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Reunion Mania, This Sucks

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

 Monday, October 6th, 2008 at 2:38pm by

“And the fifth angel blew his trumpet. And I saw a star that had fallen from heaven to the earth, and the key of the pit of the abyss was given him. And he opened the pit of the abyss, and smoke ascended out of the pit as the smoke of a great furnace, and the sun was darkened, also the air, by the smoke of the pit. And out of the smoke Limp Bizkit reunited and came forth upon the earth; and authority was given them, the same authority as the scorpions of the earth have.

“And in those days the men will seek death but will by no means find it, and they will desire to die but death keeps fleeing from them.”

Revelations 9:1-6

Ladies and gentlemen, Limp Bizkit have reunited.

I guess the news should shock no one, giving the staggering bad box office receipts of The Longshots, Fred Durst’s attempt to become a Hollywood director.

Still, I can’t help but feel like someone just told me I have cancer. And it’s malignant.

Durst writes on the Limp Bizkit MySpace blog:

“Hello my dear family members. Yes, it has been a while. But a while worth the wait. It is getting very close to time to drop the bizkit on the universe. I say this with the absolute best intentions and motivation. We, Limp Bizkit, are excited about the future for us and for you. LBF is the way. LBF is for life. Let’s stir some shit up my friends.”

Durst then goes on to claim that he’s currently reading Nick Herbert’s Quantum Reality: Beyond the New Physics. Seriously.

Never before have I so seriously considered becoming a suicide bomber. If I could somehow be assured I’d find Durst and Sarah Putrid Piece of Walking Talking Feces Palin in the same room, I’d do it for sure.

The biggest twist (but least surprising aspect) of this announcement is that Wes Borland is actually showing some restraint and NOT re-joining the band (At least for now – I’d put money on his returning to the fold at some point.). He’ll be replaced by Terry Balsamo of Evanescence/Cold infamy. I had the displeasure of watching Cold live once. Balsamo wore a Michael Meyers mask even though it was already weeks after Halloween and didn’t move once the entire performance. So, y’know, he should be an exciting addition for Bizkit fans everywhere.

By the way, if anyone figures out what the fuck Durst means by “LBF,” let me know. I’d understand “LFB” as “Limp Fucking Bizkit,” but “LBF” has me baffled.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go shove some toilet paper up my ass to try and stop the bleeding.

-AR

[Via Contact Music, who just ruined my day. Thanks, dill weeds.]

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  • http://mandatory-metallica.blogspot.com/ mankvill

    They just keep on rollin

    ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN WHAT?
    ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN COME ON!

    • http://jas09.deviantart.com/ JAS09

      I’d like to go “Rollin” over them with a steamroller.

  • Kye

    LBF = Limp Bizkit Family

    And before anyone assumes I know that because I’m a fan, I must state that I am only privy to that knowledge because one of my friends from back in the day thinks these guys are musical gods.

    And if that’s the case, consider me an atheist. Fuck Limp Bizkit

  • JTL

    “I say this with the absolute best intentions and motivation. ”

    Fred, why would on Earth would we question your intentions and motivations? It certainly has nothing to do with stirring shit up during your directing days(dayz? daze?). Why would do anything but praise the high heavens for the return of your musical genius? Lo, your return heralds a new age in music! Let the gates be thrown open, and may the musical cookies rain down like manna from heaven!

    /I still feel dirty for typing that.

  • http://benapatoff.blogspot.com/ Dave

    Who cares? It’s not like anything they do will make a dent in the world’s consciousness anymore.

  • http://www.nemrosim.blogspot.com/ AWB

    Three things…

    (1) Yet another serving of awful music coming your way…Well, maybe it’s not as bad as “Insane Clown Posse”, but still pretty bad nonetheless.

    (2) I think he answers that in the same MySpace post when he says “Hello my dear family members” therefore LBF probably =’s “LimpBizkitFamily” or “LimpBizkitForever”.

