FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: THE GREAT METALSUCKS MANSION PURGE OF 2008!
Thursday, August 28th, 2008 at 5:43pm by MetalSucks
Thanks for waiting patiently for the results of the Funny Photo Caption Contest from two Thursdays ago: the following four MetalSucks Maniacs win a limited edition Scars on Broadway lithograph and a Scars on Broadway CD for coming up with a funny caption for the photo at right:
- Joe: “Our shows are made possible with generous donations from Focus on the Family and the Republican Party.”
- Eric: “Demon Hunter sure have changed since last tour.”
- bmwtech: “Just another high school prom night in Norway”
- Austin Millbarge: “…and my guidance counselor said I would never amount to anything.”
And the grand prize winner, who takes home not only a lithograph like the runners-up but a copy of the Scars on Broadway CD autographed by the whole band:
- benbag: “No matter how hard he tried… the emo frontman still looked like a bitch in 1348… the 1349 covers band.”
This week we have an awesomely awesome prize package. The MetalSucks Mansion is moving next week (oy vey… I’m getting ojita just thinking about), and we literally have stacks upon stacks of CDs lying around that we need to get rid of — so we’re giving them all the way! Five lucky winners will get a ginormous prize package of 15-20 CDs, but here’s the catch; you don’t know what you’re getting. There are some real gems in there (promo copies of Muncipal Waste, Arson Anthem, Cavalera Conspiracy, Porcupine Tree, etc etc etc) but some duds too (Bobaflex or Hed P.E., anyone?) — so it’s a mixed bag, but you’re guaranteed to get some good shit. Just come up with a funny caption to the photo below [sent in by reader Ryan Durinick] and it’s all yours!
Weird Al’s new album “Polka your eyes out” drops in 3 weeks
Cradle Of Filth’s new member. Dani Filth himself said that he is was one of the biggest writers on the new record and as you can see….the new record will be BROOTAL!!!
Cradle Of Filth’s newest member ‘Blizzard Thorn’ greets fans at a stage-show with a truly vile incarnation of the band’s ill-mentioned and oft-ignored classic ‘Heaven Torn Asunder (Yakitty-Sax Remix)’ accordion style!!!
Mama’s got a squeezebox, daddy never sleeps at night!
An accurate visual description of The Devin Townsend Band’s “Vampolka”.
DUDE!!!! awb stole mine!!!! man you can go screw yourself!!! i will never read from this site again if he wins!!! that is such crap!!!
gaahl’s new boyfriend shows him the lighter side of black metal with the album
“Trannysvaian Hunger (The Accordion Years )” featuring all of Turisas And Korpiklanni
Looks like we figured out who the “Welkin” are.
“Don’t be reedikolous!” Balki has always been into the black Metal!
Andy Dick has finally come out of the closet
You guys seen my distortion pedal? This accordion’s going to sound horrible without it.
From the cover of “perfect Strangers” new album “america or burst”
Ha! I got a million of ‘em or rather, two.
With his new “edge” look, Poindexter just knew he’d be the next American Idol.
The untold story of how the accordian was really invented.
The bastard child of Dee Dee Snider, Negral, and Weird Al Yankovic.
And now live from his grandmother’s backyard. Give it up for Polkadeath!!!
“Anthems to Oktoberfest at Dusk”
Guitar? No…
The accordion is truly the devil’s instrument. Listen to it, only Satan himself could conjure sounds so black and vile.
Vadim Pruzhanov’s Kvlt Mariachi band (pre-Dargonforce)
Oh, so that’s what happened to The Faceless’ Keyboardist.
Who says the accordian isn’t metal?
C’mon kids. Hire Slagathor, the black metal clown for your birthday parties.
Only one with the darkest of minds and blackest of souls can truly master the art of the black metal accordion. Unfortunately for the rest of us, Dirk can’t.
@ Tyler
Uh no…I didn’t steal yours.
It’s quite possible we ‘think-alike’ (I mean c’mon we probably listen to the same kinda’ music – we might even be the same age). I worked on editing my post for about a minute or two (I know this is the Internet but I still try to avoid spelling/grammar errors) hence the reason my post appeared after yours. If I didn’t bother editing, I would likely have been the very first entry.
Don’t get me wrong, Your entry was funny – but other than the fact that it has ‘Cradle Of Filth’ and ‘New Member’ in it – is different from mine (Note the ‘Yakitty-Sax’ reference).
