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FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN AN INCREDIBLE GOD FORBID PRIZE PACKAGE!

Thursday, September 25th, 2008 at 5:44pm by

Congrats to the winner’s of last week’s Funny Photo Caption Contest. “Jonowev” won the grand prize, a limited edition, beer-colored double-gatefold vinyl of Nachtmystium’s excellent Assassins: Black Meddle Part 1 with the following caption to the photo at right:

“Kiss had been forced to spend less on their stage shows due to the credit crisis.”

These two runners-up also win CD copies of Into Eternity’s latest The Incurable Tragedy and Intronaut’s Prehistoricisms:

villanj1: “The practicing of a rare and bizarre ritual for the regrowing of Devin Townsend’s skullet.”

Scott: “We’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Winds Of Plague shows get NUTS!”

This week we have a mind-blowingly radical God Forbid prize package courtesy of Century Media: two grand prize winners will each get a limited edition God Forbid IV: Constitution of Treason picture-disc vinyl, a IV: Constitution of Treason lithograph and a copy of the Beneath The Scars of Glory & Progression DVD. Holy shit is that cool; like, I’m seriously jealous of whoever wins that! Two runners-up will also each receive a copy of Norther’s new album N and the Jeff Loomis [of Nevermore] solo-album Zero Order Phase. Alls ya gotta do is come up with a funny caption to the below photo. Go!

[Thanks: DamagedMike]

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  • DeathMetalDave

    So I’m just chillin’ in the desert, and then Jorge goes and gets all metal on my ass.

  • harris

    Kerry King loves ass

  • Stolas Trephinator

    Jimenez, the unknown Araya brother, enjoys a leisurely donkey ride on his farm in Chile.

  • Michael

    This is to all the asses who yell out SLAYER at concerts

  • The Mighty Fucking Quinn

    Unlike 2004, this year’s “Vote for Pedro” campaign may prove to be successful, because this time, when Pedro offers you his protection, it means Kerry King is ramming that spiked gauntlet up someone’s ass.

  • The Mighty Fucking Quinn

    Ghaal vacationing at his summer home.

    I dunno if we get more than one shot, but this dawned on me after I posted the other one so what the hell.

  • Will

    Recently, Slayer went on their “Slaying South America” tour, and here we can see a picture of the line of people anxious to see them.

  • Ryan

    American Metal: Knights on stallions.

    Latin Metal: Farmers on donkeys.

  • xBEARFIGHTx

    “This just in. Lars Ulrich of Metallica sues MTV Tres for their brand new show. “Metal on Your Ass.”

  • metalhead1

    Overcompensating for his name, aspiring metalhead Jesús commits the sin of coveting (and stealing) his neighbor’s ass.

  • Ambience23

    I went to a Slayer concert and all I got was this pony.

  • seveword

    OH GOD I DON’T WANT TO SEE THE DONKEY SHOW OH GOD

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    ‘God Hates Us All’, which is why I’m ‘Riding the Devil’ through the country side, ‘cuz here in 1994, things are different than before’ (oh how I wish I had a sombrero and some extra sun-tan lotion).

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

    Poor economy prevents Colombia from re-signing death metal titans Dethklok to Duncan Hills Coffee endorsement extension. Settles for coffee farmer Juan Valdez instead.

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    Look at how macho I am, watch me ride this ass hands free…sort-of-ish – Hey, heY, hEY, HEY! WANDERLEI!! STOP PULLING SO HARD!!! I ALMOST FELL OFF THERE FOR FUCK’S SAKE!

  • Matt

    Watch out for this guy, he won’t hesitate to go metal on your ass.

  • Larrehlawlz

    Pictured:Kirk Hammett of Metallica

    Angry about high gas prices, Metallica seeked to find alternative transportation on their south american tour

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    True Norwegian Black Metal is back (in Rio de Janeiro, homes).

  • dtpape

    In the face of rapidly rising gas prices, some bands are turning to alternative methods of transportation.

    Ah, fuck it, corey mitchell wins.

  • David

    This photo taken just weeks before Dino Cazares ballooned to inhuman proportions and literally broke that donkey’s back.

  • David

    Dammit, forget my last one:

    This photo taken just moments before Dino Cazares ballooned to inhuman size and broke the back of his donkey, Burrow C. Bell.

  • Charlie

    Kudos to the money shot on the donkey’s head

  • Minus

    Rob Trujillo’s ride before joining Metallica

  • Jim Gilletowicz

    Goddammit Minus, mine was “Jesus Christ, even Newstead got to ride on the bus…”

  • Mahkaivelli

    Overheard at Metallica hazing, Day 4:

    “Quit bitching Robert, we made Jason wear a Megadeth t-shirt.”

  • palinaborted

    Some have always said that Slayer were guilty of riding Metallica’s ass out of the Bay Area but, much to the chagrin of Rob Trujillo (pictured above), it was Metallica that found itself playing reunion shows in Lima.

