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FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A GUITAR SIGNED BY GOD FORBID! (AND OTHERS?)

 Thursday, June 4th, 2009 at 6:00pm by

black metal kidsCongrats to “canea” for winning last week’s funny photo caption contest. Canea gets a limited edition super-sweet Sunn O))) double-disc vinyl set of their new album Monoliths and Dimensions, which came out last week. The winning entry:

“I come for your jellybeans. But only the black ones.”

This week we’re giving away a guitar signed by God Forbid. But here’s the cool part; the guitar also has a bunch of other signatures on it. We’re guessing they’re by some past or present Century Media artists, as CM has been kind enough to donate the guitar for this contest — but who knows? It could be Brian Fair, it could be Jeff Loomis, or it could be some schmuck in the mailroom who thought it’d be funny to sign the guitar. Maybe you can figure it out: check out pictures of the guitar here, here and here. But regardless, it’s got God Forbid signatures so that’s pretty fuckin’ cool, right?

Come up with a funny caption to the below photo and the guitar shall be yours.

funny_wildcat

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  • Nate Schwartz

    Slipknot, showing off their “edgy” new masks and musical direction, tackle only the most badass of sports– Minibike Posing.

  • Luke

    For Slipknots new album entitled Born to Ride Free they lost 4 members,changed there masks and gained mini bikes if thats not metal then i dont know what is

  • Sammy

    …and with that the ICP Special Olympics began….

    • Z

      Oh god. This wins. I don’t even think I’m going to try after this.

    • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

      lol Pretty good.

  • pluto

    Miguel Calderón is a great painter.

    I find it in very bad taste for MetalSucks to use a legitimate artists’ piece of work like this.

    This isn’t some retarded pic taken with a cell phone, Miguel Calderón actually spent time and effort to create his expression on canvas, and now it’s become an object of ridicule so someone can win a guitar…. sad.

    • http://myspace.com/mykee666 Metal Mykee

      whatever dude.. get over it!

    • dogpark

      Why Miguel Calderon embodies the metal genre:

      From a trusted and reliable source for information other than metalsucks (wikipedia):

      Much of Calderón’s work has been called “low-brow” and that he “has a knack for pushing crass stereotypes and clichés to absurd and provocative extremes.”

      Yes, indeed. Calderon has given metal a voice through his art. This picture is truly worth a thousand growls.

      • pluto

        Very good point, dogpark,
        and I can better appreciate your social reasoning involved with the placing of this painting here on MetalSucks.

        But, I still think it’s a rather odd choice for the Funny Caption Contest. This isn’t a photo of someone being an idiot on stage, or a goofy metal dork, instead the painting was intended to be a commentary on masculine violence and crime.
        The painting is from a set titled “Aggressively Mediocre” and has quite a dark subtext to it about five real-life men that would kill and rape women with bags over their heads.
        I don’t see any humor there. Only an artist expressing how absurd Man can be.

        MetalSucks has cheapened that artist’s intended impact by making people beg for a guitar, instead of appreciating the art.
        I hope they reconsider doing this in the future.

        • http://www.myspace.com/437666934 Noel

          wtf? get over it. what, are calderons son or some shit? Its all in fun, and if that aint good enough for ya, look at it as them exposing his work to people who otherwise wouldnt ever see it. sheeesh.

          • metalguy

            Pluto, if your offended by something as simple as this you should not be reading metalsucks

        • dogpark

          Honestly, I don’t know anything about the man’s work (take nothing I say seriously). Just trying to make a humorous connection. I’m sure the great minds at metalsucks have made this connection and are in discussions with Miguel for a new web design that permeates metal.

    • facefacefack

      You could get this same picture taken with better quality on a cell phone. Go home. Guitar = more useful than some guy’s crappy painting.

  • basslogic

    bumfuck….I think that explains it

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    “Hey Dave, do you ever have one of those days where you’re not feeling so fresh?”

    • Noel

      ahh, wonder shozen. we meet again.

  • major

    mustaine family photo

  • Chris

    Son of a bitch, i missed the “dresslike an asshole on a mini dirtbike races” again

  • Malacoda

    Brokencyde takes a day off touring.