If you read past ‘photo-caption-contests’ entries by “AWB” or “Azzan” (me) You’ll notice I usually make entries like this…So if anything, it could be possible that YOU plagiarized ME!!! Although I would simply write this off as ‘coincidence/synchronicity’ (Google it up).
Bottom line, I didn’t steal it off you anymore than you stole it off me. You’re entry was cool, but I hope mine will win (rest assured it won’t since the Metal Sucks editors never pick me since my posts always suck, and it’s unlikely they’ll pick mine now, but ya’ never know, so I keep trying).
Take care and have a nice day.
PS. I Updated my blog, about making more Updates, it’s a hell-of-an Update. I don’t know why I even have a blog. I hate blogs.
“I TOLD you I could come up with a better song than “St. Anger”!!!”
“We don’t consider ourselves (insert genre_____). We’re just a rock band.”
Charlie thought Accordian would be a cool name for their metal band. Richard took it a bit too far.
God DAMN… This guy’s more metal than Jethro Tull!!
“And you thought only Germans celebrated Oktoberfest?!”
Shit! I guess My friends weren’t kidding when they told Me that their was a ‘genre-fusion-band’ out there called ‘Dimmu-Polka’!! Oh wait…I don’t have any friends – Drat!!!
Regardless, I just can’t wait to see them tour with ‘Darktrombone’!!!
Wes Borland’s new photo shoot from Marilyn Manson backing band. Little did he know they were going for a new sound on this album: Heavy Metal Zydeco! “The Beautiful Craw fish!”
By night, he’s Whiplasher, lead singer of Gore Impaler…
By day, he’s toots the clown, available for weddings, birthdays, and Bar Mitzvahs.
Former Lawrence Welk castmember and anal sex enthusiast Graham Wellington decides to try to appeal to a more youthful demographic.
Everybody loved it when Varg Vikernes did his Rolf Harris covers.
Bill beat me to it.
Tell-Tale signs that a predator has moved in your neighborhood: He/She dresses in Black-Metal Drag and Gothic-Corpse-Paint, while trucking an accordion around his neck for mysterious reasons. When asked what his motives are for such a mismatched Modus Operandi, he simply responds with the chorus from Jerry Reed’s “East Bound And Down”:
“East bound and down, loaded up and truckin’,
We’re gonna do what they say can’t be done.
We’ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
I’m east bound, just watch ol’ “Bandit” run!”
…Southerner’s are not only tough but can also be mysterious at times. WATCH OUT!!!
“The photo that was originally going to be used for the MetalSucks Photo Caption Contest has mysteriously been replaced by a pic from The Crow’s alternate ending!”
After years of sex,drugs and rock and roll, Marilyn Manson decides to show his true passion. Weird Al Covers.
Weird Al Yankovic’s Black Metal Polka.
@ d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.
Ha-Ha!
Even though “The Crow” was one of my favorite Comic Books, Movies, Soundtracks, Scores, TV-Shows and Action-Figures (yes all of those things existed – in that particular order too!) and is probably one of the main reasons I started listening to Goth/Black Metal (Or perhaps the entire ‘Rock/Metal’ Genre to begin with) I’d find that really funny, if they included that as a DVD bonus.
In place of ‘Brandon Lee/Eric Draven’ getting shot, just an accordion-wielding goth! Ha!! But no, seriously – that would belong more on YouTube, since that being on the DVD would totally fuck-up the mystique and atmosphere of the movie.
But still, people already make fun of ‘Black Metal’…Who’s to say they wouldn’t come up with a parody of “The Crow”?…Except I dunno, maybe calling it “The Pigeon” (I made a home video about 10 years ago on exactly that subject and called it just that).
…Thank God I taped over it with Porn.
Polka Black Metal!
You want to look like a idiot, like me? Read my self help book “Polka Black Metal: The Art of Self-Embarrassment” it’s guaranteed to work.
@ Nick Bahula
Funny Post!…But ‘Marilyn Manson’ doing ‘Weird Al Yankovic’ covers?!!! I don’t see how that would work, even as a joke of a joke. ‘Weird Al’ does covers of other (actual) artists – not the other way around. ‘Weird Al’ makes fun of them that way.
Someone doing a Cover of ‘Weird Al’ would be like someone making fun of Family Guy, The Simpsons or South Park (but then again those all make fun of each-other).
In effect you’re making fun of the ones who make fun of people/things. You can’t make fun of those whose entire purpose of existing is to make fun of others (At least that’s my opinion, but hey, I might be wrong).