  • Malacoda

    Robert Trujillo chose to ride a different kind of ass than his bandmates.

  • http://cultclassicmoviereview.blogspot.com You Don’t Know Me

    A veto for Pedro is a vote for metal!

  • http://cultclassicmoviereview.blogspot.com You Don’t Know Me

    *A vote for Pedro is a vote for metal!

  • iwrestledaferretonce

    “Do you teenk i can get across dee border eef i offer my ass to dee policia? Ayy, Dios Mio! I need to see Slayer!”

  • http://www.metalsucks.net DeaThrash

    Robert Trujillo seeking his muse to try and put the “Metal” back into Metallica!

  • thegreatgriffin

    Robert Trujillo’s cut from the 490,000 copies of Death Magnetic sold last week.

  • RaZZo

    Historians often overlook the Fifth and least popular Horseman of the Apocalypse:
    Hector.

  • pacomon

    I’ll go with Metallica’s original name for their debut:

    “Metal Up Your Ass”

  • adam

    Goddamn I love my ass!

  • Crush1214

    Last known picture of Rob Trujillo before he died in a horrific donkey accident.

  • Elpants

    A rare image of D.X. Ferris researching Slayer’s Mariachi influence in Reign in Blood.

  • TheCount

    In this photo: Lars Ulrich giving Rob Trujillo a ride to the studio…

  • tyoung865

    NEIGHERRRRRRRR!!!!!

  • Reet

    DO YOU WANNA RIDE!!!

  • villanj1

    “Rein” In Blood

  • villanj1

    “Sorry I can’t tug the burro any harder Robert but I can’t use both hands AND tote this Armani bag around.” – an out of frame J. Hetfield

  • Wolfface

    Robert Trujillo awakens early every morning and rides Colombia’s rugged mountains to pick only the finest coffee beans to create the richest coffee in the world for the richest band in the world.

  • http://www.myspace.com/bminekime enemyofgod72

    By noon that day after having run completely out of peote and shrooms Hector realizes that he has no idea where Slayer is playing that night or whether the marking on his burro’s head is natural or from that weird enactment of Die By The Sword. S’cuse me but I no teenk dat was a reel sword esse.

  • http://www.myspace.com/bminekime enemyofgod72

    We wanted to take my cousin’s car to the Slayer show but this vendejo burro ate all my Acapulco Gold so I’m riding this mate con ’til i get to smoke up Cheech ‘N’ Chong style!!

  • Nick

    The second coming of Jesus.

  • Raven

    tom araya going on a family vacation, to the hills of columbia to pick coffee beans… slayers next cd will be titled seasons in the bush…

  • steve

    Jesus Saves…a donkey named Satan.

  • skepticsteve

    fuck ride the lightning!!! im riding a donkey…. metal up your ass anyone??

  • Crack Hitler

    You can’t tell from the angle, but this is a genuine photo of Gene Hoglan being conceived.

  • http://wvvy.org ezra

    Trujillo says, “Fuck Kirk! I can have a ranch too!”

  • Trainwreck

    Official picture from the Death Magnetic recording sessions: Trujillo going to fetch beers while Hetfield, Ulrich and Hammett record the album.

  • http://www.nobudgettv.com C.J. the D.J.

    Fresh from surviving “War at the Warfield”, Jose takes his trusty horse “Gemini” for a stroll through the Angel of Death Valley land preserve.

  • Walker

    The drummer from Molotov on his way to his new job.

  • Fab

    Thunder-donkey!

  • tmack

    Revelations: 66:6 “Behold a wise man will come from the south riding upon an ass and he shall scream “FUCKIN’ SLAYER!”. The world shall tremble as the sky turns red and the wise man will whisper “your god is dead”.

    I not funny, no?

  • Andres

    Even Pedro listens to slayer.

  • jonowev

    Sweet, I won last weeks prize! How the fuck do I claim it?!

  • James

    With the failed econonmy Robert Truillijo finds a new way to tour america.

  • http://www.pro-jikts.com Nickmeister

    @ Stolas Trephinator: That’s hilarious, my first thought for a quote was “This guy’s from Chile”. Are you Chilean?

    Anyhow, my quote will then be:

    Metal up [in the mountains on] your ass.

  • The Greys

    “Get this poseur off my back.”

  • jesse

    “Okay, so I’m punching the donkey. How exactly is this supposed to piss my girlfriend off?”

  • metallurgist

    Juan Valdez’s son, Miguel, takes a tour of the new fields for the “Seasons in the Abyss” blend.

  • Bill Buckner

    Thank you, Ms. Jameson.. or should I call you Mrs. Ortiz?

  • DJW

    ”ok, i got a little too excited when i got told to get my ass in gear go watch slayer…”

  • Johnny Death

    Trying to one up Dave Mustaine, Kerry King hires Slayer fan in Peru to gather organic coffee beans for their “South of Heaven-ly” roast. IN STORES!! 9/9/09

  • Muttweiler

    The poor economy is even effecting our friends south of the border as the attendance at this years Mexico City Aztec Metalfest is down at least 60%. Some, like Jorge here, blame it on the lower cost stage show… “Reign in Blood, my ass, Ese… more like a trickle.”

