FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A NACHTMYSTIUM VINYL, INTO ETERNITY & INTRONAUT CDs
Wednesday, September 17th, 2008 at 5:21pm by MetalSucks
Congrats to our winners of last week’s Funny Photo Caption Contest who will each receive an Aborted “Evidence Bag” prize pack containing an autographed copy of Strychnine.213, an autographed poster and an Aborted t-shirt. The winning entries:
- Villanj1: “The subsequent scream bellowed by a then Prince Diamond led to his portly aide to suggest to him a calling in life.”
- havoc21: “There’s so much evil surrounding this descent that I can actually feel Satan’s balls!”
This week we have a few special prize packages provided by the good men and women of Century Media; 1 grand prize winner will receive a gatefold double-LP vinyl of Nachtmystium’s amazing Assassins: Black Meddle Part 1 pressed on beer-colored vinyl and limited to 2,000 copies (read Sammy O’Hagar’s glowing review of the album. Two runners up will each receive CD copies of Into Eternity’s The Incurable Tragedy (read David Bee Roth’s review) and Intronaut’s Prehistoricisms, which was just released yesterday. Alls ya gotta do is come up with a funny caption for the below photo and post it in the comments, and one of these packages could be all yours! (Ghaal jokes automatically excluded for lack of originality.)
[Thanks: Zarko M.]
Mom!!!….Dad!!!
Axl Rosenberg and Vince Neilstein ‘wow’ the crowd down below at the Circuitbreaker Media launch party (Or was this last years’ Mardi Gras?) while Ben Umanov (rather *forcibly*) gets a whiff off of Vince’s fishy-stiff hot-sausage.
(Poor Ben. Doesn’t anyone care about Ben? Will somebody please save li’l Benni?!)
And so began the melding of black metal and cock rock: Black cock rock.
“The Red Hot Chili Peppers expand their worldview.”
Dammit, why are white dudes always the first people to take off their clothes at any show?
Kiss had been forced to spend less on their stage shows due to the credit crisis.
*Black cocks are the perfect way to promote the sale of these totally awesome church burning pink inflatable guitars!*
Bonnaroo, male nudity, and lots and lots of drugs:
The origins of Nachtmystium.
“‘Ted Nugent reminds you to put the Guitar Hero controller down and grab a real instrument.’
A message from Nude Idiots Against Video Games”
Burningman is the new Wacken.
Wished Elton John & Flea was there…
“…and for my next trick, I will make this guitar disappear!”
(and I have no choice but to mention that he appears to be holding a Gibson “Explorer”… ohhhh)
someone accidentally turned on the lights during axl’s and vince’s metalinjection podcast… woops.
Who knew hula skirts, extra deep cut V-necks, and electrical tape could be so metal?
Trendsetters? I think so.
A ‘Yarmulke-Kippah’ can have multiple uses:
*Skullcaps
*Rice-Bowls
*Burrito-Wraps
*Drinking-Cups
*Brassieres
*G-strings
*Pasties
…And yes, even “Codpieces” as demonstrated by the avid fan with the inverted-cross body paint and pink guitar in hand…Anti-Christianity and Antisemitism served with a smile (and Devil-Horns too!)
some of the darker aspects of the gay pride parade
Needless to say the test run of holding Ozzfest in San Francisco didn’t go to well
I now pronounce you the King and Quee..oh wait..King? Oh mabey it is Queen of metal…I am so confused.
Pictured: Only two straight men attended the San Francisco concert that year
Ghaal, metal, gay, hotdog, rainbows, Ghaal, Sweden, hand lotion, penis, Ghaal ,butt sex
And as the sun set at warped tour ‘09, many agreed that it just plain literally was turning gay
Where’s Varg Vikernes to stab someone in the skull when you need him? . . . Oh yeah.
*look at that douche in the background trying to get a picture of the ass.
Sigurd opted for the inverted cross after Sven suggested that “I Have Candy” would be too inappropriate for THIS show.
find a nigger, win a pink inflatable guitar!
Quite clearly, this is a Cradle of Filth show.
