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Scraping Genius Off The Wheel

CHRIS CORNELL IS SCARING ME… YET I CAN’T LOOK AWAY!

 Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 at 2:00pm by

By now, y’all are more than aware that Chris Cornell has been recording with hip-hop producer Timbaland. The consensus around the blogosphere has been that this is going to be a fiery trainwreck of Mariah Carey Glitter proportions. Now, throwing fuel on the burning upholstery, Cornell solo concerts to promote Scream (as in, what you’ll probably do when you eventually hear this album) have been announced. I know I should just go hide in my secret underground bunker with my special lady and repopulate society until this whole thing blows over – but I think I actually want to see this disaster LIVE!

Call me madcap if you must, but the prospect of seeing Cornell as he fully metamorphoses into Robert-Plant-circa-1988 is just too fucking crazy to pass up. Additionally, everyone who holds their nose long enough to buy a ticket to see Cornell play the most awful music he’s ever done will get a copy of the long-delayed studio album featuring that aforementioned most awful music. (I’m still quite annoyed with myself for missing Scott Weiland’s recent solo tour, considering that “Happy” In Galoshes wasn’t half bad, despite the befuddling lead single that we all had trouble wrapping our metal-minds around.) The way I see it, it’s about time that I pay good money to watch my angst-ridden youth die RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FACE! THAT’S RIGHT, CHRIS: I WANT YOU TO LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THAT SOUNDGARDEN IS OVER FOREVER AND THAT THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA CLAUS!

See y’all at the show!

-GS

[Gary Suarez is down on the upside. He also writes for Brainwashed and usually manages the consistently off-topic No Yoko No.]

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  • http://www.myspace.com/orchids Daisy May Tinklepants

    He looks like Howard Stern!

  • billybob

    I heard the album, it sounds like Chris Cornell songs, with Timbaland’s beats… That’s it. Big Fuckin’ Deal.

  • Shiver

    Someone should of told him that Timbaland doesn’t actually produce anything of his own. Instead just rips other peoples tracks and melodies. Puts a beat over it and try to pass it off as his own. The only thing he’s good at is taking money from dumb people.

  • Kip Wingerdawg

    You have to admit, though — that scarf-n-velour-jacket-combo is

    P

    I

    M

    P

  • Ship Singersnogg

    Echh velour jacket be damned, ZOMGZ the music on Cornell’s MySpace page is t e r r i b l e — new stuff w Timbaland AND songs from previous solo outings….c’mon Chris, strike dat Jesus Christ Pose and find some fucking redemption!!

  • Sammy

    I’ve done a 180 on this new Chris Cornell. No, I still believe the music will suck and suck badly. But Cornell has every right to try something new and just because it’s not a musical style I like doesn’t necessarily make it “bad”. It’s rather close-minded to assume his musical tastes are as narrow as ours.

  • Vinnie

    Based on that photo, if you stick a pair of sunglasses on Chris Cornell he’s Howard Stern.

    I heard a lot of this record back in July/August of ’08. Very uninspiring.

  • http://www.crescentshield.com Daniel

    Great example of how a bad producer can destroy a song. I think Cornell needs to have his head examined… I mean how could he think “pop” production would improve his songs?

  • SonOF

    “I heard the album, it sounds like Chris Cornell songs, with Timbaland’s beats… ”

    That doesn’t sound like it would be a very good combination. Cornell’s grunge/rock wail set to spastic hip-hop beats? How will this work…. I guess it can’t be any worse than some of the shitheads Timbo has worked with recently, in attempts to “broaden his horizons” I suppose (Fall out Boy, umm… I don’t need any more examples).

    Timmy, stick to the ill beats made for hip-hop artists. This cross-over thing isn’t working for you. Same to you Neptunes!

  • meatpopsicle

    this Timbaland stuff ; the worst part of it is that the way they mix it the electronic drum crap timbaland is generally drowning out Cornell’s voice. Arguably Cornell’s voice is what makes any of this valuable … not spunk-tastic electronic drumming.

    And yes, metal listeners are not the target audience for this music at all. I think hes shooting for top 40 radio play with the way hip-hop is dominating things right now commercially .. can you say ‘paycheck’ album? I just dont hear the money in this stuff myself.

  • http://www.metalsucks.net/category/scraping-genius-off-the-wheel/ Gary Suarez

    My musical tastes are all over the map, and I like plenty of hip hop, R&B, and pop music in addition to my noise rock fetishism. That being said, I’m going to echo some of the sentiments above that Cornell’s songs with Timbaland’s production simply don’t work well. They sound awkward, and yes, the power of his voice is buried. I don’t hear a single among the singles, and I think the record label must feel the same considering how delayed this album is.

    Let us not forget that Robert Plant on Now & Zen sounds nothing like Plant on Houses Of The Holy.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/Richaod/ Richaod

    Timbaland himself has gone down the drain too – his production on the Missy Elliott records was amazing. But ever since Nelly Furtado and OneRepublic, all his beats sound the same, and in order to get a “OneRepublic feat. Timbaland” credit he has to throw in the gratuitous backing-vocal “eh”s he’s so fond of as inappropriately and as often as possible. Shame.

    When even your Bjork collaborations are mediocre, it’s time to reevaluate your approach…

  • Paul

    It appears that SAMMY is the only person here with any sense.

  • roundabout

    c’mon PAUL (& SAMMY, too) – that’s such a load of crap, “No, I still believe the music will suck and suck badly. But Cornell has every right to try something new and just because it’s not a musical style I like doesn’t necessarily make it “bad”. It’s rather close-minded to assume his musical tastes are as narrow as ours.”

    Bad music is just BAD, the same way picking your nose in public (hey, everyone has the right to do it) is just BAD. No justification for GARBAGE.