FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A GUITAR SIGNED BY GOD FORBID! (AND OTHERS?)
Thursday, June 4th, 2009 at 6:00pm by Vince Neilstein
Congrats to “canea” for winning last week’s funny photo caption contest. Canea gets a limited edition super-sweet Sunn O))) double-disc vinyl set of their new album Monoliths and Dimensions, which came out last week. The winning entry:
“I come for your jellybeans. But only the black ones.”
This week we’re giving away a guitar signed by God Forbid. But here’s the cool part; the guitar also has a bunch of other signatures on it. We’re guessing they’re by some past or present Century Media artists, as CM has been kind enough to donate the guitar for this contest — but who knows? It could be Brian Fair, it could be Jeff Loomis, or it could be some schmuck in the mailroom who thought it’d be funny to sign the guitar. Maybe you can figure it out: check out pictures of the guitar here, here and here. But regardless, it’s got God Forbid signatures so that’s pretty fuckin’ cool, right?
Come up with a funny caption to the below photo and the guitar shall be yours.
Slipknot, showing off their “edgy” new masks and musical direction, tackle only the most badass of sports– Minibike Posing.
For Slipknots new album entitled Born to Ride Free they lost 4 members,changed there masks and gained mini bikes if thats not metal then i dont know what is
…and with that the ICP Special Olympics began….
Oh god. This wins. I don’t even think I’m going to try after this.
lol Pretty good.
Miguel Calderón is a great painter.
I find it in very bad taste for MetalSucks to use a legitimate artists’ piece of work like this.
This isn’t some retarded pic taken with a cell phone, Miguel Calderón actually spent time and effort to create his expression on canvas, and now it’s become an object of ridicule so someone can win a guitar…. sad.
whatever dude.. get over it!
Why Miguel Calderon embodies the metal genre:
From a trusted and reliable source for information other than metalsucks (wikipedia):
Much of Calderón’s work has been called “low-brow” and that he “has a knack for pushing crass stereotypes and clichés to absurd and provocative extremes.”
Yes, indeed. Calderon has given metal a voice through his art. This picture is truly worth a thousand growls.
Very good point, dogpark,
and I can better appreciate your social reasoning involved with the placing of this painting here on MetalSucks.
But, I still think it’s a rather odd choice for the Funny Caption Contest. This isn’t a photo of someone being an idiot on stage, or a goofy metal dork, instead the painting was intended to be a commentary on masculine violence and crime.
The painting is from a set titled “Aggressively Mediocre” and has quite a dark subtext to it about five real-life men that would kill and rape women with bags over their heads.
I don’t see any humor there. Only an artist expressing how absurd Man can be.
MetalSucks has cheapened that artist’s intended impact by making people beg for a guitar, instead of appreciating the art.
I hope they reconsider doing this in the future.
wtf? get over it. what, are calderons son or some shit? Its all in fun, and if that aint good enough for ya, look at it as them exposing his work to people who otherwise wouldnt ever see it. sheeesh.
Pluto, if your offended by something as simple as this you should not be reading metalsucks
Honestly, I don’t know anything about the man’s work (take nothing I say seriously). Just trying to make a humorous connection. I’m sure the great minds at metalsucks have made this connection and are in discussions with Miguel for a new web design that permeates metal.
You could get this same picture taken with better quality on a cell phone. Go home. Guitar = more useful than some guy’s crappy painting.
bumfuck….I think that explains it
“Hey Dave, do you ever have one of those days where you’re not feeling so fresh?”
ahh, wonder shozen. we meet again.
mustaine family photo
Son of a bitch, i missed the “dresslike an asshole on a mini dirtbike races” again
Brokencyde takes a day off touring.
Hot on the heels of the wildly successful movie “Rad”, a young Corey Taylor and friends do their best to imitate their hero Cru Jones.
