«
»
...And Fuck You Too

ANOTHER MEMBER OF KORN FINALLY GETS HIS PERIOD

 Monday, March 16th, 2009 at 4:15pm by

I don’t know if we got a press release for this and I saw the word “Korn” in the subject line and just deleted it, or if Korn’s people actually know better than to send us shit… but in any case, Blabbermouth has just brought it to my attention that bassist Fieldy has an autobiography coming out, the title of which is long and I am therefore not going to re-type (or even bother to cut and paste) here.

As you can see from the book’s cover, it seems that Fieldy is the second member of this band to find God. But only the first, at least as far as I’m aware, to actually equate his struggle with that of Jesus Christ.

3287717845_fcafec18e0_o

To that end, after the jump we will explore the ways in which Fieldy and Jesus are both similar and dissimilar, in the hopes of figuring out whether or not Fieldy is, in fact, the Second Coming.

Also, we’ll look at an NSFW picture of Field’s sister’s nipples. Just because they’re there.

  • Jesus was born in the year 0 A.D. in Bethlem.
  • Fieldy was born in the year 1969 in Bakersfield, California.
  • Jesus was dead by 33.
  • Fieldy is almost 40.
  • Jesus led a life of poverty.
  • Fieldy is a millionaire.
  • Jesus was the son of God.
  • Fieldy found God after snorting too much coke, fucking too many chicks, and making too much money.
  • Jesus walked around barefoot.
  • Fieldy endorses Adidas.
  • Jesus turned water into wine.
  • Fieldy plays bass.
  • Jesus spread the word of God.
  • Fieldy is in a band whose repertoire includes “Got the Life,” a song about the evils of televangelists.
  • Jesus taught us to “Turn the other cheek.”
  • Fieldy is in a band who taught us that if we open our mouth again, Jonathan Davis will break it.
  • If you make a joke about Jesus on the internet, some crazy, undereducated zealot is likely to leave nasty comments and/or death threats.
  • If you make a joke about Fieldy on the internet, some crazy, undereducated zealot is likely to leave nasty comments and/or death threats.
  • According to the Bible, Jesus’ full name was Jesus Christ.
  • According to Wikipedia, Fieldy’s “full moniker is ‘Fieldy Snuts,’ which when spoken aloud sounds like ‘feel these nuts.’”
  • Jesus was an only child.
  • Fieldy has a sister whose nipples you can see on the internet.

mandi

Well, there you have it. Clearly, Fieldy = Jesus.

-AR

Tags: , , , , ,
  • HagstromSpeed

    lol, I think 99% of people are just going to scroll down to the tigglebitties, the rest are indeed gay

  • http://www.myspace.com/orchids Daisy May Tinklepants

    i still like korn’s music….

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Those are some good-sized nipples.

    • Shawn

      Aka coat hangers…

  • Sammy

    Dude couldn’t even pull up his breeches up for a proper crucifixion.

  • Jimmy

    Everyone in the metal community are butthurt over Korn. Quit your bitching of them, god dammit. I’m sick of seeing this shit.

    • ashish

      go fuck yourself, korn are gods of nu metal

  • http://salsicha.wordpress.com Gabriel

    I still like Korn’s music [2]

    Also I didn’t know that Fieldy has a so nice sister, hehe

  • Adrian

    Fuck Korn.Fuck thier shitty fans.

  • Muzikwhore

    YIKES!!!….. corn has been and will always be a shitty 90′s novelty band. Let’s move on please

  • Scott

    I saw this in Books-a-million the other day and thought “Damn…another Korn member wrote a book?” And then I moved.

    The sad part his, their parents are probably more proud of HER.

  • mynamesucks

    Ha ‘feel these nuts’.

  • Fantum

    Maybe they’ll all find God and then finally be P.O.D. and totally irrelevant.

  • Kyle

    I still think Korn’s first record is great. With the exception of a couple songs, not much after that was worth a shit though.

  • Anthony

    For some who claims to dislike Korn, you sure do seem to be familiar with their lyrics and lyrical themes of some songs.

