SCARS ON BROADWAY AREN’T EVEN TRYING TO COME UP WITH BULLSHIT
Tuesday, October 7th, 2008 at 11:08am by Axl Rosenberg
As an American, I expect to be lied to. Even if it’s a bad lie. Of course Sarah Palin can’t tell Fox News “I flubbed the Katie Couric interview because I’m a moron and I don’t know anything outside of the talking points I’ve been coached on.” It would just be too insulting to the literally dozens of people who actually think she’s an intelligent, well-qualified political candidate. So she has to say she flubbed the interview because she was “annoyed” that Couric wasn’t asking questions the American people care about (And by “American people,” Palin means… actually, I’m not sure who the fuck she means. Not me.). It’s bullshit – it’s not even good bullshit – but it’s what we do in life, whether it be for political or personal reasons. If you’re not going to a friend’s party, you tell your friend “Oh, my dick is caught in my zipper” or something other than “I have better things to do.”
Well, apparently, Daron Malakian didn’t get the memo, because a statement released to Blabbermouth yesterday by Scars on Broadway is either a) bullshit so bad it makes Palin look like master manipulator or b) a sign that Malakian literally just does not give two shits about his literally dozens of fans*.
Here’s the statement:
“Scars on Broadway’s North American tour, scheduled to begin October 19, as well as their October 14 performance on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’, have been cancelled. Late last week, Malakian concluded that his heart wasn’t into touring at this time, so he made the decision to cancel all scheduled performances. There are no plans to reschedule.”
Seriously? “His heart wasn’t into touring at this time?” That could be true – I mean, given that Scars on Broadway has turned out to be a staggering disappointment, at least from a business perspective, I don’t think it is true, but I suppose it could be – but he couldn’t come up with something a LITTLE better? “Sorry I’m not gonna play for you people who were looking forward to seeing me, but I just don’t really feel like it.”
I understand that saying “We weren’t selling enough tickets” would be the music biz equivalent of Palin announcing “I’m legally retarded,” but that’s what the old “Due to circumstances completely beyond our control” chestnut is for. The last person to try the old “I’m here for my fans and if I can’t give 110% I don’t wanna give at all” line was Axl Rose. AXL FUCKING ROSE. The same dude who once claimed his management booked an entire tour he didn’t know about until he read about it on the internet. Nice company to keep, Daron.
The good news is that I think we’ll probably be able to count on one hand the number of people who are truly let down by the tour cancellation. But if you listen closely, you can Serj Tankian laughing his ass off.
-AR
*In case you’re wondering, the dozens of people who like Scars on Broadway are not the same dozens of people who truly believe in Sarah Palin. Malakian is a staunch liberal, after all. I mean, think about the guy’s lyrics. “It’s a non-stop disco/Betcha it’s Nabisco/Betcha didn’t know/Whoo-hoo!” If that’s not as powerful and condemning a statement against the right as one can make, then I just don’t know what is.
Betcha it IS Nabisco. OREOS!
the sound of the clock ticking down to the inevitable syndrome of a down reunion. yay.
@gnarlk: Yeah I can’t wait for more ridiculously shitty music. Whoever told Serj Tankian to get behind a microphone should be euthanized. Even moreso to Daron Malakian.
For the most deriding, awesome hit piece on Sarah Palin, go to Rolling Stone’s website. Oh hell, you lazy bastards, here’s a direct link to the article:
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/23318320/mad_dog_palin
*I’m an equal opportunity hater. That is the freedom that comes with being libertarian/independent.
I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark and say Axl isn’t a Palin supporter.
Maybe Daron ran out of guy-liner.
come eat some chemicals with me…? guess not.
Didn’t Serj’s record do really well on the charts? Yeah, and we don’t need another System of a down album, because I have a heard enough time understanding today’s lyrics, I don’t need another song about a tapeworm. Or about cocaine.
Alright, Palin isn’t exactly the smartest person out there, but Biden’s a fucking arrogant cocksucker. Guess you missed his little performance when he asked a disabled senator to STAND UP IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVENTION, and then didn’t even fucking apologize for it. Let’s not ignore the fact that Obama’s wife said she was dedicated, first and foremost before any other group, to aiding the “black community”. No, I have nothing against any specific group, but goddamn, that seems a bit of a narrow mindset for a “visionary” like Obama to marry.