And as much as I like(d) Manson for his crazy antics (that seem rather tame today) I don’t think even he could make fun of ‘Weird Al’.
Although, I did kind of find it strange when ‘Weird Al’ made fun of ‘System Of A Down’, since their music attempts to be ‘Metallish’, but just comes off silly at times and hard to take seriously (despite all their take about Armenian Genocide). In that instance it was like one guy making fun of another guy who makes fun of another guy.
But with Manson making fun of ‘Weird Al’ it would be more like one guy making fun of another guy who makes fun of another guy who makes his living by making fun of guys (4 Guys in all!!! – I might have lost count).
…Okay, I don’t know what the hell I am talking about, or even why I’m still posting. GOD!!!
“The only thing in black metal that is more gay than Dani Filth!”
All black metal vocalists must go through a brutal initiation ceremony, beginning with the accordion test brought into the genre by Dani Filth.
not an entry – why do we get the best laughs out of black metal?
“guy’s seriously… i shred… i melt faces with this thing.”
“Here we have a photo from the yet to be released music video by black metal sensations Grogolphegor. We’re told it is a cover of Tip Toe Through the Tulips”
“This is Winslow. He’s the lead singer of the black urkelcore band, Thou Art Laura. Listen to their first single, “Did I Do That, Lucifer?” on their myspace page!”
“…this next number is called “Auf Wiedersehen mein Weinershnitzel” and I would like to dedicate it to…Oh, who am I kidding? I wish I was dead”
@ Malacoda
(1) Your 1st comment was funny.
(2) In regards to your second comment/question:
I think it’s because during the late-1980’s and virtually the entire-1990’s the ‘Goth’ crowd (I’m not just talking about ‘Gothic’ music but the culture and those who adopted its style of dress) took themselves TOO SERIOUSLY…Even worse TOO MANY PEOPLE adopted that whole:
“Woe, Melancholy and Morbidity is me, I’ve seen the darkness of the world (even though I’m only 14 and you’re 46 and have fought in wars) whereas you who live during the day and fear the night have not. Now I am nothing but a lost soul, amongst the rest of this godforsaken earth (and somehow by saying that I imply that I am better than you because of it!)”
…Pompous and ‘passive-arrogant’ attitude (if that even makes sense). Also, in some areas, it becomes so widespread (and dare I say: ‘mainstream’?!) that it kind of loses it’s ‘counter-culture’ appeal. So they naturally became an easy target for anyone. Just check out this page for more:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=gothics
…and this one…
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=gothagain
Black Metal typically shares in the Goth (Sub?)Culture in it’s aesthetic, but also in the music, especially ‘Symphonic-Black-Metal’ (Cradle, Dimmu, etc.) where keyboards are used to create an Orchestral/Classical sound associated with Goth-Rock and Gothic Metal (Versus the more ‘Raw-Black-Metal’ sound of the early 1990’s).
Although the Genre’s tend to blend/cross, I’ve noticed that Goth is ’softer/more-introverted’ while Black Metal is ‘more-aggressive/in-your-fucking-face-murder-everything’-ish.
Last but not least, I’ve notice that many Goths often denounce their fellow Goths to be ‘Pseudo-Goths/Poseurs’…Which adds onto the ‘arrogant-elitist-still-in-the-closet’ stereotype. I think that might just be the ultimate reason many individuals make fun of Goths – to bring them off their clouds and ‘cut’em down to size’.
Oh, and Nevermind the ‘Emo(tion)’ Crowd – which are supposedly the ‘City-User-Friendly-Goths’ – a slightly watered down version of a lifestyle already under-criticism.
…Although, I’ve frequented the Goth ‘communities’ (I suppose I have a soft-spot for the whole ‘goth/black-thing’) I’m not an expert, but that’s the best and most thorough explanation I can come up with.
“Squeezebox Gutsfuck”
Weird Al tries to cash in on the black metal mayhem of the 90’s:
“White & Nerdy & Grim & Frostbitten”
“Dare To Be Kvlt”
“Progenies Of The Great A-polka-lypse”
And his number one smash:
“I Am The Accordion Wizards”
Looks like the scandanavians finally got tired of metal and decided to pursue a more “traditional” style of music
Thine Ears Bleed
Not only can he play to blast beats, but he does birthday parties, weddings, and bar mitzvahs, too!
lol, squeezebox gutsfuck. and @awb:
i was kind of just asking a rhetorical question, but after reading that whole long thing you wrote, i see what you mean. it’s exactly what i meant.
