FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A WASHBURN GUITAR SIGNED BY MUDVAYNE!

Thursday, November 13th, 2008 at 5:10pm by MetalSucks

black metal

Ya’ll’s entries for last week’s funny photo caption contest were mostly unfunny. But these new Unearth and Amon Amarth CDs need to find a home, so here are the mostly-funny entries that will each receive one CD in the mail:

Muttweiler: “After surviving the mighty New Found Glory moshpit, Paco is getting his balls up for the Hollywood Undead show by stage diving onto his uncle Rico’s love doll.”

Keith G: “Public Enemies [sic] new album, Straight outta Oslo.”

Congrats dudes. This week’s we’ve got a really special prize; one winner will receive a brand new Washburn WI-14 guitar — signed by all the members of Mudvayne! (Check out a picture of the actual guitar we’re giving away). Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo [courtesy of Metal Inquisition] and it’s yours.

black metal grumpy foodcourt

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651 COMMENTS on “FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A WASHBURN GUITAR SIGNED BY MUDVAYNE!”

  1. Officer Rod Farva says:

    “Ohhh….Black Metal, ….I’m an idiot”

  2. Malacoda says:

    Morg bemoans the loss of his beloved Whopper.

  3. el Brente says:

    “You had me at corpse paint”

  4. groverXIII says:

    Thogroth struggled to come to terms with the food court restaurant not serving Dimmu Burgers.

  5. Max says:

    When blind dates go too far

  6. Sam says:

    Whatever you do, don’t ask him if he is in the KISS Army

  7. Tim says:

    “i fuckin’ love sbarro.”

  8. DeathMetalDave says:

    “Ohhhh, I’m so nervous for my first date….I hope Gaahl’s as cute in person as he in his photos.”

  9. vitruvianApe says:

    upon hearing the news that his longtime idol just came out of the closet, Gaahhllfan666@aol.com went to the food court to drown his sorrows in a coke zero, the blackest of cokes.

  10. Shanetera says:

    Morgrath, banned from every Hot Topic in the county, contemplates where to buy his kvlt bullet belts next.

  11. Kyle says:

    “I hate people, but I love gatherings. Isn’t that ironic.”

  12. Shanetera says:

    Fatty McFat find himself lost and unable to find the ICP concert at the Mall of America.

  13. Tim says:

    [sigh] no one wants to sit by me… its not my fault i have Vitiligo, an autoimmune disease in which pigment cells (melanocytes) are destroyed, resulting in irregularly shaped white patches on my skin.

  14. CrapMcPoopin says:

    King Diamond wants to know if anyone can “help me out of the chair?”

  15. mankvill says:

    BLACK METAL IST lonely :(

  16. Ross A. says:

    Despite a sizable Norwegian following, worshiping Satan in suburban America is lonely business.

  17. Stolas Trephinator says:

    Excerpt from the new children’s book, ‘WHERE’S GAAHLDO?”

  18. Jesse says:

    After a short two weeks on the shelves, the authors of “Where’s Waldor?”, have decided to discontinue the short lived series due to complaints from customers that its too easy to locate Waldor amongst even the largest groups of trendy pantie waists.

  19. Riot says:

    Diet Coke for me, all these other drinks aren’t painful enough.

  20. Jesse says:

    @Stolas Trephinator

    Sorry man, yours wasn’t up when I was writing mine.

  21. John says:

    “Country Buffet is totally brutal”

  22. Jesse says:

    Blast you cursed woman! I asked for Diet Blackberry Currant and you gave me Black & Blue Berry Brew!

    For this I shall unleash upon this uncovered table the ring of eternal discoloration and despair!!! Gyaaaahhhllll!!!!!

  23. dustin says:

    “After 30 years of serving in the WCW and WWF, I find myself in an Amish library………Fuck my life.”

  24. Phil McCrackin says:

    Even though the flyer clearly stated ‘black friday speed dating’ vlad couldn’t help but think maybe he went too far with the white face paint.

  25. “Hello my name is Joe and i have a drinking prob- DAMMIT people listen to me I have feelings too!! And what’s with all the freaking plants?”

  26. Nacon says:

    How many people are listening to Death Blooms in this picture?

  27. Brutal Jay says:

    Waiting on a cup of Duncan Hills Coffee.

  28. Rockerweezy says:

    Damn, I hope the interview at Hot Topic goes well. Those employee discounts are
    sweet!!!

  29. Chumplunt says:

    Lady in Red Jumper: No seriously. Look. Over my left shoulder. He’s just been sitting like that for hours now. He keeps grunting “Gaaaaal” or something. I don’t know whether I should move or not.

  30. thenomad205 says:

    “Blast! ..The black mass starts in 20 minutes..where is that serving wench with my chicken fingers??”

  31. Jesse says:

    Blast you cursed woman! I asked for Diet Blackberry Currant and got Black and Blue Berry Brew!!!

    For this I shall unleash upon this place matless table the ETERNAL CUP RING OF DISCOLORATION AND DESPAIR!!

  32. MickFNS says:

    Todd thinks this restaurant at the IKEA in Elizabeth is not as black metal as the one in Paramus.

  33. Jaymez says:

    As he takes his his for the fist annual ‘Gene Simmons true fan club’ brunch it becomes apparant to gene that he is in fact the only fan he has left.

  34. jeff123 says:

    hmm….awkward…..

  35. Jaymez says:

    [correction...kinda takes the edge of the comedy huh?]…As he takes his seat for the fist annual ‘Gene Simmons true fan club’ brunch it becomes apparant to gene that he is in fact the only fan he has left.

  36. [J] says:

    I can’ believe they are out of strawberry milkshakes…

  37. jerry says:

    Vlad is pissed that hot topic was out of the pants he wanted. So he decides to let off some steam by enjoying a nice caramel mocha from starbucks.

  38. Brutal Jay says:

    But, sadly, Shagrath’s date never showed.

  39. david catton says:

    im so sad i just wanna change umm a burger might be nice i wonder if anyone here listens to mudvayne….

  40. JJ Keaton says:

    “Damn I hope Hollister calls me for a in for a interview”

  41. Luhein says:

    What’s more humiliating……..painting your face like an idiot, or losing to a 9 year-old-Scrabble champ?

  42. Merkabassist says:

    You know, I thought it was weird that the Berzerker was having a meet and greet. I thought it especially weird that they were having it at the Des Moines Public Library. I guess this is the perfect place if you need a reason to loathe humanity. I should probably go kill myself before they get here.

  43. James Barry says:

    Hey they said there was free pie here but i dont see any pie i think they did this to me as a joke but i dont see how it could be funny this isnt a joke they just forgot that it was free pie night someone made a mistake it couldnt be a joke i meen i blend in to well for this to be funny we all look the same

  44. Ethan Torres says:

    “After finding out halloween was two weeks ago, Frandolf-asher-guntag sat at starbucks… drowing his sorrow in a frappachino”

  45. Gordo says:

    I’m sorry everyone! OK? I fart when I’m nervous! Geez!

  46. d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n. says:

    “Where the hell is that damn side salad I ordered?”

  47. Preston Pigg says:

    Wow, this is a far cry from pillaging and raping. Oden should be ashamed.

  48. JBenn says:

    FUCK , I just sharted

  49. James says:

    After waiting 20 long minutes and still no sign of his bagel, Gene Simmons became so consumed by hunger he was forced to eat all the other members of kiss.

  50. Mason says:

    “Damn Guitar Hero 3 store said i would look just like the fat ass with the spikes.. now i look like a damn slipknot member”

  51. Will Norman says:

    Lady in red(Bottom right)- “HOLY FUCK!, DO YOU SEE THAT SHIT?!?!?!”

  52. Caine Pigg says:

    The feast.. is ruined

  53. Mohamed.O says:

    “Whose pig do I have to slaughter to get a good Frappucino around here?”

  54. John says:

    When all his money was gone , Gene Simmons finally realized what it was like to truly be all alone.

  55. Travis says:

    But Gahhl was suppost to meet me….I guess he’s not coming with candy now.

  56. Cory says:

    “Um…I’m pretty sure “Morbid Anal Fog” isn’t a video game”

  57. Ryan says:

    thinking to self “Is my make-up smudged?”

  58. Rosie Suttles says:

    Who took my bones dam it?

  59. Hot Karl says:

    This is the opening scene from the new movie Crow 8, Demon Foodcourt Chaos. Staring the oscar award winning fat sack of shit, Star Wars Kid.

  60. Yuriy Bazylev says:

    Stoned out of his mind with no munchies around, our friend is unable to run from the banana masturbating man killer behind him…the man might be dead but at least the banana’s happy.

  61. Deke Lightning says:

    Jimmy ignored his mom’s plea to not wear his sister’s make-up out in public, now he is again left to ponder which hand he should use tonight when he get’s home.

  62. Dr J says:

    The unveiling of Axl Rosenberg’s face did not draw as large of crowds as he hoped.

  63. Sieger G says:

    “It’s ok, I thought the little girl was harmless too…”

  64. Andrea says:

    “Hmmmm. I wonder if I started singing some showtunes, if someone would come sit with me……
    I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and gay!!!!!”

  65. Jackeloff says:

    8..7..6..6..6.. Fuck, if I didn’t have this stutter I could kill people faster…

  66. The Mighty Fucking Quinn says:

    Blind dating in Norway can be so hard.

  67. Hank Amarillo says:

    Mean Malmberg is thinking to hisself, “Yeah i may be a mis-guided black metal warrior sitting in the food court next to potted plants, but at least I’m not trying to win a guitar signed by Mudvayne”.

  68. Shane says:

    Here we see a rare sight of the black metallion outside his natural habitat. Since unlike the chameleon, he is unable to change his facial details, he is trying to camouflage himself in alternate ways. The headbanging and thrash dancing are replaced by ordering lattes and wishing waitresses a nice day.

  69. Jordan Kesselhaut says:

    I’m the best looking mother fucker in here!!!

