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Cinemetal

SERIOUSLY, I THINK ROB ZOMBIE IS GREAT, BUT, SERIOUSLY, FUCK ROB ZOMBIE

 Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008 at 11:52am by

Why would Rob Zombie direct Halloween 2?

I’m a fan of Zombie’s music (generally speaking). And he has written and directed three feature films now, and, honest to goodness, I’ve enjoyed two of them. House of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects were like remakes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the mind-blowingly awesome original, not that piece of shit remake from earlier this decade) and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (see last parenthetical), but the tones were backwards: TSM2 and Corpses are really campy and kitschy and over the top, and TSM and Rejects are more genuinely well-made and creepy movies. Corpses didn’t knock my socks off or anything, but I enjoyed it for what it was, and I legitimately think Rejects was just a really cool movie.

But fuck Zombie’s remake of Halloween.

As far as I’m concerned, John Carpenter’s original is one of the best horror movies ever made, and for someone who claims to love it, Zombie seems to have almost no understanding whatsoever about what made it great. For one thing, in the original, we learn almost nothing about Michael Meyers as a little boy, and what little we do see suggests that he’s from a perfectly normal middle class suburban family – which is fucking scary, because it suggests that the most evil fucking man in the world could be the little kid living right next door to you. Zombie’s decision to make the kid a freaky looking Kiss fan from a highly dysfunctional white trash family just plain sucks; you watch the environment this child grew up, and you think, “Well, of course he grew up to be a masked serial killer.” It’s not scary because there’s a clear lesson about how the creation of such a killer might be stopped.

And don’t even get me started on the second half of the movie, which is the actual “remake” part of Halloween. What witless, clumsy, stupid slasher flick Zombie managed to cook up. It’s interesting to note how little blood or gore we actually see in Carpenter’s Halloween, as opposed to Zombie’s version.

As bad as the movie sucked, at least I could bank on Zombie never doing a sequel. Shortly before Halloween 2007‘s release, he gave this interview to MTV:

MTV: And you won’t be coming up with ideas for Halloween sequels on the tour bus?

Zombie: No. I have no plans on watching them or making them. [He laughs.] My movie has a beginning, a middle and an end — and then I am done. Anything that comes after that? It will not involve me.

So now, of course, because for once I wasn’t cynical and took a metal musician at his word, it looks like Zombie may do that Halloween sequel after all. Of course, movie sites like Shock Till You Drop, the one reporting this particular rumor, traffic in bullshit – except that Shock’s information is generally reputable. If they say that Zombie is dropping his other project, the not at all dinosaur-related Tyrannosarus Rex, to do Halloween 2, I’d be willing to bet that Zombie is at least in talks.

And why the fucking fuck would Zombie suddenly have a change of heart about doing another Halloween movie? I’m just speculating, but I’d be willing to be the answer rhymes with “honey.” Or maybe Dimension, the studio behind the Halloween movies, promised him they’d bank roll T-Rex if he did them this favor.

Either way, this news sucks.

-AR

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  • Iron Mayden

    I never saw this because the first Halloween was so good that I knew the new version would most likely be a whole lot crappier, but with more blood.

    Remaking Halloween is like remaking Star Wars. Oh wait…..

  • Iron Mayden

    I never saw this because the first Halloween was so good that I knew the new version would most likely be a whole lot crappier, but with more blood.

    Remaking Halloween is like remaking Star Wars. Looks like they both turned out the same way.

  • palinaborted

    I cannot plumb the depths of my imagination and come up with any kind of logical reason as to why 95% of horror genre continues to be made and why anybody goes to see this shit. The only good horror films being made these days are indie projects that have to be relegated to some kind of bullshit “horror movie marathon” showing at your local corporate theater. Rob Zombie seems to know everything about the genre and yet knows nothing about directing an actual horror film. But hey, as long as he gets paid and the studio gets a 90 minute picture, all is right with the world…

  • http://www.benapatoff.blogspot.com Ben

    I’m in the minority, but I liked Rob Zombie’s Halloween remake. I thought it was different enough from the original to be exciting, but faithful enough to be respectful. A more faithful remake would’ve been a pointless waste of time, but I thought the part on Michael’s childhood was a risk that paid off. Other than Dawn of the Dead, I can’t think of a horror remake I enjoyed as much as that one.

