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Contests

FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A DIMEBAG DARRELL DESKTOP STATUE!

Thursday, December 18th, 2008 at 6:24pm by

problemAt long last we’ve chosen a winner for the funny photo caption contest in which we asked you for a funny caption for the photo at right in exchange for a bad-ass Revolver Magazine t-shirt (helluva deal if you ask me). And the winner is:

RobotScythe: “A member of the MetalSucks staff prepares for a meeting.”

Well done, sir. You’re onto us!

This week we’re giving away a Knucklebonz 9-inch desktop statue of Dimebag Darrell thanks to our friends at TonesofDeath.com. Check out a picture of this awesome gift. You know the drill… photo… caption… make us laugh… go!

black metal suburbia

[Photo thanks: Ryan D.]

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  • http://www.last.fm/user/wrath_of_vishnu Dillon

    From the Grim & Forbidden Woods to the Suburbs: A Documentary on Black Metal’s Takeover

  • Slender

    Give me Your Corn dogs!!!

  • http://www.failsafefight.com KG

    Hey, would you like to support youth culture in our neighborhood? We are offering br00tal lawn mowing for only $20.00.

  • http://www.metalsucks.net DeaThrash

    Let’s go kill Joe, he dropped the “chocolate” out of our “vanilla”, we could have had some killer “leads”.

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus attempts to go Black Metal.

  • SofaKing

    Sup guy, Me and Dana are gonna go hang out in my dads garage.

  • Max

    Do you know what you’re children are up to?

  • josh

    its always br00tal in philadelphia

  • TheHardG

    After not winning a metulsucks funny photo caption contest for the third time in a row, two readers take things into their own hands.
    Drebeknian-”This will show them to ignore our funny anecdotes about axl rose”
    Frostcicle-”Yes, Yes it Will”

  • U.S. Slayer Force

    Attila will go great lengths just to get themselves recognized in MetalSucks.

  • J-Wall

    I was going to post a hilariously witty comment for this week’s funny photo caption contest, but after taking one look at this picture I say fuck it! these two corpse paint sporting kids are enough of a joke as it is. remember kids, less Children of the Corn MORE Children of Bodom!

  • Porkspam

    Hearing of the new “black” president, stewart and leroy put down guitar hero, and venture out to greet their new darker american lord.

  • Christian

    We’re here to cut the grass

  • James

    Gosh mom! Take the picture already we have to go to the red jumpsuit apparatus concert!

  • Esteban

    They don’t joke about the Neighborhood Watch in Norway.

  • ChrisH

    With the economy in the shitter, paperboys haven gotten a little more demanding about their payment.

  • Steve

    KISS had their army, Gorgoroth has the Gaahl Scouts. They sell the blackest of thin mints.

  • Craig

    Children of the Corn 8: Urban Black Metal Harvest

  • Slam

    Street hockey in suburban hell… game on.

  • AnusApache

    Yo fvck that, I told that radio station if they played one more Nickleback song this hour I was gonna come down there and scythe the shit outta the place…common lanky tagalong and bring that phalic thing that you are holding in your right hand

  • Keith Al-Shareef

    I think we might have taken a wrong turn at the Olso Turnpike

  • palinaborted

    *Glen Benton not pictured*

  • http://www.roxwel.com Pick-Axe Bobby

    Gaahl’s teenage sons react violently when he tells them they will now have TWO daddies.

  • RobotScythe

    Awesome! Thanks guys for picking me for the Revolver shirt.

    @ Steve: That made me laugh out loud, dude.

  • RobotScythe

    “Here we come a-wassailing..”

  • Alex

    Gonna pop me some Slip N Slides!!

  • Alex

    C’mon Gorbag, we’ll get the keys out of your Chevette FOR SURE this time!

  • Alex

    Muskrats? Step aside ma’am, we’ve got this under control.

  • CobraClutchMaster

    AND STARTING FORWARD FOR YOUR RANCHO CUCAMONGA CHURCH BURNERS!!
    WINSTON “Son of Satan” Stevenson

  • Dave

    Trick or Treat!