  70. kalebbroo says:

    Now we know what will happen to sting when he retires from wrestling

  71. god damn it they told me it was the “kiss appreciation day” at the mall. This is the last time i trust a myspace bulletin

  72. dthrasher says:

    I don’t know why but the “I fuckin love sbarro” had me laughing for a good while at my desk.

  73. David Duran says:

    “How come no one ever comes to my tea parties?”

  74. seveword says:

    Only the most hardened black metal warrior can survive the soul-crushing despair that permeates the food court at this small Midwestern mall.

    Unfortunately for Nelson, he was not fated to be that warrior.

  75. JesseM. says:

    I wonder if that girl in red would go out on a date with me if I asked her? Does she even notice me?

  76. Keith Al-Shareef says:

    He’s sad because he missed the KISS Potato Head signing event at Toys R Us.

  77. Sandy Duncan's Glass Eye says:

    “I now bring this meeting of ‘Lord Dark Ronald and his Four Invisible Friends to order.”

  78. Jonathan Hughes says:

    If only some understood my panda bear costume….

  79. rekclas says:

    why is every one in dresses i thought it was halloween party?

  80. rekclas says:

    HELP!! the girl behind me is giving me the evil eye!!

  81. Jodi says:

    Ummmm, yeahh

  82. Jeremy Cotner says:

    I’m gonna kill everyone here if they don’t quit staring at me. This I sware by the hammer of thor.

  83. fightingmike says:

    “I’m Different OK, Why wont you just leave me alone! STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!”

  84. Austin Milbarge says:

    “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I guess I’ll just go eat worms.”

  85. Xychoneurotic says:

    Alas…the food court is the only refuge left for me to think about last weeks Grey’s Anatomy without fear for scorn from the others. Will Meredith ever truly love again? …. sigh
    Maybe I should get a napkin before my makeup smears.

  86. david klekovic says:

    I take my coffee black, just like my soul. 2 sugars please.

  87. Dungeon Master King Zirconia awaits the other 3 members of his guild.

  88. J-Rod says:

    Matching outfit from Hot Topic, eighty-five dollars… Black and white face paint, fifteen dollars…. Being the most talked about person in the food court, priceless….

  89. Bodomizer says:

    Fuck hard liquor… I drink diet coke…

  90. 1tough1 says:

    “I think the big cartoon guy ate my mommy.”
    “Does this kid think I’m hiding her freakin’ polly pockets or what?”

  91. Xychoneurotic says:

    Bitter, unsuccessful middle aged loser wallowing in an unending sea of inert, drooping loneliness looking for 24 year old needy leech-like hanger-on to abuse with dull stories, tired sex and Kiss albums. Will be in the food court every Thursday from 1 to 5 pm waiting for Mrs. right.

  92. Cas says:

    Hmmm, that plant looks tasty.

  93. Closterman says:

    They call me the evil mother fucker where I’m from.

  94. Chris says:

    its gotta be getting close to the release date of the NEW MUDVAYNE !!!

  95. justin says:

    what ever happend to service with a smile?

  96. billybob says:

    Black Metal-loving satanic evangelist finds little support in the whitest mormon town in America.

  97. Andrew says:

    Gene simmons in his younger years…. before kiss

  98. Kye says:

    Sephiroth’s diabolical plans to dispatch Aerith became less extreme as his weight and makeup increased

  99. joel says:

    im definitely too early for the kiss convention

  100. Killer. says:

    Contrary to popular belief, the Mall is not the best place to significant other…especially if that special person happens to be the female-counterpart of KuD.

  101. Öwen says:

    In floods of tears Gaahl contemplated leaving Starbucks after the waitress labelled him a daft fag.

  102. Mrs. 1tough1 says:

    “I’m sick of being invisible, I wish people would notice me…..Wow, this Diet Dr. Popper really does taste like regular Dr. Popper.”

  103. Mike says:

    Ah crap, i really hope that lady didn’t leave just because I didn’t water the plants

  104. Anna says:

    We now observe the male out of his natural habitat. The pack has deserted him, leaving the male to fend for himself. Note the ritualistic face-paint, designed to distract the other animals from his obvious weakness. Which is what, you may ask? That he is only surviving on that last Coke and the thoughts of Cannibal Corpse. If the others come too close, he will rely on his strongest defense — Unfortunately for him, mosh pits are a worthless attack in a food-court setting without the assistance of Drop C tuned guitars and high-frequency monitors. Brutal.

  105. Rachael says:

    I’m so depressed I am gonna go cut my lawn. God knows it ain’t gonna cut itself!

  106. Elias says:

    “Look at me, I’m metal because my face is painted, im wearing all black, I stand out from everyone here, and I hate everyone and everything!”

  107. Killczar says:

    Vampyr had hoped that his unwillingness to ruin his makeup would help him cut back on sugary sodas and curb his appetite, but he was once again defeated by a straw and popcorn chicken.

  108. jaime says:

    Orlock, having never seen any of the movies in the franchise before, begins to regret showing up at his local mall for the open casting call of High School Musical 4.

  109. Mr Cobra says:

    Where’s Waldemar?

  110. Mitch says:

    It’s not his grimly paint slapped on his face… it’s his unholy farts that clear the tables.

  111. palinaborted says:

    Dimmu Burger: 1,000,001 souls enslaved and counting

  112. Tyler says:

    Billy was never really the popular one.

  113. Tony says:

    Unhappy that his Magic the Gathering club didn’t show up, Krotchblaknikorpse now sits in isolation.

  114. Tyler says:

    “What happened? Black metal was cool in Norway!”

  115. Tyler says:

    “I can’t wait until the Prince concert!”

  116. Tyler says:

    Dude Atreyu is sooo cool!

  117. Tyler says:

    I’m cool! They are the wierd ones.

  118. TylerW says:

    Consequently, King Spuringa of the Death metal daft-Acoustica thrash numetal band ‘Insane Homicidal Humanoid posse’ Sits in the food court at his south dakota mall, Wallowing in grief. He and his band, consisting of Grunger Bloodspout, Apocolypso, and Queen Hollowneck, Had just been booed off stage, the stage being JUST out of camera shot to the left, is calming his nerves with a carbonated beverage as he ponders his life direction.

  119. Jaime says:

    Between raping and burning villages, Vllad the impaler would often reminise of the old days over with some starbucks

  120. nick wenger says:

    you all are just like my parents……. nobody pays a attention to me.

  121. sean almeida says:

    maybe if I arrange all the chairs around the table like this someone will think I’ve really got friends…. right phil?… phil?

  122. Jacqueline says:

    “Just because I want a straw to avoid smudges does not make me gay!!!!!”

  123. DemonicLemming says:

    “Well, well, my plan worked. Corpsepaint will keep an unbreakable circle around me that humanity dare not pass, so that I may ponder my next band shirt purchase in peace! All except for that little girl…..she has somehow broken my defenses! I must stun her with my death growl (damn Behemoth for saying my tenor voice is not suited to demonic sounds! Damn them to white bunny rabbits and Elton John music for eternity!), and then….then…..I must EAT HER! Mwahahahahaha, yes! And it’ll save me a couple dollars on lunch, too. Just need to get another Diet Coke and I shall be ready to feast!”

  124. BETHANY says:

    “FUCK THIS! Kirstie Alleys not comin.. Ima take my moonshine and go suffocate some babies!!”

  125. Roxi says:

    I coulda swore the Dimmu Borgir convention was @ 4750 Pacific Avenue… goddammit

  126. scouinci says:

    Maybe they will notice me if i scream

  127. Ross says:

    Just because your music is awesome, doesn’t mean you are.

  128. Ohhh, they have chicken fingers! Nom, nom, nom, nommm.

  129. bobby machen says:

    “Hmmm did I feed Mr. Puss Puss before I left? Silly kitty”.

  130. charles says:

    “i doez it for the lulz”

  131. GoatRider says:

    Billy slowly realized he had the wrong address for the KISS Fan Convention.

  132. sean almeida says:

    don’t judge me…..

  133. David HMR says:

    I take my coffee black, just like my soul. Two sugars please.

  134. bobby machen says:

    Lets see…right knee….left knee….weenie….okie dokey then….

  135. bobby machen says:

    ……I could be smart and thinkin, just like Mr. Lincoln, if I only had a brain…….

  136. Joe Estrada says:

    Lady in red bottom corner : “Holy fuking shit are you kidding me?! “Lord Mordeth” said his metal shit was just for shows in his email! No way, just play it cool, dont think he recognized the sweater i told him i’d be wearing on our first real meeting. Just play it cool and head to the bathroom, I’ll hide in the shitter.”

    Lord Mordeth: “oh, i think thats her in the red… hey, where’s she going? fuck! why do they always do this?! Good thing i brought my box of tranq darts this time…”

  137. Factor says:

    “I know you can read my thoughts, boy: Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow.”

  138. cpo says:

    hey did you see how fucking fat that fucking lard ass was?

  139. Haggard says:

    “It aint eazy bein’ cheezy”

  140. Chris says:

    Ughhh dammn it they lied again this is not where that metal concert is.

  141. TC says:

    Lady in red: See Cheryl? That’s why I send Jeffery to private school.

  142. hibernum says:

    Set to the tune of Darkthrone’s Transylvanian Hunger:

    “Orange Julius hunger…cold!”

  143. Mike Malice says:

    Lars Ümlaüt finally felt he had hit rock bottom after being forced to play Limp Bizkit’s comeback album in Guitar Hero V, The Return of Rap Metal.

  144. Chris says:

    DUH DU DUH DA DUH!!!!! I’m lovin’ it!!!

  145. Slimjim367 says:

    and as the blond girl behind him asked aloud why he was wearing a Halloween costume
    he proceeded to decapitate her and hang her body from the ceiling of the food court

  146. Steve043 says:

    We are never opening for a christian rap group agian…

  147. Will says:

    Black Friday, the day we all know as the biggest shopping day of the year, has clearly had its meaning misinterpreted by young Lord Mhürder, who now must face the shame of being ostracized by the normal mall denizens, as he awaits the brewing of his coffee.

  148. 1tough1 says:

    “I’m sick of being invisible, I wish people would notice me…..Wow, this Diet Dr. Pepper really does taste like regular Dr. Pepper.”