Coming to a gaming store near you this summer, Activision presents: ACCORDION HERO!. With over 60 of your favourite Black and Folk metal tracks, Accordion Hero is bringing the Kvlt* back to your living room.
*Batteries, Face Paint, Studded Belts/Bracelets and Sacrificial Goats not included.
Fuck you Fenriz-they don’t call this the devils breastplate for nothin!
Marilyn Manson’s son never quite lived up to his father’s fame.
TOUCHE AWB!!! well put i geuss i was out of context but i actually hate cradle of filth and most black metal i just saw that they had a new album coming out and that it was supposed to be more brutal and heavier than all of their others so there is my secret. but i understand now and good luck on one of your posts!!!
And with the introduction of his blackened-polka hybrid, Fritz was able to kill two birds with one stone. On one hand, he was able to profess his devotion for all things gr1m, on the other, he was now able to get some pussy from all the post-menupausal women he could handle.
This is one of many new press shots for Weird Al Yankovic’s new concept album in which he covers 12 grueling tracks of black Metal’s greatest hits.
My name is Azgathoth, and I have genital herpes.
Unlike his brother Captain Howdy, Master Gunther prefers to torture his victims with accordions and lederhosens…
“so call now for your free trial pack of enzyte, you’ll be glad you did”
On this episode of VH1 behind the music.
The year:2010
The band:The Darkest Cradle of Bloody Oktober
The story of how the son of a simple sausage maker single-handedly saved the music industry and brought black metal music into the mainstream. And what they have planned for the future.
“Our next album is going to be so brutal that your colon is going to spontaneously come shooting out of your anus”
The bastard Child of Venom’s Cronos prepares to audition for the Norwegian Black Metal Accordionaires World Tour.
“And a 1…and a 2…and a 3…..
Satan loves me this I know.
For the Satanic Bible tells me so.
Little ones to him belong,
we are weak but he is strong…..
Yes, Satan loves me…
The Satanic Bible tells me sooooooooooooooooooooooo.”
Here, a poorly disguised Gaahl of Gorgoroth imitates his icon, Weird Al Yankovic, at a small fair outside of Bergen.
Metalsucks poster Reverant on his way to a Disturbed show.
Dee Snyder’s Accordian Hero!
Press release photo for the upcoming game “Accordion Hero.”
walker, very funny.
Seeing yet another opportunity to cash in, members of Kiss began performing at Bar Mitzvahs everywhere.
“I wanna Have Nagila all ni-i-ight…”
Oy vey!
The much anticipated “Polka Band” arriving on PS3, Xbox 360, and Wii Spring 2009!
Sorry Jimmy, Bozo wasn’t available for your birthday party, but isn’t Dieter just wonderful?
“Hey fellas, can I be in your Slipknot cover band too?”
Former Doors keyboardist Ray Manzarek looking to make a modern comeback in Scandinavia.
Coming to a town near you — SATAN ON ICE
Kumbaya, O Dark Lord, Kumbaya!!!!
“Gay rehab worked for me…now I’m straight!”
Stryper reinvents themselves as black metal: Thee Stryped Lord.
OK, kiddies, time for a sing-a-long!
“I’m in league with Satan
I was raised in Hell
I walk the streets of Salem
Amongst the living dead
I need no one to tell me
What’s wrong or right
I drink the blood of children
Stalk my prey at night”
Mustis couldnt make it as a black metaller organist, so he settled for a folk bands accordion player
“A desperate attempt by McCaine to simultaneously draw attention away from the Democratic National Convention as well as reach out to “younger, more hip crowds.”"
And with that, Ladders Up An Ass called it quits.
Another musician is denied his spot in DragonForce…….though this one wasn’t due to the accordion
@ steal:
That was fucken hilarious I hope you get the prize.
Hey guys, did you know that you can do power chords on an accordian???
“I didn’t know Weird Al Yankovic was Norwegian”
or
“God, I can’t even imagine the distortion pedal he’s got hooked up to this baby”
Lacking a guitar and any real aggression, Jorgen did his best on stage. Sadly, it was not meant to be and he was forced to return to a life of street-miming.
My mother always said i should be an accordian player…well, look at me now, moma!
Finally…. a cross-over that my polka-loving uncle and I can both appreciate and enjoy.