  • Name

    I’m very disappointed I cannot find any more pictures of his sister than that one. Hmph.

    • rob me blind

      Haha Ya man I couldn’t find her and her nice tits anywhere too!

  • Ben

    Name, maybe you should get your parents to take “safe search” off Google on your computer because I just found a few. Yummy tits mmm

  • Walter

    I use to be a major fan of Korn, shit even to the point to were i got a tattoo of the Korn logo…but i gotta say…from were they started to were they are now….WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

    fucking 2 members leave, 2 find god, but all this crap is just for money

    at least the titties are nice

  • Jizzmaster3000

    At least Fieldy existed.

  • http://www.crescentshield.com Dan

    that was a crackup Axl.

  • http://zoom-astoria.blogspot.com Rob

    man yall beez haterz 2 tha max if I kuld reed I wuld totallly pik this shit as like my betstselllerz list numba 1 wit a bullet!!!!! U tlak shit bout fieldy and mah boi Jesus i kill u bitch!!!!!

  • http://www.myspace.com/hateband666 Wanga

    Man, those nipples are like ciggarette butts. You’d need a triple strength filter to suck on those buttons.

  • http://countshockula.blogspot.com ezra

    Sammy,
    Did you mean “Britches” ?
    Snap!

  • Mike =O

    haha nipples!

  • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

    I am partial to this family portrait of “Fieldy” and Mandi during his earlier hair farmer days. Check under “Bio.”

  • Sammy

    @Ezra: No, I meant “breeches”. Get out your dictionary, son.

    Uh, snap back.

  • Patton

    NIPPLES !

  • mo biscuits

    i bet her “arvizu” tastes just like cotton candy

  • Ezra

    Sammy,
    Upon closer inspection of the pic, I might have to concede that those could indeed, be “Breeches”. Dad.
    ummm, anti-snap?

  • Ezra

    I think we’re both right
    “Breeches (pronounced [ˈbritʃɪz]) are an item of male clothing covering the body from the waist down, with separate coverings for each leg, usually stopping just below the knee, though in some cases reaching to the ankles.The breeches were normally closed and fastened about the leg, along its open seams at varied lengths, and to the knee, by either buttons or by a draw-string , or by one or more straps and buckle or brooches. Formerly the breeching of a young boy, at an age somewhere between six and eight, was a landmark in his childhood. spelling britches reflects a common pronunciation, and is often used in casual speech to mean trousers or “pants”. Breeks is a Scots or northern English spelling and pronunciation.
    See also: Trousers and Knickers”

  • hater

    okay first off, the boobs were just fucking awesome! god damn! second, how many more stories of rock stars do we need that have to do with addiction, life, they’re amazing recovery and almost how they died?? because for one, drug addicts didn’t ‘almost die’, cancer survivors almost died, drug addicts had too much of a good time. geez…

  • Mercin

    holy fuck, he’s jesus its so fuckin clear aahah lmao

  • swartzenheimer

    prop: got the life is the best koRn song.

    discuss.

  • Brian

    Wow wat a fucktard.. Not fieldy ,but jesus for being a lying cunt and writing a shitty novel. Old school KOrn FTW ..

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    “Shit…we’re losing fans! What will we do!”

    “uh…uh…Fieldy! Stop snorting coke off that hookers ass and read this bible! We’ve gotta make more money!”

  • Dude

    It was his time. Hopefully it will happen to YOU. Its a better way to live really. We didnt get here from a lightning bolt hitting the ocean. We are a design. Just like a seed is a design. Look around man. Its all around us.

  • http://www.myspace.com/hateband666 Wanga

    Okay:
    1 – No, its not
    2 – Yes, we did.
    3 – No, we’re not
    3 – No, it’s not
    4 – No, it isn’t

    Anything else? Proof, perhaps?

  • KoRn fan

    I will say one thing that most of you hate xD

    Always loved andI LOVE KORN :P

    But I have to say that I truly hate recent events of korn, mostly in religious stuff..

    And to all religious people FUCK U!