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Contests

FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A DESKTOP ZAKK WYLDE STATUE!

 Friday, January 16th, 2009 at 5:20pm by

black metal guyCongrats to “Crack Hitler” for winning last week’s funny photo contest with his caption for the photo at right:

INVISIBLE DETHCYCLE!

zakkwylde-soldoutMr. Hitler wins a CD copy of Psycroptic’s excellent tech-death bulldozer Ob(Servant). This week we’re giving away another 9-inch Knucklebonz desktop statue from our friends at TonesofDeath.com, the sold out Zakk Wylde model. All you gots ta do is come up with a caption to the photo below [sent in by MS Maniac "Contoberfest"] that makes us laugh and post it in the comments.

goatwhore

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  • http://www.radioactivesandwich.com slice two

    it was then that richard simmon’s son realized he had a new calling – the heavy metal workout!

  • dan

    While the power of heavy metal caused little timmy to grow big and strong, his clothes unfortunately did not follow suit.

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Austrian Death Machine’s new single pays homage to the body-building side of Ahnold: “Get to the Bowflex!”

  • razorsharp codpiece

    “You mean all I need to do is wear this YM t shirt and a head band and The Devil Wears Prada will let me join the band?!?!?!?!”

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Rob Zombie presents a metal remake of “Fame”.

  • chris

    headband,wristbands,adult diaper? yep im pit ready lets do this.

  • http://Myspace.com/wearecarnevil AEnema175

    He definitely is a little goatwhore ain’t he…

  • Zim

    Vengeance of Demonic Jazzercise

  • Zim

    oops, didn’t post the whole thing “Vengeance of Demonic Jazzercise: Sweatin’ to the Serpent!”

  • Matt

    Good evening ladies and gentlemen, here is our first model for the evening….Johnny…modeling the new Goatwhore range for women…..

  • http://www.myspace.com/butchfrable Butch

    Recently released photo from the Ghaal trial, this was his newest friend on facebook…

  • DanyLektro

    Bringing new meaning to the term, “whore”.

  • Cass

    When Goatwhore came up with their band name, they didn’t actually mean for people to fuck the goat.

  • Dave B

    Meet the new host and presenter of the Dual Chicken “Metal” Showtime Rotissirie
    Jasper Haytesvajj.

    Order now and you’ll receive a replica of the chicken that Alice Cooper threw into the 1969 Toronto Rock ‘n Roll Festival! Comes in 63 travel size friendly pieces!

  • Sammy

    Just set it…AND..forget it!

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    ***I’m Jewish***

    [insert mediocre photo comment]

    ^Guaranteed winning photo caption

    But how Jewish can I be? I thought Etrog was the the band that sang “Wild Thing”

  • Jason Shaw

    You think my sweatbands are offensive? Check out the bottom half of my shirt.

  • Sacajawea

    His parents always told him to drink his milk if he wanted to grow up to be big and strong. Unfortunately, he thought they meant goat milk.

  • Sacajwea

    It’s obvious by the headbands and wristbands that Derek is a health nut. He even went so far as to buy a shirt that at fist glance he thought said “Oatwhore”.

  • Matt

    Something tells me he didn’t know it was a band shirt.

  • Russell

    Went to his first metal concert a boy, left his first metal concert a man. Well, partially……

  • silenttrasher

    this week on mtv….. heavy metal yoga

  • Jesse

    Pictured above: the only person on the planet who still thinks Gaahl jokes are funny.

  • RobotScythe

    I’m here to fuck shit up.

  • lern2swim

    People have long wondered where the name of the infamous internet picture “goatse” originated from. Sadly, for fans of metal everywhere, the answer ends up hitting a bit close to home

  • Kevin

    ….I didn’t know faggot scene kids who wear tight and too small for-there-own-body clothing liked Goatwhore too. Wow I thought I was the only one!

  • Spike Chezman

    And who says Fred Durst isn’t the man??

  • RadRandytheRuthless

    He’s a Maniac, Maniac on the Floor. And he’s Moshing like he’s never Moshed before!!

