FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A CD AND AUTOGRAPHED POSTER FROM THE AGONIST!
Thursday, July 2nd, 2009 at 4:14pm by Vince Neilstein
For a change there were actually a ton of funny entries for last week’s funny photo caption contest, but alas, there can only be one winner. Congrats to Veteran MS Maniac “bucketochicken” for this snappy zinger as a caption to the photo at right:
As the band tears into their opening number, Ziltoid lowers his “horns” and cries to heaven in jaw-clenched anger, “THIS IS NOT METAL!”
Hooray for insider jokes! This week we’re giving away FIVE PRIZE PACKAGES! Each winner gets a copy of The Agonist’s new CD Lullabies For the Dormant Mind and an autographed poster of the band. We also have a very special photo for ya’ll to comment on; we’re not going to say where we got it or what it is, but… wow, just wow. Beyond words. Come up with the funniest caption (shouldn’t be too difficult) and the prize shall be yours.
The average Metalsucks “Top 21 Metal Albums of the 21st Century” panelist just moments before sending in his entry for the list.
This better win, because you are spot on , Mr. Balls.
Thanks for the searing insight into this pathetic list.
balls, for once, you and I are in complete agreement.
Awesome!
Congratulations balls in having one of your troll posts become the new bannerhead.
BRAVO!
Hahahahaha! Epic win!
But seriously… I’m confused as to whether that’s a girl or a guy. Either way: terrifying.
WIN
ABSOLUTELY.
If the MetalSucks guys don’t decide on this, I may just have to kill them.
oh god I actually won, I hope I didn’t use a fucking fake e-mail.
The search for Ziltoid reaches new levels of desperation
hahaha
*not an entry*
what the fuck is that thing?
In all seriousness, did she write her own name on her arm, or is this a dude?
Wow we saw what Axl looked like in that Lamb of God interview and now we get to see what Vince really looks like too!
Yo; bucketofchicken…. GENIUS!
The new pic:
Is that a guy, a chick, or a goy?
Thanks Ziltoid. No hard feelings.
Oh, I’m sure Ziltoid got hard seeing his name mentioned… yet again.
Nice job. You deserve to win. That post was funny as hell.
that made me laugh so hard i had milk shooting out of my nose…and i wasn’t drinkin any milk
Is that the origin of kewl?
(you know, with EW in the middle)
HAHA, very nice work. No harsh feelings at all. That kid looks pretty brutal anyways.
Finally!!!! someone whos had more nose jobs than michael jackson
Fuck! I’m going to have to buy a better camera. Even at 10x digital zoom I can’t see my dick!
Hey mom, my left one finally dropped
I had such a laugh, it reminded me of some guy at school who had one less…
Fuck I can’t find my Dir En Grey ticket…
” *GRUNT* MUST…DOCUMENT…QUEST….FOR….TESTICLES!! “
So this is what it looks like to have a pair of balls
Day after day, people are put in a spot of confusing as they try to decide what gender this person is. Eventually he and/or she was lost in all this confusion, and he and/or she did not even know anymore. To end all this confusion, he and/or she decided it was time to find out.
Jut like everyone else, it can’t tell what it is. Then it reached into its pants only to find both sets of genatalia.
Thank God I finally found that pic of Kristen Randall’s boobs!!!! Let me send her a quick reply!!
WARNING: Listening to music from Victory Records may cause harm to your health. Monthly exams are advised to make sure your testicles have not disintegrated.
UGH, definitely do not want this record.
me rub unhappy emo penis long time
I’d fuck me.
I’d fuck me hard
*turns up “Goodbye Horses” to full volume*
then procedes to put on female skin suit and rub lotion every where
And everyone wonders whether it’s grabbing a penis or a vagina.
No, I’m very sure Asianbeaverthing turned what was once is a penis into a vagina.
Holy crap check out the emo Chandler from “Friends: the Next Generation”!
there’s a reason that scene kids wear girls’ jeans, and its the same reason that this dude can fit his hand down there with such tight pants on…
Their curiosity piqued, Vince and Axl listen with ears eagerly pressed to the MetalSucks Mansion bathroom door as Davey Havok moans between deep sighs “Yeshhhh oh yeshhh the queen tastes supahh yummalicioussss today”
Pete Wentz: “Fuck you Vince! You said that you loved me and that you’d never use my picture in the FPCC!”
“Now it rubs the lotion on it’s skin and places the bottle in the basket”
This is the kind of Monica that Bill Clinton should have stuck with…
The average Brokencyde fan’s reaction to their new album.
“I must find out if my face looks as much like a vagina as people say it does!”
Arguing over whether or not this is a boy or girl is pointless guys. This isn’t a persion, its an Asian. These fucking Celestials freak me the fuck out.
