Regular readers of this site know full well that your editors are not fans of Isis or Neurosis. It’s not what we dislike those bands… we just don’t like ‘em. Don’t see what all the fuss is about or why people go so fucking ga-ga at their mere mention. No matter how many times people we trust say “duuuude… you gotta listen again! trust me!” every time I listen again (and there have been many), I still don’t give a fuck.

So it is with extreme surprise that I report the following: I like the new Isis song.

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The May issue of Revolver has an article on Hollywood Undead and “the screamo-crunk explosion,” and while I’m aware that there are people I completely respect who love this shit, this particular sub-genre pretty much makes me want the ending of Dr. Strangelove to come true.

The article included some bands we’ve already declared our hatred for here at MS – the aforementioned Hollywood Undead, Brokencyde, and I Set My Friends on Fire – but also has the unfortunate distinction of having introduced me to Breathe Carolina and 3OH!3.

Honestly, I can’t see how these bands are considered metal, or even hard rock. But, then, I  can’t see how they would be considered anything other than “awful.”

Breathe Carolina, “Diamonds”

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Metal band names are funny. I mean, sooner or later there just aren’t going to be any new ways to come up with variations of “death,” “dead,” “dying,” etc etc, right? And it doesn’t seem like a metal band is going to name themselves “Riding my pony through a field of daisies” any time soon, although admittedly that would be the most br00tal / tr00 name for a metal band EVARRR!

So, Malefice. They haven’t reinvented the wheel band-name wise and they haven’t done so music-wise either, but both their band name and music are pretty fucking cool if you ask me (and by visiting this here webernet site you did ask me, thankyouverymuch). Think the neo-classical-cum-American-new-wave riffage of The Absence or After the Burial mixed with the groove and swagger of God Forbid, and you’ve got a close approximation of what Malefice sound like. Their Metal Blade Records debut (and 2nd album overall) Dawn of Reprisal is out now, and it’s really fucking solid. These Brits have chops, but they know how to use them to write songs rather than just wank around. Recommended if you like any of the aforementioned bands.

-VN

(three out of five horns)

[Malefice on MySpace]

Few children’s authors are more metal than Roald Dahl. Think about it: besides perhaps The Brothers Grimm, what other writer of stories for young ‘uns are as full of violent death? More fucked up things happen in The Witches than every work by Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss combined.

(Roald Dahl was also a raging anti-semite. Which puts a whole other spin on things. But I digress.)

I mention it because of this nifty give away that Chimaira are doing as part of the release of their new album, The Infection:

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Then again, A Sense of Purpose is the first In Flames album that I have truly not liked – yes, I’m including Soundtrack to Your Escape – so I guess it’s a wonder that I remember anything about the disc besides its bizarre psychosexual cover art.

Here’s the group’s new video for “Delight and Angers.”

-AR

While all of you are pleasuring yourself to the sounds of the new album from Mastodon (a.k.a this generation’s Yes), I’m being the contrarian and spending some quality time with fresh tunes from Fucked Up. Indeed, the Canadian post-hardcore artistes are making the most out of this month, with two vinyl releases now available. The first is the 7″ single for No Epiphany, a stellar track off of The Chemistry of Common Life, one of my favorite albums of 2008. The B-side is a remix by noise popsters No Age, a band whose appeal I still can’t grasp. The more exciting release is the Year Of The Rat 12″, the latest installment in Fucked Up’s series based on Chinese astrology, released on the What’s Your Rupture label. The main event is the eleven minute title track, a raucous slab of punk fury elongated in a surprisingly natural way. On the flip is the killer “First Born”, a song that easily could have come from the same sessions as last year’s aforementioned album. If you can tear yourself away from Crack This Guy for 20 minutes, I’d recommend giving Fucked Up a try.

-GS

[Gary Suarez is not paying his hard-earned money for a proggy concept album about a paralyzed boy whose soul ascends into space, encounters Russian Orthodox mystics and subsequently enters the body of Rasputin. He also writes for Brainwashed and usually manages the consistently off-topic No Yoko No. Say, why don't you follow him on Twitter?]

Let me begin this post by saying I am not against our armed forces. If you still hold the “You can’t be against the war but for the troops” mentality, this article is not for you. In fact, this website is not for you. Intelligent thought clearly isn’t for you, either. Fuck off.

