth, he wanted to carry on his fathers legacy

After Brian “Head” Welch left Korn, quit drugs, and wrote a book about his entire experience, he decided to go ahead and form an Elton John cover band and take up the accordion. After months of exhausting tours, and many crazy nights with his gay lover Pablo, he started abusing Tylenol PM to help with the stress, which gave him a melenin recession and caused him to look slightly like Marilyn Manson-Dan Donegan freak child. He died 2 weeks after this picture was taken because he claimed he was “The Batman” and ran straight into oncoming traffic.
Brian Welch. 1970-2008.

We embrace our french metal brothers, though they ARE fucking retarded.

Once more the progressive french-metallers up their game.

Weird Al releases the album cover for his new album, “A Polka Tribute to Emo.”

“So they realized that the only thing more black metal than church burning is polka music.”

Goth Makeup and Chains aren’t hardcore at all if you don’t have an accordion to back it up.

“I just know Im going to win the talent show this year mom”

Unknown to most people, the Winds of Plague frontman fronts another deathcore band in his free time.

John McCain originally picked this guy as his running mate, but changed his mind after he refused to remove the make up. Thankfully good taste prevailed.

ManInThePhoto: “People used to pick on me in high-school. All the teachers said I’d never make it anywhere in life. My friends always made fun of m…er…I had no friends. And my family kicked me out of the house. But with a little hard work, a bit of dedication and a lot of faith, I’ve proved them wrong!!! I’ve become a living success story – AND YOU CAN TOO!”

LOY DE LE LOY DE LOY

“In Other News: Weird Al Yankovic is joining Dimmu Borgir as Lead DeathCordion”