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Laugh At Others' Misfortunes

FORMER STATIC-X GUITARIST CELEBRATES IMPENDING RELEASE OF BAND’S NEW ALBUM BY GETTING THROWN BACK IN JAIL

 Monday, January 26th, 2009 at 2:00pm by

tripplikesemyoung

Tripp Eisen, who has at one time or another been the guitar player for such illustrious acts as Static-X, Dope and The Murderdolls, is apparently back in prison.

For those that don’t remember, Eisen (né Tod Rex Salvadore, which already kind of a porn-y name) went to jail in ’06 after he was caught shtupping an underage girl; apparently he met the young ‘un online and convinced her he wasn’t Tripp Eisen, just some dude who looked like Tripp Eisen. Which I think must be the first time in history a rock star has ever gotten laid by pretending not to be a rock star.

Asked why he didn’t just go the Tyler/Nugent route of becoming the lass’ legal guardian so he could legally have sex with her, Eisen responded “Two reasons: a) it’s too much work, and b) I’m not ready for a committed, monogomous relationship right now.” Fair enough.

ANYWAY, it apparently Eisen went and done it again, according to this website that helps being track local sex offenders: a report says Eisen attempted “to Lure or Entice a Child” in October of ’08. Consequently, he’s been back behind bars since December, where he will apparently remain until October of ’09.

Here’s a picture of Eisen back when he didn’t look nearly as glamorous as he does in the above mug shot:

In other Static-X news, the band is apparently releasing a new album as part of their ongoing effort to prove that there is no God. Although I know it’s wrong to associate the nu-metallers with their former scum bag guitar player since he’s no longer in the band, I don’t especially care becuse, well, fuck Static-X.

-AR

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  • Sammy

    This story begs the question, “Why would Static-X ever have needed a second guitarist?” It only takes on finger and two strings to play the one chord in each of their songs.

  • SonOF

    This is a tremendous loss to the metal community ;) Not only is Static-X terrible, they also harbor child molestors in their band. Huzzah!

    • Partofmyanatomy

      You should learn the real story before you say something that horrible about an honest person who got screwed. He grew up in the town next to me and is my drummer’s cousin. Todd Salvador is a good guy, he just got screwed.

  • Rob

    My favorite part of the Tripp Eisen saga was that he was pretending to be a Tripp Eisen impersonator to get laid. Because Tripp is such a luminary in social scenes the world over, dozens of men have dedicated their lives to green dreadlocks and permanently surprised countenances. AND THAT’S WHAT GOT HIM LAID!

  • Kye

    I agree with Sammy….they really don’t need two guitar players.

    And Static X has had a song or two I don’t mind…but seriously…why do they keep making music.

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Anyone else get a Mansonish vibe from that mug shot?

  • dthrasher

    I’ve always regarded static-x as one of the least bad numetal bands, mostly because they didn’t really latch onto the rap angle that bands like korn and limp bizkit coopted. They were just crappy metal with no solos. (At least in the three songs of theirs that I have heard)

  • Jesse

    Last I checked, Tripp replaced the asian dude and was re-replaced by the asian dude. That’s for those of you who haven’t been keeping up with their Static-X news. And you guys call yourselves metal heads. Psh!

  • Damotello

    Dig that receding hairline, growl!

  • niggaplease

    It takes balls to suck God Forbid’s dick on a weekly basis and then shit on Static-X.

    “Machine” is the only good industrial metal album ever. Everything else they did, except “Push It” and “I’m With Stupid” was pure shit, but lol @ throwing stones from a glass house MS.

  • Sandy Duncan’s Glass Eye

    He looks almost exactly like that parent-killing cannibal guy from OZ. Groves, I think.

  • SonOF

    “It takes balls to suck God Forbid’s dick on a weekly basis and then shit on Static-X.

    “Machine” is the only good industrial metal album ever. Everything else they did, except “Push It” and “I’m With Stupid” was pure shit, but lol @ throwing stones from a glass house MS.”

