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FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN THE NEW VOIVOD AND COALESCE CDs!

 Thursday, June 25th, 2009 at 4:04pm by

funny prepubescent metal kidCongrats to Mr. Lun, the winner of new Darkane, Devin Townsend and Edguy CDs from last week’s funny photo caption contest. Mr. Lun’s winning caption to the photo at right:

“Jimmy gets a taste (and whiff) of the good life at the 2009 Wigger Slam Initiate orientation.”

This week the good folks at Relapse Records have donated copies of Voivod’s Infinfi and Coalesce’s Ox, both brand spankin’ new, to send to one lucky winner. Just come up with a caption to the below photo and they’re yours.

metal kid

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  • Jevilicious

    Little Timmy turned to “the man above” and asked him if it was ok to show shirtless guy and guy-with-the-cap-that-looks-like-kid-rock “what it’s like to really rock!”

  • =lung=

    “Lord, are these the two schmucks I should smite? Give me a sign.”

  • http://www.thepathlesstraveledrecords.com Avail73

    “Ok mom, dad told me to throw the horns like THIS, but his band sure does suck”

    • phale

      haha

  • kylemurder

    Looking up at the singer, Andre the Giant.

  • yanky

    is this how you throw the horns, mommy?

  • Ryd1ZZ

    “Am I doing it right?”

  • bearwizard

    Stryper reunion ’09

  • canea

    “Put down thy horns or I will pee on you again, my child,” said Jesus from somewhere far above the neighborhood metal venue.

  • The Greys

    “Yes, Lord Dio, I will smite the douchbag in the Ozzy-Sabbath shirt. I make the unholy hand sign in homage onto thee.”

  • Gary S.

    Jose Mangin (age undetermined) throws his first horns.

  • bucketochicken

    As the band tears into their opening number, Ziltoid lowers his “horns” and cries to heaven in jaw-clenched anger, “THIS IS NOT METAL!”

    • lolwut

      fucking win

    • jason

      lol…that was all I needed..winner over here!

      • jason

        PS- Bucket: Enjoy the new Coalesce, it fucking rips.

    • Manny

      lol fuck that was great!!

      • Mitch

        1

    • Double D

      In the words of the late, great James Brown, “Please, Please, Please” give bucketochicken the win here.

    • sierraviridian

      epic win

      • i think

        yep

    • RobotScythe

      I can’t beat that one. WInner.

    • http://hydrophobe.type3studios.com vecima

      bucketochicken deserves the win here.

      by the way, i fucking love chicken.

    • youcantkillthe metal

      Yep, this wins….

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    “Did the singer just spit on that midget?”

  • slay_her

    “After implementing a br00tal regimen of bedroom push-ups, milk jug curls, and a healthy dose of Muscle Milk, Brendan decided to debut his newly acquired ‘guns’ while having a leisurely sit on a speaker cabinet at his local community center/ venue.”

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Mommy, how did your undies get up there?

    • MackYourFace

      best so far.

  • http://neverontime.wordpress.com Sleepy D

    “It’s just like Guitar Hero: Creed, mom.”

  • Anus Apache

    Seized by his prepubescent satchel by the claws of Satan, the child got his METAL on.

    • Mitch

      Little Jimmy, suddenly overcome with fear, looks over his shoulder to find Anus Apache, registered pedophile, smiling down at him.

      • Anus Apache

        If they are dead they dont say no

  • elevendy

    This is my curse.

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Don’t laugh, someday this kid will be bigger than Dio

    • Double D

      Yeah, in about 2 years.

  • sYgnal

    Mommy? I don’t think I’m supposed to throw horns at Phish…Mommy?

  • Permafrost

    Yet another rare sighting of Ryan Seacrest at a recent Five Finger Death Punch concert.

  • tjangles

    Mommy, what is that woman doing naked on stage?

  • Malacoda

    What, Mommy? Don’t throw the horns during breakdowns?

  • Thaddeus

    And so began one young boy’s terrifying introduction to crowd surfing.

    • Pace

      ^WIN

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    I think we should all take this time not to make jokes and laugh, but to hope and pray for the safety and health of Michael Jackson…please don’t leave us King of Pop, it’s not your time

    • bucketochicken

      Actually…. it is.

      Ok, commence joking.

    • tjangles

      At least he outlived his nose. RIP

  • Epic_soupage

    “The V.I.P. section of the new Emmure, Whitechapel, and Oceano “STRAIGHTEDGE XXX DRUGS R BAD” 2009 tour”

  • http://www.cultureofnone.com Adam C Paul

    “Mom!?? This band sucks….Can we go see Tankard? Pleeaase!!?”

  • Froogle

    Damn it Dream Theater are boring, please God, make the keyboard solo end…

  • Carl

    Andrew’s Drowning Pool balloon then floated to the ceiling, never to return again…

  • http://www.cultureofnone.com Adam C Paul

    “Mom! What the f$#% does ‘Necroticism: Descanting the Insalubrious’ mean?!”