  • CobraClutchMaster

    It’s good to is the youth of america taking an interest in farming.

  • http://www.crustcake.com Sean

    A Dimebag desktop statue? Seriously? How much more can we rape and merchandise this dude’s death.

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    We come from the mall and the costume store, from the black Nissan where the fringe-tree grow…

  • Raging Skull

    Did somebody ask for a shave?

  • Walker

    The black metal Jay and Silent Bob.

    I really had nothing but Steve and the thin mint joke was the best.

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    No way am I getting embarrassed again when they break out the piñata.

  • Anthony

    Bjorn and Olfthor were late for the Future Farmers of Norway meeting. Today’s meeting was a strictly BYOS event (Bring Your Own Scythe).

  • lern2swim

    “Dude, where’s my hearse?”

  • http://cultclassicmoviereview.blogspot.com You Don’t Know Me

    This is what most people who post on Blabbermouth look like.

  • http://www.hibernum.net hibernum

    The city council had no idea what was in store when they approved the new intersection of “Northern Woods Lane” and “Frostbite Drive”.

  • Raging Skull

    LOL at \m/Eluveitie\m/

  • Zac

    You have displeased the neighborhood association.

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

    Off to church!

  • Ian Baker

    “We’re on our way to the library, Me and Thomas here like to play Yugi-Oh by the fiction section, its what we usually do everyday after an intense couple of hours listening to December Underground and mutual masterbation. We also smoke menthols in my grampas attic.”

  • Ian Baker

    “Better put that camera away buddy, I can hit you lightning fast with my scythe and my buddy will slamfuck his blade in your shins”

  • Ian Baker

    The two boys set out for a friday night slumber party, with Thomas clutching his favorite Deicide cd, they plan for a full night of brutal music, Papa Murphy’s and watching Kung Fu Panda.

  • http://myspace.com/mummygutz xlove exploshunsx

    Edward Blackmetal Hands

  • jmetalf

    “Damn paparazzi.”

  • Ian Baker

    “We’re so pissed, they suspended us from school for being too badass, look at us, thats just how we are bro,… we’re way badass

  • Ian Baker

    “Dude, I cant believe we met somebody on craigslist who loves Deicide as much as us , we’re on our way to meet him at the foodcourt in the mall, I’m sure it will be easy to find him, hes a pretty husky guy dressed in black with goth face paint.”

  • Ian Baker
  • nrich

    Dogma II: Gaahl’s Ascension.

  • Ian Baker
  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Following the release of Clayman, In Flames vocalist Anders Friden discussed the video for the song Suburban Me: “Ya we thinks it [the video] come out reallies good, like maybes little mores literal-istic-y than we has planned, but it’s stills reallies good!”

  • Dave B

    “Let’s go find the guy who misspelled Dimebag’s last name and cut his fucking head off”

    I mean seriously, what douche made that photo?
    http://www.metalsucks.net/graphics/todDIMEBAG450x450.jpg

    FAIL

  • Selaphiel

    Herbal Essence is now marketing “Trve” shampoo. Leaves your hair sleek, shiny, and full, without detracting from your br00talness.

  • Jared

    “Did you hear Olaf? Limp Bizkit is getting back together”.
    “Hell If they are!”

  • Emilio

    Defending “In torment In Hell” on a whole other level

  • Megandeth

    dude.. we’ve gotta hurry . Mom will be home any second to take us to soccer practice. And if she catches us dressed like this, no ice cream for a week.

  • Brock

    “Suburban Black Metal: Norse gods of Omaha and the backseat of their mom’s Prius.”

  • InFlames

    Almost makes Death from Family Guy seem…competent…

  • rxjml

    The Norwegian chapter of the International Topiary Society make their way to this year’s summit.

  • STRAPPING YOUNG LAD

    From house to house they searched… but the Trick Or Treaters could not “Deicide” which place they wanted to go to first!

  • Carlitos Jeric Corpuz

    we are the abominations of the supreme blackened death gawd.

  • CT

    and in a re-created suburban town, the viewers of metalsucks are getting an inside look into the training regiments required to be the new grim reaper. Hey, they got to start somewhere!

