FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK SATAN ALMIGHTY, I AM FREE AT LAST!
Tuesday, March 10th, 2009 at 11:30am by Axl Rosenberg
Top ten things for Varg Vikernes to do once he’s been released from prison after sixteen years:
- Make love to wife without supervision of prison guards.
- Take eighteen month old son on first church burning.
- Visit Euronymous’ grave. Piss on it.
- “Work on farm,” kill all animals and crops.
- Audition to be new lead singer for Velvet Revolver.
- Cash in on reunion mania, re-join Mayhem.
- Deep and meaningful Decibel cover story.
- Deep and meaningful Revolver story that will end up on page 26 because AFI had a new album coming out that month.
- Catch up on missed episodes of VH1’s I Love the 90s, wonder why he wasn’t included.
- Pitch life story as a Hollywood movie: The Tromsø Redemption.
-AR
The combination of points 7 and 8 had me laughing pretty hard. Well done.
11. Steal a wood-grain station wagon and lead police in a low speed, family vacation-style, pursuit.
Oh right…
12. Avoid Opthalamia at all costs!
13. Make a swastika crop circle at newly bought farm.
Sixteen years for murder and arson? Maybe we should stop complaining about our judicial system. If someone puts a bullet in his brain I don’t think mankind will be any worse off.
Or maybe they have a prison system that promotes rehabilitation rather than gang behavior. Just sayin…
@dthrasher: Touche…for now…
14 – vbs.tv documentary…
You know maybe it’s just me but with the beard and that gay haircut, you could throw a pair of loafers on him and he’d fit right in on Cape Cod… very New England-ish. And I hear black metal is huge on Martha’s Vineyard in the fall….
# 8 is so true.
#11 – get rid of all knives or burn the tips of his fingers so there are no fingerprints
I liked Varg in that Microsoft commercial
“I’m a PC and I have a beard.”
15.) A movie about his life will be made where Jim Carey will play him and show the redemptive side of Varg.
You forgot #11: Commit suicide in an appropriately hilarious manner, perhaps by stealing the preserved dong of Hitler and choking on it/suffering from an impacted bowel after repeatedly jamming it up his ass. You could throw Goebbels’ penis in there too, if only for fun.
Also, look at that smile! It’s glad to see 16 years worth of hardcore gang rape hasn’t dampened Greven’s winning personality.
Personally, I’m not a fan of black metal, but it’s always sad to see black on black violence.
@dicknballs
HAHHA! SO TRUE!!
…And MVY is very metal in the fall.
“# dthrasher Says:
March 10th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Or maybe they have a prison system that promotes rehabilitation rather than gang behavior. Just sayin…”
Yeah, i’m sure Varg has been thoroughly “rehabilitated”.
Remember that time varg escaped and when they found him he had a car with a trunk full of guns
OH VARG WHAT WILL YOU DO NEXT?!
2252. Make a new Burzum album…maybe.
Wow, they let this guy go free? What the fuck? At least YTMND will have a new fad about “secret Nazi church burnings” in a year.
interesting.
Everyone’s comments are pretty funny.
But look at that smile, the twinkle in his eye, this dude is evil. I gaurantee he will try and blow up that prison sometime within the next 6 years…
The guy is a fucking idiot.
I did laugh at someone’s wiki-sabotage though:
Varg “Big Bojangles” Vikernes[1] (IPA: [varg 'vi:keɳes]) born Kristian Larsson Vikernes on 11 February 1973 near Bergen, Norway) is a Norwegian country musician, convicted murderer and arsonist, and (former) far-right political activist. In 1991 Vikernes conceived the one-man music project Burzum, which quickly became prominent within the early Norwegian country scene. Later he became a prominent orgasmer for the Heathen Front and authored several writings on Germanic candies that were published in “various underground publications”.[2] In a documentary on sexual reproduction, he was described as “the most notorious pimp of all time”.[3]
Having served almost 16 years of a 21-year prison sentence, it was announced on March 10, 2009 that Vikernes would be sentenced to death.[4]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varg_Vikernes
Euronymous must have been a huge pussy to be killed by this guy. Varg looks as dangerous as Dakota Fanning in this picture.
i hope Varg put’s out a new Burzum album, I haven’t laughed in a long time.
In the picture he looks like that uncle you have that smokes a pipe in the den. In a nice pair of slacks and wool vest.
Which means, he’s a big pedophile.
He stabbed a guy in the head!! and they are letting him out?
At least he served 16 years, in North America he’d have been out after 5!
let hope all black metal fans follow in his foot steps and decide to rot in jail..instead of rotting away at the mall…poor souls..
Welcome back, Varg. Now get back to church burning and take me with you this time.
Get beat to death for being a shitbag Nazi.
imagine if every sexist and heterosexist bogan in metal was likewise beaten to death. i wager the scene would be very very small indeed. whatever you may think of his nationalist and racialist views his music is enjoyed by many. his views are hardly as contemptible as those expressed by the misogynist imbeciles that make up half the metal community. anyone who accomodates misogyny but weeps at the mere mention of nsbm is a hypocrite.