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Rampant Rumors

WILL ALL THE STRATOVARIUS FANS IN THE ROOM PLEASE STAND UP?

 Thursday, February 26th, 2009 at 12:13pm by

stratovariusLots of people must care about this band, right? Because at least once a week there’s a post on Blabbermouth about Stratovarius and/or ex-guitarist Timo Tolkki. Every time I see one of these headlines I chuckle on the inside, because Stratovarius have a very, very severe case of Nickelback Syndrome — presumably they have fans, lots of ‘em, yet I’ve never met a single one. I don’t give a shit about this band, nor do Axl or any of the other MS Mansion inhabitants (that I know of… monkeys excepted). I’ve never met a single person who likes this band, never seen a Stratovarius record, never encountered someone wearing a Stratovarius t-shirt at a show. To be fair, I had one Stratovarius track on my iPod once and it was pretty good, but my interest pretty much ended there.

So presumably there’s oodles of uber-fans following the L.A. Guns-like drama unfolding between estranged guitarist/main-dude Timo Tolkki and the remaining members of the band:

Timo Tolkki (REVOLUTION RENAISANCE, STRATOVARIUS) has announced that he will record another album with former STRATOVARIUS members Tuomo Lassila (drums) and Anti Ikonen (keyboards). Tentatively titled “Return To Dremspace”, the CD is slated for a September 2009 release. The fans will decide the name of the project in some sort of contest. Tolkki says, “If the fans decide that it should be called STRATOVARIUS, then it will. Then I will face the consequences, but that will be one interesting trial, I tell you that.”

So let me get this straight — the band’s founder, who is no longer with the “official” band, is teaming up with other ex-members of the band to record a new album named after the band’s “classic” album?? And he’s letting the fans decide what to name the new project?? This has all the trappings of a made-for-MetalSucks drama.

-VN

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  • iolanach

    A few years back (late 90′s) they were actually pretty big, especially in Europe. Now? Not so much.

    //never a big fan

  • che guitarra

    I say we all raid the website and all vote for the name “Cock Envy”.

  • che guitarra

    Or something else if a better idea comes up. Hell, let’s vote here on what ass-tastic name to give this bitch!

  • sven

    What’s with that photo? Did they all take a group shower beforehand?

  • Damotello

    /\ Seconded, Stratovarius were crap.

    I’m liking the John Candy lookalike doing his best metal face in that photo though.

  • Damotello

    Seconded about what Che guitarra said, I should point out.

    I say we call them “rectal trauma”

  • CarlosRamirez

    Stratovarius is better than Chimaira.

  • hibernum

    Stratovarius was big a few years ago, before metalcore was the rage. Back then everyone was into Iced Earth, Stratovarius, Hammerfall, Jag Panzer, Manowar, Demons and Wizards, Blind Guardian, etc. Power Metal. I knew quite a few fans of said bands.

    After Timo Tolkki went crazy the band kinda disintegrated. It was definitely a made for metalsucks drama. Timo had a traumatic incident with his dad dying, drank a lot, fired the lead singer and hired a crazy chick who had a band picture taken where she was covered in blood. It was a fiasco. Good times.

  • Rolling Thunder

    I have a Stratovarius inspired tattoo. Seriously, it was my first one.

  • http://ocrepusculo.com Diego Camara

    So, dont you know any Stratovarius fan?

    The american people doesn’t know too much about music, for the most part of the metal fans in the USA, Metallica is the best band of the world… finally we cannot say that USA people understand too much Metal.

    Tobias Sammet of Edguy said: “If you arent Metallica in USA, you are trash”, I think that he is very correct… what we will say about a country that knows nothing about metal? Trash commentary of yours…

  • Adam

    Actually, Stratovarious’ song “At The Speed of Light” got me into metal. I had a friend in tenth grade art class who played me that song and i was blown away. If it wasn’t for Stratovarious i may have never gotten into metal in the first place. I owe them my gratitude.

  • Metal Martyr

    Americans don’t understand metal? Shut the fuck up dude. You want to judge America’s knowledge of metal off of a few people’s opinions of one band? That’s pretty foolish. We try very hard to find and learn more about more bands from beyond out ports and borders.

    Oh, and stop talking like Yoda.

  • Blackthorned

    Is this the band where one pissed on the other while they were playing onstage?

    Proof that not everything that comes out of Finland is good perhaps.

    • Mark

      Arguably every power metal band to ever come out of Finland was heavily influenced by stratovarius, but the article has a point, Tolkki is/was a clown.

  • Blackthorned

    Actually, it looks like they’ve all been pissed on in that picture.

  • Metal Martyr

    The dude on the left in front looks like the singer from Nickelback (Please forgive me for not knowing his name), the one in the middle looks like Dave Mustaine kind of, and the guy on the right looks sort of like the dude from the Drew Carey show. And is that Haratio Sanz from SNL in the back? Is this the Traveling Wilburys band of metal?

  • http://www.myspace.com/alexhaskett Alex Haskett

    never met a fan of them? ive met a fair amount, im a fan myself aswell

  • hibernum

    Hah, that’s funny, Americans don’t understand metal. Really, they don’t either. I mean we were wondering not too long ago about how all the good metal festivals are in Europe. The closest that America gets is Ozzfest? America sucks for metal! Always has.

  • bleachedbutthole

    middle dude looks like tori anus

  • Sammy

    Yeah Diego, because Brazil is such a bastion for all that is metal. After you get past Sepultura on the list of famous bands from Brazil, the next biggest name is – oh that’s right, there isn’t one. (And don’t give me some band that once sold 30,000 albums like Abhorrent or Krisiun.)

  • Metal Martyr

    Yeah, he does look more like Tori Anus than Mustaine.

  • bombs away

    bashing on Krisiun? that’s not smart. they fucking kill. for them to be family members i say thats good genetics. btw, ever heard of Angra??? but i understand if American metalheads dont listen to power/speed etc. It doesnt really doesnt fit with their approach towards metal, not straight forward and hard-hitting enough. however, I think you have to know that it is a big genre in Europe and many parts of Asia.

  • gjriron

    Stratovarius is a pretty big band with lots of fans (the are playing Nokia in NY this summer, a 1800 capacity venue). Why Metal Sucks always have to bring down power metal bands? I am american and I agree, posts like this shows that we don’t understand metal.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/Richaod/ Richaod

    Tori Amos >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Stratovarius

    but Stratovarius have at least one good album (Visions). It’s insanely cheesy power metal, but at least musically there’s something more inventive than the likes of HammerFail. But now they’re pretty terrible.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=640792852 Henri Puyol Fortin

    lol 2 years ago but now look at their strong ”rebirth”  from the abyss to the 7th sky .  elysium is such a great album

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=640792852 Henri Puyol Fortin

    lol 2 years ago but now look at their strong ”rebirth”  from the abyss to the 7th sky .  elysium is such a great album