COMPETE IN THE SLAYER OLYMPICS, WIN A PERSONALLY DEDICATED AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF D.X. FERRIS’ 33 1/3: REIGN IN BLOOD!!!
Thursday, September 25th, 2008 at 4:39pm by MetalSucks
We’ve been talking up D.X. Ferris’ contribution to the 33 1/3 book series, on Slayer’s seminal album Reign in Blood, for some time now. Packed full of detailed analysis of the record as well as exclusive interviews with the band, producer Rick Rubin, engineer Andy Wallace, cover artist Larry Carroll, and a shitload of other cool people (Gene Hoglan, Paul Romano, Tori Amos, and Henry Rollins, just to name a few), this book is a thrash fan’s wet dream.
If for some reason you still haven’t bought a copy, here’s your chance to remedy that: MetalSucks, in association with author D.X. Ferris, is holding the Slayer Olympics. There are three events, with one winner to be named in each event; each winner gets a personally dedicated autographed copy of the book. Pretty friggin’ sweet, right?
So here are the events:
- EVENT #1: BEST ALTERNATE LYRIC FOR A SLAYER SONG. This is pretty straight-forward: take any Slayer lyric and change it to make it funny.
- EVENT #2: BEST GRAMMATICAL ERROR IN A SLAYER LYRIC. ‘Cause while the dudes in Slayer are metal gods, they’re not exactly A+ English students. Ferris will be checking this event personally, so, in his words, “You’re fuckin’ fooling yourselves if you think you can bluff your way through this.” You need to find legitimate grammatical errors AND be able to explain said error.
- EVENT #3: GNARLIEST PICTURE OF YOURSELF WITH A MEMBER OF SLAYER OR SLAYER MERCH. If you have a crazy photo of yourself giving Kerry King bunny ears or your girlfriend posing naked with a Seasons in the Abyss skateboard deck, here’s your chance to put it to good use and let it win you some cool shit.
All you have to do to win is submit your entry to any of the above categories in our comments section below. If you’re entering Event #3, you can either post a link to the photo or e-mail it to us at news [at] metalsucks.net. And like we said, Ferris himself will be helping us judge, so no dicking around! And if you’re not convinced that this awesome book is worth your effort, check out our interview with Ferris right here. Dude knows his shit and then some.
Good luck, and… SSSSSSSSSLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYEEEERRRRRRR!!!!!!
um….slayyyyyeeeeerrrr…thats all i got
EVENT #1
Instead of On and On South of Heaven, its On and On Captain Heaven…
My meathead buddy always sang that outloud at Slayer shows back in the day… fucking kills me every time. A testament to idiots…
From “Silent Scream” (South Of Heaven)
Scattered, remnants of life
Murder a time to die
Pain, suffrage toyed
Life’s little fragments destroyed
“Suffrage” is the right to vote.
Guess they were looking for “suffering.”
Oh well, still a great song even if it gets an “F”
Event #2
Born of Fire off Seasons in the Abyss:
Splattered red you’ll find my den
Blood dripping from the walls
The first two words “splattered red” are a dangling modifier. They’re intended to modify “my den” rather than “you.” You can tell he’s talking about the den because of the next line, which explains why the den is splattered red (not that a dude splattered with blood would be inappropriate for this song).
Hey readers and fiends! Ferris here. I still can’t believe anybody’s reading anything I did, but all praise to Slayer. Thanks for playing!
Here’s two:
1) In “Payback,” it sure sounds like “fuck you in your prom dress.”
2) Satanic Cat Food, maybe once, at a Slayer show, in Tom’s intro to “Post Mortem,” when he’d leave the big gap after “This one is called Post…” I hollered a big “Office.” Or maybe I did. Once. Maybe.
3) Jrlom and Paddy, excellent choices, both of ya. I have a favorite one, but I won’t list it; I want to see if anyone else picks it.
Oh, yeah, by the way, Slayer pix, nothing unsuitable for family viewing if you’re under 18, please.
Thanks for reading, Slayer heads. Excelsior!
More about the Reign in Book at
http://www.myspace.com/rib333
From “Silent Scream”
Embryonic plant
Embedded in your grain
Defecation, flatulation
Beans are shitting you insane
If I can’t win with my submission…. I am going to bring in a ringer with the ultimate picture with Slayer…. If he posts it, you will know.
I want the book though Ferris…. RIB was such a massive part of my upbringing!
“Death is fucking you insane.” (Silent Scream)
This line never made any sense to me. Even if it was “Death is making you insane” it would be grammatically incorrect, but no, somehow I assume they’re saying that “Death is fucking the person listening so hard that they went insane.” If that were the case, it would be “Death is fucking you TO insanITY.” This is probably the worst Slayer lyric in their early years (and there are some pretty bad ones), but this one makes no sense whatsoever.
BTW, my entry is for the second category.
2nd Category:
Necrophiliac
Relentless lust of rotting flesh to thrash the tomb she lies
Heathen whore of Satan’s wrath I spit at your demise
The relentless lust of the rotting flesh is thrashing the tomb where she lies. So the lust is screwing the tomb? How does that work?
My #2 choice in category #2:
From Piece By Piece (Reign In Blood)
Modulistic terror
A vast sadistic feast
The only way to exit
Is going piece by piece
Modulistic, to the best of my online research ability, is “one who is felt compelled to argue.” Other than that, there’s no definition. King (who wrote these lyrics) must have meant a terror based in having someone cut you into modules/independent pieces. He must have thought that “modulistic” was the adjective form of “module” (like turning “cannibal” into “cannibalistic”).
Somehow “Module-based terror” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Entry for Event #1
I keep George W in a pool of blood so that none of his lies can affect me.
(lyrics from new faith)
Entry for Category #2
From South of Heaven:
Engreat souls condemned for all eternity
“Engreat” is not a word in the English dictionary. This has always been one of my favorite Slayer lyric mysteries. I used this lyric/quote in and English paper once and was docked points from the professor because this is not a word. This could be a typo in the lyrics, but I have never found the corrected version.
You have to love T Araya creating words for the “Slayer” dictionary.
Event 1) In the chorus for War Ensemble it sounds like “Sport the whore, whore support”
Event 2) From In the Name Of God Off Diabolus In Musica
I want to
Invite you
Welcome you
To my hate
To my scorn
To myself
Saturate you
If you look up saturate, it’s defined as “To imbue or impregnate thoroughly” I dont know how that makes sence with just flat out saying “saturate you”
Event #2
Altar Of Sacrifice from Reign In Blood
“Enter to the realm of satan”
“to” is an unnecessary preposition.
Still one of the best songs off of one of the greatest albums ever.
For event #1
Haunting White Castle for Haunting the Chapel
Mmmm, White Castle
“Dead bodies dying and wounded litter the streets”
I hate it when I die, then continue to be wounded and still dying :(