    (3) He said he’s reading Nick Herbert’s “Quantum Reality: Beyond the New Physics”. I wouldn’t be surprised, I’m not a Physicist, but I’ve read numerous books on Quantum Theory, but I don’t make shitty music (and no I haven’t done anything professionally I’m a ‘Bedroom-Musician’ looking to make a better recording-rig).

    Things seem to be going downhill…Fast!

  • Stolas Trephinator

    It’s repulsively obvious that the band is reuniting for the sole, shallow reason of obtaining the nookie.

  • John

    Well, “Stir up some shit” is probably the best description of limp bizkit writing a record I’ve ever heard.

  • Conor

    Boy I would love to hop on the bandwagon and make fun of Limp Bizkit by quoting their songs, but the problem is I don’t know any.

    Some days you just don’t wanna wake up. Everything is fucked, everybody sucks.

    THIS IS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS.

  • Conor

    Aw, SHIT.

  • Jim

    @ Kye

    Musical gods? Only if you worship Sterculius, the ancient Roman god of feces.

  • jesse

    Well at least Wes Borland is staying out of it for now. Without him they are sure to meet their demise once again.

  • TedTedPoleyPoley

    shit, does this mean my drumming lesson w/ John Otto next Sunday is canceled?? i guess i’ll just have to spend my $50 elsewhere, huh.

  • ERiK

    This is the best news ever! Think of the endless amounts of retarded shit you’ll get to write about. This is like Metallica releasing another cd!

  • Danny

    The global economy is collapsing, people think Sarah Palin would make a fine 2nd in command, Limp Bizkit has reunited….. My friends, the end times are upon us!

  • Ross

    FUCK YEAH, I’M SO EXCITED. I HEARD THEY WERE GOING ON TOUR WITH SNOT, ILL NIÑO, AND STATIC-X!!! WEWT

  • SPIKE

    well let them get theirs they did something right once upon a time they had me singing “I did it for the nookie” eventhough I never bought any of their albums

  • Dr J

    “Hello my dear family members.”

    At least he acknowledges the fact that the only people that still listen to his music are his mom and dad. They’re so proud of him and his angst.

  • Johnny Death

    This was this first thing to put a smile on my face today.
    I really hope this will die quickly or burn on forever!
    My first concert was Korn, Helmet, and Limp Bizkit.

    I remember:
    Limp Bizkit Burger King t-shirts
    my friends & I be in utter disgust listening to this cover of a George Micheal song, little did we know what future would bring with this song.
    Durst in a red kangol hat & co. flirting with chicks at the back of the Colisee, the 14yr old me was in awe of the seemily pimp-like abilities as they took those chicks backstage.

  • M. Meyer

    Oh no.

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    I called it (I think).

  • Tim

    damn-it

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Yep, I did (sort of):

    http://www.metalsucks.net/?p=6406

  • seveword

    Ah jeez! Not this shit again!

    Even when I just started listening to hard rock-Korn, Disturbed, Godsmack-, I had absolutely no taste for the crap that Limp Bizkit (which is even painful to type) put out.
    Seriously, I winced just typing the name of this band. It hurt.

  • http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/82/image1llrk5.jpg Revrant

    Ahh, I burst out laughing, been a while since an actual post made me do that intentionally.

  • Anthony

    A reunion? When did they break up? Wes Borland left a while ago, but they were still recording the Unquestionable Truth Part 2 if i’m not mistaken

  • daniel

    I also didn’t know they had broken up officially.

    By the way, it’s “Revelation” sted “Revelations.”

  • Brett

    I’m still a Cold fan. But Terry is the biggest fucking sell out. Though I believe he used to be in the band before they got signed.

  • http://www.metalsucks.net Axl Rosenberg

    @ daniel: No no no, you’re thinking of another book. Common mistake. Revelation makes mention of a plague locusts. RevelationS says it will be a Limp Bizkit reunion, not locusts.

  • http://lordsofmetal.nl/index.php?lang=en Heikneuter

    Quite horrible, but don’t worry i don’t think anybody is still interested in these guys, so the reunion won’t be a big succes(unless Limp Bizkit fans were hiding in caves the last 5 years waiting for the return of their gods).