  • tyler09

    uh dude.. we are definitely not in Norway anymore.

  • Fab

    ‘We’re Satan’s latest recruits to reap the damned souls from ‘da neighbourhood…’

  • http://www.myspace.com/emetalreviews Nick

    Dude, like anyone will remember we were trivium fans last week…

  • The Greys

    “You put PB&J in our lunches for the last time, mommy.”

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

    The Grim Prepsters…

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

    Get off my damn lawn!

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

    We will make the Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs look like pussies.

    (Seriously, don’t watch the linked video of these sick fucks unless you have a really, really strong constitution. This is easily the second or third worst thing I have ever seen and in my line of work, that’s saying something. Oh yeah, definitely NSFW!)

  • Cullen

    Brootal Valet, give us your keys and we’ll park your car in the grass — don’t give us a tip and it’s metal up your ass.

  • Opie

    Couldn’t get a ride from mom… we gotta walk to the damn anime convention.

  • Vomity Smurf

    “I told you Jake, I don’t want to mow any more lawns.. CSI is on in, like, 10 minutes…”

    “How now, sad cow, 2 more and we’re in to the Methods of Mayhem reunion.. BACKSTAGE!!”

  • Mutt Weiler

    Ville’s Landscaping Service: No longer will the thorns in the Garden of Despair bloodlet thine wrists milady. We will slay the lawn grubs of greenery destruction with great brutality. We shall weed, feed, and edge with great impunity. Check thy greensheet for 20% off discount coupons.

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

    Illegal immigrants really will do the work that Americans won’t.

  • http://metalmartyr.com MetalMartyr.Com

    The Decline Of Western Civilization 3…the retard years.

  • Qella

    “AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! wait, who fucked with the teleporter?”

  • mr_Izan

    Violent J and shaggy 2 dope finally decide there’s only one way for white guys to make “black” music

  • Jesse

    Never bring a scythe to a gun fight.

  • AntMoney

    Dude on Right: Yo Ren
    Dude on Left: Whassup?
    Dude on Right: Tell em where you from!
    Dude on Left: STRAIGHT OUTTS COMPTON, another crazy ass nigga! More punks I smoke, yo, my rep gets bigger.

  • Left-Hand Saint

    -”Mom, can you give us a ride to the mall? Hot Topic just got some totally metal Burzum t-shirts in, we want to buy them all with the Confirmation money grandma gave us.”

    -”Of course, my cute little heathens.”

    -”We love you mommy! Almost as much as we love baby Jesus!”

  • Rich

    WEE are IMMORTAL!!

  • TedTedPoleyPoley

    DISGUSTING, look at the link for that statue: “Dimebag DARYL”, huh? now not only we see a milking play straight out of Dean Guitar’s playbook, we also see intentional mispelling to avoid copyright issues. fucking hell.

  • PD

    I scored “brother of metal” on an OK Cupid test and this picture was shown. Apparently I’m holding it down in the suburbs, just like these two.

  • jeff

    Typical rich suburban white trash

  • key

    follow the reaper (and that other guy too).

  • Sam

    Taken from the Black Metal Jizz My Pants video

  • Austin Millbarge

    “This time Old Lady Skrolnik will think twice about keeping our frisbee when it goes in her yard”

  • slice two

    our topiary skills are top notch, ma’am, we can totally groom shrubbery into a cute bunny.

  • Tim

    “Car….. Game on!”

  • MARSUPIAL

    The new uniforms for the Neighborhood Watch Program. You know, to get the kiddies involved.

  • http://www.myspace.com/orchids Daisy May Tinklepants

    Norway has a slightly less popular, but way more awesome version of Insane Clown Posse

  • http://www.bebo.com/The_Tenshi Jill De Ray

    Guy on left – “Ats not a noif. DIS…is a noif!”
    Guy on right – “At’s not a noif. Its a sife.”
    Guy on left – “A what?”
    Guy on right – “A sife.”
    Guy on left – “A sife?”
    Guy on right – “Yeeah, a sife.”
    Guy on left – “Ya meen a scythe?”
    Guy on right – “Ats woh I sed! A sife!”
    Guy on left – “A SCYTHE!”
    Guy on right – “Yeah, a sife!”
    Guy on left – “SCYTHE!”
    Guy on right – “SIFE!”