That reminds me, my dry cleaning is done.
Does your pick-up truck have a gun-rack and a Confederate flag bumper sticker?
Nah, actually, I drive a Toyota Corolla. But still, these celestials are fucked up. Not all of them, but this kind certainly is. Straight outta planet of the apes.
Try living in Vancouver; THEN we’ll talk.
“Does your pick-up truck have a gun-rack and a Confederate flag bumper sticker?”
No, I hate Pantera.
hahaha
I also don’t care for Pantera (Klancore?);
Mostly because of that awful mustache-beard combo Vinnie Paul has, Jezus.
XFD, Klancore
Kudos, that’s a brilliant genre for them.
Klancore is good. I’ve also described it as ” NAScore” and “BuschLightcore”
(shitty American white-trash beer if you don’t know what that is in B.C.)
Or simply “Childrens Metal”.
Just checking to see if his balls dropped yet.
No such luck.
“i think i got one”
…yes even Fall Out Boy fans get pubes
an-drog-y-nous
1 : having the characteristics or nature of both male and female
2 a : neither specifically feminine or masculine b : suitable to or for either sex
3 : having traditional male and female roles obscured or reversed
4 : 99.99% of all pictures posted by people aged 17 and under on Myspace
5 : the employees and consumers of Hot Topic
6 : the band members and fanbase of My Chemical Romance, Tokio Hotel and the Used
see also hermaphroditic, intersex, It’s Pat, WTF, and anyone who spends upwards of two hours in a shopping mall and doesn’t buy anything
MonicA! My balls are dropping! I took this picture for you, so that later when I slit my wrists while listening to Brokencyde, you will know that I am a real boy! I wonder if it grows when I lie?
Nikki Sixx doesn’t realize this isnt’ a good photo if he wants Kat back.
Look at this guy and then look at this picture and tell me they aren’t remarkably similar:
http://www.kxmode.com/myspace/warlock80gear.jpg
hahahahah a warlock
Oh my god I am male!! Quick I have to take photo to prove it to my girlfriends!!
Future of mainstream metal unless we fucking do something !
Scenesters like Monica have kept Bathroom Mirror-core alive since 2005.
Emo kid: “I’m so cool. I’m taking a picture of myself in a mirror kid just like Rianna.”
Caution: Objects in the mirror are smaller than they appear.
nice.
“After years of wearing tight emo pants Monty’s balls finally fall off. To rejoice in this momentous occasion he changes his name to Monica and takes pictures for all his emo friends to see.”
The latest emotional tribute to Michael Jackson..
Tired of all the headbangers teasing it, “Monica” attempts to answer the age old question of its real gender
imagine what monica must look like. i bet she looks more manly.
He is probably listening to a scenecore cover of Beat it.
Gah! I’m sure its in there somewhere! Hang on…
Wow a tranny named touching its mangina probably listening to The Devil Wear Prada..
What is Hot topic coming to??!
named Monica*
God I am fucking stoned….
…and Gaahl just took his laptop into the bathroom
“I can feel the ambiguity”
a michael jackson wanna be after taking pictures at the neverland ranch!!! ouch
“Lil Emo” downstairs wants to play with you, Monica. Get me while I’m HAWT!
Gary thought he might of left something back at Neverland Ranch…
Huh? What are these doing here?
“For the last time,” Bartholomew’s mother cried out, “Rogaine does not help you grow testicles! Stop checking!”
Get scene or cut trying!
His wrist ran out of room so he tried his balls but forgot that he had none.
Metal Sucks Undercover Agent “Monica” Day 15: These past few days have been tough. I went into this assignment with hesitation and now I know why. The hair I can shave and it will grow back. The body mass can be rebuilt… But the loss of my manhood has crossed the line. I am afraid there is no turning back now. PLEASE SHOOT ME. KILL ME NOW.
“Do you think Monica will love me if I show her my famous retarded chimp impersonation?”
why did i enter this contest? the agonist sucks
Is it a penis or a vagina? Some of life’s questions prove to be more difficult for others than previously thought
“YES! The Tight Pants and Frullet have finally turned me into a Chick”
Fallout boy releases it’s new Album Art.
hey isnt that the human/alien hybrid from Alien: Resurrection?
Having named its left arm Monica, Chaz went about filming its first sex tape!!
Typical emo pastimes.
“Now I’m really going to have to kill myself, instead of just weeping about it all the time.” :(
finally looking at all the naked pictures he just took for monica, he realized that his penis is about as visible as the japanese guy in the hangover
I can see the headlines now:
**EXCLUSIVE**
First picture of Metal Inquisition’s Sergeant D posted on second rate metal gossip site…
the perfect example of an Attack Attack fan
Nothing there.