  149. Jared says:

    “Lonesomeness is the blackest of all emotions.”

  150. PD says:

    Here we see Joe, the kid who put out the ad for the leads in a Black Metal band.

    Clearly there is NO evil and darkness in the suburbs.

  151. jim says:

    (In a Sesame Street Vocal)
    One of these things is not like the others,
    One of these things just doesn’t belong,
    Can you tell which thing is not like the others
    By the time I finish my song?

  152. mayhem fan says:

    Black Metal ….. it´s a lonely road.

  153. Walker says:

    Even the vorizon network avoided this guy.

  154. Chris says:

    In the name of Odin! Where’s my McMuffin? This is sooo not metal…

  155. Johnny Death says:

    Continuing his rebellion against society while at the mall, Eric chooses the dark table to sip his brought-from-home soda.

  156. justin says:

    I wonder if that chick in red likes me?

  157. Jason says:

    i’m not in the wrong place, i’m starting a fad

  158. Mitch says:

    Bingo!!!!!!!!!!!!

  159. Leprosy says:

    I’ll take my coffee like I take my soul…Black

  160. Symbolic says:

    i dont see what is so special about this picture, i mean the girl in the red shirt and pink skirt is flippin me off but it isn’t special enough to be a caption contest picture.

  161. Franklin says:

    yeah… there was at least one in my high school too

  162. Ashley says:

    It’s a good thing they can’t see me!

  163. Mr. Dean says:

    Fart once, and nobody will sit next to you again… Silent but Deadly! *evil laugh*

  164. Mr. Dean says:

    When those ladies leave, that table’s mine, too!

  165. Ashley says:

    A Starbucks on every corner, but I just HAD to go to the one next to the Banana Republic.

  166. brent says:

    “Man I really want to check out all the brootal black metal merch at Hot Topic but all the Starbucks is making me have to poop.”

  167. Jw says:

    “Wheres Waldo?”: The Goth Tard Edition!

  168. Jason says:

    Holy crap this itches, I wonder who gave it to me.

  169. JOSH says:

    …”INI MINI MINY MO..should i kill the blonde? the brunette? or red headed ho??!”

  170. Jonathan O says:

    As TheInfernalOne666 sits majestically in his seat, the same way he imagines Odin would on his throne in the voluminous hall of Valhalla, it dawns on him that his match.com date with falloutgrl22 may not turn out to be a sweet lay after all.

  171. zackcentury says:

    Unfortunately, many cafeterias don’t yet cater to the new Black Metal Diet. Eric wards off his hunger with a cup of coffee and tries to think of the nearest place that serves human souls.

  172. Jonathan says:

    dame security never thought i would stand out this mcuh maybe the wont notice if i sit still …… dame there still looking ………………. oh shit is that my grandma stay calm she wont notice me besides i dont stick out *whistles*

  173. enemyofgod72 says:

    On his first trip to the student cafeteria Josh, the Norwegian foreign exchange student, knew it was going to be a long year.

  174. Joshua Smith says:

    Damn, I thought this was the Mudvayne cd listening party!!!

  175. younggunz says:

    Susan is about to find out that match.com is very liberal with it’s definition of “Black” male.

  176. Could… could someone please tell me were I am. Last thing I remember was drinking a beer at the frat party while I was sitting on th……..Oh crap!!! I fell asleep with my shoes on again. Holy s*%#! I can’t believe this happened again. Why isn’t anybody looking at me. I must have a cock painted on my head again. Crap.

  177. drew smooth says:

    GENE simmons invited all his groupies, i guess he forgot what all those drugs make people look like in fifteen years

  178. JesseM. says:

    Nathan Explosion says:
    Hey goofball….look who’s all neutered. You are, yeah you are neutered, huh goofball? Yeah, who’s a neutered guy?

  179. Joe says:

    Corpse Paint:$4.99
    Black Metal Band Shirt:$19.99
    Enjoying time with your black metal imaginary friends: Priceless

  180. JesseM. says:

    Why doesn’t anyone come and say hi to me? Am I that unapproachable? Does my breath stink or something? Sheesh….they probably think I am a Jehovah’s witness….that’s it.

  181. Here’s goregole on the first day of his new “Steady Diet of Nothing”.

    Bonus points for anyone who names the band who had the album called that!

  182. Scott C says:

    Oh what a lonely world it is for the bastard love spawn of King Diamond………

  183. Dante V says:

    That Build-A-Bear session was brutal… time for break at the foods libraries.

  184. Tom says:

    I only eat the most brutal meal of all…..nothing

  185. James says:

    Pick up artist season 3???????

  186. Samnation says:

    I got fired from my job at the Mormon Tabernacle Choir today. They didn’t even give me a reason. FUCK IT!!! GIVE ME SOME CAFFEINE!!!

  187. Beth says:

    “goddamn if i wasnt such a fucking TURD BURGLAR maybe i wouldnt be so lonely ..well atleast i have my buddy jim beam”

  188. AnusApache says:

    These spoofs off of the old credit card commercials has to stop…it stopped being funny 6 years ago

  189. Steve Jester says:

    After a long day of kickin’ ass and takin Names, Steve Borden enjoys a nice, relaxing Double mocha cappuccino

  190. Jim Padgett says:

    Man… I think the girl behind me is checking me out….Oh NO..is that Chris Hansen?

  191. Razorbladehalo says:

    “All I ever wanted was to drink my beverage in peace while on my break from Hot Topic, well that and to be loved by the dark lord of the underworld”

  192. deano says:

    when hell is full, the dead will walk the mall

  193. nrich says:

    Duncan Hills Coffee, blacker than the blackest black times infinity

  194. Manik says:

    “One day mortals I will conquer this pathetic food court with my army of demonic minions from the shadow realm of Doritos and teenage angst!!!

  195. Manik says:

    “my mother always said every food court had at least one freak, I could never find him”

  196. tragicsoul says:

    I’m so goth I spend every waking moment, every breath, in contemplation of Goth. The totality of my being is at one with the essence of Goth.

  197. Fear says:

    “Behold, I will now make the Happy meals cry,…. wait let me just finish my diet coke first”

  198. Fear says:

    “Behold, I will now make the happy meals cry, wait……let me just finish my diet coke first.

  199. Shaun says:

    Ya’ll niggaz can’t see me, and ya’ll niggaz can’t be me! gyeahh!

  200. ColdChillin says:

    The lady in red!!!!
    My lady in red (I love you.)

  201. John says:

    “I knew I should have took that left turn at Albuquerque”

  202. Anthony says:

    “When metal farts go bad.”

  203. dustin says:

    i fucking hate tutorial…..

  204. wow, there are some great captions. Started off great but I think all the really good ones are done…the rest are falling about a light year short from even being humorous.

  205. Rus-T says:

    Why is everyone staring at me!?!

  206. The Greys says:

    Kount Kold Kvlt sat lonely in the lunch room, exiled even from the “nerds’ table,” facing the truth: His attempt to win Becky Lundergaard’s heart through the awesome sexual power of corpse paint had been a dismal failure.

  207. Chimp-O-Neg says:

    *Would the owner of black viking ship with licence plate KVLT-666 parked in a disabled parking spot please contact a member of security immediately before we tow it away.*

  208. Muttweiler says:

    Upon his release from prison for killing his drummer, Count Lardness found he was ridiculed instead of feared. Which was confusing to him because Satan was supposed to grant him great power when he ate Lord Ulrich’s rectum.

  209. Fuzzgrinder says:

    What a fatass.

    thats my comment. suck it.

  210. bharm says:

    Bubba was anxious to finally get to meet and greet with KISS….that is, until he got so excited that he jizzed himself.
    “I’m just gonna sit here and wait until it dries” Bubba thought to himself.

  211. Rx_Metal says:

    10AM, April 20th, 1999:

    Brunching at his high school in Colorado, ‘Gorgarath’ conteplates how no one at his school is more full of anger and despair than himself.

    *Yea, I’m going to hell. I may not have class, but I have fun*

  212. Axolotl says:

    (coming faintly from iPod) “Oops! I… did it again… I played with your heart… got lost in the game… ooo baby baby…”

  213. Justin says:

    yeah that was me, Lars Ulrich before i started using swagger by old spice.

  214. Andypants!!! says:

    “It doesnt matter how many chairs I keep putting around my table, I still have no friends to fill them.”

  215. Jon says:

    Making middle America more black metal since 2008

  216. Murdercrotch says:

    Chik-Fil-A… Cinnabon… S’Barro… Waffle Fries are pretty good.. Yeah, Waffle Fries will fill my belly… Ooh, Bourbon Chicken!! GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

  217. In You Face!! I SCORES!! says:

    …really, Jonas Brothers are a good band. Musically solid, good harmonies.. I’m just gonna tell Mordread and the rest of the gang. They’ve always respected my opinions. Surely they’ll listen without judgement..

  218. Arnold Denus says:

    This is how Filipino’s are well disciplined..

  219. Jeff Davis says:

    “I can’t believe Gaahl stood me up again.”

  220. Mordo says:

    …so where the hell is that kid i wanted to eat?!?!

  221. shawn says:

    dude is thinking..”this town is really going to hell. look at all the freaks and weirdos.” im going to have to move soon.

  222. Jesse says:

    God dammit.. I knew my first one was going to pop up after a while.

  223. josh says:

    “So much for casual friday”

  224. cornblood says:

    sitting alone in this shitty mall food court, this warrior is summoning as much pure hatred towards humanity as possible so he can write the next epic black metal anthem.

  225. umbrifer says:

    …so ronery…

  226. Sacajawea says:

    The local mall hired the most goth kid in town to paint their tabletops white using his face, knowing they wouldnt have to pay for paint. Here he is pictured ready to paint the top of his final table.

  227. Mark says:

    Damien waits for his job interview with Hot Topic

  228. Jason M. says:

    [sigh] So many people to kill, so little time! Waiter do you have any eyeshadow?

  229. Sammy says:

    “Geez I’m glad I’m not a freak, like that Menonite chick.”