  • http://www.benapatoff.blogspot.com Ben

    One more thing–I totally don’t see this sequel happening.

  • Johnny Death

    If Rob Zombie is going to dig into the past and make a sequel to something, i think it should be La Sexorcisto: Devil Music, Vol. 2. Hell, an Astro Creep 3000 could be interesting too.

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

    @palinaborted: The only good horror films being made these days are indie projects that have to be relegated to some kind of bullshit “horror movie marathon” showing at your local corporate theater.

    You are looking in the wrong place. The best horror films released these days are coming far, far away from the Hollywood machinery. Some of the best ones these days are made in France (Inside, Frontiere(s), Calvaire, Haute Tension), Germany (Antibodies), Italy (Mother of Tears), Great Britain (The Midnight Meat Train), and Spain ([REC]). There are a few American-made ones that sneak in under the radar that are pretty entertaining such as Slither or Dead Mary, but they tend to be more horror/humor combos.

    Unfortunately, many of the foreign horror directors are being co-opted by Hollywood and releasing crap mainstream product like Alejandre Aja (director of Haute Tension) and his recent release Mirrors.

  • vance almighty

    the original halloween, to me, is a perfect example of a movie that should have never had a sequel.

    for starters, in the original, “the shape” didn’t have the specific purposes he had in the sequels to follow. he didn’t kill because it was family, or because he was born under a bad sign (halloween 6… HAHAHAHA). he killed for no reason at all, at random. which is what made the character so fucking terrifying in the first place. i mean, seriously… a killer that has no purpose, or no pattern to what he does at all is WAY scarier than any fucking monster in any movie combined. and then the ending, after getting blasted out of a window and then proceeding to GET BACK UP and run away… that’s just fucking scary.

    but, in halloween II, they ruined that entire image, and turned him into jason. by giving him a reason for escaping the mental hospital and coming back home (the reason? his sister is jamie lee curtis’ character from the first movie), it robs the character of the truly terrifying aura he had in the first movie. he was no longer “the shape”… he was simply michael myers.

    if you’re smart, you’ll do what i do: pretend every other halloween movie doesn’t exist, except for the first one. hey, it works for highlander.

  • Tim

    I agree with both Axl and Corey. And why are there so many remakes coming out? Hollywood needs to quit putting out millions of shit movies and start putting out a limited number of quality movies. Some 2008 “Horror” movies include: Day of the Dead, The Eye, Funny Games, One Missed Call, Prom Night, Quarantine, Shutter… all of which are remakes and all of which suck. And I know for a fact that the original Funny Games, Prom Night, and Quarantine ([Rec] from Spain) were all amazing movies.

    As Corey said, a lot of great horror is coming from different countries and in many cases (as with [Rec]) instead of releasing the movies in the US, Hollywood is creating poor remakes. And truly innovative and just plain good American horror movies get the shaft.

    I’m 21 years old and most of my favorite horror movies came out in the late 70s and early 80s before I was born. That’s sad and it’s the same with music. Thankfully metal has made a comeback and I can find new metal bands all the time. But for the longest time All I listened to was Metallica, Megadeth, Malevolent Creation, Death, etc.. all stuff that came out before I was 5 years old.

    I guess it’s the consumer’s fault. The majority of people who watch Hollywood movies and listen to your local “New Rock/Alternative” radio station either don’t really care or don’t have I.Q.s high enough to understand different/complex/brilliant/outside-the-box movies and music. They’re “okay” with hearing the same song by 100 different bands or seeing the same movie made by 10 different producers.

    Sorry I’m very passionate when it comes to my music and movies. I understand that 100% originality is impossible, but if you can’t create music or a movie that is, at least, interesting and fresh…then don’t.

  • Anon

    Halloween III: Season of the Witch anybody?

  • Tim

    and Rob Zombie’s remake really cheapened Halloween and the character of Michael Meyers. I was extremely embarrassed after seeing that movie, first for Rob Zombie and second for being seen walking out of that theater.

  • The Mighty Fucking Quinn

    @ Ben – I agree.And sorry if I ruin the ending for anyone, but unlike the Carpenter version, Zombie blows Michael’s fucking brains out.How the hell are they doing a sequel?