WIN!
penis puppets are very hard to control on a mini bike
Rednecks dance to thriller as Michael Jackson reaches the south
Michael Jacksons always reached the south…on little boys. ZING!!!
(sorry kinda had to, inappropriate i know.)
Haha that was a good one
Face it…if they were wearing shirts, this painting would just be flat out weird.
gwars kids on christmas
After splitting the profits of 4 albums 9 ways, this was all the members of slipknot could afford.
slipknot didn’t know what to do of their spare time… so they posed for a teen magazine! how sexy!
Slipknot on vacation
Bulls on Parade!
Win!!! fukin win!
Gwar had a very small cameo in The Road Warrior.
Extras on the set of “Land of the Lost”
Slipknot makes an iron maiden cover album, and even butchers eddie
Death Race sequel is now shooting. Smile for the poster!
A young Slipknot pays homage to their musical inspiration, The Village People. YMCA!
A horrifying preview of the disastrous birth defects caused by Donald Campan’s cosmetic products.
Welcome to the Chupacabra Mini Moto Gran Prix.
It’s Michael Jackson’s Thriller meets Metal Mulisha
Fan fears about the upcoming “Where The Wild Things Are” movie were well-founded.
Pressed for time, Mushroomhead had to shoot their new album cover regardless of the fact that someone had mistaken an ad for PowerWheels as an ad for used yamaha power bikes.
The attempts at “updating” The Village People were disastrous.
Alternative travel arrangements for Iron Maiden’ts crew who couldn’t fit on Flight 666.
remember that episode of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers when Rita sent down the A.T.V. death rider Putties? Hmm? Anyone?
HA HA HA!!! LMMFAO!!! i have the VHS if you want to have a re-watchingg party. tell your friends!!!
Didn’t you guys have this Ride with Hollywood Undead sweepstakes ad on Metalsucks a few months back, Vince?
“The Klan wanted to find a new audience so they invested in Nikki Sixx for publicity tips.”
the sweet painting from royal tenenbaums
Hollywood Undead were so happy when they finally got their training wheels off last week
Mushroomhead gives the X games a shot.
Brap Metal.
Look the new Kiss members
Next in the Underworld series, Lycans Who Couldn’t Afford CGI
Yes, even Bob Ross had a dark (metal) side to him. \m/
This is the cover art for Hollywood Undead’s new album, in which they cover Metallica’s classic album Master of Puppets.
Confused characters who couldn’t get cast into the Twilight movies…
>funny_wildcat.jpg
reactionimage.jpg
After spending all of their funds to have Townsend produce their last album. GWAR had to resolve to shocking people by wearing K-Mart masks, posing on mini-bikes, and grabbing invisible grapefruits.
Like Opeth is the perfect complementery music for driving through the misty hills and valleys of Virginia, Hollywood Undead perfectly complements driving a mini dirt bike through a redneck’s back year with your’e shirt off exposing your’e flabby torso and wearing poorly made lion masks while striking obnoxious poses.
Like Opeth is the perfect complementery music for driving through the misty hills and valleys of Virginia, Hollywood Undead perfectly complements driving a mini dirt bike through a redneck’s back yard* with your’e shirt off, exposing your’e flabby torso, and wearing poorly made lion masks while striking obnoxious poses.
crap Dorothy! The flying monkeys have atvs!!!!!
As teenagers, the members of Hollywood Undead had no idea the levels they would reach, but knew it would be EXTREME!
L.A. Guns: Redneck edition
This is what happen’s when you cross the scooby doo dance with kisses little known beach pimp years.
is it just me or have gang signs gotten really lazy?
Posing for a picture while waiting for Jimmy in his sister’s Barbie Power Jammin’ Jeep.
And this proves that you’re only cool if you are in your 40’s and still wear masks and days other than Halloween. On top of that, you mus, MUST by a motor vehicle that yo outgrew 30 years ago, and growl menacingly at people you can’t see.
you win… at being illiterate
Slipknot pushed for a band “Guitar Hero”, but all that their lameness allowed for was “Maggot Kart”…
Monster Squad version 2.0… all grown up, out of the tree house, and on acid
When Slipknot and Hellyeah said they would be collaborating, I didn’t realize it was in the visual arts.