  230. this is the last time i let my little sister practice her make up on me!

  231. Justin Moser says:

    Why is this camera man looking at me?

  232. DethRok says:

    After devouring the souls of the mall workers, nobody wanted to sit with “Hell-Fork”.

  233. This was from Halloween last year! i wish i had read the small print on the packages that states “BEFORE APPLYING TO WHOLE FACE DO A SMALL TEST PATCH AS PRODUCT MAY STAIN THE SKIN”

  234. Austin Pittman says:

    “Black metal blind dating” – She’s never going to come because it’s just that br00tal.

    …and he looks like a clown.

  235. iwrestledaferretonce says:

    Man, E-Harmony fuckin’ sucks goat balls……….

  236. Jason M. says:

    Look at the expression on his face as this carnie realizes hes not at the circus!

  237. Jason M. says:

    “No one understands me!”

  238. Marco Z. says:

    Pure Douchebag Metal…..

  239. Jason M. says:

    Breaking News: A zombie has been sited at a local sbarro. No word yet on any fatalities but we do have video confirmation of the zombie siting we take you live to the mall at sbarro. Oh my there he is omg he looks scary and terrifying, he seems to just be sitting their in chair not moving? No signs of movement chuck back to you!

  240. Andrew says:

    Brian began to doubt whether or not being a metal head was affecting his social life. No, Brian, it’s not because you look like a scary lunatic, it’s because your a fat, smelly douche.

  241. FAT MALLTEL IST KRIEG

  242. Jason M. says:

    “Dammit where they hell are they were gonna be late for the Kiss concert?”

  243. Reverdead says:

    дайте мне эту гитару!!!!!!!!!!

  244. smasherdevourerr says:

    McDonalds, where all future dark lords of satan eat

  245. Svetlana says:

    Russian fan loves you, guys!
    Give me prize! :)))))))

  246. Reverdead says:

    Give ME prize!!!!!! свой адрес потом по мылу вам скажу, и номер телефона тоже

  247. JesseM. says:

    BUUUUUUUUUUURP!
    Good thing I have this diet soda to wash down all these souls I have consumed. Gotta watch my figure.

  248. b-rad says:

    Waldo’s dining alone actually has nothing to do with the fact that he is a complete schmuck… it’s actually because he smells like hamster hair & vaseline

  249. Slender says:

    This Must be GOD’S idea of a joke….

  250. bradican says:

    And there sat Slagathor, rethinking his entire life after learning that Gaahl was in fact… NORWEGIAN.

  251. Jirky says:

    Gene Simmons stops at the local mall food court to have one last meal before he has to report for his appearance on the new season of Celebrity Fit Club.

  252. Floyd says:

    Let the “Speed Dating” begin!

  253. zach mclovin says:

    What am I doing here? I should be rocking out with my cock out !!!

  254. earth2tom says:

    Knowing he had finally found away to get laid and still remain brutal, Blarghk lets his black metal cock hang out as he waits for his blind blind date, sadly his blind blind date turned out to be Blarghk’s best friend Gkoylior who, by the way was secretly in man-love with Blarghk all along and wanted nothing more than to taste the bitter sweet taste of Blarghk’s brand of brutal Black Metal make up. They lived happily ever after. The end.

  255. crazy b....! says:

    fat bastard tells waitress(in cartmans voice)
    hey bitch get in the kitchen and make me a pot pie!

  256. crazy b....! says:

    GENE SAID I COULD GET A COW TONGUE HERE,
    WHATS THE FREAKEN HOLD UP!

  257. Dante says:

    On his iPod: “Such a lonely day… and it’s mine. The most loneliest day of my liiiiiiiife!”

  258. Bullfrog says:

    Geez… its dead in here. Think I’ll wake’em up in just a minute. Just as soon as this burrito makes its way through I’m gonna mic my ass give a HORRIBLE scream from “the bowels of hell”. Fear my metal ass.

  259. Dave B says:

    “Black metal enthusiast takes novel approach to loneliness by chaining himself to a chair in a cafeteria and going on a Friendless Strike”

  260. Vinny Crippen says:

    Only a nonconformist like me would come to the mall alone

  261. crush1214 says:

    Too Fucking Easy.

  262. ROKVAYNE says:

    “Waitress, Waitress! Damnit, what does a freak gotta do to get some damn service around here?”

  263. ERiK says:

    Cause Black Metal faggots gots to eat too.

  264. Toby Roberts says:

    I’m soooo metal I even sit at the dark table

  265. Fab says:

    1st on the menu: leftover roasted goats’ heads from the previous Gorgoroth gig.

  266. Dale says:

    No amount of red meat could overcome Gorath’s lonleyness

  267. Shinanigans says:

    Mortiis sets up chairs around his table in hopes to lure a young woman to sit down.

    Then and only then, will he devour her soul.

  268. Shinanigans says:

    Cthonic’s guitarist was left behind.

  269. bobby machen says:

    “…..and I say to my self…what a wonderful world…..”

  270. bobby machen says:

    ” GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLL NNNOOOOOOW! or maybe a puppy would nice”.

  271. bobby machen says:

    ” as I sit here broken hearted, tried to shit but only farted”.

  272. JesseM. says:

    Abbath hopes his makeup isn’t sweating off…waiting for the American Idol judges to make up their minds is stressful. Crossing his fingers he chant’s..I am a winner…I know they will pick me!..I can feel it!

  273. terrybeans84 says:

    “The first meeting of the most brutal black metal club to ever to hit the mall food court did’nt go quite as expected.”

  274. RaZZo says:

    This whole “speed dating” thing just isn’t working out for Grahhl…

  275. RaZZo says:

    or…

    “Hmmmmm….where Mongoroth park Prius? mmmm…Mongoroth pretty sure it was section 27B Green, but now Mongoroth not sure…shit! And fucking Starbuks bitch not use CHOCOLATE soymilk in Venti Iced Mocha Frappochachino..AGAIN!!!! Mongoroath not know why Mongoroth bother to leave house some days….”

  276. JesseM. says:

    Rondald McDonald is wondering if it was wise to bring his son on “Bring your kid to work day”

  277. metalmessiah223 says:

    I swear, if like 13 or 14 more people make another fucking KISS comment, I’ll burn this place down. I will lock the doors, and burn this mother FUCKER DOWN. What the FUCK are you looking at? Say it, SAY IT!

  278. omardlt says:

    Oh, shit. I shouldn’t have eaten that last king taco. I can feel it wreaking brutality on my insides. Fuck, if I move I know I’m gonna fart… that’s totally NOT metal!!!

  279. FistedSister says:

    Where the h-e-double hockey sticks did Gard, Rinn, Grimd, Sarke, and Hildr go? I’ve been here an hour; I don’t think I can stomach another veggie burger waiting around for these God-forsaken bunch of vondrukes to get here. I left Sunday school early for this?!

  280. FistedSister says:

    Pictured: young Daniel “Mortuus” Rosten of Norway’s Marduk; directly behind him, a young Johan Hegg (Amon Amarth) reading his newest Thor comic.

  281. 1XIII3 says:

    so to day kids we’ll be playing a new version of wheres waldo
    ” wheres is Gorgathon” first one to find em gets a gauntlet of spikes……

  282. metalwolf says:

    despite popular believe Ronald McDonald had not died, however his new image just wasn’t bringing the kids in like before

  283. MetalBlaze says:

    Loneliness Ahoy!!! Abandon ship!!!!

  284. Tariq says:

    Why exposing my sickness!!! Cover it up with a make-up mask!

  285. Dave D says:

    “One of these ‘hip’ motherfuckers must have a laptop around here. I NEED my puppycam!”

  286. Dave D says:

    [Ok all these comments about the guy being Ghaal need to stop. Ghaal's tall and lanky, this guy is a whale. It doesnt even come close to working]

  287. Steve Cedzo says:

    Damn mom, what the hell is taking you so long, cant you see I’m really hungry and i want my black metal happy meal! Oh yea i also can’t wait until i get home so i can disfigure my Ronald McDonald action figure and give it to my Lil bro, dimmiu for Christmas!! What the hell did i shit my pants? No one will sit by me, hurry mama!!!!

  288. angela says:

    where’s waldo?

  289. Nickmeister says:

    Gothopotamus’s cousin waits for the signal…

  290. Matthew Eskel says:

    Heeeeeyyy Abbott!!!

  291. Matthew Eskel says:

    I wish my boner would go away so I can stand up!

  292. Riley says:

    the adams family before a gorgoroth concert and puglsy gets lost in the food court

  293. KyleXY says:

    After tiring of constantly telling his fellow bloggers how much more metal he was than they, Stewart finally decided to go to the local food court and just put his superior metal-ness on display for all to behold. Victory was his at long last. Metallica fans must have felt sooooo stupid.

  294. Haha! says:

    To whoever made this comment: “I take my coffee black, just like my soul. 2 sugars please.”

    Last time I checked, coffee with sugar isn’t BLACK coffee!

  295. BETH says:

    “IM JUST A SEXY BOY.. IM NOT YOUR BOY TOY!”

  296. ANDREW says:

    “Hmmm.. Some noices just wanna make you fuckin punch a baby.”

  297. ANDREW says:

    noises..

  298. LISA says:

    I feel like a clown without my funny nose.

  299. bryan loerzel says:

    face paint 5$ outfit 60$ moca latte 4$ no one to share it with, pricless

  300. chantelle says:

    this make up is ingenious no one will notice the planet sized zit on my forehead now but what is taking the server so long…oh no maybe she noticed

  301. JOSH says:

    “Im just tryin to find some ladies to hang out with my wang out.”

  302. JAXxX73 says:

    His disguise was not nearly as good as he thought it was when he went to buy Hannah Montana tickets and an angus shroom and swiss at the local mall

  303. Emily says:

    Brandon contemplates whether or not he will show them all that the REST of his body is painted as well.

  304. Leprosy says:

    Dude, I totally look like Nathan Explosion. I wonder if anyone will notice.

  305. ABBA Freak says:

    anyone notice that Grim Reaper is the funniest looking metal band ever?