    @ Corey Mitchell – While I’m very uneducated about the horror genre, I have a good friend who along with his father are crazy on horror.I do know that you are right because the Europeans are capable of making movies that don’t recycle Japanese flicks with horrible execution.However, Palinaborted is right to an extent.My buddy and his pops buy a lot of the bootlegs from a guy who has all the indies and some of them are rather well done.I can’t get into horror because as a 21 year old, I grew up in the Scream generation, where I remember being 5 and actually finding Freddy Kruger scary, and then when scary movies became “hip,” there was nothing to be afraid of.Those 3 movies single handedly killed the genre for me, and I dunno if I’ll ever actually recover.

  • Rob

    When I think of Rob Zombie movies, I think of kids that shop exclusively at Hot Topic and don’t listen to any thing that isn’t given a pictorial in Hit Parader. His films are stylized to the point of being completely divorced of emotional investment. Every scene screams “This looks so cool” and not “this is something I care about.” The white trash childhood in Halloween? That wasn’t Zombie trying to spice up an old movie, that’s just the only way he can write.

    And even then, I feel compelled to watch everything he does, because I did like House Of 1,000 Corpses and parts of Devil’s Rejects showed some promise. Hell, I hope that Zombie DOES do Halloween II if it means Dimension will bankroll Tyrannosaurus Rex. And Tyrannosaurus Rex looks like more Zombie on auto-pilot filmmaking, but there’s that chance that it’s the film where he’ll finally find the halfway decent and entertaining filmmaker hiding out inside that shell of incompetence.

  • RayRay

    I was so excited like a little school boy goin to see Rob Zombies remake of “Holloween”. I rushed to the midnight showing, got my popcorn and watched Rob Zombie go to work….Then an hour a half later I left feeling like I wanted my fucking money back for such an atrocity. IT WAS ONE OF THE WORST MOVIES I HAVE EVER SEEN. It was all the cliches that you would expect in a “Holloween” movie. The stupid chases, Mike Myers popping out of nowhere and scaring the girls. SUCKED.

    @Corey- I agree all the best horror movies are coming from Europe and are mostly the indie ones. The more gory the better!
    @Tim- I felt equally embarassed walking out of the theatre. The movie blew cock and balls.

  • Sammy

    @ ALL OF YOU: OR…you could choose not to watch them.

  • http://www.myspace.com/adarkinthelight A Dark In The Light

    My love for Rob Zombie died with the termination of White Zombie, end of story.

  • crapmcpoopin

    Not to shit in your cereal Corey, but The Midnight Meat Train was not from Great Britain. The film was made in Los Angeles, under a major film distributor (Lionsgate) headquartered in Santa Barbera, with a Japanese director (Ryuhei Kitamura). The only thing remotely British about the film is the fact that it is a Clive Barker story, yet even that happens to take place in NEW YORK.

    I’m just saying… let’s keep the best American horror story in years American. We really need that credibility (cause everything other horror movie we do sucks.)

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

    @crap: You are absolutely correct. My mistake. I was blinded my one of my favorite authors of all time, Clive Barker, and his Britishnes, even though he has lived in the States for the last couple of decades. I should have listed Neil Marshall’s Dog Soldiers and The Descent instead.

    And yes, TMMT is definitely an excellent AMERICAN-made film. Of course, it got shit-all for distribution. I believe it was in no more than six theaters in the U.S. before it debuted on Fearnet.com.

  • http://www.myspace.com/bminekime enemyofgod72

    First I have to part from nearly everyone here, I’ve liked all three movies that Zombie has done including Halloween. I love his style but maybe I’m alone here.

    Second if Zombie does Halloween 2, which I don’t believe yet, it’s for one reason only and that’s taking one for the team so he can release cool projects like El Superbeasto and T-Rex. Both of which look cool as fuck so far. I saw an interview with George Clooney a few years ago where he admitted to doing the Ocean Eleven sequels so that he could get his independent projects like Good Night and Good Luck made. Unfortunately in Hollywood if you don’t kiss a little ass nothing that’s really good gets made.

  • lern2swim

    You people lack perspective.

    First of all, I love halloween, I’m a major horror fan, have been since I was a kid. But the fact that some wannabe horror fans have their heads so far up it’s ass that they can’t see the truth to it is really retarded. It’s a great horror film, it’s a great independent film but it is not beyond reproach. It is not beyond it being acceptable to have a remake. Remakes DO NOT ruin the original version. Despite what many internet fanboys want to make it seem like. And all you fuckers talking about the remake like it is the worst movie ever, as I said, LACK PERSPECTIVE. That’s not to say I think the remake is perfect. Far from it. Zombie needs to bring on someone else to write his projects. That’s his weakest aspect. As has been stated his characters are all too close together.