  • Richie Rich

    I’m great at this. Pick one:
    .
    1 – Watch out Bret Michaels! The curtain is coming down fast!
    2- Hey lady, my band’s up next! We’re called the Beige Stripes.
    3- Hey I have another joke for you mom: what has 9 arms and suck? …

    • Double D

      Yeah. Great. More Please. No, really. I can’t get enough.

      • Froogle

        I laughed more at Double D

    • MackYourFace

      retire.

  • Jonny Popcorn

    Woman, when I get you home… PREPARE FOR “THE SHOCKER”!!!

  • Vikingfromhell890

    Hey mommy, this is better than Neverland Ranch.

  • http://www.cultureofnone.com Adam C Paul

    “Rotting while they breathe…Death comes slow?…?”

  • http://www.cultureofnone.com Adam C Paul

    “Man…I wish Cliff was here…”

  • 20 eyes

    The one that got away… from dino.

  • metalguy

    kids looking for something; anything better than Brokencyde to fall out of the sky

  • cripples

    Aaron watched the next 25 years of his trashy little life flash before his eyes, and nearby, Jesus wept.

  • D_Grimby

    Mommy, why does the church basement smell like Uncle John’s jacket?

  • MackYourFace

    “Look mom, I’m up front like you were when you got pregnant by the lead singer of Scene Kidz.”

  • MrC

    Tiny Tim looks up to realise, yes, he is in hell and yes, Waking the Cadaver are playing.

  • Leo

    “mommy which one did you say was my daddy?”

    • jason

      1

    • Double D

      Nice one, Leo. This has to be in the running.

  • Urban Outdoorsman

    Mommy, is that a REAL douchebag wearing the Black Sabbath shirt?

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    You’re damn right I’m gonna be pissed off! I bought that pig at Pink Floyd’s yardsale!

    • oblivion

      YES! thank u peter frampton and the simpsons!

  • Pancho

    Shirtless guy: “Dude, I’m totally freaking out…I mean, those can’t be the Donnas rocking out with a little kid, can they?”

  • Colin

    ‘Are you sure Spongebob Squarepants is gonna be here, Mommy?”

  • http://siamesenight.blogspot.com Mr. Root

    “Kid having seizures after listening the single of Marilyn Mason with Lady Gaga”

  • MohawkDaddy

    Who knew Wilt Chamberlain could rock?

  • MohawkDaddy

    While on tour, Udo Dirkschneider enjoys encouraging local talent.

  • (required)

    Hey bitch, beer me another Scotch and cookies. My buzz is wearing off and I have to stay here and hex the shit out of these Alter Bridge fuckers.

  • Some Random Dude

    Before Lil’ Archie realized it, the constant motion of his ‘devil horns’ had caused his power rangers balloon to slip from his wrist. At that moment, as the balloon drifted into the rafters, Lil’ Archie learned the true meaning of ‘Brutal’.

    • jason

      Hahaha…this one is pretty good too!

  • Mars

    The Great Southern Trendkid

  • Justin Foley

    “I go to shows … I go to work … I go straight home … I stay away from schools and Chucky Cheez … I’m doing JUST like my probation officer says … I’m, I’m doing EVERYTHING right and it’s still like … like, LITTLE BOYS FOLLOW ME AROUND EVERYWHERE and it’s SO FUCKING HARD to HOLD BACK…”

  • Eric M.

    And now, for the first time available on DVD, you can see the original ending to the Academy Award nominated film August Rush.

  • plumber

    Mommy, is this REAL metal?

  • Human #18462957

    Proof that autistic kids are metal

  • Longhair

    “Mommy what’s Tinnitus?”

  • Taron Keim

    Tommy looks to heaven and ponders “is it a sin to rock out?”

  • bearwizard

    What the fuck is on the ceiling?

  • Chimp-0-Neg

    Ziltoid: “Meh….”

    • Chimp-0-Neg

      … I shoulve read the thread first.

      bucketochicken ftw

  • WyldeRhoads88

    “Oh look! Michael Jackson’s record sales are finally up . . .”

  • Shane Gillis

    “Hey God, if you’re listening, please let this evening turn out better than the Great White show my parents were barbecued at.”

    • Shane Gillis

      This guy is the metal comedy king. And I am just saying that because he’s me.

  • Piero

    “Mom, was Chris Cornell better than that before ?”

  • RobotScythe

    “Wow, Disneyland has really gone downhill since the last time I was here.”

  • http://www.knucklesfirst.com/ Andyman

    Mom, I love you…but if I have to ask you one more time to go get me a fucking beer, I swear to God I will cut you.

  • dicknballs

    “Hey Mom, promise me you’ll never dress me up like a scene fag please..”

  • http://www.myspace.com/jay234t Bruta lJay

    It warms my heart to see kids getting hooked on metal early. No funny comment.

  • TurdFerguson

    My dad’s the bass player? Why couldn’t you hold out and do the singer instead you dirty whore!