    Australian metalheads. They suck.

  • metalheaddrummer101

    “Dude! We’re lost! where the fuck is Norway? why are we in the fucking suberbs? Where are the deep dark forests!?!?

  • Sacajawea

    Tiger Beat Magazine decides to do a “Where Are They Now?” article on Hanson. In the article they explain that the 3rd Hanson brother was sacrificed to “Beelzmmm-bop”

  • BLACK213

    Blonde guy singing “This is the way we swing our scythes, swing our scythes, swing our scythes, this is the way we swing our scythes early Monday morning”

    other guy “Dude your so gay, why did i let you talk me into this?”

  • The Ghost

    “oh wait your grass actually is emo, so it cut itself? …damn, well have any goats or any other small animals that you wanna get rid of?”

  • http://www.myspace.com/5stringsubsonicrumble tr00

    During a daily stroll out from the MetalSucks Mansion, (pictured at the end of street) Axl Rosenberg and Vince Neilstein are pictured for the first time in a real photograph. The photographer, however, met a quick and fitting demise after questioning Neilstein’s tr00-br00tal black metal cred for having Bleach-Blond Hair, wielding a Scythe that’s taller than he is, and also for wearing a Deicide T-shirt, ignorant of the fact that their Lead Singer/Bassist, Glen Benton, has an upside-down cross branded on his forehead. Neilstein is Jewish. Dallas Coyle will be missed.

  • clone

    Mum – EUGENE!! ….I MADE YOU A COCOA, AND LAID OUT YOUR JAMMY JAMS!!!

    Eugene – MOM@!@#$@# STOP INTERRUPTING MY BEBO SHOOT!!!!!!!!

    ……..So… Thogorath and Eugene leave their “photo shoot” and head back into “the lab” to programme some double kick and blast beats so they can “shred” over the top of it, using windows sound recorder-aka- “the studio”.

    “Morbidity” Ensues.

  • Balls666

    Black Metal: forcing you to park on the sidewalk one street at a time

  • Dezzeldriver

    What do you mean the Insane Clown Posse isn’t hardcore?!!

  • Kye

    Douchebag ist krieg

  • Stolas Trephinator

    Such is the pitch-black agony of being a frostbitten pagan soul trapped in this conservative Christian Hell of East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania.

  • Dushaun Mandic

    Breaking News:

    Anytown, Maryland

    A uprising of hardcore black metal fans are rioting in the streets. Why are they doing it?

    One of these teens told us, “All the sins of hell shall be cast upon the one they call Gaahl! His soul has gone to the bitches!”

  • Leprosy

    Another caption contest promoted by Metalsucks.net brings many guilt-ridden, and festive living cadavers together to provide suckish comments over a picture in order to win a prize they can easily get at Hot Topic for under $20.

  • Symbolic

    Hot Topic claims another victim.

  • Mouth For War

    The second coming of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold decide to use farm tools this time.

  • Mike Malice

    Satanists finally realize they are missing out on a lucrative target market and begin sending out Diablus Witnesses to spread the bad word.

  • Byron W.

    The worldy renowned ‘Atilla Fan Army’ came in full force seeking revenge on the one they call “Neilstein”…

    (Apologies if someone’s already posted something similar to this before me, didn’t have time to check them all…)

  • Daniel C

    “But moooooommmmm, I don’t wanna come to dinner! Me and Jimmy were gonna go to the mall and be kvlt!”

  • large jockstrap

    when our parents said to dress up and look good cos we have family friends over, do u rekon this what they meant?

  • Riker

    We’ll be ready for Santa this year mwahahahahaha

  • Austin

    BUT MOM this is how all this kids dress for baseball practice at the Y!

  • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

    Cradle of Filth Street Team members go door to door to pimp Godspeed on the Devil’s Thunder.

  • Mark

    Axel Rosenberg and Vince Neilstein still don’t know how much they suck.