  306. Is half a dime a nickel? says:

    I won that Abbath look alike contest and i swear that if he doesnt show up i’m gonna go home to my room and cut myself to my Mindless Self Indulgence albums

  307. Lars Ulrich Jew Extraordinare says:

    Metalsucks, can you please do a caption contest that doesn’t include a picture that isn’t black metal related

  308. mark says:

    no matter WHERE i go… i jus frreakin’ CAN’T fit IN!!!!..~ it’s no use!!! i jus gotta be ME!! where’s my FRIES, already, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!

  309. Pam says:

    “UNIQUE”
    being the only KISS fan in a room full of clones.

  310. Ray says:

    Wait…… This isn’t the KISS convetion. Shit you guy’s got me again dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  311. Ray says:

    After years of coping with his unknown eating disorder the last member of KISS finally emerges in public.

  312. Jack says:

    Greg Tribbett’s son, Lost and Found….

  313. pat says:

    “i wish they would play some kiss right now. i’m sooo uncomfortable listening to rihanna.”

  314. Maria Poulton says:

    “I joined all the clubs…why isn’t anyone sitting with me?”

  315. kuyu says:

    possessed by black metal demons……………and fuck me there must be a lot of them…either that or it must be the burgers……………i know he’s possessed by black metal demon burgers……….

  316. kuyu says:

    “Ohhh come on ,I may be Satans servant but i’m a good guy……and a loving and compassionate friend .Please hug me”

  317. kuyu says:

    “Don;t be scared,it’s just me……..the worlds biggest satanic teddy bear.”

  318. kuyu says:

    “I’m not alone,I got my best friends with me :Satan,Baal and Lucifer sitting next to me,but don’t tell anyone I’m the only one that sees them”

  319. kuyu says:

    “If that waitress doesn’t bring me that fucking burger I swear I’ll sacrifice her to the devil”

  320. kuyu says:

    “I am sad.This coke is not DARK enought for me .Plus it gives me gas.”

  321. kuyu says:

    “Don’t make me go all Abbath on you”

  322. kuyu says:

    “I might be evil…..but have got a heart and a soul……..that i kinda sold to the devil……..but hey thats details.Hold me!!! My mom never did when i was young!!! “

  323. kuyu says:

    “The real reason why i am so big is not the industrial amount of burgers i eat………it’s the fact that i am HEll…………..and tormented souls enter HEll trough my ass hole………(this excuse always works with the lady vamps and satanists…….and mom seems to love the idea that her son is a veasal for all that is evil

  324. kuyu says:

    “Burger King ist krieg “

  325. kuyu says:

    “All my friends said do drugs,but now i had to go and eat burgers and fries .”

  326. Big says:

    After Gigantour and moshing for 4 hours, you wouldn’t want to sit beside him either.

  327. kuyu says:

    “Check my new band Morbidly Obese “

  328. kuyu says:

    “I’m not fat,my inner self is”

  329. kuyu says:

    “I’m not fat,the demon possessing is.”

  330. kuyu says:

    “I am not fat, I am just the fallen angel of greed”

  331. kuyu says:

    “Fat guys can be evil to”

  332. kuyu says:

    “After a hard day of walking trough the grim and frostbitten kingdom…..of Walmart …..a refreshing coke is of the essence . “

  333. kuyu says:

    “And still,where the fuck is my fucking burger………….don’t make me go all burzum killed mayham on you ……..u Satan damned waitress.”

  334. BoDoTeRRoR says:

    This is like.. If you want a little brother, kill your dad and fuck your mother

  335. kuyu says:

    “i’m so evil and grim that …..my farts are clouds of blackened darkness and my shit is decomposed flesh.”

  336. kuyu says:

    “I’m so evil and grim that my farts are demons…….(if i eat buritos my farts are aztec demons,if i eat curry my farts are hindu demons…..etc.).”

  337. kuyu says:

    “My band Morbidly Obese has just released a new album “Obese in the name of Satan”.It also contains our two demos :”Evil Colesterol” and “Sacrement of the Black Lard”.”

  338. kuyu says:

    “Don’t feed the black metalists.”

  339. kuyu says:

    Don’t feed the black metalists.

  340. kuyu says:

    MOM:”why are you sad son?” SON:”I’m not sad mom,I’m evil and grim,in a cute and cudly satanic kinda way.”

  341. BETH says:

    I see dead people.

  342. BETH says:

    “Get like you? Nah bitch.. get like me.”

  343. Reptus says:

    ‘In the name of Odin, I’m so uncomfortable. I should have used Preparation H…’

  344. THORGON says:

    Thorgon, becoming increasingly aggrivated looked at the clock. Jarpi was late

  345. THORGON says:

    Black Metal: because by the end of this meal, that little girl behind him will never be the same

  346. THORGON says:

    5….4…..3….2…..1…… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhill kill you all
    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ill eat you babies

  347. THORGON says:

    wtf thats one wierd looking plant

  348. THORGON says:

    The only one brave enough to approach the brute, a little girl

  349. THORGON says:

    FUCK YOU SODA CAN

  350. THORGON says:

    is that Aeris sitting in front of him?

  351. THORGON says:

    I’m just SO happy!!

  352. THORGON says:

    i cant believe im missing gene simmons family jewls

  353. ian baker says:

    “alright im gonna ask that blonde behind me if she wants to go to prom with me, my grandma tells me im really handsome so it should be a breeze”

  354. ian baker says:

    “I dont think im in the right place, i dont see anybody playing magic….damnit”

  355. ian baker says:

    This is really Rush Limbaugh in cognito for his oxycontin drug deal about to take place

  356. ian baker says:

    “I dont see a hot topic anywhere and my ass pimples are burning, i hope my mom hurries up with my prescription ointment”

  357. ian baker says:

    “I hope that girl in front of me hasnt noticed me stalking her for the last few hours”

  358. ian baker says:

    “This is where i come to ponder my sexuality”

  359. ian baker says:

    “I cant believe im finally going to meet my biological parents, hope theyre into moonspell as much as I am?

  360. ian baker says:

    “This doesnt look like the anime convention to me”

  361. ian baker says:

    “Cant beleive i finally am going to pop my ass cherry today, as soon as the guy from craigslist meets me here we’re going back to my moms basement”

  362. ian baker says:

    Wonder which one of these innocent humans I will attack and drink their blood to fill my hunger of this vampire curse that has been brought upon me

  363. kuyu says:

    ”By the power of all that is evil i shall lose weight and get myself a girlfriend,or at least a demon bitch.”

  364. Luis Salmeron says:

    After his little sister broke his Britney Spears album, Gowrath the Destructor went to the food court to drown his sorrows in a triple fudge brownie cake and a diet coke

  365. JesseM. says:

    Why is it when I sit and contemplate my complete waste of life..Someone always thinks its a fucking Kodak moment?

  366. Luis Salmeron says:

    Lars from Guitar Hero III at his book signing at the mall

  367. JesseM. says:

    If I move…the Mormons will get me.

  368. JesseM. says:

    Krikey..there it is..what a find! The rare black metal dork in the wild!.Notice how it’s a solitary beast and not a pack creature. It looks like it’s stalking a defenseless Mormon sheila. Let me go over and stick my thumb up it’s bum to see if it is a male or female!

  369. DNS666 says:

    Starbucks Finland: We put the “Black” back in “Black Coffee”.

  370. OneLastMartini says:

    It’s ok….No one can see me!

  371. kuyu says:

    “Fat people ist krieg”

  372. 1tough1 says:

    “Hey look at me, I’m a super douche with an overstretched vag, like the guy above getting offended that I’m getting called Ghaal.” says the fat tub of black metal disgrace.

  373. Poon says:

    “Progenies of the Great Fat-Bottom-lypse”

  374. kuyu says:

    Thats what you get for shooting up burgers in your veins.

  375. kuyu says:

    Now that’s how a Black Metal Peter Griffin(from Family Guy) would look like .

  376. dicknballs says:

    Black Metal Farts…for when you MUST be sitting alone in the food court.

  377. johnny metal says:

    “mmmm…………id love to get a piece of that pentecostal ass!”

  378. pork cake says:

    i woke up in the morning , had my first sip of COWcaine , had munchies for some beef so i gathered all my friends and went down to DIMMU BURGERS . the next thing i remember is eating a finger…
    now i`m sad because i ate all my friends …so i ordered a coke and 554320 burgers …

  379. pork cake says:

    i don`t walk … i roll over …

  380. kuyu says:

    666 the number of obese

  381. kuyu says:

    Beerzum = Varg Faternes =Count Grishsnack

  382. pork cake says:

    the people next to me can`t leave , i caught them in my gravitational field …
    i also caught some chairs so i can`t leave either….

  383. pork cake says:

    Fat Man just ate Boy Blubber , so now he is a satanist …

  384. pork cake says:

    today i started a new diet . i stopped eating living deer and goat …
    now i eat a combination of dead & frozen cow , pig and some genetically engineered animal made for burgers , and sometines when i`m sad i eat people …
    i also enjoy Kentucky Fuckt Chicken and Burgler King….

  385. SYL Townsend says:

    “Blarg! How long is this christian going to take with my coffee?! I hope i told her no milk or sugar…”

  386. ian baker says:

    “Any second now i will evolve into charzard and devour these pitiful humans and prove pokemon are real, all those that have laughed and ridiculed me shall pay”

  387. ian baker says:

    “I drank way too much pepto bismol, if i get up i know im going to shit myself, and im already embarrasing enough, i knew taco time was a bad idea”

  388. ian baker says:

    “the Necronomicon told me the portal to hell was under this table…..any second now satan should come and make me his dark knight and i shall ride by his side through the apocalypse”

  389. jeremy bergerson says:

    After losing the Presidential election, John Mccain decides to change his image to reconnect with the young voters. Dammit if it didn’t fuck that up to.

  390. jeremy bergerson says:

    This is Tom wearing his new work uniform after his employer changed their name from “Hot Dog on a Stick” to “Hot Dog Up Your ASS!!”