Eluvitie, geez, Dillinger Escape Plan, wtf?, IWRESTLEDABEARONCE, bleah. If you think we’re gonna give this PolkaDeth shit a listen, Axl, you can go fuck yourself!
The Devil Went Down to GeorgiaPoland.
Fuck….Georgia was supposed to be stricken out.Yeah….I just lost….fuckin’ text editor.
Barrack Obama-Only in America could a story like mine…
now you see kids, this is why we don’t do drugs
Who is that? Weird Al Manson?
Petter was fed up with the stagnation within black metal, it was time to make it evil again…
Norwegian children’s TV shows work hard to inspire kids to expand their biggest cultural export merchandise.
this is how we rock Black Metal in Pennsylvania!!!!
So that’s what happened to Joyce Dewitt after Three’s Company.
The most br00tal, kvlt, and necro one-man band ever: Satanic Accordian Stuffed With Guts.
Truly a ‘changed-man’ and glad to be out of prison (as well as no longer having to carry the responsibilities of being the ‘cell-block-bitch’) Varg Vikernes entertains long time fans of Burzum, performing “Roll-Out-The-Barrel” (Völkisch-Odalist Style). YEAH!!!
The Norwegian black metal terrorist aka “Popescrotum” had found the perfect hiding place for his bomb before catching a flight for the holy city of Rome.
@ Tyler
(1) I suppose I differ: I’ve been a ‘Cradle’ fan for 9 years (really only because of Dani’s lyrics) and still am though I’d wish they’d go back to the ‘Midian’ era stuff…But that won’t stop me from buying their new record. I’ve heard just one song, and so far I like what I hear (but admittedly am not completely ‘blown-away’ by it).
(2) Black Metal is often like ‘dance’ music, in that virtually all bands/songs sound the same/similar. In the beginning, it took me a while to appreciate it (since it’s so monotone/static) but eventually I became a big fan. Although I probably listen to Tool, Dream Theater, Blind Guardian, Meshuggah, etc. and other Progressive/Power-Metal bands a lot more – they’re kinda addictive.
(3) I don’t know if your last comment was an apology or not, but if so – apology accepted and good luck to you as well.
This is why you should avoid Black Metal from Canada.
@AWB
it was an apology i was out of context but yea SOME blakc metal can be good like the creepiness that some bands have is good and i would love to tap into that but im more of a death metal/deathcore guy sorry….
@lern2swim
hahahahahahahaha that one actually made me laugh!!!! very funny!!! kudos to you!!!
weird al yankovic takes a new direction in his music by not doing parody songs but going back to his old days by doing what he calls “black polka”
dee snider finally realizes that twisted sister sucks and goes in the musical direction he really thought “was were its at”.
Newest black metal artist Weird Al Ytterstad
@ Tyler
I love ‘Death Metal’, if it’s like “Amon Amarth” or “Meshuggah” (Progressive-Death)…or the ‘Nu-Thrash’ stuff like “Slipknot” (Why the hell can’t they make another record like “Iowa”? Maybe they should work with Ross Robinson again). As you can probably tell, I love most-varieties of ‘Metal’ (Even ‘Nu-Metal’ if it’s “The Deftones”)…Just as long as it’s not ‘Grind-Core’ or ‘Brutal-Death’. For the following reasons:
(1) ‘Grind’ sounds absolutely obnoxious and the creator of the style should have been killed, and his corpse framed for his own murder and thrown in jail along with Varg Vikernes (I’d like to see who wins that fight – Varg Vs. a Grind-Metaller’s Dead-Corpse).
(2) In my opinion, there’s nothing ‘Brutal’ about ‘Brutal-Death’. It doesn’t even sound ‘Heavy/Aggressive’ – it’s actually quite ‘muted’ compared to even the most mainstream modern ‘Death’ bands…The only thing that’s ‘Brutal’ about ‘Brutal-Death’ and ‘Grind’ bands is the low-fidelity production quality of the records they usually make (which is usually on par with most ‘Raw-Black-Metal’ bands of the early 1990’s).
…I do like some ‘Brutal’ bands like “Suffocation”, “Vomitory”, “Withered Earth” and on rare occasions a little “Dying-Fetus” and even “Cannibal Corpse” but most ‘Brutal/Grind’ bands like “Internal-Bleeding”, “FleshGrind” and “GoreRotted” (AKA “The Rotted”) just suck balls and/or lack talent, should never have released a record…And the members should have committed suicide in high-school, so people would actually have felt bad for them if they suddenly ‘dropped-dead’ and then thought about all the possibilities their wasted-potential-future(s) could have produced and accomplished (like NOT making shitty music, that makes even “Metallica” look cool by comparison).