  • http://myspace.com/joelbailey joel

    Hot on the heels of the wildly successful movie “Rad”, a young Corey Taylor and friends do their best to imitate their hero Cru Jones.

    • GoatRidersHorde

      WIN!

  • cookie

    penis puppets are very hard to control on a mini bike

  • Seth

    Rednecks dance to thriller as Michael Jackson reaches the south

    • Jose

      Michael Jacksons always reached the south…on little boys. ZING!!!
      (sorry kinda had to, inappropriate i know.)

      • Seth

        Haha that was a good one

  • tom

    Face it…if they were wearing shirts, this painting would just be flat out weird.

  • john gally

    gwars kids on christmas

  • Peter Borrillo

    After splitting the profits of 4 albums 9 ways, this was all the members of slipknot could afford.

  • Mike

    slipknot didn’t know what to do of their spare time… so they posed for a teen magazine! how sexy!

  • fightingmike

    Slipknot on vacation

  • fightingmike

    Bulls on Parade!

    • metalguy

      Win!!! fukin win!

  • Will Simmons

    Gwar had a very small cameo in The Road Warrior.

  • fightingmike

    Extras on the set of “Land of the Lost”

  • alex

    Slipknot makes an iron maiden cover album, and even butchers eddie

  • Miroslav

    Death Race sequel is now shooting. Smile for the poster!

  • http://dukehoopster11 dukehoopster11

    A young Slipknot pays homage to their musical inspiration, The Village People. YMCA!

  • Tim

    A horrifying preview of the disastrous birth defects caused by Donald Campan’s cosmetic products.

  • Wormdrive

    Welcome to the Chupacabra Mini Moto Gran Prix.

  • Chris L

    It’s Michael Jackson’s Thriller meets Metal Mulisha

  • SheWolf

    Fan fears about the upcoming “Where The Wild Things Are” movie were well-founded.

  • Kyle

    Pressed for time, Mushroomhead had to shoot their new album cover regardless of the fact that someone had mistaken an ad for PowerWheels as an ad for used yamaha power bikes.

  • The Overmatt

    The attempts at “updating” The Village People were disastrous.

  • keith c

    Alternative travel arrangements for Iron Maiden’ts crew who couldn’t fit on Flight 666.

  • http://www.myspace.com/whiskeyrambleproject x101whiskey_ramble101x

    remember that episode of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers when Rita sent down the A.T.V. death rider Putties? Hmm? Anyone?

    • lamb of god forbid

      HA HA HA!!! LMMFAO!!! i have the VHS if you want to have a re-watchingg party. tell your friends!!!

  • http://www.myspace.com/whiskeyrambleproject x101whiskey_ramble101x

    Didn’t you guys have this Ride with Hollywood Undead sweepstakes ad on Metalsucks a few months back, Vince?

  • Captain Blacklung

    “The Klan wanted to find a new audience so they invested in Nikki Sixx for publicity tips.”

  • Ricky

    the sweet painting from royal tenenbaums

  • poopsmcgee

    Hollywood Undead were so happy when they finally got their training wheels off last week

  • Nick S.

    Mushroomhead gives the X games a shot.

  • Name Not Applicable

    Brap Metal.

  • Matt

    Look the new Kiss members

  • Reaperatty

    Next in the Underworld series, Lycans Who Couldn’t Afford CGI

  • Kevin

    Yes, even Bob Ross had a dark (metal) side to him. \m/

  • Tim

    This is the cover art for Hollywood Undead’s new album, in which they cover Metallica’s classic album Master of Puppets.

  • http://liggybee.blogspot.com Liggybee

    Confused characters who couldn’t get cast into the Twilight movies…

  • Z

    >funny_wildcat.jpg
    reactionimage.jpg

  • Dannibal

    After spending all of their funds to have Townsend produce their last album. GWAR had to resolve to shocking people by wearing K-Mart masks, posing on mini-bikes, and grabbing invisible grapefruits.

