METALLICA’S DEATH MAGNETIC (DAVID BEE ROTH’S TAKE)
Thursday, September 11th, 2008 at 12:00pm by David Bee Roth
It’s bad. The new Metallica album is bad. Let me explain why this shouldn’t be surprising.
This is the album that Metallica thought you wanted. This is the throwback to that classic era of the late eighties and early nineties that everyone was begging them to create. This is the album that everyone in that battered-wife fan base was hoping would come out even as the band was raking in millions while the music kept getting worse. We all sat and watched as they stumbled from failure to failure, transforming into a mainstream rock act before our eyes, holding expensive and tasteless concerts with an orchestra backing, and releasing a largely useless collection of covers before finally delivering the audio coup de grace that was St. Anger. It was the final line they had to cross. It was an output without a single redeeming factor that was only defended by the most unreasonable apologists; the sort of people who lack the ability to criticize their heroes no matter what their transgressions – and l doubt any of them have listened all the way through St. Anger in the year 2008.
So here we are at the eve of a new Metallica release and everyone’s talking about it. I bet everyone knows at least a few people who are really excited, and maybe it’s even you. It’s a false alarm though, I assure you, as this only furthers the mountain of evidence that Metallica no longer deserve an instant of our attention, appreciation or excitement outside of a live venue. Death Magnetic is more embarrassing even than their previous documentary that revealed to the world how detached and conceited they’d grown from their own creative process as well as each other. In fact, Death Magnetic is the affirmation of just that. Correction, it is the second affirmation, after St. Anger.
What is most embarrassing is that after years of trying to do nothing but put miles between themselves and their eighties reign (which continues to inspire generations of metal enthusiasts), they’ve suddenly backpedaled. Death Magnetic sees them stumbling through unimpressive thrash riffs, progressing aimlessly through seven and eight minute songs in an unintentional parody of their youthful output. For example, “The Day That Never Comes” sounds like “One” or “Sanitarium,” and “Suicide and Redemption” is a penultimate instrumental track like “Orion” and “To Live is to Die” were for their respective albums. Almost everything else is fail-to-be-catchy chorus hooks that try to invoke the Black Album or else are entirely forgettable. James Hetfield is a mewling, pitiful vocalist whose poor breathing control, and extra “ooh-ahh” syllables at the end of every fucking line are almost as cringe inducing as his lyrics. Almost.
If I have to repeat myself to make it more than clear I will: Death Magnetic is a sticky morass of rehashed, stinking shit. Had Metallica had any critical restraint they would have shown some mercy in shortening the album to an honest, well-planned 40 minutes, but clocking in at 74 minutes it becomes a director’s cut-length epic of horse shit. I have only once managed to listen to it the whole way through in one sitting before deciding to take a break to listen to a better band. You wouldn’t believe it from diehard Metallica fans, but there are other bands out there. Better bands that never needed to be given third, seventh and hundredth chances from their fans to give us something palatable to listen to.
The easiest way they could have shortened the album for me is cutting out the redundant message in “Unforgiven III.” I still haven’t forgiven them for the first sequel to this song. I still haven’t forgiven them for the last four albums, or for making up the word “unforgiven.” Even all the apologies offered by the thousands of people who will buy Death Magnetic this week won’t be enough for me to take them back.
1 out of 5 horns
-DBR
Another spot on review!
I agree that “the day….” sucks, and cyanide is half bad. Those are the low points in the album. After that, I think every word you’ve said IS FULL OF SHIT. It’s ok to not like the band or the album, but DM is FAR from being a rehash. 95% of people I know that likes metal, beside a lot of people in other forums (even in the megadeth foums!!!)know the album is good. If you like it or not is a matter of taste.
You guys try to be “hip” but you fail miserably. It’s sad.
So you’re saying that Metallica is Unforgiven in your books? (Lame…but I had to.)
I’ve heard tracks on Sirius and I have to disagree with miguel above. The new songs drone on and on with a seemingly uninspired vocal performance and riffs that are good…at best.
In comparison to anything released between “…And Justice for All” and the new album, yeah, you can do nothing but agree with the fact that this album is going to be better than any of that radio rock garbage. But to go so far as saying that who wrote this is trying to be “hip” might just be your lack of an open mind and ability to have a civilized argument.