  • Slender

    As if some kind of super hero, Johnny sprung into action the second the worlds beloved goat population became threatened by evil doing metal heads.

  • Slender

    BTW that kitchen is fucking huge

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com Reaper-X

    “Sweatin’ to the Grimmness!”

  • http://www.myspace.com/butchfrable Butch

    It was at this very moment, that Johnny the Boy KNEW, just KNEW, that his video would be one of the finalists picked for Rock of Love Bus…

  • Chief

    “I know. I know. The belt’s a little gay.”

  • RomuluXX

    “Whore THIS you Goat bastards!”

  • pokesmot

    its time for a dance off!!WEWT!!!

  • Bicro

    Finally, Angela Gossow’s bastard son showed up at home, ready to claim what was rightfully his…

  • Malacoda

    What Nergal really looks like without corpse paint.

  • http://www.kaaghouse.com GoatRider

    I was born ready.

  • http://www.metalsucks.net DeaThrash

    As the song from the other week suggested, he took off half his shirt because he couldn’t remember the other half of this song “Invert the ______”

  • Ryan

    It took years for little Eddie to realise that a Goatwhore shirt and a headband made him look like a douche bag.

  • o0Stacey0o

    Jazzer-size!

  • Karl

    Bottom line: The shirt says it all.

  • Ace Catastrophe

    “Everyone chill the fuck out! -I got this.”

  • Ace Catastrophe

    “Man meets goat at metal concert – shit gets fucked”

  • frankenbok

    i didnt think they could create a “nu” form of whatever the fuck “every time i die” play…?!@#

    and whatever that sub-sub genre is….. this guy plays it.

  • Walker

    Yeah, I know you like my new Haircut, cause Im the fuckin’ man……Not now chief….Im in the fuckin’ zone!

  • Belinda

    Why, yes I long to be your little man boy!

  • Plastik

    Check out my beautiful abs.
    Doesn’t my six pack make you horny baby?

  • Troy

    Re-inventing N’Sync

  • Troy

    Behind the scenes of the new VH1 reality show “Re-inventing N’Sync”

  • Owen

    “Would you like to suck my cock, Goatwhore.”

  • Huge Meat Sale

    Cock? No… why do you ask?

  • bradican

    I introduce Bret “Bubba” Michaelson, the new correspondent on “That Metal Show”

  • Nate L.

    Man-Goat-Whore!!

    Half man, half goat, half whore… but ALL METAL!!

  • http://www.myspace.com/butchfrable Butch

    When the corporate stylist called it quits, Zakky Vengeance of Avenged Sevenfold, attempted to dress himself in his true metal fashion…

  • Nuzgal

    “I’m so metal… Cmon, I’ve got a blak fridge and a blak monitor with lots of gore in it”

  • SteelReign

    I heart Trivium

    cough fake metal cough cough

  • Jim

    Chad is all grown up now.

    He moved out of the house, got a pad with his buddy and does his laundry all by himself.

  • jacob

    living proof that you really shouldn’t spend all your money on concerts, but save some for tour shirts. otherwise, you’re stuck wearing your old goatwhore shirts and cant’ afford the Spice Girls reunion tour shirt.

  • Stolas Trephinator

    Later, one of the dudes from Warbringer slides backwards in a chair and gets water dumped on him.

  • terrorust

    The big gay gaahl fittness video has already made its number one fan

  • DJ

    When Johnny received an attire care package from Mr. Simmons he assumed it was Zack Simmons.

  • Clayton

    Well, since Richard Simmons isn’t doing this much anymore, I present to you a new type of workout. I give you “Sweatin’ to the Metal” In my workout videos I will personally make sure you burn off those pounds while learning cool new dances to such greats as “Phobia” from Rotting Christ, “Kill Yourself” by Impaled Nazarene, “Undead” by The Haunted, plus many more! Just send a check or money order made out to Ben Falgoust for the amount of $19.95 plus shipping and handling. Please allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery.

  • http://www.myspace.com/jay234t Brutal Jay

    Would you like to fuck my goat, Berzerker?