Upon seeing this, Glen Benton converted to Christianty and joined Stryper.
EDDIE RABBIT RULES!!!!!
Rob Halford’s favorite fans . . . GET IT?! Cuz he’s gay and they look gay!
Scenes from the DVD that did what the government could not, sunk the Girls Gone Wild corporation.
Who wants to bump uglies with my GATEWAY TO HELL?
Actually, I’m pretty much speechless…
By the power of inflatable pink guitars,
I AM SHE MAN!
OK, I’m doing ‘Y.’ You do ‘C.’ Now we just need an ‘M’ and an ‘A!’
Jimmy clearly hadn’t thought out the full effects of wrapping his penis in electrical tape. Here we have a shining example of short-term thinking at its worst.
dr. rockso’s real life inspiration is photographed shortly after doing cocaine.
Look Ma No Hands, No Brains, No Clothes and obviously No Penis!!!
OR
Steve basks in his own masculinity while Todd (pink hula) decides he’s gonna “tap” that later.
OR
Sometimes it’s smarter to save the “shrooms” for later.
The latest underground Black Metal sensation “The Cock of Satan” finishes off with their crowd favorite, “Swallowing Evil Whole.”
“And the blackness will reveal itself!”
“Reveal itself in his cock!”
“And the blackness will prevail!”
“In his cock!”
On the left Erik Rutan can be seen grimacing as Pink Phallication launch vigorously into their own special brand of blackened queer.
anti-Christ porno stars
“If pink is the new black, I will be the pinkest of the pink!”
“And I will be the most transvestite hula-boy of the transvestite hula-boys!”
The practicing of a rare and bizarre ritual for the regrowing of Devin Townsend’s skullet.
“Oh, that’s no inverted cross, buddy. That’s an arrow…”
We’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Winds Of Plague shows get NUTS!
The fact that Gaahl’s blow up guitar was pink was the least of his worries at the local chapter of the Norwegian Gay Community’s annual gathering, he had forgotten to bring some lube for the evenings ‘festivities’.
” This is proof why people should have to apply to procreate”
“Hey Stew, I’m freezing my ass of but it will be totally worth it to see how many of those numbskulls on Metalsucks ignore the ‘no Ghaal jokes’ rule when they pick us for the funny caption contest”
“Hey man, be honest, does the pink guitar make me look like a fruit?”
Hey! :) Gaahl was the first name to pop into my head, plus he just begs to be given shit.
Fine a non Gaahl one,
“Got my inflatable guitar, check!
Got my corpse paint, check!
Got my penis sheath, check!
Got my transvestite hula girl, check!
Right lets go Stevie, Hootie is on in half an hour”
Some Kind of Monster
Holy shit, i acctually know these guys, i was there when they did it.
btw that one guy is wearing ducktape
ah, good memories from wacken :D
i don’t know if I should be proud of seeing that live…
wacken beergarden…
Proof that Kid Rock will come up with any way possible to sell more records and thusly increase his fan base without actually making good music. Exhibit A from his Norwegian tour as he combines corpse paint, homosexuality, his love of Guitar Hero, and no one knows why…nudism. What a fucking poser! (wait a minute, is that Sebastian Bach standing next to him?)
“exscuse me are you a little Gaahl?”
“So, it turns out the expression is actually, ‘Once IT goes black, it never goes back.’”
Correction: Jimmy clearly hadn’t thought out the full effects of wrapping his penis in DUCT tape. Here we have a shining example of short-term thinking at its worst.
Ouch my penis has the tapes!
YES TAPES!!!
or
I like my penis like my metals, BLACK!
Nice axe!
Fan excitement could not be contained at the first annual Fire Island Black Metal Mascara Massacre.
Another Palin family scandal! Husband and son spotted at EVIL metal festival…possibly sacrificing the unborn child of the daughter.
“Hi my name is Johnny Knoxville and I’m about to stick my face in a black metal duck tape dick… you’re watching Jackass.”
Kevin Talley rocking the cheapest codpiece known to man.
And I love the two dudes whos faces are right near his cock.