Last time I checked, peoples’ opinions are exactly that: just an opinion!
The Day That Never Comes ruined the entire album for me. That song is pathetic.
“Last time I checked, peoples’ opinions are exactly that: just an opinion!”
That’s a lame cop-out used by the throngs of retards who have no concept of debate, quality, or how to quantify or substantiate any form of argument.
And I’m surprised it took this record to get the pens and claws out and have the staff and MetalSucks quit fapping about really awful Century Media bullshit and show a bit of taste.
A bit.
your opinions are horseshit…you guys whine and complain about metallica all day long but you suck the dick of bands like the human abstract and shinedown and protest the hero and avenged sevenfold and disturbed and slipknot
you guys are fucking pathetic
Can’t we all just agree? Metallica has, once again, released a very medicore to bad album. They are past their prime. Need to call it quits to preserve what little dignity they have left.
This review sucks, its just a typical ‘post 80’s r shit fuck lars ulrich waaa waaa’ line that every single old school metal fan toes the line to these days. FFS this album is pretty good, and personally I thought the 90’s era metallica weren’t that bad either. Even St Anger wasnt the apocalypse everyone says it was. Get a bit of fucking perspective ffs
FFS
It’s really not that bad, if I had to choose between going to the dentist and listening to this, I’d probably listen to Metallica.
I understand they’re washed up and that’s fine, but at least they’re still making music instead of criticizing music that other people make as the main focal point of their existence. Ba-Zing!
You should probably take Metallica down from the pedestal you’ve put them on and give them some sort of benefit of the doubt. There are tons of metal musicians out there that are 10 times better players and composers than the guys in Metallica right now, and that’s not really a knock, it’s just that other people have innovated beyond what Metallica innovated upon. They completed their most important output many years ago and everyone needs to accept that and enjoy what they get from now on, or don’t listen at all. It’s really as simple as that, all about acceptance of reality. I’m sure the guys in the band could probably benefit from some of that too.
But this is MetalSucks, and obviously with a name like that you guys pretty much have to say that this album, and every album, sucks. So good on ya for sticking to your ethics guys.
I wouldn’t lose any hair over this though, music criticism is fun and all but don’t let it breed your own hate and resentment, that is just counter-productive and probably bad for the sperm count or something.
Congrats you have an opinion. Now go back to playing guitar hero you talentless hack.
It’s really that bad. If I had to choose between getting raped by my dentist and listening to this, I’d probably reach for the lube and take a deep breath of the knock out gas.
This album sucked. It’s true that people expect a lot from Metallica, but that’s because they used to be able to deliver. They can’t deliver anymore. They are a terrible band and I can’t think of anybody who sucks worse than them. I’m serious, I play guitar and I write better riffs than these guys, and I think my riffs suck too. Just not as bad as these guys. Honestly, listen to any good metal band then this. They’re tired, old, and they have no balls anymore. They’ve completely sold out to “the man” and are making albums for money alone.
They should really think about giving up on music and going back to their first love, suing their fans and being dickheads.
@ Dan: Amen
Ahahaha, the Metallica fanboys are out in force. Sad bastards…
Anyways, i’m surprised so many people hate The Day That Never Comes. I thought the last 3-4 minutes (you know, after James stops whining) were quite good. Even headbanging worthy!
The rest of the album sucks donkey cock though.
*pause* Sorry, too busy listening to Irony Is A Dead Scene. The new Metallica album droped? Who cares, whens the new Glassjaw drop?
When you spell dropped right?
This review is pointless, since you obviously have something against the band. Plus, I see all these ads on this site for Hammerfall, Trivium, In Flames, and All That Remains….and the simple fact is that Death Magnetic beats the holy shit out of anything these bands have or will ever put out. You fail.
Heh. Scene kids are funny. Emo and screamo are the in thing I guess, and there’s no room to respect a band that has been entertaining solidly for 25 years any more. You wouldn’t admit it even if you liked it, because your friend with the Pete Wentz hair-do and the girl pants would chuckle at you effeminately.
You nonconformist morons listen to the dumbest stuff. Is that music? Irony Is A Dead Scene? It sounds like a poop I took yesterday. Really nasty stuff. Glassjaw? I tried to figure out what the hell that was and after listening, I still couldn’t figure out what it was supposed to be. Oh well. I guess I’m becoming one of those old guys who is rapidly losing touch with the rebellious youth finally.