The cover to the long awaited reissue of Slipknot’s unknown album “All Shame Is Gone”.
After the famed “Statutory Ape” ape-man was forced to part ways with Black Dahlia Murder, auditions were held for his replacement, and as you can see, some of the possible entries didn’t quite fit the requirements…
Horses are so last week.
Cover art to one of Slipknot’s earliest demo’s when they were 7th graders in Iowa
This had better not be the poster for a new Mad Max movie.
hollywood undead in headlights
“After seeing his nemesis’ utter success that came about from his star role in the aptly named “Mario Kart,” Wario sought to hold tryouts for a spin-off he liked to refer to as “Appropriately Masked Adolescent Redneck Offroad Racing Extravaganza,” or AMARORE for short.”
[Continued...or is it already too much?]
“Unfortunately, it was after he realized that only animated characters named Wario got a high from eating Garlic that he abandoned the idea of having his contestants apply the substance to their underarms, as it gave them an uncontrollable urge to strike a pose such as to disturb even the most hardcore fans.”
-The abbreviated version of the name is slightly metal as well, props…
The many faces of Wes Borland throughout his tenure with Limp Bizkit.
Having already laid waste to every good hooror movie made- Rob Zombie’s new deal with Disney is reportedly a modern take on the classic Hanna Barbera cartoon “Speed Buggy”.
Eyal Levi never said motorcycles were dangerous tour transportation, so let’s grab our minibikes and go!
APPPPPRIRRRIIIIIIIIQQQQUUUAADDSSS!!!!
West Virginia band plans Slipknot cover album. They claim that although they appear to be ripping off the mask gimmick that they are naturally that hairy due to inbreeding.
“Last one around the tree and back’s a faggit!”
These villians roll to “nookie” by limp bizkit. Extreme badasses!
One of the finest pieces from the Pro-Choice art gallery.
There were major budget cuts for Mad Max 4.
A failed album cover attempt, while completely stoned. The next day they will realize just how terrible this is.
After the success of King Arthur on ice, Rick Wakemans follow up, Thriller on Bikes, didn’t quite meet expectations.
Where the Wild Things Aren’t.
Hollywood Undead says “Fuck tour buses. We have mini bikes!!”
Ladies and gentleman, please welcome the cast of the Bollywood version of Twilight.
Now a minibike, thats hardcore.
I’ve got nothing for this one… it’s just that pathetic and sad.
Pastor of Muppets World Tour coming to a gravel pit near you!
Jusad Priest: Before they were famous.
Judas* XD
Looks like Eddie had a family reunion with all his illegitimate children from touring with Maiden in the 80’s
(in a slightly effeminate voice) “hey boys, GRRRRR. we’re coming ta getchya.
When planet of the apes meets america
Slipknot as teenagers
“…never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down…”
The Right Guard…it BURRRRNS!
The all new Ghost Riders with their armpits from hell.
“we also do Cinderella on bikes…. Uh… toy story aswell….. and for birthdays we can re-enact pokemon”
The “unofficial” plotline for CRANK 3:
Jason Statham wakes up without a face and must get it back from the Mini Masked Men.
This is what happens when you fuck a juggalette in a tub of faygo.
Marilyn Manson’s henchmen singing “Trent-Goddamn-Motherfuckin’-Reznor” after dumping Trent Reznor’s mutilated body in the woods
When did the Morlocks learn how to time travel and ride ATVs?!
The Brujera video shoot lasted for days instead of hours. Jazz hands!!! I said jazz hands!!!
The Brujeria video shoot lasted for days instead of hours. Jazz hands!!! I said jazz hands!!!
Cause this is Wheeler!