  391. pony says:

    “recent study shows listening to metal can be unhealthy for your social life”

  392. Tom Olmsted says:

    mallwalking is for everyone

  393. Tom Olmsted says:

    “lookin’ por nub in all the wrong places”

  394. CHAOS DESIGNS says:

    ” I WONDER IF PARIS WILL BE MY NEW BFF”

  395. Tom Olmsted says:

    the food court..a perfect place to bleed out

  396. Tom Olmsted says:

    my mom was supposed to pick me up 20 minutes ago..grrr..

  397. ian baker says:

    when will it end?

  398. ian baker says:

    if this were guitar hero these people would see how cool i am.

  399. ian baker says:

    current life and times of sam the butcher from brady bunch.

  400. ian baker says:

    man i miss my cat…

  401. CHAOS DESIGNS says:

    “TELL BILL I SAID HAVE A COKE AND A SMILE AND SHUT THE F#%K UP!”

  402. ian baker says:

    i think that guy sold me bad acid.

  403. ian baker says:

    man i hope this isnt Datelines to catch a predator-billy told me through myspace he’d be here by now

  404. ian baker says:

    This is a muslim

  405. ian baker says:

    “even being out at the mall with the family, Hanz was still outcasted and forced to sit alone to prevent further embarassment to his father

  406. ian baker says:

    this guy has his ipod playing papa roach last resort on repeat and sobbing. His mom threw whiskey bottles at him last night and threw his mothers day card he made her in the garbage

  407. ian baker says:

    Lars felt insecure, scared and alone after being raped in the mens bathroom

  408. ian baker says:

    this guy said no to drugs, so all of his friends called him fat and left him alone in the food court to go smoke some dank nugs

  409. ian baker says:

    these trees are my friends.

  410. ian baker says:

    someone HAS TO notice me eventually.

  411. ian baker says:

    i like chicken i like liver meow mix meow mix please deliver.

  412. ian baker says:

    THESE CHAINS WRAPPED AROUND THY CHEST AND WAIST PROOVES THY STRENGTH AND PERSERVERANCE AND WILL FIGHT FOR ALL GOTHS TO BE EQUAL!

  413. ian baker says:

    i wanted sharks with fricken laser beams…

  414. ian baker says:

    this guy didnt get to go see mudvayne, instead he spent the amount of money it would cost on a blow job from a japanese dude

  415. ian baker says:

    This is Lars, he doesnt talk much anymore, well he cant, this is the way hes been since he started smoking pot. Hes all lazy and boring, we used to have so much fun together, and now he just sits there…..

  416. BETHANY says:

    “Look at that ass! I’d go down faster than the Lehman Brothers!”

  417. BETHANY says:

    “Fuckinig Barnes & Noble had to loose my order for the necronomicon, now I’ll never have true love.”

  418. BETHANY says:

    “What the FUCK are these people wearing?!”

  419. BETHANY says:

    “Jesus hates me.”

  420. BETHANY says:

    “Acid is a helluva drug.”

  421. BETHANY says:

    “Man I wish this table came in black.”

  422. BETHANY says:

    “Look at those pigs at the buffet. What porkers.”

  423. BETHANY says:

    “Man, those pidgeons outside had good aim…”

  424. BETHANY says:

    Drakkon waits for his pizza as the Warriors for Christian Faith takes a quick piss break.

  425. BETHANY says:

    The bassist for Sausage Assassin takes a quick break for an Arby melt.

  426. BETHANY says:

    Sornfjord worries that his mom will be mad at the loss of her makeup kit.

  427. BETHANY says:

    “Man, I’m so hot I bet I make every bitch in here as wet as hurricane Ike.”

  428. Luis says:

    By the power of all that is evil, I command you to awaken and make me a sandwich!

  429. Luis says:

    When the members of Slipknot were stuck in a mormon mall together, they had to resort to cannibalism to stay alive. Joey Jordisson was the only survivor.

  430. Luis says:

    “Do you have any tuna that’s not dolphin safe?”

  431. Luis says:

    “I’m Dr. Rockso, the rock and roll clown! I do cocaine! Ca-Ca-Ca-Yeah!”

  432. Luis says:

    “I played my Kiss records backwards and it told me to I was the Key Master and I had to come here and wait for the Gate Keeper.”

  433. BETHANY says:

    “I need to go home & slit my pathetic wrist. Its not like anyone would care anyway.”

  434. Luis says:

    “That lady in red just gave a maccaroni murder lady glued to a piece of construction paper. Brutal!!”

  435. kuyu says:

    “Waitress don’t forget to bring me goat milk for my coffee”.

  436. kuyu says:

    “Waitress ,bring me another burger before i go all christians to the lions on you.”

  437. kuyu says:

    It’s near Antichristmass and the Black Metal Santa (also known ass Satan Clause) is thinking what to presents give this year to the children who have been wicked,grim and evil…..

  438. kuyu says:

    ” Tonight the satanic priest said we will sacrifice live virgins.I hope he didn’t mean me.”

  439. Chriatian666 says:

    Alone in the Lunchtime Eclipse

  440. kuyu says:

    It’s near Antichristmass and the Black Metal Santa (also known ass Satan Clause) is thinking what presents to give this year to the children who have been wicked,grim and evil…..

  441. kuyu says:

    Under Satanae…..because he said tat over him was to stressing for his back

  442. hater says:

    Gothic Makeup from the Goody store……$2.00
    Soda pop……50 cents
    Believing you had new friends that would show up in matching outfits to make a statement…..Priceless!

  443. maynardsux says:

    I thought they got Nicolas Cage’s son to replace Danzig on the Misfits reunion tour because he could relate to the kids……reserved seating indeed!!!!

  444. Jazmin H says:

    Nutgrinder Sanatinco says, “Golly Jeez I feel like a fool. She told me she’d meet me at the Burning wolf Cafe and to wear my best King Diamond with a hint of John 5 *sigh* Never again am I meeting a girl at YeOLseahags.com, they never show up.”

  445. airik says:

    Chad Grey ” I swear the camera adds ten pounds”

  446. While waiting for the McDonald’s manager to return with his application for the interview, Jim wonders if he should have removed his nose piercing before his pre concert meeting and stares in amazement at the sheet of paper that is on fire in the managers hand.

  447. mike millbern says:

    As Brian sat in the cafeteria waiting for his guide to come back from the bathroom, he suddenly regained his sight, looked himself over, and…”That Mother Fucker!.”

  448. Travis Pirtle says:

    No one’s staring at me, maybe if I shit my pants someone will start talking about me. Oh oh oh oh here it comes, Man I feel f-ing better.

  449. Dick says:

    Just hanging out being myself waiting for Hot Topic to open. Anyone scene my little sister?

  450. Revil says:

    What?!?!?! This isn’t the venue for the Kiss reunion concert I just bought scalped tickets for???… @&%$ Me!!!!!!!

  451. kuyu says:

    “Puny mortals,bow down to your new leader evil Lord Fatus.”

  452. kuyu says:

    This is Abbath Doom Occulta’s fat retard brother :Lardath Dumb Obesa

  453. kuyu says:

    “My life is a lie.”

  454. tattooedpapa says:

    Why is it everytime I get dressed up, Everybody runs from me?

  455. rattlehead says:

    With his Kiss Coffin which doubles as a beer cooler while you’re still alive already in production- Gene Simmons pauses to go over his sales pitch to Sears. Not only does he have to convince them to carry the item but to to sell his new add on option: Gene himself as a pallbearer and GREAT comforter to your widow.

  456. maleficus19 says:

    Ha! Now that I have your attention, I, Avkaroth, will send you all to the.. to the… does anyone hear me? Anyone? Someone look at me! LOOK AT ME!!! …please?

    Pretty please?

  457. JesseM. says:

    New set of Motivational posters..
    Drugs:
    Doing nothing has never been so amazing.

  458. JesseM. says:

    Indifference:
    It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn’t take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.

  459. JesseM. says:

    Potential:
    Not everyone can be an astronaut when they grow up!

  460. JesseM. says:

    Rock Bottom:
    You’ll know it when you get there.

  461. JesseM. says:

    Stereotypes:
    They are based on reality.

  462. JesseM. says:

    Disturbed:
    The uncomfortable feeling your neighbors get when they watch you empty your trunk.

  463. JesseM. says:

    Retards:
    We all know one.

  464. JesseM. says:

    Mistakes:
    It could be that the purpose of your life is only to be a warning to others.

  465. JesseM. says:

    Unique:
    Just because you are unique does not mean you are useful.

  466. kuyu says:

    “I’m like so Gloomy Grim right now because my girlfriend left me.she said i was fat and had the personality of a rutabega.”

  467. kuyu says:

    “I’m the real Behemoth,I’m the real Leviathan !!!! Just look at how huge I am dude,how can I not be?

  468. louie says:

    “I am so gonna get the gig at Hot Topic! Now I can get my spikes for cheaper.”

  469. Gallo says:

    Note to self: Kill those retards Kuyu, Thorgon, and Ian Baker, maybe Jesse M too, for trying too hard at telling miserable jokes. They’re not funny anyway, nobody will miss them…

  470. Chimp-O-Neg says:

    “This is me at the bar before Cradle Of Filth.”

  471. kuyu says:

    Note to self: sodomize Gallo and his family as soon as you have the time

  472. Justin says:

    “Currently in production, Napoleon Dynamite 2: The Fat Black Metal Years.

    Napoleon: MAYHEM IS THE SHIT!!!”

  473. TOny says:

    all he has to do is make a pentagram out of ketchup and hes set.

  474. Justin says:

    DA FUCK YALL LOOKIN’ AT

  475. eNVyWaster says:

    Its all the New Rage in Metal..

    FAT METAL!!!!!!!!!!!

  476. eNVyWaster says:

    My burger is gone already?? Thats BRUTAL!!!!!!!!!!

  477. eNVyWaster says:

    “Daddy, can you come pick me up please!?!? This weirdo guy is scaring me. I never wanna go to the mall again!”

    *cell phone rings (black metal tone)
    creepy weird guy answers phone in depressed goth voice
    “hello”

    ” hey carl, this is mr. taylor, amanda’s dad… we did it, she never wants to come back.. what do i owe you?”