:Pi-motherfucking-card:
Sometimes I think I logged onto Democratic Underground accidentally when I visit this site.
@DemLem: As someone who daily has a hard time deciding which party to hate more (add the Libertarians to that now that they’ve sold out with Bob Barr), I’m loathe to pull one line quotes from candidates’ wives (almost always out of context) as a test of that candidate’s worthiness or lack thereof.
How about instead of looking so hard to find conspiracy-like flaws in each candidate’s character, try selling one’s own candidate as the better man/woman for the job? McCain is missing a grand opportunity to win over the middle class vote-with-their-checkbook crowd with one simple platform plank: his economic plan calls for doubling the personal exemption from $3500 to $7000. For every family of four or five, that is a fucking HUGE selling point. Especially those with no mortgage interest to deduct. A family of four could suddenly exempt $28,000 off the top. I don’t know that many middle class Americans who have $28,000 in Schedule A deductions.
Instead, your dumbfuck party points to some one hour meeting with William Ayres, someone none of you probably even knew of until it was pointed out by Rove. For shit’s sake, if I found out my nice next door neighbor was, 40 years ago, a radical bombing leftist, I’d be hard-pressed to suddenly dismiss him as an unrepentant terrorist. Especially if his actions since have been community-building in their nature.
I want Barack to win so Biden can start his own channel devoted to Televangelism. Seriously, the guy belongs in a giant fake church raising money from thousands of dumb Americans.
Our choices:
~~A quickly aging senior citizen who always looks like he’s trying to pass a stone, with a largely phony millitary legacy that was more about his family connections than anything else. His running mate is a intellectual and political lightweight who serves only to capture the “she’s as dumb as me” vote.
~~A ultra-liberal senator who says “change” more often than Palin says “outsider” and “maverick” who on 60 Minutes explained “change” as “not the status quo”. Gee thanks, Mr. Dictionary. His running mate is a lifetime politician who loves the sound of his own voice, and until he was tabbed by Obama as his running mate, called Obama unqualified to be president.
Yay us!
Damn Sammy, “an” not “a” – twice!!
DemonicLemming hates black people.
I’m just sayin’…
Daron Malakian/Sarah Palin 12″ remix:
It’s a non-stop disco up here in Wasilla
You betcha, there’s Nabisco and Exxon and the ALF
Filling up my pockets with their stinkin’ pork
It’s a non-stop disco up here in Wasilla
You betcha, didn’t know the First Dude wants to secede
Say it ain’t so, Joe, you silly liberal dork
Whoo-hoo!
@Corey: I’m not sure if I want to go to Amazon and buy everything you’ve ever written, or stick pins in your voodoo doll likeness now.
@Sammy: Why not both? I would recommend the Zuni fetish doll from Trilogy of Terror. I’ve been told the resemblance is uncanny.
Look at it this way. This time around we have better choices than our last picks of Tweedle-dumb and Tweedle-douche bag.
scars on broadway is a real shitty name for a band.
@ Sammy – it wasn’t a quote. It was part of a term paper she wrote while in college.
I dislike the entire two-party system, and don’t particularly agree with the candidates from either side. As has been the case for the past few elections, this time is much more about me voting to keep the person I like the least – Obama, without a doubt whatsoever – out of the White House, rather than voting McCain in, as I don’t really agree with a whole lot of what he says. My personal pick was Ron Paul, and I wish he had gotten a lot farther, and while I’d like to vote for him, my realist side kicks in. If I vote for McCain, I vote to keep Obama out. If I vote for Ron Paul, I’m voting against both major parties, one of which is guaranteed to have a winner, ergo my vote is effectively useless.
I’d really rather see much less of the political mud-flinging that’s been happening, and instead see reasoned approaches and rational explanations of why each candidate wants to do specific things. Seeing what amounts to Obama and McCain both screaming, “He is teh not good candidate, I am teh betar, vote for ME!” is definitely a good way to show just how shitty the two-party system is.