“It’s a dirt track….voodoo…hybrid…EVENT!” — William Murderface
Queef Hammer 95 was the only group bizarre enough to get kicked out of a Dark Lotus tour.
1 Banana,2 Banana, 3 Banana 4….Tra La La, La La La La , It’s the Banana Splits!
Wyld Hoggs
oh no! not the anual slipnot race for rednecks
The slipknot fan club takes their act on the road
Hollywood undead. Before Myspace
Before reinventing their image, Hollywood Undead were a knockoff band appropriately named BalloonKnot.
Nintendo unveil the cover art for Mushroomhead kart racing.
Go, go, Metal Rangers!!
Go, go, Metal Rangers!!
Go, go, Metal Rangers, Mighty Awesome Metal Rangers!!!
In a special exhibition of album covers that could have been, Evergreen Terrace’s scrapped ‘Wolfbiker’ concept draws critcal praise.
ladies and gentlemen, i give you the metalsucks editors on their memorial day weekend.
BROKENcyde’s fan base
and backing vocals
Ape Hanger : FAIL
Heavy Metal Hand Puppets on Hot Wheels ™
ATTENTION: The 1st Annual Hollywood Undead MotoBash AmJam/Hugfest will commence immediately after the ceremonial “Feeling of the Invisible Tits.” Gentlemen, start your misogyny!
From left to right: Robert Plant, Gene Simmons, Dave Mustaine, Tony Iommi, and Alice Cooper enjoy a little R & R at Ted Nugent’s China Spring, Texas ranch, before embarking on the innovative 20-city “Metal On Broadway” tour, sponsored by Geritol.
…this is a painting?!!!
generic and humorless comment about both Slipknot and Hollywood Undead
Gene Simmons hopping on the extreme sports bandwagon with the premier of his new MTV2 show “Nitro CirKISS”
Wolverine Blues, the alternate cover art
Looks like Shriners suffering from a case of “Eddieitis”
“Heavy Metal Parking.. NOT!”
“Salvador Dali gone redneck”
“Rolling Thunder? More like Rolling Blunder!”
“Monster heads: Because our emaciated torsos aren’t quite cutting it.”
After months on the run, Eddie Hunter reemerges in the vast wasteland of Ocala, FL, the minibike capital of the world….
Hey look at us and are scary mask with our miniature bikes. we’re so terrible and look like that guy off of scooby-doo. Be scared boo.
Seeing the deteriorating state of metal nowadays, Corey Taylor, David Draiman, Fred Durst, Chester Bennington, and Jonathan Davis decide to work on a new project together called “Noo Metal”. Their debut album entitled “Nu Metal Up Ur Ass” is due to be released in late ‘09.
What the….we told you to paint us on Choppers! Christ, I had my hands up like that for 6 goddamn hours!
“The love-children of Alice Cooper and Hillary Clinton.”
The o.g’s (original gangstas) the invisible grapefruit gang “cracking skulls since 1992.”
Geico’s new ad:
Mini Bike Insurance – so easy, a metalhead can do it
“If only we had those back then, it wouldn’t have taken us 40 years to get through the desert!”
Metallica thought by taking advice from Alice Cooper would surely get them to ride dirty.
Pictured here is a painting that proves there was a 5th Horsemen that teamed with one time wrestling stable “The 4 Horsemen”. Ric Flair has been brought into custody for questioning on the murder, noting he is the only recognizable person in the painting due to his nearly white hair. When brought into custody Ric fought police and was screaming that he “wasn’t metal enough”, more on this story later…
At last, Bob Ross’s lost masterpiece has been discovered. It is titled “Mario Shart”
new kids on the block stage entrance
Man O’ War’s response to Judas Priest’s “Painkiller” album cover.
One of Hitler’s unseen paitings. What was he thinking?
Hey guys, do something funny with your arms so they don’t mistake us for those other assholes.