  • dr j

    Like Opeth is the perfect complementery music for driving through the misty hills and valleys of Virginia, Hollywood Undead perfectly complements driving a mini dirt bike through a redneck’s back year with your’e shirt off exposing your’e flabby torso and wearing poorly made lion masks while striking obnoxious poses.

    • dr j

      Like Opeth is the perfect complementery music for driving through the misty hills and valleys of Virginia, Hollywood Undead perfectly complements driving a mini dirt bike through a redneck’s back yard* with your’e shirt off, exposing your’e flabby torso, and wearing poorly made lion masks while striking obnoxious poses.

  • Ryan

    crap Dorothy! The flying monkeys have atvs!!!!!

  • Draven_Corvinus

    As teenagers, the members of Hollywood Undead had no idea the levels they would reach, but knew it would be EXTREME!

  • Steven A

    L.A. Guns: Redneck edition

  • MrC

    This is what happen’s when you cross the scooby doo dance with kisses little known beach pimp years.

  • poopsmcgee

    is it just me or have gang signs gotten really lazy?

  • GymTeacherWhoLovesParties

    Posing for a picture while waiting for Jimmy in his sister’s Barbie Power Jammin’ Jeep.

  • Cole

    And this proves that you’re only cool if you are in your 40′s and still wear masks and days other than Halloween. On top of that, you mus, MUST by a motor vehicle that yo outgrew 30 years ago, and growl menacingly at people you can’t see.

    • poopsmcgee

      you win… at being illiterate

  • Pancho

    Slipknot pushed for a band “Guitar Hero”, but all that their lameness allowed for was “Maggot Kart”…

  • HagstromSpeed

    Monster Squad version 2.0… all grown up, out of the tree house, and on acid

  • Harry

    When Slipknot and Hellyeah said they would be collaborating, I didn’t realize it was in the visual arts.

  • boardupthehouse

    The cover to the long awaited reissue of Slipknot’s unknown album “All Shame Is Gone”.

  • Will

    After the famed “Statutory Ape” ape-man was forced to part ways with Black Dahlia Murder, auditions were held for his replacement, and as you can see, some of the possible entries didn’t quite fit the requirements…

  • GoatRidersHorde

    Horses are so last week.

  • Ryan Brown

    Cover art to one of Slipknot’s earliest demo’s when they were 7th graders in Iowa

  • poopsmcgee

    This had better not be the poster for a new Mad Max movie.

  • Bronson

    hollywood undead in headlights

  • Watty

    “After seeing his nemesis’ utter success that came about from his star role in the aptly named “Mario Kart,” Wario sought to hold tryouts for a spin-off he liked to refer to as “Appropriately Masked Adolescent Redneck Offroad Racing Extravaganza,” or AMARORE for short.”

    [Continued...or is it already too much?]

    “Unfortunately, it was after he realized that only animated characters named Wario got a high from eating Garlic that he abandoned the idea of having his contestants apply the substance to their underarms, as it gave them an uncontrollable urge to strike a pose such as to disturb even the most hardcore fans.”

    -The abbreviated version of the name is slightly metal as well, props…

  • AirHockeyChamp

    The many faces of Wes Borland throughout his tenure with Limp Bizkit.

  • Rattleh3ad

    Having already laid waste to every good hooror movie made- Rob Zombie’s new deal with Disney is reportedly a modern take on the classic Hanna Barbera cartoon “Speed Buggy”.

  • Kirsten

    Eyal Levi never said motorcycles were dangerous tour transportation, so let’s grab our minibikes and go!

  • alex

    APPPPPRIRRRIIIIIIIIQQQQUUUAADDSSS!!!!

  • DJ Arnold

    West Virginia band plans Slipknot cover album. They claim that although they appear to be ripping off the mask gimmick that they are naturally that hairy due to inbreeding.

  • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

    “Last one around the tree and back’s a faggit!”

  • Get Bored

    These villians roll to “nookie” by limp bizkit. Extreme badasses!

  • Meat

    One of the finest pieces from the Pro-Choice art gallery.

  • http://chroniclesofchaos.com Daniel Cairns

    There were major budget cuts for Mad Max 4.

  • Blake

    A failed album cover attempt, while completely stoned. The next day they will realize just how terrible this is.