Actually despite what I just said about “Gorerotted/The Rotted” (see http://www.myspace.com/gorerottedmetal) I do cut them some slack since they make me laugh with their silly-shitty songs. Making me laugh doesn’t change the fact that their music still sucks – and sounds like a bunch of ‘jack-hammers’ going of simultaneously while still not managing to sound ‘heavy/aggressive’…Just plain annoying if you ask me.
As far as ‘Metalcore’ is concerned…Maybe there should have been like 4 really good ‘Metalcore’ bands, but there’s now an over flow of them as well today…And they all sound pathetic (I don’t mean ‘all’ of them, but you get the idea).
As for ‘Hardcore-Punk’? Stupid. Anything ‘Punk’ I hate…Sorry.
Honestly, if tomorrow I was offered a choice between listening ONLY to ‘Nu-Metal’…Or let’s make this even worse…ONLY listen to either “Limpbizkit” for the rest of my life or ‘Hardcore-Punk’ and ‘Brutal-Grind’, I would most likely choose “Limpbizkit”. THAT’S RIGHT!! I’D MUCH RATHER FAVOR “LIMP-COOKIE” OVER ANY PUNKSHIT!!!
Actually no, I’m exaggerating.
‘Punk’ is okay to listen to, but ONLY for the sake of humor!!! A little “Black-Flag”, “Misfits”, “Ramones”, “The Clash” or “GG Allin” never hurt anyone on drugs…Even still, I’d much rather listen to “U2″ and “Depeche Mode”…Plus I actually like “U2″ and “Dep-Mod”. I know they’re not ‘Metal’, but I still like them…I also like “Nirvana” too!
…Great, now I gone ahead and proved to everyone reading this that I’m a total dipshit.
Anyway (I don’t even remember why I was wrote this…but) it was nice chattin’ with ya’! Please visit my shitty blog and leave some comments or something as I will someday post something on it (Right now there’s only 2 entries – by next decade there will be 4).
Brutolka plays the Chuckee Cheese birthday Fest! With brutal balloon animals by special guest Destructor the Clown!
And now…the latest addition to the ever-growing list of metal sub-genres:
NWONABM
New Wave of Norwegian Accordian Black Metal.
grandpa is back from the dead, looking better than ever, playing a mean , mean accordion!!!!
although with much crtitizim carcass has selected a new norweign disney channel icon elinar from the wiggles to open the worchester show when asked why bill steer commented we already have 1349 and veil of maya toghether on the same biill why not?
the show is on spetember 5th tickets are $35
Proof that people who lack self-esteem yet possess a touch of originality and a sense of vision can bring their dreams to reality…Or to a side-show freak convention.
Does anyone know if the guy in the picture has an email address or a MySpace account? Man, I just can’t wait until this guy comes out with his debut CD:
“the gosepell ACCORDIng tO sataN”!!!
By the way the title has a subliminal message: the capital letters spell “Accordion”.
way too many people comment this thing….
you say black metal is boring???!!! just look at this new much more brutal act rightfully and simply called “Satan’s Accordian”
@AWB
yea i will admit that some deacore gets annoying after awhile like carnifex and all shall perish it just seems like all of their songs blend together after awhile so i quit listening to them. im more into i killed the prom queen and iwrestledabearonce and impending doom and even some lighter (non-metal) stuff like paramore (yes go screw yourself) and nirvana when im in the mood. i used to listen to HIM but that soon got annoying and most metalcore is annoying and makes me want to bunch a baby (not in a good way either like how whitehcapel makes me want to punch a baby). but most of that crap is the same so it can go die….
“DUDE!!! I’m telling you, I finally figured it out!!! If you take that Judas Priest song “Better By You, Better Than Me,” back-mask it, transpose it from guitar to trumpet, then record it AGAIN going forward, transpose THAT from trumpet to piccolo, take the results from the recording and play it backwards on the accordion, you can totally hear Phil Anselmo screaming ‘DO IT! DO IT!! DO IT!!! DON’T YOU TRY TO DIE… LIKE ME!!!’”
(Overheard at the MTV networks quarterly staff meeting) … the numbers show that Going Country will not sell so well to our European counterparts, hmm, how about LET’S GO POLKA!!