  478. Mudvayne_Psycko says:

    UUUHHH-OOOHHH!!! Oooops, this is the RICHARD Simmons fan club!

  479. eNVyWaster says:

    all i wanted is for someone to look at me.. just a peak.. a 2nd glance, hell a first glance..

    is that really so much to ask!

    i guess ill just go slit my wrists and bleed out the sorrow of being unwanted in this dreadful world

  480. Mistress_Mandi says:

    And I got all primped for this????

  481. Will.i.aint says:

    I’m really just a puppy dog once you get to know me.

  482. BETHANY says:

    “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.”

  483. Megan says:

    Jimmy (AKA DeathDemon): My mommy told me I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up… Oh my god! Why is everyone staring at me… is my makeup running??? Should I check… no, no I can’t… must act cool… look down… don’t make eye contact… what wonderful flora… where is Brittany, eh I mean DeathAngel…. I CAN’T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS!!! BREATH!!! IN OUT, IN OUT!!!!

  484. The New Game says:

    …fuck my life

  485. christian says:

    i know i was supposed to meet her here! oh crap is that Chris Hansen?

  486. Life’s so dismal, dark and bleak…wait….hold on… what the fuck is this? A CHEESE BURGER?! I ordered a DIMMU BORGIR!!!!

  487. whiskey ramble says:

    his face says black metal but his heads thinkin’ nu metal… “all I wanted was a pepsi, just one pepsi……”

  488. Mistress_Mandi says:

    Excuse me waiter, there’s a dead guy in my soup!!

  489. Walker says:

    The only guy that actually liked the new record

  490. Walker says:

    sorry……the only guy that like the new MuDvAyNe record

  491. the isaiah man says:

    i need to fart!

  492. JesseM. says:

    and she wouldn’t give it to me..just one pepsi

  493. Wasted Waster says:

    Dig, Bury Me, Underneath.. . all that hot melty cheese on my nachos!

  494. Wasted Waster says:

    I, would love to cram my face, with any fucking food, that i’m thinkin that is tasty.

  495. Wasted Waster says:

    Peel me, im the skin, peel me from the bone, does it make you want chicken now?

  496. Wasted Waster says:

    Does your God come in a cheese-burg-er to indulge you.
    Tear your heart down, fat meat eaters chew,
    to consume these calories, and clog my arteries

  497. Wasted Waster says:

    I signed off World of Warcraft for this?

  498. tweezlor says:

    This blows.

  499. tweezlor says:

    Now you’ve got something to die for.

  500. tweezlor says:

    Walk with me in hell.
    I’m waiting.

  501. tweezlor says:

    Creeping Death.

  502. tweezlor says:

    Sunshine’s gone, it’s all gone
    By the way, just so you know
    Always, this is how I feel

  503. tweezlor says:

    You’re out of souls… FUCK.

  504. TheRode says:

    All you base belong to us….
    Anyone?…..
    No?…..
    Damn!

  505. matt D says:

    someone sit down and KISS me!

  506. TrevorW says:

    While it appears that Lars Umlaut is simply sitting at the table, he is in fact drinking an A&W rootbeer to wash down the small child he just devoured.

  507. WadeMT says:

    As he does every day, Gilgeraath spends his lunchbreak contemplating the facade his life has become since getting a job at The GAP.

  508. HELP…..IF YOU GET ME OUT OF HERE I SWEAR I’LL BE A GOOD MAGGOT PRETTY PLEASE…!

  509. Vadim says:

    “Arhhh….Where is she??I can’t wait so long…I can’t wait so long…Something goes wrong”

    “Ohhh f…k this new text for my song….So f…k this date i’m goin’g home!!!I must to wrote this immediately”

  510. Vadim says:

    “Hmmm….i’m strong…i’m strong” “I must talk with this girl right behind me, i must do that…arrrhhhh f…k i’m idiot” “So what??I will sit here all day long, and beer, it’s not so difficult”

  511. Vadim says:

    “Hmmm….i’m strong…i’m strong” “I must talk with this girl right behind me, i must do that…arrrhhhh f…k i’m idiot” “So what??I will sit here all day long, and drink beer, it’s not so difficult” “Waiter come here……………………………………………And?????………………………………..somebody please come here….No??….F…K :((((”

  512. kuyu says:

    Just because u hate yourself does not make you a myshantrophe .

  513. kuyu says:

    ”What is the point of being satanic and evil if no one gives a fuck.Come on ,anyone,I beg of you give me the attention I deserve you punny comformists.

  514. kuyu says:

    Black is the meat,
    Burgers we eat,
    Cheese grillers set to explode.
    ………………………………….
    ………………………………….
    Lay down your souls to the God’s onion roll.

  515. kuyu says:

    Ketchup eyes-deep fried skin
    potatoe fries-soda cans
    chicken wings-well coocked beef
    B.U.R.G.E.R. K.I.N.G

  516. bruce otvos says:

    DAMN THIS PEPSI TASTES METAL AS FUCK!!!!

  517. Travis Herndon says:

    Man…ozzfest sure has changed

  518. Sam Perry says:

    As Jacob Ducock III aka “Absinthe” waits until they refill the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet, he wonders…if many goose are geese, why is it that many moose aren’t referred to as meese?

    …deep thoughts Absinthe, deep thoughts…

  519. Adam Hoppe says:

    “Maggots… all of you… SATAN SHALL REIGN DOWN ON YOU AND POUR HOT ACID DOWN YOUR THROAT AND YOU WILL ALL BURN IN THE PITS OF MY DARK SOUL. Man i’m hungry. time to join the maggots and get food… but then again they might hurt me for screaming that… choices… choices… ah screw it i’m hunrgy!”

  520. JesseM. says:

    Talk about a world so cold…nothing is as cold as the way people are avoiding me here…

  521. iahs says:

    Dimmu Burgers, now with a free Coke Zero

  522. Mork says:

    Shagrath caught by paparazzi!!!
    Dimmu Borgir’s frontman fighting his hangover at the local fastfood after an exhausting last night’s “alcohol marathon” performed with his russian friends in Moscow :-)

  523. Ed Frickey says:

    Things have gone horribly south for Ace Frehley since he was rejected by Gene Simmons on the prospect of playing the walk on role of Kissin Cousin Ace on Family Jewels.

  524. pazzybee says:

    here we see the gothopotamus in his natural habitat……… a food cort

  525. kuyu says:

    “Me hungry.Me want food.Me kill christians for food.” that is what the early black metalist had in his mind but nowadays it’s all for fun

  526. mike4gurrg says:

    Dammit, I cant find that damn Black Corpse Crayon.. I hope I didnt drop it in the Mrs. Fields cookie batter. If they find it, I’ll just say its not mine.

  527. tony says:

    Oh snap! I can’t believe they ran out of teriyaki chicken. Maybe Cold Stone is open.

  528. kuyu says:

    “i know I’m fat but that meat i buy from the Necrobutcher is so delicious that it’s almost addicting.”

  529. Robert Taylor says:

    Jeeeez is this really the new President Elect
    The Blackhouse awaits you Sir

  530. Jon Moore says:

    What the fuck are you looking at!?!?! i just want to enjoy my coffee and use the fucking wifi

  531. Kelly Roth says:

    Food Courts = Satan’s Playground

  532. tony says:

    is that little girl looking at me? shit, is she gunna talk to me? does she want something? should i leave? should i ignore her? please leave, please leave, please leave. ….shit, she’s still there. what do i do? don’t talk to me, leave me alone, she’s gunna talk to me, i know it, what do i do if she talks to me?, i gotta get out of here. OK. calm down, calm down, she has no reason to bother me, she just sat there by coincidence. OH FUCK, i knew i shouldn’t have come here, kids scare the shit out of me.

  533. Flamincinderballs says:

    “Waiter I ordered my Metal Hardcore, not heavy.”

  534. Brandon says:

    “Yes i see you, thine’ beast in the red dress. I have stalked you through the wilds of this mall, and the fields of gorgrothmackrockastine that lay beyond it. And finally i have cornered you to this small food court, where we shall do battle for days, fire shall rain from the sky as our blades clash, and demon goats shall spew forth from the maw of hell, and I SHALL BE THE VICTOR!!!….

    …but first, i think ill enjoy myself a nice cup of BLACK coffee and a delicious doughnut filled with yummy cream…”

  535. kuyu says:

    “When will the torment end?”

  536. adam says:

    (normal people) so when do we do this intervention?
    (Metalguy) Oh God To Many Normals Oh Fuck Im Stuck
    (normal)

  537. Morad Alvarez says:

    “I’m so Goth I shit bats…”

  538. tessa walston says:

    the day of kiss’ comeback album release, their entire fan base showed up, ready to show his undying support!!

  539. Nibanay says:

    I know I’m getting old when I can’t even freak out an eight-year old girl. (behind him)

  540. Jason says:

    “Amazing! Notice how the offspring of others do not cower before Gothosaurus Rex! Let us be thankful it has been chained up. But if it weren’t, what a glorious sight it may be!”

  541. hatefilled1 says:

    Hey, these motherfuckers dont even know how to dress, how could they come out of there house like that.

  542. Reaper-X says:

    Kahl the Frostbitten Impaler of Souls, contemplating talking to the overweight Aeris cosplayer at the table across from him. Could they be costumed, star-inverted-crossed lovers? Stay tuned for next weeks “Kvlt and the Restless.”

  543. iSlob says:

    …at least it isn’t Mudvayne make-up!

  544. zerostyle says:

    its ok gene someone out there still knows who you and thinks your still cool.

  545. kl says:

    when is this contest gonnna end dudes????????????seriously ….ps please respond on this page pls

  546. olk says:

    yeah dudes when is it gonna end???????

  547. Nick0107 says:

    Until my one man black metal group earns me enough money to buy my own private “Espidel”, the table nearest The Great Steak and Potato shall be my island.

    HAIL

  548. Matt W says:

    Why is my mom at Mcdonalds ordering me the double cheeseburger happy meal? MOM! STOP!