  • Rob

    After the success of King Arthur on ice, Rick Wakemans follow up, Thriller on Bikes, didn’t quite meet expectations.

  • Jonathon

    Where the Wild Things Aren’t.

  • http://www.myspace.com/jay234t Brutal Jay

    Hollywood Undead says “Fuck tour buses. We have mini bikes!!”

  • TurdFerguson

    Ladies and gentleman, please welcome the cast of the Bollywood version of Twilight.

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    Now a minibike, thats hardcore.

  • Brandon

    I’ve got nothing for this one… it’s just that pathetic and sad.

  • Mutt Weiler

    Pastor of Muppets World Tour coming to a gravel pit near you!

  • Froogle

    Jusad Priest: Before they were famous.

    • Froogle

      Judas* XD

  • Mercyful_Laing

    Looks like Eddie had a family reunion with all his illegitimate children from touring with Maiden in the 80′s

  • jesse

    (in a slightly effeminate voice) “hey boys, GRRRRR. we’re coming ta getchya.

  • Tanner

    When planet of the apes meets america

  • Tanner

    Slipknot as teenagers

  • db

    “…never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down…”

  • mptaylor

    The Right Guard…it BURRRRNS!

  • Obsolete

    The all new Ghost Riders with their armpits from hell.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/BootScraperSean Anger Unmanagement

    “we also do Cinderella on bikes…. Uh… toy story aswell….. and for birthdays we can re-enact pokemon”

  • Mike

    The “unofficial” plotline for CRANK 3:
    Jason Statham wakes up without a face and must get it back from the Mini Masked Men.

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    This is what happens when you fuck a juggalette in a tub of faygo.

  • joshkid

    Marilyn Manson’s henchmen singing “Trent-Goddamn-Motherfuckin’-Reznor” after dumping Trent Reznor’s mutilated body in the woods

  • frostilucus

    When did the Morlocks learn how to time travel and ride ATVs?!

  • Napalm_Death

    The Brujera video shoot lasted for days instead of hours. Jazz hands!!! I said jazz hands!!!

    • Napalm_Death

      The Brujeria video shoot lasted for days instead of hours. Jazz hands!!! I said jazz hands!!!

  • Corey Borger

    Cause this is Wheeler!

  • http://www.knucklesfirst.com/ Andyman

    “It’s a dirt track….voodoo…hybrid…EVENT!” — William Murderface

  • http://www.knucklesfirst.com/ Andyman

    Queef Hammer 95 was the only group bizarre enough to get kicked out of a Dark Lotus tour.

  • Austin Milbarge

    1 Banana,2 Banana, 3 Banana 4….Tra La La, La La La La , It’s the Banana Splits!

  • Divot

    Wyld Hoggs

  • sukmeyedick

    oh no! not the anual slipnot race for rednecks

  • Leo

    The slipknot fan club takes their act on the road

  • Edward

    Hollywood undead. Before Myspace

  • Karsa

    Before reinventing their image, Hollywood Undead were a knockoff band appropriately named BalloonKnot.

  • Damotello

    Nintendo unveil the cover art for Mushroomhead kart racing.

  • SolracYatog

    Go, go, Metal Rangers!!
    Go, go, Metal Rangers!!
    Go, go, Metal Rangers, Mighty Awesome Metal Rangers!!!

  • The Rooktrocity

    In a special exhibition of album covers that could have been, Evergreen Terrace’s scrapped ‘Wolfbiker’ concept draws critcal praise.

  • balls mahoney

    ladies and gentlemen, i give you the metalsucks editors on their memorial day weekend.

  • Screwy

    BROKENcyde’s fan base

    • Screwy

      and backing vocals

  • Scooby Crue

    Ape Hanger : FAIL

  • ForSalvation

    Heavy Metal Hand Puppets on Hot Wheels ™

  • http://www.pandasdestroy.com jorbams

    ATTENTION: The 1st Annual Hollywood Undead MotoBash AmJam/Hugfest will commence immediately after the ceremonial “Feeling of the Invisible Tits.” Gentlemen, start your misogyny!