    I will say this:
    EPIC /FAIL!

  • daniel

    @ Axl Rosenberg: I stand corrected. Silly mistake.

  • Johnny Ringo

    actually the sad part is they will still manage to sell 10 or 20,000 copies of a new album because these days people still buy korn album’s and bands like five finger death punch, avenged sevenfold, bullet for my valentine, buckcherry, hinder, papa roach, and disturbed all sell a shitload of albums which means all the people that worship the aformentioned bands will shit themselves at the chance to see limp bizkit live and hear new music

    it really is fucking sad to see that the highest selling “rock/metal” bands are the steaming piles of shit i mentioned above sans metallica maiden slipknot and slayer of course

    :(

  • Anthony

    Oh, and does this mean another lineup change for Evanescence, or is Terry pulling double duty?

    Not that anyone on this site gives 2 shits.

  • niggaplease@netzero.com

    Limb Bizkit> Just about every band ever mentioned on this blog save for pre-AJFA Metallica.

    Weird to shit on a band that its been pathetically cliche to shit on for 10 years now, yet not have the ability to realize God Forbid, Gojira, Soulfly, Burst, Opeth, IWSRESTLEDABEARONCE, Lamb of God and Trivium are fucking awful mainstream mallcore canon.

    I know its hard to run a metal site because of how boring metal news is, but come on. At least try to listen to good bands. Its been a year.

    • Ziltiodsteaks for Kerry King

      How the FUCK can you possibly refer to Gojira as Mainstream Mallcore Fodder?
      Were you dropped on your head as an infant?
      A white guy referring to himself as ‘Nigga’ has got to be a secret fan of Limp Suckit and I hope you get shot next time you go to Watts to score your crack.

  • http://www.hibernum.net Hibernum

    Okay, I hate to be helping old Freddy here, but this is really a few years too early. We aren’t yet ripe for the 90′s nostalgia. Give it another 2 years. Then everything will start “rollin”.

  • Tyler

    “And out of the smoke Limp Bizkit reunited and came forth upon the earth; and authority was given them, the same authority as the scorpions of the earth have.”

    ha limp bizkit is from hell man! i know where im not going to be when this whole tour comes out.

  • Qella

    Fuck this. I’m listening to Dismember. So really nothing can bring me down. Except a Limp Bizkit reunion! That would be the worst…oh wait. Shit.

  • JakeMETAL

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  • Pingback: Links for 10.6.08: Bizkit’s back, KISS has shoes, Coolio cooks… « the listenerd

  • bloodjunkie

    I blame you guys for this because of the incessant Fred Durst posts

  • barack obama the president of hitting that ass

    “Limb Bizkit> Just about every band ever mentioned on this blog save for pre-AJFA Metallica.

    Weird to shit on a band that its been pathetically cliche to shit on for 10 years now, yet not have the ability to realize God Forbid, Gojira, Soulfly, Burst, Opeth, IWSRESTLEDABEARONCE, Lamb of God and Trivium are fucking awful mainstream mallcore canon.

    I know its hard to run a metal site because of how boring metal news is, but come on. At least try to listen to good bands. Its been a year.”

    IAWTC FUCK ALL THOSE SHITTY BANDS

  • niggaplease@geodude.pokemon

    I always world trade center, also.

  • Pluto

    At least Wes Borland has the brains to not be involved. (right??… he’s not involved, I hope)

    Joining Manson may not be the most original idea, but it’s 50,000 times better than Durst.

    So, while the Limp band takes a shit in the studio, at least Borland will be collaborating with other real artists, ie: Manson.

  • Metaldog

    I cannot think of a band that has mattered less than Limp Bizkit. Fred Durst is the posterboy for everything that is wrong with music. The only person who ever had an talent in that band was Wes. It’s just a shame he has to admitted being a member of LB at one point in his life. The one positive in all this is that the new LB album will tank (and it will) unbelievebly and Durst might just finally see that know one gives a shit about him or any crap project he’s got going on, whether it’s music, film, etc. and crawl back under his fuckin’ rock , never to be heard from again.