    Axl, however, chooses to harp on all the same old unoriginal bullshit. We don’t learn a lot about Michael in the original… oooo(we did learn however that his mother reacts to him killing his sister as though he had just gotten into the cookie jar. Remember that awesome performance?). Ok, so the fuck what? Do you want a shot for shot remake like they did with Psycho???

    As far as the blood… this is the one that really makes me laugh. A so called horror fan bitching about blood. This bullshit comes up with movies like Saw. As I said, I chalk it up to lack of perspective. Horror movies created a whole industry based on making new ways to appear to kill people. Shit, Tom Savini’s probably put his kids through college thanks to gore. You call yourselves horror fans? Pathetic. Never mind that, there’s no gore in the Halloween remake. There’s blood but not even what I would consider an excessive amount.

    As far as the general stance of “why so many remakes?” that’s always been the case. How many times has Dracula been made into a movie? Shakespeare’s plays? It’s called new interpretations. Get used to it. It’s the way things work. If you want to watch new material, then do that. I promise you, despite what your whining asses want to make it seem like, there’s plenty out there.

    So, pull your collective heads out of the ass of nostalgia and, as I said, Gain some motherfucking perspective.

  • Tm

    @lern2swim: The reason theses remakes are so discouraging is that there is originality out there, yet for some reason remakes are getting the huge publicity. For months we saw commercials for the Prom Night remake, but The Midnight Meat Train, as Corey said, was released in only 6 theaters. I think we can agree, in this particular case TMMT should have gotten the publicity and Prom Night remake should have been canned because the new “perspective” (on what I consider a classic slasher film) was terrible.

  • yep

    Rob Zombie is in it for nothing but the money. When the Money calls… he goes.

  • lern2swim

    @Tim… difference being, Prom Night was made by people that didn’t give a shit. It was pg13 for Christ’s sake. Rob Zombie (despite what ppl like yep may think) actually cared about Halloween. It’s a fucking mine field. If he’d done shot for shot or even very close to the original people would have bitched. Totally different, people would have bitched. So, he made it his own. Some people still can’t accept that because they have the original up on a pedestal. There is a difference between bringing a new GOOD perspective to a remake and just making shit(whether it’s original or a remake). I just happen to feel that RZ Halloween is an example of the former.

    As far as yep’s assertion that he’s only in it for the money, that’s totally asinine. The motherfucker’s paid his dues for the last 15+ years. Watch the 4hr documentary of the filming of the remake on the dvd/bd and maybe that will open your eyes. I enjoyed the movie but watching that shit really gave me some respect for the effort he put into it. Whether you enjoyed the results or not. It was not a simple cash grab.

    As far as TMMT, that has nothing to do with it being an original idea. That has to do with it being a harsh film that would have been a tough sell to general audiences. In that case, the studio chose to be pussies. The situation with that movie was retarded and it’s a shame. At the same time, I’m sure if it had been promoted it would have been lumped into the same category as Saw by all the so-called “horror fans” online. Instead, it’s going to go on to be a cult classic, imo.

  • palinaborted

    @Corey: Excellent point about the European releases. I don’t normally dig for good, recent horror films because I’m so pessimistic about the entire situation but I did see Haute Tension. That movie was fucking Awesome with a capital A. I will have to check out the other releases you mentioned. Also, does anybody remember the stir that The Ring caused in America, despite the fact that it was originally a Japanese film that the great minds in Hollywood decided to bastardize? I recall many of my friends hailing it as the best thing from the American horror genre in a long time but, before I even got wise as to its origins, I made fun of that movie until I was red in the face.

  • Xul

    Haute Tension was one of the most boring movies I saw in my life
    On the other hand, I liked most serial killers remake they did these last years like The Hills Have Eyes, Halloween, The Texas Chainsaw massacre, they put a new vision on the original that couldn’t be done years ago since the mentalities were different.

    You have to look at these as all new movies from a different era of horror movies

    I can’t wait for the new Friday the 13th that will come out February 13th

  • Mastablubba

    Peace People

    just found this lecherous bum Shaking vid on youtube…

    check it out!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsoHCukkeUo

    May you can share something similar.

    happy watching
    mastablubba