As you can see, the Democratic national convention seemed to get a little out of hand this year.
i want the pretty hulaking<3
“I dont know what happened last night i just woke up naked covered in corpse paint next to a cross-dreesser”
dude if you put tape on your shit you wont be totally naked and since we’re wearing corpse paint we wont look gay at all, and since your wang is so huge all the girls will want a piece of us, clearly the best way to promote our new in this moment album
what happens in Wacken, Stays in Wacken…
Where’s the blaze that wiped out half of Great White and the crowd when you need it?
Buffalo Bill looks for size 14 goth chicks at Wacken in deleted scene from Silence of the Lambs. “I’d fuck me so hard.”
“Find the smegma, win a guitar! You in the tan hat, go ahead!”
Honey, next year I want to go to Lollapalooza instead.
Black Metal
so Brutal it turns women into men
and turns men into the evil gay
thus ending procreation, but not of the wicked
SanFransatan announces his brutality to the world with his wife..with a inflatible hot pink guitar playing Puritania and hell arises with a golden gate bridge and there is the new hell.
We are sooooo lame. Not even THIS gets us any attention.
Did anyone else notice Weird Al and Mike Patton’s long lost love child behind Hula guy?
Cryptopsy still did not understand why noone appreciated their new style and dictated that it went hand in hand with their artistic freedom.
Sarah Palin’s wet dream.
“No, it’s naturally hairless.”
“Black Metal has become so evil that no pair of pants can possibly contain it. Only pink grass skirts and electrical tape around the shlong are evil enough.”
“Prevent the spread of H.I.V. Practice safe sex.”
“Rejected Manowar album cover. Possible future Halford album cover.”
david draiman: “danny, could you get your rocks off to this pic or what?
dan dongan: “oh, totally dude”
david draiman: “yea, me too.”
A dramatization depicting the future rock stars that grew up playing Guitar Hero instead of actually learning to play a guitar.
Gorgoroth sponsers the first annual Homosexuality in Metal Awarness Benefit Concert. Being saddened to know that Lilith Fair has been taken, organizer Gaahl opts for the name “Reach Around Fest 2008″.
Like a great man once said “Cocaine’s a crazy drug.”
This actually makes me cringe more than the Vern Troyer sex tape.
If only Gaahl could still rock as hard if he stopped worshipping Satan, and began praising Mother Nature.
Dragonforces singer (in background) was severely dissapointed by the groupie action following ultra beatdown.
Clearly the black metal after-party went on way too long last night – they didn’t have time to remove their make-up for Mardi Gras the next day!
2 walking billboards for the promotion of contraception!
but seriously dude, point that the other way. It smells like ass of your girl or boyfriend beside you wearing the god ugly lookin glay!!!
Proof that corpsepaint can make a rubber zebra striped pink guitar look kvlt.
“Norse Lord of the Hula! I present thee with this holy artifact taken from the vanquished dark wizard Miley Cyrus.”
“Many thanks, may I also have that joint in your fingers?”
“No, my lord.”
Man I wish I was blind!
Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?
The only real sad thing about this picture is that I would rather see that live than see Metallica live!
The Interpretive Dance stage at the Wacken festival is an idea whose time has not yet come.
Bob and Bruce stood a little too long for the encore act and draw odd stares from the rest of the Behemoth crowd… now they are forever captured on ratemycorpsepaint.com
Two Mayhem fans discovered an inner passion once Dragonforce got on stage.
Now…who said that cock rock and gothic drag queens would never mesh well?
Finally, Cradle of Filth look the way they sound.
“Like, hey Scoob. I could totally go for some like pizza and ice cream.”
–”Ruh-ruh raggy, rooby rick rangin’ rout!”
I know it doesn’t count, but I can’t resist:
Just another stop on the Ghaals Gone Wild tour.
Black Metal Rule # 10674
Beware, burnt churches can mean burnt cocks.
[...] to the winner’s of last week’s Funny Photo Caption Contest. “Jonowev” won the grand prize, a limited edition, beer-colored double-gatefold vinyl [...]