Little whipper-snappers. *Rocks out to Metallica anyway*
Hahaha… wow, you guys are sad. And WAY off the fucking mark. Before you trashed the album with your brutally written review, did you even do your research? The record has received almost unanimously positive reviews from fans and critics alike.
This review (and site) FAILS. And makes me sick. Let’s all do a big circle jerk and whine about bands “selling out”. What is this, 1990? Fucking grow up, losers.
Hating on the band for distancing themselves from “their eighties reign” and hating on them because they have made a return of sorts to their past? Damned if they do, damned if they don’t – I guess. If you are going to ride the hate train, you might as well go all out.
http://img385.imageshack.us/img385/5949/metsiteex3.jpg
The reviewer is the biggest moron that I have ever encountered on an internet page in my life. It is cool to hate Metallica these days, and he plays right into that. Well done, sir. Nice to see another “Hate Sheep” on the internet. No one gives a fuck about what you think, other than to tell you that you are steaming pile of shit.
Good day!
I thinl this is the worst review I have ever read in my life. Its like an angry seven year old screaming “i hate it, i hate it mommy!!” … get some education in review writing.
I think the only thing that this album sucks at is the distorted sound. The songs are great and I personally can’t understand the hate that unforgiven 3 gets… I think it’s a great song and I give a fuck what anybody thinks of that. I also love the chorus of the day that never comes… just think the intro is a little bit boring. The other songs are all absolutely great.
So stop whining and complaining and start to constructivly criticize. In other words: step out of the fucking sandbox!! Nobody wants to get your light saber !
review is too harsh, but i agree the album is poor, I was disapointed but not surprised i’ve accepted it now, i’ll prob never listen to the album again.
Instead i’ll listen to bands that put out good music and go about my day….
smile and be happy kids!
This review is no good.
Not because of dude’s attitude or opinion towards the album, but because he hasn’t forgiven them “for making up the word ‘unforgiven.’”
Now, I’m by no means an English major, but I’m pretty sure that was a word before 1991. In fact, there was a movie Burt Lancaster titled that, which was made in 1960.
You just invalidated your whole argument in my eyes.
[...] A: the below mockup, posted by “pigchop” in the comments of David Bee Roth’s Death Magnetic review (which inexplicably seems to have picked up steam lately). Click the image to see it in full size; [...]
Well it is a word, sort of. Sort of a sloppy prefix addition to create the opposite of “forgiven”. Not great English at any rate. And hardly the greatest lyrical shortcoming on this album.
You dudes still rocking to TDTNC? LOVE IS A FOUR LETTER WORD-DUH!!!!
Yeah, Dave, this is the worst review ever. Who would have thought you’d base your review on your personal opinion? Man you’re such a talentless hack. Should write for the 24 or something. rolleyes emoticon x a million
Metallica reached their zenith with Load and I doubt they’d be able to approach that level again. Reload was pretty good, but they’ve kind of fallen away since then. This is an improvement, but is nevertheless uninspiring.
pretty strong words considering you admit to listening to it once! the best albums grow on you ya fuckin inbred tiprat with adhd,..dont worry linkin park will appease you soon you fuck!
and gene, your showing your credentials! how old? 9? hahahaha
You talentless hack Dave! You know nothing about metal, you know nothing about Black Metal in general. Go commit suicide, you worthless piece of.. em… unnecessary human waste!
Peace
Transcribed by: Vincinerator.
…and David Bee Roth is a douchebag who only wishes he could have written some of the greatest metal albums of all time.
oh dear
this site is definitely one of the stupidest ive ever seen
Load is bland
Reload is rebland
s.t anger is rock bottom
Death magnetic is the rebirth
This review has obviously been made by a 12 year old atempting to put down a band it has a problem with
hetfields pitiful voice? sorry but he was and still is a great vochalist. Or maybe your more into the whiny over-processed vochals of linkin park (boiz), or the incoherent grunting of slipknot.
Have you ever listened to any true metal like sabath or motorhead ormegadeth or ,what do you know, metallica.
It is one thing when a fan unfairly insults this album (rare as it is) but its another when someone who shows little to no apreciation of all that metallica have done to help the metal industry insults it.