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The Webernets, What the fuck??

KENTUCKY METALHEAD OFFERING FREE CUNNILINGUS

 Monday, January 12th, 2009 at 12:00pm by

free face louisville FREE ORAL SEX

ALL ATTRACTIVE LOUISVILLE AREA WOMEN

PLEASE APPLY

No hidden costs or agendas

Some restrictions apply

See terms and conditions page for qualification s

So reads the opening message at Louisville Free Face, a website brought to you by Louisville, KY resident George Kistner. The website is an absolute must-visit, in its entirety; I especially recommend the “Terms and Conditions” link (ex: “You Must be Disease Free,” as if this condition would stave off any potential client who happened to be diseased. Also: “You should let your friends know about your experience if you have a good time.”) The picture of Mr. Kistner, at left, is pulled from the “About Me” section, where he lists “George, Vampire Lord, or God” as nicknames he often goes by.

And yes, the website is completely serious. I love the internet.

-VN

P.S.: And to think I just bought land in the state in which this fine gentleman resides…

  • groverXIII

    Come on… you guys are wishing you had thought of the idea first…

  • I, Monarch

    lol this is hilarious. Starts off my day right.

  • Walker

    I am an Ordained Minister of the Universal Life Church.
    I can legally marry and baptize people in 48 states.
    At one time I was a dedicated and Initiated Wiccan Priest in the Coven of Uncharted Waters.

    Now that is metal as fuck!!!

  • You Don’t Know Me

    I love how he constantly refers to this as a “hobby”. I just imagine what a survey he fills out must look like.

    “Hobbies: watching tv, movies, wearing a black cape, pretending to be a vampire, and giving free oral sex to any woman who wants it.”

  • canea

    hey ladies: nothing is ever free.

  • Jason

    The best line on his website:

    “Collections: Transformers (the toys), Swords & Medieval weaponry (temporarily out of my possession)”

    That is hilarious to me on multiple levels.

  • Princess

    this guy is all win

  • Paxl Rose

    Gettin’ lucky in Kentucky!

  • Joe

    Wow. You’re THAT desperate, huh, Vince?

  • Tim

    unsurprisingly, there isn’t a testimonial section on his site.

  • Nick

    Serial killer?

  • Slender

    I filled out the application for him to diddle my pooder ( only so he can call me and I can tell him he’s a fucking moron) and after you submit the application it has a list of other services he provides. I don’t remember any except COLLEGE LEVEL MATH TUTORING. “hey Sharon i was thinking after I lick your clit I can show you how to solve for X”.