    @ NP

    Are you implying somehow that God Forbid is even in the same galaxy of shittiness as Static-X? GF is a quality metal band that includes guys that are damn good at their instruments, regardless if you like their style. Static-X is a commercial nu-metal/electronic crap-fest with songs so simple that they could have been created by a middle-school garage band. And no, technical prowess doesn’t equal good music, but likening God Forbid to Static Frickin’ X? Come on now.

  • jbomb

    Well I have to agree MS sort of overhypes God Forbid, but like SonOF says, there’s no reason to dislike them, in fact they are really likeable,so it doesn’t matter that much.

    However, I have to disagree and say that Static-X have put out a couple of good songs, if not albums, and if you have listened to some industrial stuff I think they are among the cream of the crop. Of course, technique wise they are not very amazing, not even up to GF’s ass, however I don’t think being amazing shredder or something is neccesary for their type of music.

  • lern2swim

    What a bunch of closed minded pricks most of you are that post here. Some of you are really pathetic, like, “as pathetic as this child fucking piece of shit” pathetic.

  • Bermuda Jay

    “Machine” is the only good industrial metal album ever

    There’s this awesome new band called Ministry you should check out.

  • Dr Terror

    Chicks I know wanted to fuck this loser bad before all the Gary Glitter shit, He probably got decent pussy being in such a trendy band 2. Spose if you eat burgers all day you eventually want to try veal.

  • niggaplease

    Ehhh. I don’t consider them an industrial metal band. There’s a nebulous experimental/post-punk gray area that happened in the 80′s with shit like Swan and etc that Ministry fell more into that is related to metal and hardcore but is essential heavy rock. I mean, they only really started being “Metal” this decade.

    And there’s lots of things wrong with God Forbid. Yes, they’re professional as shit. But they’ve managed to write all of four good songs in their entire existence.

    Please keep your fanboy faggotry at the door.

  • Axe Man

    Static-X suck balls IMO, buuuuuuuuuuuuut check out the bassist’s side project with Dino Cazares ASESINO now thats some goood shit!

  • grymmbear

    “Machine” is the only good industrial metal album ever

    There’s this awesome new band called Ministry you should check out.
    ——————————————————————————–

    Also, these new bands: Killing Joke, Godflesh, Fear Factory, Throbbing Gristle, et al.

    • LySeRgIa2

      Throbbing Gristle came out in 1975, it is the industrial of industrial, the original, they are industrial gods. Sleazy, went on to be in Coil, one of the greatest most inventive bands ever to exist. But Throbbing Gristle is anything but new. Genesis P-Orridge was making music in attics before you were probably born…were you born in ’66…? I wasn’t…

      Killing Joke isn’t new smart guy, they had a song called “80′s” where the chorus is “eighties…I’m living in the eighties” it’s not new, dude.

      Fear Factory another not new band, but a band that has had some programming from Rhys Fulber who has been in more than one notable industrial group, most notably, Front Line Assembly.

      God Flesh is industrial metal, and again not new. They use a lot of unconventional guitar playing to have an odd sound, but when it comes to electronics or synths they don’t make much use of them usually.

      What do you consider new, where’s your sense of time? Something 20 year’s old is new? How often do you visit the hospital you must often have food poisoning.

  • logs/faskings

    CREED AND NICKELBACK ARE MUCH BETTER. SATANIC DEATH METAL IS BULLSHIT. NO TALENT. HOCKEYSTAINS. LOGS/FASKINGS.

  • http://www.myspace/ibleedmercury.com christbane

    Fuck you all, Static-X is a great band, with simple but highly effective songs. I’m a death metal guitarist of 20 years, and I’m also 35 years old so I don’t need to worry about appearing “cool” or “with it”. I appreciate everything from classical to trance and industrial, and if you’d give Static-X a chance, you’d see the simple beauty of their catchy, industrialized metal. It needs not be as technical as say, Necrophagist, Cynic or Atheist to be effective. You’re all just shitting on Static because everyone else is, so fuck you all.