  • Austin Millbarge

    “They call us problem child ,We spend our lives on trial ,We walk an endless mile
    We are the Youth Gone Wild!!!”

  • sidirc

    black metal man come to pillage my village.

  • Nuzgal

    Another Immortal video in the making…

  • Rob

    I don’t even have a joke for this, this is literally my life circa 1997. Corpsepaint in the suburbs. Home made hockey stick weaponry. I was basically a midwestern Glenn Benton.

  • Steven

    Neighbour hood watch.
    We heard there were two psycho’s with weapons around.
    Any idea where they went?

  • Sh

    Ready for the new guitar hero?
    Lets rock.

  • Steven

    Those chavs stole our spot for the last fuckin time!

  • Tyler

    Shaun of the Dead 2.

  • Leprosy

    Living in an upper-class neighborhood must be hell.

  • Qella

    “No soup for me?!! I’ll fuckin’ show him!! Come on!”

  • dude

    Apparently, the local neighborhood hockey team has had a hard time recruiting new members.

  • Nao

    In the deepest kvlt streets of Norwedian suburbs we wander as the sun darkens./ Filled with deep anger straight from Satan’s throne/*tempo increases with screechy vocals* We shall impaaaaale!/ Preparing for battle with a scythe in hand and ready to hide when our mom finds out we didn’t go to church again.

  • Lars Ulrich Jew Extraordinare

    Fuckass said i cheated on my math test; by the end of the week we are gonna have a pagan funeral for that poopsmith.

  • ell

    @ Jill De Ray: Fuck you. Australian metalheads suck because you don’t like our accent? Way to be a narrow-minded shithead.

    Caption: ‘Dude, I swear to Go-ImeanSatan, if you mess up my Hot Topic corpsepaint on camera one more time this scythe is going up your ass.’

    (LOL @ Steve, Esteban & Alex)

  • http://myspace.com/moonlessbliss420 hollywood

    yes we are going door to door trying to spread the good word of satan If we could have just a moment of your time we could help you and your family get a close conection to our dark lord.

  • http://myspace.com/moonlessbliss420 hollywood

    oh and for the idiot who keeps putting comments up about the prizes you go find this for 20 bucks and I will pay you the over a hundred dollars they are asking for it if you don’t know what you are saying you shouldn’t

  • hmmmmmmmmmm

    Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope hit the streets trying to get their first record deal

  • Cannibal Teletubby

    Erik and Gary both knew that the Lil’ Wayne concert was gonna be extremely violent so they packed there own kind of weaponry and didn’t wear red as to not cause trouble between their fellow brothers.

  • Brandon

    “One more reason to not let your kids listen to ICP”

  • Josh

    After Mike and Steven crashed moms Volvo into a tree, they decided to head on over to 7-11 for a tasty treat

  • snauk

    “we heard u2 were playing tonight…”

  • MetalHead44

    “look ma! were Evil, check out my Scythe!”

  • Deatbringerofsouls

    where the fvck did kids that live in the suburbs get a goddamned scythe?

  • Jax Raging Bile Duct

    “Your stupid suicide idea backfired, Kevin. Shit…if I’d known Hell was like this, I’d have listened to Horde”

  • Nao

    “I can’t wait to photoshop the background to the Carpathian forests or something grim or something that’s been in Dimmu Borgir photoshoots!”

  • ABBA fan

    Home Depot is a great place to get black metal accessories!

  • Steve

    After watching Fight Club, Sven and Olaf decide to establish the Norwegian sector of Project Mayhem.

  • b-rad

    you reeeeeeally don’t want to throw eggs at that house!

  • Sam

    “Cmon Tarin, Lets go kick some juggalo’s asses.”

  • Tim Bondo

    You sir, are a dickface poophead.

  • http://www.myspace.com/infernalnoizeradio wayniac

    This year’s High-School Musical: Tr00 Inner-Svbvrban Blakk Metal!

  • malacoda

    when farmers go bad.

  • Zim

    “Buy our cookies, motherfuckers, so our souls might find respite at space camp.”

  • Chris

    MetalSucks staff outing

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vpqgmeV8Bk Buy acai berry

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