One of Vince and mine’s closest, oldest friends enlisted on September 12, 2001. Literally. He saw the terrorist attacks and he signed up to go fight bad guys. The military was supposed to pay for his college in return, which was a bonus – mostly, he wanted to be patriotic and do the right thing. Cut ahead to 2007, and the guy’s term of service has been involuntarily extended so many times he’s doing anything he can just to get kicked out; when he finally succeeds, barely avoiding a court martial, the military, needless to say, refuses to pay for his school or his medical care, and he comes home with PTSD. The last time I saw him – which, unfortunately, was about a year ago – he was on meds for his PTSD, but it was powerful he was constantly rocking back and forth in his seat as a side effect. This is a dude I’ve known since I was six years old.

I mention all of this so you’ll know why the following makes me so fucking angry.

Every time I’ve gone to the movies for the past – Christ, it must be the past year, at least – I’ve been forced to sit through one of two “rock videos” that are, in fact, recruitment ads propaganda for the National Guard. One of them is a song by 3 Doors Down, and the other, “Warrior,” is a track by everyone’s least favorite rich kid turned red neck, Kid Rock. Our buddy Anso at Hipsters Out of Metal! just brought it to my attention that the Kid Rock video is on YouTube now, I decided to post it and then, naturally, rant.

Here’s the video. Some random thoughts after the jump.

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Some light in this bleak, bleak, piece of shit world: Insomnium – who may very well be the most fun, if not necessarily the best, melodic death metal band in the world today – are making a new album, and have launched a studio blog to keep fans abreast (ha ha, he said “breast”) of their activitities (ha ha, he said “titties.”).

There’s no fancy design on the blog – it looks exactly like something your dad might have started – but that actually makes me like it more, ’cause it means there’s no publicist secretly pulling the strings behind the scenes.

It also features a healthy dose of early 90′s-style humor: “We woke nice and fresh 9:00 am, NOT!” Ahh. Wayne and Garth would be proud.

The still-to-be titled album should be out later this year. Here’s the band’s video for “Mortal Share.”

Holy fuck balls, do I love Insomnium.

-AR

ROOOOAAAAARRRR!!!!

For the raping and pillaging:

Amon Amarth, “Guardians of Asgaard”

For the post-raping and pillaging cuddling:

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In a way, high-intensity rock and roll is like a bottle of whiskey: good fun while you’re drinking, but maybe not meant for extended use. That’s why it’s especially gratifying that Atlanta rebel rockers Nashville Pussy, led by a livewire husband/wife duo Blaine Cartwright and Ruyter Suys, have excelled beyond their initial explosion, 1998’s Grammy-nominated Let Them Eat Pussy. Collapsing record labels and a total media blackout have kept the ‘Pussy at cult-level status, though the scandalously-named quartet boasts a hearty fanbase in Europe and consecutive classic albums, including the brand new From Hell To Texas (SPV/Steamhammer). [Read the MetalSucks review here.]

Scary on stage and hilarious in conversation, Cartwright spoke with MetalSucks from his Atlanta home about the sound of timeless music, rocking Europe, and the Nashville Pussy civil war movie.

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Let’s cut right to the quick: Noise Creep is streaming “Bible Black,” the new single from the artists formerly known as Black Sabbath . It comes off their new album, The Devil You Know, and I really don’t have much to say about it, other than it rocks every bit as much as I hoped it would. Listen to it now and see if you agree.

The Devil You Know drops April 28.

-AR

Thanks to ten or twelve of you who all e-mailed us at once to demand we spend some time talking about Ki, the new album from the the now barely-recognizable Devin Townsend, or, rather, The Devin Townsend Project. A preview of the album currently available on Townsend’s MySpace page promises all the awesomeness we expect from this dude (and plenty of heavy as fuck metal), but the accompanying interview may be even better, if only for these tidbits of information:

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Is “Psychopathy Red” the best Slayer song of the post-Seasons in the Abyss era? I s’pose that’s open to Jaeger-fueled debate – I’m still kinda partial to “Disciple” myself – but any way you cut it, it certainly does rule, and serves, to my mind at least, as example number 8 gazillion why Slayer are so vastly superior to so many of their peers.