  • ForSalvation

    From left to right: Robert Plant, Gene Simmons, Dave Mustaine, Tony Iommi, and Alice Cooper enjoy a little R & R at Ted Nugent’s China Spring, Texas ranch, before embarking on the innovative 20-city “Metal On Broadway” tour, sponsored by Geritol.

  • callum

    …this is a painting?!!!

  • Jose

    generic and humorless comment about both Slipknot and Hollywood Undead

  • Steve

    Gene Simmons hopping on the extreme sports bandwagon with the premier of his new MTV2 show “Nitro CirKISS”

  • scunionslapper

    Wolverine Blues, the alternate cover art

  • http://www.hibernum.net hibernum

    Looks like Shriners suffering from a case of “Eddieitis”

  • Me

    “Heavy Metal Parking.. NOT!”

    “Salvador Dali gone redneck”

    “Rolling Thunder? More like Rolling Blunder!”

    “Monster heads: Because our emaciated torsos aren’t quite cutting it.”

  • cantbeboughtorsold

    After months on the run, Eddie Hunter reemerges in the vast wasteland of Ocala, FL, the minibike capital of the world….

  • Awesome!!!

    Hey look at us and are scary mask with our miniature bikes. we’re so terrible and look like that guy off of scooby-doo. Be scared boo.

  • josh

    Seeing the deteriorating state of metal nowadays, Corey Taylor, David Draiman, Fred Durst, Chester Bennington, and Jonathan Davis decide to work on a new project together called “Noo Metal”. Their debut album entitled “Nu Metal Up Ur Ass” is due to be released in late ’09.

  • Metal Fuckin’ Dave

    What the….we told you to paint us on Choppers! Christ, I had my hands up like that for 6 goddamn hours!

  • WyldeRhoads

    “The love-children of Alice Cooper and Hillary Clinton.”

  • demogulatory

    The o.g’s (original gangstas) the invisible grapefruit gang “cracking skulls since 1992.”

  • hatebenzion

    Geico’s new ad:
    Mini Bike Insurance – so easy, a metalhead can do it

  • shiafree

    “If only we had those back then, it wouldn’t have taken us 40 years to get through the desert!”

  • http://www.myspace.com/gbh_gurl Jazmin H

    Metallica thought by taking advice from Alice Cooper would surely get them to ride dirty.

  • Rod S

    Pictured here is a painting that proves there was a 5th Horsemen that teamed with one time wrestling stable “The 4 Horsemen”. Ric Flair has been brought into custody for questioning on the murder, noting he is the only recognizable person in the painting due to his nearly white hair. When brought into custody Ric fought police and was screaming that he “wasn’t metal enough”, more on this story later…

  • sandedfaceless

    At last, Bob Ross’s lost masterpiece has been discovered. It is titled “Mario Shart”

  • john gally

    new kids on the block stage entrance

  • Austin Pittman

    Man O’ War’s response to Judas Priest’s “Painkiller” album cover.

  • hater_guy

    One of Hitler’s unseen paitings. What was he thinking?

  • Shane Gillis

    Hey guys, do something funny with your arms so they don’t mistake us for those other assholes.

  • Shane Gillis

    This portrait, entitled “Never Gone Git Out of Kentucky” is the first in our new series, Perpetual Failure. Join us next week when we unveil “These Fucking Masks,” another offering that will no doubt pull hundreds of shit-witty Slipnot references, all of which will lose.

  • Daniel

    Man, the Metal Mulisha and Nacho Libre have nothing on us.

  • Ben Bauer

    Looks like Vodoo took over and changed our life to bikers from hikers!!

    • ForSalvation

      Knowing of Megadeth’s intense hatred for voodoo, the great outdoors, baggy jeans, Slipknot, and their neighbors’ noisy minibikes, Miguel Calderon paints them into an April Fool’s gift they’ll not soon forget.

  • ForSalvation

    Knowing of Megadeth’s intense hatred for voodoo, the great outdoors, baggy jeans, Slipknot, and their neighbors’ noisy minibikes, Miguel Calderon paints them into an April Fool’s gift they’ll not soon forget.