Ergo, I don’t have a “dumbfuck” party, as my political affiliation is the Demonic Lemming Party for Small Government. Sorta Libertarian, but not quite. We’d just have to execute all the neocons and bleeding-asshole liberals, and the Westboro Baptist Church (them, extremely painfully), cut taxes, dissolve half of the government (maybe more, depending just how far the gangrene and rot have set in), and that’d be it.
I do have to dispute the whole bit about the VP – the Vice President of the United States is largely a ceremonial figurehead position, delegated to going to the shitty conferences the president doesn’t want to attend. That basically means that a president could run with a goddamn hobo as VP select and it wouldn’t really make a difference. Except attendance at said shitty conventions would be lower because of hobo’s funny smell.
It is sort of sad that it’s gotten to the point where people vote against the candidate they dislike more, instead of voting for someone they actually want to see in the presidential office. But shit, I lived in Washington long enough to learn that everything there is corrupt and full of bullshit.
Incidental side note – I made a rather lengthy post about the bailout thing Coyle posted, and it was censored and never put up. Nice move, guys. Nice move.
@DemLem:
A term paper? Really? Are you serious? I honestly couldn’t tell you one term paper I wrote in college, and most of what I did write was probably bullshit to get through the class.
As for the rest of your comment, I agree with most of it, especially the bit about Westboro Baptist. Except the Ron Paul stuff. Ron Paul is Bob Barr, only farther right. Paul is probably a member of Westboro. With Ron Paul in office, we could practically kiss the rest of the First Amendment goodbye and say hello for real to the complete merging of church and state.
Daron gives stoners a bad name. The truly sad thing is not the failure of Scars but that in order to put out the steaming pile of crap that he calls an album he broke up one of my favorite unique bands, SOAD. Serj’s album was awesome, unfortunately Daron’s effort proved he is truly second fiddle and deservedly so.
@ Sammy – actually, it was an upper class paper written while she was at Princeton. And if you read it, I seriously doubt you’d still be as blithe about it as you are. It wasn’t a typical brain-dead term paper, it was fully reasoned out and showed quite a bit of dedication to the subject. That’d be fine and all, except for the fact that every wife has some form and amount of control over what her husband does, and as the president, one is supposed to put “the people”, not “specific groups I like more than others” first.
@Sammy: As much as I hate the political atmosphere here (at Metalsucks) eclipsing everything noteworthy in metal, I’m interested what you mean by the libertarians’ selling out with Bob Barr.
Hey 36T, I’ve always liked that the Libertarians have found politicians who are truly libertarian; i.e., fiscally conservative/socially liberal. Bob Barr led the charge to impeach Clinton for lying to Congress – about a fucking blowjob. Yeah, Clinton was a dipshit who couldn’t control his personal urges, but that lynching was a huge waste of taxpayers’ dollars and served only to distract the American public from actual, you know, issues.
Barr represents what I hate most about the GOP. He only now says he’s had this “epiphany” about the drug war, Iraq war, Patriot Act, et. al. Conservative Christians (I’m a libertarian Christian, btw) by their very nature are not libertarian.
For the most deriding, awesome hit piece on Sarah Palin, go to Rolling Stone’s website. Oh hell, you lazy bastards, here’s a direct link to the article:
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/23318320/mad_dog_palin
Sammy,
Palin may be a retard, but Rolling Stone is a crooked shitbag magazine. It is the journalistic equivalent Fox News of the left. Don’t glorify shit journalism just because they are on your side of the argument. Demand better from the media.
@Iron Mayden: I never said that was my side of the argument. I just said it was an awesome hit piece. My side of the argument is smack dab in the middle. I wish we as Americans demanded better from our representatives. Congress has an historically low approval rating right now. Guess what will happen in November? They’ll all still be voted back into office (or 94% or so will be). You see, it’s always YOUR congressman we hate, not OURS.
I loved Serj’s cd.Scars on Broadway’s sucked.
I think soad just needs to get back together.They are one of the greatest bands out there.In fact,Daron needs to either take the needle out of his arm or die.He is obviously the reason for the “hiatus”.
[...] on Broadway didn’t work out. I’m still not entirely sure why. There seems to be some consesus that their album sucked, [...]