  • Chimp-0-Neg

    Giant bird flies off with 7 year old’s middle fingers.

  • Jack

    OLD SKULL REUNION!!!

  • http://www.eduslayer.com edu

    Kid : SLAAAAAAAAAYEEEEEEEEER !!!!

  • Stiggs

    “Wow, they have fireworks in here? You were right, mommy, Great White is going to be cool!”

    • Stiggs

      Damn it, someone else already made a Great White joke. My bad.

  • Duran

    Even Fred Durst charges his own children to watch their shows. A wigga gotta make moneyz ya’ll. Hollah

  • http://www.facebook.com/xisaacx Isaac Ortega

    “Mom, are you sure this Voivod guy was with Metallica? He’s actually good!”

  • http://www.last.fm/user/wrath_of_vishnu Dillon

    No no no, Jimmy! The band is THAT way!

  • thankyoudoor

    With every devil horns little Damien throws, Barney the Purple Dinosaur weeps.

  • Grimcicle

    “Mommy, it was those two guys on stage who touched me.”

  • Chad E. Death

    On the Next Episode of Little People Big world Jimmy throws his horns up and rages

  • jason

    No caption, but did anyone else notice that the shirtless guy on the side of the stage looks like he’s smelling his own armpit? Oh..just me…OK. Nevermind.

  • http://www.pandasdestroy.com jorbams

    As Naz-T Demonz get ready to absolutely DESTROY Mr. Bill’s Wings n’ Drafts Bar’s downstairs stage, Lead Guitarist Johnny Fasthandz’s little bundle of shotgun wedding crotch fruit prepares to have the best schoolnight of his fucking life.

  • Death Metal Aaron

    I can metal too Mommy.

  • Baldish

    Is this how you double pleasure both holes?

  • S.I.

    And with anger surging through his heart, Little Timmy cried out a plea to the heavens, asking God why he created KoRn.

  • goatboy66

    “Mommy! You said we were gonna see Barney!”

  • HagstromSpeed

    Getting a contact high, little Jimmy slowly begins to understand what these loud sounding machines in front of him are making and throws up his first set of horns.

  • Austin Pittman

    Young Johhny looks towards the skies and asks the metal gods…”Why power metal damn you?!?! Why!?”

  • ryan

    “Mommy, why did God make this stupid band. Attack Attack isn’t even a real name for a metal band. Plus, why are they all trying to look like little girls, the singer sounds like one too.”

  • Chad E. Death

    Hey Mommy, Hail Satan

  • Sean

    That slice of pizza’s been stuck there for how long?

  • http://www.myspace.com/hateband666 Wanga

    “Wow, everything I’ve heard about Metal is true… There’s even puke on the ceiling!”

  • Giley

    Brokencyde’s promo-tour for their album “I’m Not a Fan but the Kids Like It” has reached a new low

  • prives

    “Hey mom, is that the chick with the sweaty pits from the last funny photo caption contest?”

  • AceKiller

    (Just seconds prior in Heaven)

    God: Five bucks says I can nail the little fucker between the eyes..

    St.Peter: You’re on!

  • TOOKSUMOFWHATMICHEALJACKSONHADNDIDEVENGETHIGH?HMM..

    ‘MOMMY ROCKS.. IM SO SO HAPPY SHE TAKES ME OUT TO ROCK N ROLL WITH HER, BUT WHERE DOES MOMMY GO FOR AN HOUR AFTER EACH SHOW WHEN THOSE TWO BIG BOUNCERS TAKE US BACKSTAGE EACH TIME!? GEE MOMMYS THE KOOLEST AND SHE MUST BE POPULAR!!! ;]

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Mezyk/48611009 Chris Mezyk

    “God, why have you forsaken me? I’m never going to get laid.”

  • jesse

    “Two!
    Minutes!
    Til beeeeeeeeeeeeeeed tiiiime!”

  • Peter

    “Dear God, I promise I’ll go to Sunday School next week and never piss in the sink again if you just make this metalcore nonsense stop!”

  • rich

    who the hell is that up there?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Pierpaolo-Pedicini/1499807966 Pierpaolo Pedicini

    Who’s my daddy, mom? Both?

    • \m/Eluveitie\m/

      Leo says:
      June 25, 2009 at 8:57 pm
      “mommy which one did you say was my daddy?”

  • reece

    would a stage dive get this party rocking?

  • Matt Amyx

    The games children play… this one is called, “How Abbath may likely pose for his next photo shoot”

  • Masonic Wehrmacht

    “But mommie, some of the kids at school say Jesus doesn’t have horns”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Gray/1341668539 Nick Gray

    Little Johnny looked up and his eyes opened wide with fear as, halfway during his favorite Agnostic Front song, the sky opened up above him and God pulled him up into the heavens. Apparently Michael Jackson’s one request was to “spend the rest of eternity with a young boy who was into hardcore but wasn’t afraid of experimenting with metal every once in a while and didn’t have a problem with screaming.”