  • Carter

    first the economy now this

  • http://www.asimplecomplex.com sadchild

    from ‘faith’ to ‘behind blue eyes’, this is one terrible band who can actually make worse cover songs than originals. now THAT’S a feat.

  • 1234

    ICP fans are stoked..

  • slice two

    good lord. is there no stopping the crap?

  • Elvin

    God, not this after the black monday…

  • Cody

    I still enjoy Cold, but Terry sucks ass these days. He wrote decent stuff back with cold. This is beyond gay.

  • lern2swim

    Sigh… yay. More of the same old shit. No. I’m not talking about LB’s music. I’m talking about stupid ass metal fans bitching about a shitty band just so you can all feel like part of the “club.”

    Get over it. Move on. Focus on something more important. Durst is not going to come barging into your house and force you to listen to their new cd.

    Fucking scenesters… Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking to you.

  • http://cultclassicmoviereview.blogspot.com You Don’t Know Me

    This is like that scene in “30 Days of Night” where the girl is screaming, “OH MY GOD!” and the one vampire goes, “God?… No God…” and kills her.

    But in all seriousness, as much as I hate to admit it, these guys are the reason why I started listening to heavy music to begin with. Nu Metal was a gateway to real metal for me.

  • o0Stacey0o

    In all seriousness, I took a shot of tequila to ease my stomach after reading the news.

  • http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/82/image1llrk5.jpg Revrant

    I too listened to Limp when I was a kid, though I can’t recall ever liking it, the primary purpose of Limp Bizkit was to utterly piss off my now former stepfather.

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    “I still enjoy Cold, but Terry sucks ass these days. He wrote decent stuff back with cold. This is beyond gay.”

    Terry joining Evanescence should’ve been proof enough that he’s a massive sellout.

  • Pingback: “IF CREED REUNITES, BLAME LED ZEPPELIN” | MetalSucks

    • Cobrainyourface

      keep rollin rollin rollin, i knew you like that song!

  • Pingback: WE CALLED IT: WES BORLAND RE-JOINS LIMP SUCKIT | MetalSucks

  • BlakMetallistKrieg

    Who the fuck asked for this?!?!?! Durst is such a pussy. He actually said he quit Limp because he was “so abused and bullied” as a child and when he looked in the crowd, he’d see “similar faces to the people who tortured me as a kid” ARE YOU FUCKIN’ SERIOUS???

  • big deck

    help i need to fuck

  • Bizarrodrake

    This is so fucking funny on so many levels!

  • [M]

    LBF??

    He really does want Zakk Wylde to come ’round and bash his head in doesn’t he?

    Using BLS’ hook for the limp bizkit fanbase is fucking retarded and it makes no sense in the reversed-baseballcap-world that is limp bucket-o-shit.

  • Cobrainyourface

    yes the apocalypse might actually happen because most people seem to WANT it to happen. you people have the retard rage(blind rage) for limp bizkit like they fucked your mother slapped your dick and took all your money when you were an innocent little baby watching your cartoons. Settle it down you monkeys its just a band, that supposedly experimented too much with too many things and i guess some people just couldnt handle that in their closed off one track one-sided mentality and it obviously makes certain people feel like they were raped (people in this blog) because of that for some weird selfish closed minded ignorant possibly fascist reason. good musicians like good people in general shouldnt express this much animosity towards other musicians no less! you need to rethink yourselves mainly your attitudes toward your fellow human. Theres too much FUCK YOU BECAUSE YOURE NOT ME going on in the world as it is and youre just obtaining the disease. Seriously and u can go ahead and say i should get shot and whatnot and im gonna get really scared cuz youre such a badass!! over there behind your little computer feeling free to say whatever u want with no consequence. if theres one thing that internet has exposed about the human race its how filthy hateful it is. enjoy it!

    • Cobrainyourface

      i kind of got pretty angry there^^ hee hee

  • Cobrainyourface

    why was my post erased? wtf dude

    could someone answer me this, preferably the person who removed it EXPLAIN, and it better make sense. i must have hit a nerve cuz this is unfair bullshit if you ask me.