The Infamous 4th member of the Doodlebops, Umlat!
The most elaborate way to say “I’m gay. For guys.”
“Guys I’m sorry, I swear that the accordions didn’t come in black!”
“Let me play you the song of my people…”
“Please Love Me.”
Because of the International Musical Instrument Exchange Program, there’s someone in a Polka band somewhere totally shredding it on a B.C. Rich and some Randall amps. Hells yeah!
i was reincarnated to prove that people would rather listen to this technical, air-driven music than listen to death magnetic.
After years of embarassing releases; and seeing that regardless of would be considered an illustrious career of parody; satire; and social diatribe. After following the foot steps of a musical icon of our own age; era; century and the very fabric of time and space: Wes Borland. Upon seeing him slowly climb the ranks of just being another guy in a failed nu-metal band; featuring iconic members of a defunct hip-hop outfit house of pain. He watched as he climbed further into a more obscure; face-paintless project involving burns; and black lights; then further into epic stardom of pesudo satanism-member revovling genre-bending/altering band; Marylin Manson. Weird Al stepped within the ranks ;leaving his name with such fame behind; becoming Brittney Ramirez; the hit-me one more time; penticle in the hand accordian slayer of gloom. Thus catapulting him into fame; and his name for ever etched on the history of the face of music.
Due to a terrible substance abuse problem, the gypsies had no choice but to replace their monkey.
He’s not really smiling, it’s just gas.
after tiny tim’s son fell in love with cradle of filth, he wanted to carry on his fathers legacy
After losing a lawsuit against Manson, Pogo went back to his old job as a birthday party entertainer / child molester.
After Brian “Head” Welch left Korn, quit drugs, and wrote a book about his entire experience, he decided to go ahead and form an Elton John cover band and take up the accordion. After months of exhausting tours, and many crazy nights with his gay lover Pablo, he started abusing Tylenol PM to help with the stress, which gave him a melenin recession and caused him to look slightly like Marilyn Manson-Dan Donegan freak child. He died 2 weeks after this picture was taken because he claimed he was “The Batman” and ran straight into oncoming traffic.
Brian Welch. 1970-2008.
“ve don’t need no vater let ze norvegian church burn…”
We embrace our french metal brothers, though they ARE fucking retarded.
The Flaming Lips, an accordion, and black metal….it looked better on paper
Once more the progressive french-metallers up their game.
The Accordion. Every Norwegian’s true calling.
Weird Al releases the album cover for his new album, “A Polka Tribute to Emo.”
Flush from cash from “The Longshots debut” Fred Durst coaxes Wes Borland for one more Limp Bizkit album for all of the “the fat ugly kids.” Unfortunately it is a remix album of all of their hits done acoustic. “Nookie” never sounded so good on the accordion!
“So they realized that the only thing more black metal than church burning is polka music.”
Coming soon: Music for Synagogue Burning Volume 1
Goth Makeup and Chains aren’t hardcore at all if you don’t have an accordion to back it up.
Happy Humppa Black Metal
“I just know Im going to win the talent show this year mom”
“I’m OK with the new direction of the band, but I will NOT change my outfit – do you know how expensive this make-up, spikes, belts and clothes are???”
Unknown to most people, the Winds of Plague frontman fronts another deathcore band in his free time.
Happy birthday to joo, happy birthday to joo! joo looks like a mutilated pestilent corpse, and joo smell like von too!
John McCain originally picked this guy as his running mate, but changed his mind after he refused to remove the make up. Thankfully good taste prevailed.
Oh, the things boys are willing to do when running wild through the fields of their youth…high.
As the saying goes ‘Boys will be boys’, unless of course they have an identity crisis of some kind, rather like this fellow.
ManInThePhoto: “People used to pick on me in high-school. All the teachers said I’d never make it anywhere in life. My friends always made fun of m…er…I had no friends. And my family kicked me out of the house. But with a little hard work, a bit of dedication and a lot of faith, I’ve proved them wrong!!! I’ve become a living success story – AND YOU CAN TOO!”
[...] lying around here that we need to get rid of, so congratulations to you. Here are the winners to last week’s Funny Photo Caption Contest [...]
French black metal takes another turn for the worse.
LOY DE LE LOY DE LOY
Valfar comes back from the dead quite a bit different than how we remembered him.
“In Other News: Weird Al Yankovic is joining Dimmu Borgir as Lead DeathCordion”
I love U2!!!