    –

    Sorry for the repost. Didn’t mean to reply under the prior submission. X-(

  • Vinse

    first nu-metal, then dethcore, this is next.

  • Steve

    The art of shredding has a new face.

  • Steve

    The latest in underground hardcore, Cyclecore!

  • Steve

    KISS family holiday

  • Steve

    Typical Redneck Violence Expressions

  • Purple Hayes

    Juggalo Traffic Jam

  • Edward

    Promotional Art for Intel’s new QUADcore processor

  • Joe Caps

    ” Take a ride, on the WILD side!”

  • Jason Nordeman

    God forbid the carnies give up the good prizes..

  • Carl

    The Joker’s new line of henchmen.

  • Carl Young

    Holy shit,Limp Bizkit did get back together!

  • Ervin

    “Alright, who put the Icy Hot in the deorderant!!?? “

  • Bob

    Look Mom, no hands.

  • Rutger

    hey Mushroom Head, ICP and Slipknot had a clusterfuck. Now we have a group that sucks three times over.

  • Prives

    After this original still was rejected, Tommy Blacha came up with a new opening sequence for Metalocalypse… Thank fuck for that!

  • joey

    Look mom … no hands!

    • Me

      repeat on purpose?

  • Nick

    Where Really Pissed We are out of gas

  • hater_guy

    Introducing KIX – Kentucky Inbreeders X-games! Coming soon!

  • Suman

    “And you say monkeys can’t ride ?
    Ladies & Gentlemen,Here it is Monkey-X-Mini-Motosports….. Watch out cuz we’re gonna Monkey ride”

  • Sujoy

    ” 5 great examples, of what your kids may turn out to be, if you let them watch Oprah & yet ride Desert Bikes “

  • Rina

    “This is us, before we ate the bikes thinking they were decorated large size Donuts”

  • Stephen Merryfield

    Look buddy. We ordered these with ape hangers. That shit should come up to here.

  • JayRott

    Left-over extras from the “Thriller” Video… They never did get the makeup right.

  • hatebenzion

    Science has finally proven, that metalheads have evolved from these ancient creatures

  • joshkid

    photo for the next Rolling Stone cover.
    Exclusive: Inside The Mansion – The MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys reveal themselves for the first time ever

  • Brian

    LIVE FROM SISTERFUCK, ARKANSAS

  • Brian

    ATV IST KRIEG!!

  • lamb of god forbid

    after years of talk and anticipation, grandma finally brings her bridge partners over for brunch

  • http://www.myspace.com/this_is_james_myspace James Lawrence

    “Scary Kids Scaring Kids”

  • Deva Rao

    Ok Marduk, you know I like you guys, but that is NO reason to miss Blackenedfest.

  • Eletta G

    And here we have the rare North American Metal Monkeys doing their mating ritual, rare but beautiful.

  • john gally

    this is wh,at happens when someone from slipknot sleeps with someone from west virgina

  • http://peter.buckingham@tesco.net Peter R Buckingham

    We hail this holy place – we will call it Silverstone!

  • menucha fuchs

    yeeeehaww…were ridin them like animals..grrrrrrrrrr stay back or ill knock u off ur feet

  • http://darkarch87 jeff

    the osbournes in blackface

  • Richard

    Everything is going to be OK now that we are the new board members of General Motors.

  • Rory Newland

    Hollywood Undead bring a whole new meaning to the term “Ass-Bandits”

  • Star

    Tell Me, Does Our Mask’s Scare You Or Is It Our “Big Guns?” And Yes, These Bikes Are Well Equipted With Hemi’s!!

  • bobby

    “alright now you guys really stink…plzzz step off for god’s sake!!!!…i can’t take it any more” hmmmm what else can the toys feel?????

  • child_of_ape

    Planet of the Apes remake hits budget trouble.

  • Andrew Davis

    Almost as bad as Thriller.

  • http://www.promofm.com/MALICIOUS_DISORDER MaliciousDisorder
  • Jason Fox

    They all bought motor cycles to make up for the fact that they have faces that look like masks… and small penises

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eric-Wimpee/100000146089440 Eric Wimpee

    This is exactly why open-air festivals aren’t held in Alabama.