  549. nick says:

    …”so this is what balck people feel like”…

  550. David Duran says:

    dude i just checked my email. YA BRAHSSSSS

  551. AC says:

    OK, um yeah this is embarrassing….didn’t anyones else gets the invite?

  552. AC says:

    Aw, aw god dammit not again!!!! This is the most UNMETAL THING EVER!!!!!

  553. AC says:

    I haven’t felt this out of place since that time I tried out for ballet!

  554. Garrett says:

    i eat because i’m sad, i’m sad because i’m lonely, i’m lonely because i hate everybody.

  555. william says:

    this is Lars Ümlaüt before guitar hero.

  556. Jp says:

    I hate my life emo’s wanna cut me, goths cry all the time, and i’m stuck in this gettup while everyone else thinks i’m insane…come here coke zero my dear friend

  557. Cs says:

    “…..This definatly isn’t the concert.”

  558. V says:

    I thought this was the Ace Freely Poetry Slam; maybe I got the wrong day…
    the rest of KISS took off leaving me alone… with these …. Hostas

  559. John says:

    The Metal Society claims yet another morbidly obese and depressed soul.

  560. John says:

    Lars did not take the news that he would not be appearing in Guitar Hero 4 well…

  561. Frank says:

    I wonder if Gene Simmons will believe that i slept with more woman then him

  562. Frank says:

    I wonder how many numbers i can score with my new dark and sexy look

  563. Frank says:

    I hate waiting to have lunch with my mom she complains i wear more make up then her

  564. Frank says:

    The guys at hot topic told me with this face paint no one can see my herpes but i think the kid behind me sees them

  565. As Susan waits for her blind she only hopes that he will not mistake her for the easy type.

  566. While on her lunch break from Hot Topic, Susan waits for her for friend from the GAP store.

  567. Cosk. says:

    I know what he’s thinking, exactly what im thinking. Fuck David Hasslehoff.

  568. razorsharp codpiece says:

    As the blackest of tears rolls down gaahl’s face, he wonders if eharmony’s chemistry inspired matches were all just a crock of shit.

  569. timuchan says:

    Simmons Size Me – (Super Size Me II) ..starring Gene Simmons.

  570. Carnage9 says:

    “Abbath? Horgh? Guys!? … Man this is embarrassing…”

  571. Nick says:

    Nobody understands what its like to be a hungry metalhead…

  572. Brian Huffaker says:

    MYSPACE.com Realy is the new BOOTY CALL!!!!!!!!!!!

  573. Si Parker says:

    Thinks to self. Well she might be blonde and cute but if the little fucker throws another peanut into my fucking hair im gonna pull her teeth out. No No NO calm grathrak calm is the new anger use your words…..

  574. Si Parker says:

    Thinks to self. Well she might be blonde and cute but if the little fucker throws another peanut into my fucking hair im gonna pull her teeth out. No No NO calm grathrak calm is the new anger use your words

  575. Jordan Wean says:

    “Damn, i have been waiting for Dead and Euronymous for what seems like ages…”

  576. rpm says:

    When going on blind dates with one of your ten fans, be sure lose seventy pounds and not dress like a dumb-ass. What not to do is shown above.

  577. s2 says:

    learn from my experience, when an art school student asks your help for a school project say NO!!!

  578. s2 says:

    that’s what would happen if Batman and Joker had a kid

  579. tonya hull says:

    Hey, Gene Simmons here, the rest of the guys in the band told me to come sit here and think about what a sell-out I’ve become from the KISS brand!

  580. Bruce says:

    hot topic…check
    spencers…check
    balls…………….

  581. Child_Of_Bodom says:

    I’ve been sitting here for, like, 5 days! No food or water! Why am I still alive!?!
    Fuck my life.

  582. Identicor says:

    The emo kid cursed himself for letting his father put his make-up on for him…

  583. Will says:

    “Waht? Is there, is there something on my face?”

  584. bloodworm says:

    “This isn’t brutal enough..”

  585. DVDROSHIN says:

    “I can’t read the damned menv….what is burger? I want BVRGERS, not Burger.”

  586. VincentS says:

    Jeff, the only kid to come through on Black-Metal-Celebration-Day.

  587. kyle says:

    “i feel pretty, oh so pretty”

  588. DJ says:

    The search for a place to sit is over. The search for my penis is an everyday battle.

  589. Wil S says:

    Attention Customers!!! We have a lost boy… Dressed all in black, Size ten sneakers, guages, and mudvayne tattoo… Please pick up your child!!!

  590. Kris Erichsen says:

    I’m so different, I can’t even blend in with this face paint.

  591. Kris Erichsen says:

    the bastard off-spring of a goth and rodeo clown.

  592. Hannes Cronqvist says:

    “What’s up with all the kids, I thought Burzum were gonna’ play?”

  593. Hannes Cronqvist says:

    “Why are they looking at me like that?”

  594. Hannes Cronqvist says:

    “I feel… Like I’m standing out a little…”

  595. Preston says:

    “Ha, aHa Haha, now that, that damn clown is dead, ‘good thing my mom doesn’t know how to drive, stupid whore’ im sure to get this job.”

  596. Kayce says:

    I feel Pretty :P

  597. Jose says:

    …Check Please

  598. Manninabox says:

    “I don’t feel so silly after seeing Chad dressed up as a human-sized Elmo at tonight’s Mudvayne show. Just keeping it real.”

  599. Mike says:

    Do as thou wilt is the whole of the food court law.

  600. Caleb says:

    Man the things i would do to that lady in the pink skirt!, hopefully she has parkinsons

  601. Dizzle says:

    Most people are weirded out by my makeup, but I think these people are leaving because I farted!

  602. Dizzle says:

    Hmmmmm. Noone small enough to swallow whole.

  603. steve says:

    I didnt have any clean underwear so im wearing a bathing suit…..

  604. klyph says:

    While incognito Rosie O’ Donnel waits for a match .com date

  605. Erik says:

    “Am I the only sane person here?”

  606. CHuck says:

    The Inspiration for the new childrens book series “Where’s Shagrath?”

  607. baker says:

    at the time i thought it was a good idea. but now i wish i had used a condom. I FUCKIN HATE A.I.D.S.!!!!!!!!

  608. baker says:

    what the fuck were his my mom with my fuckin cheeseburger

  609. BEHEMOTH will come….Wait FOR IT…..Wait FOR IT…..

  610. Twitch says:

    Morg hit wall….Morg no kill wall…..Morg….hate….wall……….

  611. Hamsterball says:

    Shit… maybe it was a left turn at the fork…..

  612. Madyo69 says:

    Why do i got a feeling that everyone is staring at me!?!?!?!?!?

  613. brandon leyden says:

    “can you say where’s waldo”

  614. destroyeroflies says:

    “So uh…. Behemoth is’nt playing tonight?”

  615. destroyeroflies says:

    In a world where metal is dead and gone one man fights for the survival of all things brutal….. and this is not him.

  616. Brian says:

    Little Girl in background: “Duck, Duck…..Douche”

  617. Jon Browning says:

    On being stood up by the girl he met on Myspace: Maybe next time I don’t tell her I’ll be the guy wearing death paint.

  618. ashley h. says:

    Lunch time at the MetalSucks mansion.

  619. Ian says:

    “Buncha freaks in here man! I should kill them…”

  620. Aled says:

    was it something i said?

  621. chris says:

    They told me we were gonna have the band meeting in honkeydorey mall this week where are they? Oh thats right I don’t have any talent to be in a band (voices in head start to speak “stay here and Sharon Osborne will pick you to be Ozzy’s new bandmate”)

  622. chris says:

    Girl wheeps for her mommy and the make-up wearing bastard starts laughing and says to the little girl ” I only weighed 120 pounds when I sat down”

  623. chris says:

    Oh Yeah all the other mall goths were to meet at Mummytown mall today not the Sunshine shops. “DaNm”

  624. systemsdown says:

    The night Gaahl stood him up was the worst day of Tom’s life

  625. Ryan says:

    Man, why is everyone staring at me when they should be staring at the chick with the pink dress?

  626. nolavann says:

    maybe SOME level of conformity isnt such a BAD thing.. Ohhhhh if she only knew how ‘in love’ I am with that pink dress she’s wearing.. I’ve got to maintain composure but I just can’t let this magical moment pass me by.. I’ve simply got to convey my love for her.. FUCK!! I just sharted!! So much for felching with her..

  627. Kirwan says:

    Every year at the same spot like a sick ritual, Colin would go and sit for hours remembering the time his parents abandoned him during a happy meal

  628. Me thinks me just shatt myself…

  629. I swear, it’s my new cologne…

  630. Every time I eat one of those 2lb burritos, no body comes near me except little kids.

  631. I feel pretty…oh so pretty…I feel pretty and witty and GAAAYYYY…
    it’s a pitty…that everyone can’t feel like me todayyyyy….

  632. “Dammit Mom! I hate when you drop me off early for a show!! This food court can’t handle my evilness. You fucking better pick me up on time! And bring me a goddam snack pack! (snack packs are so broootal)”

  633. Hmmm….This Isnt The Hello Kitty Convention….

  634. Keith says:

    “I knew the rest of of Virgin Slut Mother of Satan wouldn’t want to meet here for band practice.”

  635. ptunera says:

    will someone get that little girl away from him?!

  636. Crazy Eyes says:

    Dimmu Borgir is getting ready for a show at Starbucks.

  637. Jason says:

    Chad unsatisfactorily drinks a diet coke, in hopes that he will widen his selection of spiked leather outfits

  638. Mark says:

    Last thing I remember, I’m the KISS concert, and my buddy, Rooster says, “Drop this, Dude … it’s Snoopy Blodder!”, and now … what year is it, again?!

  639. Kit Brandner says:

    “Gaahl stood me up again.”

  640. max power says:

    Hes like a bad advertisement.Try and ignore him and maybe he’ll go away. It worked with that 6 flags old creep.

  641. sumeet says:

    disguise expert!!!!!

  642. I’ll never get that free “Hot Topic” Facial again…or will I?

  643. I hope I wake soon…this better be a dream

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