Nothing there?
What the hell am I anyway..Ill have to check
and amateur porn hits an all time low
I usually use a gymsock.
The moment chimpanzees learned to use tools. (cue 2001: A Space Odyssey theme)
…….SO CASH
Monica is one lucky lady…
“I’m getting some more hair to put on my head”
Pans Labyrinth 2: the search for emo dicks.
it may seem that he is masterbating but in reality he ran out of room to carve names on his arm……i think you get it
Nothing says rebellion like masturbating to your own androgynous image
Damn…I love Whitechapel
“Tucked or taped?” This is an entry.
Mommy! Where did my penis go?
Billy realized that after careful consideration, self-documented castration was the only way to fully transform himself into his alter-ego, Monica.
Lip ring – check
Straightened emo hair – check
Matching wrist band and belt – check
Camera – check
Mirror – check
Tight pants – check
Testicles – ……check?
I really am Coheed and Cambria’s greatest fan.
Holywood Undead: before they were famous
A young Joan Jett digs a snotty puck out of her yeaster bunny.
You could get a Bad Reputation for that…
hahahahahahahahha
I know they’re around here somewhere…
The checkered flag marks the culmination of the annual Douche 500. Many years of training at Hot Topic as well as disregard for any opinion on how not to suck at life have finally paid off for our First Place Winner, Monica.
holy shit
Where the FUCK are my tampons?
FML.
“A Young Matt Heafy Practicing to be just like his Hero James Hetfield”
Oh snap.
Snap is a brand name of hand cleaner with ground-up pumice in it…
Winner.
“A Young Matt Heafy Practicing to be just like his Hero James Hetfield”
Newspaper Headline: Metalsucks forumer follows Ziltoid’s fashion advice to be come more like real metal, loses testicles in the process
Newspaper Headline:
Metalsucks forumer follows Ziltoid’s fashion advice to become more like real metal, loses testicles as a result
Bring Me The Horizon singer Oliver Sykes has problems with his deathcore e-penis
I know its in here somewhere… Says the scene boy as he trys to take nudes for his internet girlfriend
Damn these skinny jeans! Its a daily routine having to pull my balls back down out of my stomach!!
“I’m such a non conformist I don’t even have an apparent gender.”
“” YES !.. got you little fuckers … I better take a picture..quick”"
“Boys have penerses, girls have buhginas. I don’t know what I have. I love you , Monica!”
God bless Alabama.
I don’t remember this vagina being here last time I felt myself.
So the burn victim decides to hide its face with emo hair.
Objects in mirror are in fact as small as they appear.
Singer from Hollywood Undead gears himself up for his first solo release…
Monica said I don’t have the “balls” to take a risqué picture of myself, I’ll show her! …..Ummm maybe if I find ‘em!
Photo entry #2060 in the “Win A Date with the members of Bring Me The Horizon” contest.
If this reaches anyone, please help me, my hand is stuck!
Before I slept with the members of Brokencyde they said to make sure I was a dude, but I really don’t think I meet the criteria. Maybe they will still sleep with me because I don’t look like a dude or a chick.
He wanted to document himself checking for testicular cancer only to find out she had a vagina.
After reading a new post about Avenged Sevenfold on Blabbermouth Seth suddenly felt a poking feeling in his pants.
Hey!!
I Found Jimmy Hoffa!
Photographic proof that even emo kids themselves can’t find their balls
another scene kid realizes why he can where such tight pants:he has no balls.
doesnt it look like hes fingering himself?
Theater poster for the next installment of the “Species” film series
This must be where I insert the breast pump.
“Schum-on, you know it, you know, you kn…oh fuck, I didn’t even spell it right. Oh boo-hoo-hoo, I miss you Mikey… he-heeeeeeee!”
You like my new fuckin’ SCENE haircut?!?!?!
…and may I also say that I thought the point of skinny jeans was so you couldn’t fit anything else into them? Or is he/she/it trying to make it look like there’s a bulge?
Running out of places to cut himself, this intrepid scene kid reaches deep into himself, much to the surprise of many, to find something to take his inner anger out on.
Searching for his dignity, a young emo comes up empty-handed.
I think I love you.
The future bassist in deathstars finds out that he has no penis and needs to join a band with four other dudes who share the same disappointment.
It’s pulling a Donita Sparks
Shit, his/her belt and wristband have the same design! Oh, and those are deep cuts too, ahem, emo anarchist punk?
When his friends told him that crotch stuffing would make Monica like him more, he simply recognized it as something he had been doing since he discovered that it WASN’T an enlarged clitoris in his pants.
“IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN AND THEN PLACES IT IN THE BASKET!”
whatthe…
Randy… I AM the liquor says:
July 2, 2009 at 4:55 pm
“Now it rubs the lotion on it’s skin and places the bottle in the basket”
At least my wristband matches my belt. Booya.
You can fix those pesky backwards letters on your obligatory, mirror pose, myspace pic by applying the ‘Flip Horizontal’ tool in photoshop. Unfortunately, no technology currently exists to make you appear less of a twat waffle.
Just taking a moment to photo graph the proof of my gender by touching my private area just one moment…. there seems to be nothing it seems im a bastard child of fred durst and marilyn manson.
IWRESTLEDABEARONCE confronts its true identity.
That would make them:
IWRESTLEDACOCKONCE
A Man vs Nature Fight For Survival
I just noticed he/she/it’s arm reads:
AUHZOM
The fuck is that?
Is it a girl?! Is it a plane?! No, it’s the foundng member of the Bring Me The Horizon fanclub.
In the event that razor cuts would be a turn off to his unrequited love, Monica, the young emo decided to draw the blade in an area he knew she would never see.
What is that? A Giraffe?
ewwww. that chick is flat…
dick fail
The prize:
‘ AN AUTOGRAPHED POSTED FROM THE AGONIST! ‘
Is that some sort of E-Penis?
Tickle Me Emo
Brilliant. Instant win.
this is gayer than attack attack…oh wait…no not gayer…attack attack is still beyond as gay
“Don’t come in mom, I’m uh…shaving. Yeah. Shaving. “
Jack felt the cock’n'ball removal surgery to make his pants fit more tightly was a success, but he still couldn’t resist the constant need to finger his new vagina.
“I’m looking for the man in the mirror”
“WHAT!??? I have hair down there now??!! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BODY!?? Better take a photo for myspace because DAMN I feel manly today.”
This guy looks like Arseface from the Preacher comics.
“i’m trying this new duct tape technique. You actually insert your balls back into your body, like when you were twelve; duck tape them flat and bam nobody knows if you have a vagina or not.”
Holy Shit!!!! Take my girl friends picture off of the website. You guys need to stop trolling Myspace.
“Bill Kaulitz, just a moment before discovering his lack of balls”
Ughh…what the fuck?
If Matt Pike had never smoked a diesel blunt…
ok..i think im getting a lil too old to wear my little sisters panties
You see, I just tuck it back and bam! There’s Monica.
as everyone knows “emo” and herpes are two diseases that are almost identical, in this picture you can see a poor fellow who has both types of infections.
“I can actually fit my whole hand in my ultra-tight pants now that I don’t have genitals anymore! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME MONICA!!!”
Ok, let me get this straight. The space in between is called a Taint?
YEP! No balls!!
I’m too infuriated at the sad fact that this is (technically) a real human being to come up with anything witty. For fuck’s sake.
I can feel my soul…and it feels dirty
I just ruined another keyboard.
Uighur slam!
The illegitimate butt-baby love-child of a lesser Ramone and a midwestern Hot Topic.
you HAVE to pick a genre, Billy. You can’t be emo, punk AND glam at the same time!
U G L Y you ain’t got no alibi you ugly, yeah you UGLY!!!
Pick me cuz I’m Devin Townsend
While Jimmy always felt selfconcious about the tattoo on his left hand, things took a turn for the worse when he came up with new ways to hide it.
*Dad sees picture
*says to mom ” God dammit honey I said we should have gotten that abortion”
One crab cakes photo coming right up.
The prize is The Agonist’s new CD because he was thinking about their singer when he took this picture.
MySpace Mood Update: Monica is feeling clammy.
“WHOA! I HAVE TESTICALS! THEY WERE JUST TOO SMALL FOR EVEN THE DOCTORS TO FIND! but at least they fit in my pants!”
“All those cutters give emo kids a bad name. Everyone knows real emo kids dress their penis’ up like race cars and pretend they are winning a race as they drive them across the checkered belt finish line.”
Monica: “Ok, you sent me this picture, but some of those letters I don’t understand.”
Emo Nemo: “Here, I’ll reverse it”
Monica: “Oh, that’s nice, thanks. What do those weird yellow symbols at the bottom mean though?”
holy shit! it really did turn me into a girl!
I thought for SURE I could find it with my 50x Zoom Camera… Fuck.
Wow, Clinton had worse judgement than I had realized…
Now that Michael Jackson’s dead, someones gotta do it.
This is my new facebook profile pic.
Maybe fill your eHarmony profile full of lies?
Cher, trying out the look for her new album entitled Gypsy’s, Tramps, and Emos.
Sigh’s Mirai indulges in another one of his unorthodox studio preparation activities.
*No hate, I love Sigh.
ITS VOLDEMORT!
RUN!
No, Malfoy.