  • Nalie

    you dumb dumbs, static-x makes great music.

  • H7

    This is fucking sad…
    Only because i use to be good friends with him. I thought he was doing well too. Well, seeing how he kind of fucked himself out of ever getting in a good band ever again, he’s just wasting his talent, which he actually DOES HAVE. Static-X was just simple power chords…over and over. But i’ve heard him just playing and he actually knows what hes doing. despite what you all may think.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Farhaad-Esfandiary/501309890 Farhaad Esfandiary

    I remember when I was working on one of their albums a few years back. I’d pitch the press release to editors, and would get responses in my inbox like “i dont support shitty bands/pedophiles” and “didnt they all rape a bunch of kids?”

    It was one of the funnier moments about rape that I can remember.

  • Eman

    All you metalheads talk about industrial. Well, there’s this band I think you should pull your heads out of your asses long enough to listen to, They’re called PRONG. Listen to their album called CLEANSING. and then try telling the world that Static X is the best industrial metal band out there.

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    Good call on the Prong.

    I used to like Static-X. But the quality just isn’t there anymore. Like after the second album. I don’t really give a shit if Tripp is a sex offender or whatever. That’s not the reason for not liking a band.

    I know a guy at work that will be outraged by the injustice being thrown upon Sir Eisen. He has a Dope tattoo AND a Static-X tattoo. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a Murderdolls tattoo beside his Spineshank tattoo. Dude, is Mr. Nu-metal. And he’s only 25.

  • Rob

    I hope this child raping piece of shit gets drilled up the ass daily when in the slammer. Get it? The SLAMMER?? hahaha. Static X was always a terrible band, but even more terrible now that I know they harbor pedophiles in their group. The police should definitely check out the other asshole with the stupid hair that that stands up 4 feet from his head. That stupid looking son of a bitch is also probably diddiling little kids. Sick fucks.
    FUCK STATIC X aka CHILD MOLESTERS

    • dustin

      your girlfriend/wife looks like a hog and you secretly want to fuck a 13 year old girl you hypocrite.

  • Sid

    You guys are pathetic. The only reason you are talking shit is because you don’t like Static-X but if it was Ozzy in this position everyone would be defending him

  • http://metalsucks.net jim

    I agree with sid all of you who talk shit just don’t like the band or tripp for that matter now I work in the orange county police department and I read his case and the charges are completely rediculouse like rape,its not rape when the girl is willing to fuck you plus in her interview she lied about her three diferent times I should know I was the one who interviewed her

    • Kro

      how can u work for them? they dont have an iq for workers there anymore? regardless if she lied to him, he still gets into trouble, she just gets into trouble as well for lying.
      actually read a book and know what you are saying before you type bullshit

  • Nath

    To all the comments that are saying that “Static-X don’t need a second guitarist” and just generally criticising their supposed ‘lack of technique’, technicality never, EVER equalled a great song/band.
    Look at the main riff of Pantera’s ‘Walk’ – one string, two notes and still regarded by many (but probably not you because you’ll argue for argue’s sake) as one of the greatest/heaviest metal songs of all time.

  • Chris

    honestly yes static x’s guitar riffs are incredibly easy but it doesn’t mean they suck.. a song doesn’t have to have complicated solos or multiple notes in the rhythm guitars to be a good song. They are a good band I happen to like them. each band has its own brand or flavor so to speak. why shouldn’t static x. is there a rule that says to be a good band you must have fast heavy rhythm and solos with multiple notes and strings?

  • 3 Breasted Woman

    No! Do NOT fuck Static-X. Static-X rules!!!

    I think I want to have Wayne’s baby

  • hamiltonstatic

    I think Tripp Eisen did a good job with Shadow Zone. Its just too bad that he ended up fucking himself with this pedophile crap. I will always support Static-X because frankly they rock. However, if I start learning how to play bass Im going to dedicate my performance to Paul Gray of Slipknot, cause what happened to him that just sucked.