  • Carltron 3000

    MOOOMMM!, i wanted a sweet axe for christmas, not ass.

  • endtyme

    COMPETE IN THE SLAYER OLYMPICS, WIN A PERSONALLY DEDICATED AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF D.X. FERRIS’ 33 1/3: REIGN IN BLOOD!!!

  • cornblood

    Former Menudo keyboardist debuts album of Slayer covers.

  • Jim Gilletowicz

    Apparently Rob is well versed in the fate of Bus-riding bass players for Metallica, and has chosen an alternate form of transportation.

  • Steve

    Miguel de Cervantes neglected to mention in Don Quixote that Sancho Panza was a Slayer fan.

  • Lucas

    slayer fan donkey = GREATEST SLAYER SHOW EVER \m/

  • b-rad

    SLAYER?? i always thought it was Metallica that was all about “Metal Up Your Ass”

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

    You too can learn how to do the crabwalk with Metallica’s own Robert Trujillo!!

  • Follow4now

    Three Words: Burro Blast Beats!

  • Nacho

    And across the burning desert shall ride Manuel astride the First Burro of the Apocalypse.

  • canea

    Jesus built my burro. It’s a love affair, mainly Jesus and my burro.

  • http://www.myspace.com/terrybeans84 terrybeans84

    “Dave Navarro has realy taken a turn for the worst.”

  • cpo

    tom araya and his 2009 mule

  • Atomic Horror

    Even now Slayer sombreros are in the production phase.

  • asheswillremain

    Touring South America is a pain in the ass.

  • key

    Juan was disappointed. It never rains blood in the desert.

  • cwgwar

    Photo courtesy of the national tourism board of Chile – “Seasons in the Abyss”

  • earthsherm

    kim thayil finally makes it home after being forgotten at the burden in my hand video shoot

  • Dallas

    After all the metalsucks blog hate, Dallas decided to head south and bring slayer to the asses.

  • lern2swim

    Lars- We’ve been listening to a lot of the new metal bands out there and we feel really energized for out next album after death magnetic. We’ve especially found a lot of inspiration from Gojira. Those guys are great and they’re really dedicated to their causes too. They’re really into, like, environmentalism and we’re really trying to blaze new trails with going green. I was just telling Robert the other day about the new, green, touring set up we have. He’s really excited because he’s going to get to see the world from a whole new angle on top of saving energy. Oh, and the next album is going to brutally heavy too.

  • Sheriff Behan

    Al Gore being led from the jungle after 21 years of torture after the PMRC hearings.

  • aaron

    Dammit! I’ll never get to the concert on time!

  • http://www.myspace.com/colddriven Big

    Dallas Coyle’s first car!

  • MHJ

    Behind his mother’s shack at the mountaintop, Gaahl keeps this Disciple at the ready (in case of another crusade).

  • cwgwar

    hahaha this MHJ dude’s should totally be the winner. thats gold man

  • Malacoda

    Change mine from “Robert Trujillo chose to ride a different kind of ass than his bandmates.” to “Robert Trujillo chose to get a different kind of ass than his bandmates”.

  • Keith Car

    After forming his spanish Slayer coverband “Matador”, Jose had been drumming so hard thats his fists were clenched forever, causing him to fail all of his mule permit tests to this day.

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    In light of their second annual collapse, the Metal Mets introduce “The Curse Of The Slayerized Donkey”.

  • John Saathoff

    Another Metallica bassist still getting no respect!!

  • vitruvianApe

    Before Robert Trujillo perfected the crabwalk, he underwent a series of failed walks, notably the donkeywalk.

    Don’t know if someone beat me to this cause there is NO way im reading all 99 posts, you guys have a tough life

  • Megadethfan

    I look ridiculous on this horse, but my awesome Slayer-shirt saves my badass image! *phew*

  • Scott

    Juan wanted to live and die by Slayer lyrics, but when he attempted a “Black Knight of Hell’s domain” image, he could only manage with what few materials he had laying ’round the stable.

    On another note, lulz at RaZZo’s entry.

  • Dale

    A young Tom Araya riding slayers first tour bus.

  • Jake

    The black lord Xanjrd gallops away on his Hellbeast to cast down society to make all puritans rot in their own boiling flesh! (or just ride his mule down down the hill to his coffee shack…)

  • knightdrider2010

    Turbonegro? I thought you said Burro Negro!

  • Austin Pittman

    METAL ON YOUR ASS!!!1

  • Shanetera

    “I may look like a faggot on top of this ass, but MY sleeves are cut off making me more manly than you.:

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  • rotgut

    Initially south of heaven was titled south of the border but Kerry King would have no such nonsense.