So. Saturday, April 18 is Record Store Day, which, in case you don’t know, is pretty much what it sounds like – a day meant to “celebrate” (a.k.a. “get shoppers into”) record stores, or, more specifically, independent record stores. Slayer’s contribution to the day: a limited to 5,000 pressings only 7-inch vinyl of “Psychopathy Red.” A press release gives more details:

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Aaron Turner. Mike Patton. Guy Kozowyk. Steve Austin. Greg Anderson. All influential musicians in extreme music; all influential label heads as well. With Gather Scatter, the debut album by his band Millions, Scott Flaster makes a compelling case for his own inclusion in this hallowed pantheon of multi-taskers. Behind the desk at Chicago’s Seventh Rule Recordings, Flaster has curated a quality roster of abrasive underground bands like Indian, Wetnurse, Light Yourself on Fire and Plague Bringer. Millions turn around and shatter said desk into a whole album’s worth of jagged noise splinters.

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According to Consequence of Sound, the best band in the world, aka Tool, are going to headline one night of this year’s Lollapalooza. Now a 3-day festival, this year’s event is set to take place August 7-9, 2009 in Chicago’s Grant Park. It would be Tool’s 3rd time at the festival, having played on the touring incarnation in 1993 and 1997.

Of course, nothing is official, but according to Mr. Leaky Faucet himself, aka The Chicago Tribune’s Greg Kot, “multiple industry sources confirmed” the much speculated rumors during last week’s South by Southwest.

Time to book a flight to Chicago? We can only hope that this won’t be a one-off and Tool will add more dates. I CANNOT possibly be expected to wait until 2010, possibly 2011, to see Tool perform again.

-VN

Nothing snarky or funny here… but if you’re planning on attending this Saturday evening’s free Bonded by Blood/Exmortus/Witchaven show in Brooklyn, please be aware that the venue has changed.

The new venue is:

Lone Star Bar and Grill
8703 5th Ave.
Brooklyn, NY
7 pm

The show is still totally FREE, so if you can make it, you’re shit outta excuses!!!

Here they are performing “Blackened” at the fest.

In other new Metallinews, Kirk Hammett is saying that Jason Newsted will “most likely” perform with the band at their Rock N’ Roll Hall of fame induction. Since Newsted is the member of Metallica who managed to remain the coolest the longest (save Cliff Burton, natch), I’d actually be curious to see that… even if Jason was on Rock Star Supernova.

-AR

Oh, I Killed the Prom Queen… Was there ever a band that more perfectly exemplified all that went wrong with metalcore? Their Swedish fast parts segueing into mediocre-to-offensively-bland breakdowns, flaccid clean vocals, “I WANNA SOUND MEAN!!!” angry vocals, horrible puns for song titles, and a nod to all the shitty high school kids that their music is geared to right in their name perfectly summed up all that was wrong with bad metal and bad hardcore being pounded into one ugly lump of clay. Not much of what the band did was defensible, and their 2007 breakup didn’t exactly summon a moment of silence from the metal world. For their mourning fan base, a CD/DVD combo of the band’s last hometown show was planned but delayed several times before it’s eventual release last November in Europe and last Tuesday here in the States. By the sounds of the CD half of the package, though, perhaps it should have been delayed even longer. So, part of the band’s last actions as a unit involved giving a sloppy, half assed wave goodbye to the ones that supported them over their tenure on the metalcore circuit. Think what you want about the band (it’s certainly clear what I think), but that’s a pretty lousy thing to do.

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Band press releases are really fucking ho-hum most of the time. They’re just all the same. One day I’ll get to writing a band press release mad-lib and you guys will laugh a lot; well, at least Axl, myself and all of our publicist friends will laugh a lot.

But every now and again a press release comes around that not only is worthy of reading start to finish, but is quite entertaining. Like this one about the Taiwanese metal band ChthoniC which in a really long-winded manner explains that Pandas are actually from Tibet, not China. What this has to do with music we aren’t really sure, but whereas before I didn’t care much about this band at all, now I do. Don’t ask, just read. The entire press release copied and pasted, after el jumparino.

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Converge have posted the below teaser for their new album, which, despite still lacking a title or release date, should be out sometime this year. As Cosmo Lee notes at Invisible Oranges, “But for the blastbeats, [the riff] could have been on Kill ‘Em All.” Hell to the motherfucking yes.

That black hooded figure in the middle… is that you, Brother Bannon?

-AR