This portrait, entitled “Never Gone Git Out of Kentucky” is the first in our new series, Perpetual Failure. Join us next week when we unveil “These Fucking Masks,” another offering that will no doubt pull hundreds of shit-witty Slipnot references, all of which will lose.
Man, the Metal Mulisha and Nacho Libre have nothing on us.
Looks like Vodoo took over and changed our life to bikers from hikers!!
Knowing of Megadeth’s intense hatred for voodoo, the great outdoors, baggy jeans, Slipknot, and their neighbors’ noisy minibikes, Miguel Calderon paints them into an April Fool’s gift they’ll not soon forget.
Knowing of Megadeth’s intense hatred for voodoo, the great outdoors, baggy jeans, Slipknot, and their neighbors’ noisy minibikes, Miguel Calderon paints them into an April Fool’s gift they’ll not soon forget.
–
Sorry for the repost. Didn’t mean to reply under the prior submission. X-(
first nu-metal, then dethcore, this is next.
The art of shredding has a new face.
The latest in underground hardcore, Cyclecore!
KISS family holiday
Typical Redneck Violence Expressions
Juggalo Traffic Jam
Promotional Art for Intel’s new QUADcore processor
” Take a ride, on the WILD side!”
God forbid the carnies give up the good prizes..
The Joker’s new line of henchmen.
Holy shit,Limp Bizkit did get back together!
“Alright, who put the Icy Hot in the deorderant!!?? “
Look Mom, no hands.
hey Mushroom Head, ICP and Slipknot had a clusterfuck. Now we have a group that sucks three times over.
After this original still was rejected, Tommy Blacha came up with a new opening sequence for Metalocalypse… Thank fuck for that!
Look mom … no hands!
repeat on purpose?
Where Really Pissed We are out of gas
Introducing KIX – Kentucky Inbreeders X-games! Coming soon!
“And you say monkeys can’t ride ?
Ladies & Gentlemen,Here it is Monkey-X-Mini-Motosports….. Watch out cuz we’re gonna Monkey ride”
” 5 great examples, of what your kids may turn out to be, if you let them watch Oprah & yet ride Desert Bikes “
“This is us, before we ate the bikes thinking they were decorated large size Donuts”
Look buddy. We ordered these with ape hangers. That shit should come up to here.
Left-over extras from the “Thriller” Video… They never did get the makeup right.
Science has finally proven, that metalheads have evolved from these ancient creatures
photo for the next Rolling Stone cover.
Exclusive: Inside The Mansion – The MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys reveal themselves for the first time ever
LIVE FROM SISTERFUCK, ARKANSAS
ATV IST KRIEG!!
after years of talk and anticipation, grandma finally brings her bridge partners over for brunch
“Scary Kids Scaring Kids”
Ok Marduk, you know I like you guys, but that is NO reason to miss Blackenedfest.
And here we have the rare North American Metal Monkeys doing their mating ritual, rare but beautiful.
this is wh,at happens when someone from slipknot sleeps with someone from west virgina
We hail this holy place – we will call it Silverstone!
yeeeehaww…were ridin them like animals..grrrrrrrrrr stay back or ill knock u off ur feet
the osbournes in blackface
Everything is going to be OK now that we are the new board members of General Motors.
Hollywood Undead bring a whole new meaning to the term “Ass-Bandits”
Tell Me, Does Our Mask’s Scare You Or Is It Our “Big Guns?” And Yes, These Bikes Are Well Equipted With Hemi’s!!
“alright now you guys really stink…plzzz step off for god’s sake!!!!…i can’t take it any more” hmmmm what else can the toys feel?????
Planet of the Apes remake hits budget trouble.
Almost as bad as Thriller.
try this shred http://www.promofm.com/MALICIOUS_DISORDER
http://www.malice420.com
They all bought motor cycles to make up for the fact that they have faces that look like masks… and small penises
This is exactly why open-air festivals aren’t held in Alabama.