  • Leprosy

    the lead singer of Between The Buried And Me gets ready for another show.

  • Christian Deicide Fan

    POST UP BITCH!!!

  • Christian Deicide Fan

    Hi, i would like to return my washer and dryer i purchase last week; do i get a full refund or store credit?

  • typical white guy

    after losing the air guitar championship, Sebastian tries to reclaim glory in the air hula-hoop contest

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    typical white guy, would that be Sebastian Bach?

  • Hollowedout

    New in the “softer side of Sears”… Ghaalanimals… just match all the evil animal tags together for that fetching day out look. 3 Goatwhore tags and he’s ready to walk!

  • http://www.myspace.com/terrybeans84 terrybeans84

    “Alas, poor Jimmy was the only one who showed up to play for the Goat Whore basketball team.”

  • jeremy

    Goatwhore? More like Throatwhore.

  • Tim

    In the new Fox television show, “Goatwhore” contestants have to run through a gambit of challenges that include: traversing the treacherous “Mount Goat” for a proper mate/dinner, successfully raping and slaying the beast (in either order), and presenting a braised goat dinner complimented with a light garnish of herbs to a judge panel of esteemed culinarians. Critics have described the show as a hybrid of, ” American Gladiators, illegal porn, and The Iron Chef.”

    And what are the contestants vying for? The chance to prove to the Internet that they are not scenester poser dweebs.

  • Tim

    and by gambit, I totally meant gauntlet. Sorry, I’ve suffered irreparable brain damage from head banging.

  • http://www.myspace.com/hateband666 Wanga

    Crossing Britpop, New Wave , Metal and Hip Hop.. as predicted, the results are baffling.

  • Carnage9

    “I’ll show YOU untrve!!!!”

  • Carnage9

    “My mom says I’m metal!!”

  • Pacey

    ‘If Gahhl can come out then so can I, Bay-BAY!’
    -Axl Rosenburg

  • Fab

    Ouch!

  • SP420

    I just benched 90 pounds GTFO OF MY WAI

  • Ronald Ross

    I just saw the gayest guy on Earth.

  • matt

    Style has no place in Metal… I offer to you exhibit A

  • bahnzo

    I just wanna be a welder!

  • Brad

    Hello I would like to be taken seriously as a person and a human being.

  • mr_Izan

    Metalheads: Do you want that great sound that still lifts you up but wont let you down?
    Just for you we now offer less goat and more whore!

  • mr_Izan

    “My eyes ARE the spears of chaos…”

  • mr_Izan

    and no this isn’t a submission… but are people really still making gahhl jokes? pssshawww… that’s sooooo 2008.

  • Austin Pittman

    What more proof do you need to know hardcore kids are gay?!

  • Steve

    “Alright, I’ll go to the show, but when we get there, fuck mosh pits, I JUST WANNA DANCE!!!!!!!!”

  • rob-209

    take my happy trail all the way to flavor country

  • hazardofholland

    Its ben said before but winds of plague show do get pretty crazy

  • Adam Clausen

    I went to the Blessed as a Broken Heart concert and all I got was these fucking sweatbands

  • Dick for Brains

    Gaahl…..in his younger years

  • Austin Millbarge

    Cooter and RimRam where driving to their favorite honkey-tonk early one saturday night,when they drove by a flock of sheep in a pasture. They noticed one of the sheep had its head stuck in the fence and its ass was sticking straight in the air. Cooter turned to RimRam and said “I wish that sheep were Angerlina Julie”. RimRam turned back and said “Sheet, I just wish it were darker out”.

  • http://www.myspace.com/bminekime enemyofgod72

    “Excuse me miss can you tell where the weight room’s at?”

  • Dillon’s a dick.

    Sign up now………for my eight week program.

  • SP

    oatwhore bitch wins
    that junks hilarious

  • Severed

    “At least I have an image.”

  • Subterranean Subturfuge

    It was not until his fiancee found the photo that Kevin admitted his addiction to short cropped metal band shirts and workout sessions in rooms with large kitchen appliances.

  • Sucker

    I am The Sucker!