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Haterade

SHITSTAIN ON THE ASS OF THE UNIVERSE (PART 5)

 Thursday, July 9th, 2009 at 12:30pm by

You know when Beavis & Butthead would flip to a video so beyond belief, so beyond the threshold of suck, that they’d just sit with their mouths wide open in disgust?

“Uhhh… uhhh… uhhhh…..”

Ladies and gentlemen: this video. Wow.

What’s worse, this band, or the fact that a whole slew of 14 year olds probably think these guys are so hard and heavy?

Uhhhh…..

-VN

[See also: Shitstain Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4]

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  • Yes, I made that poop

    Yeah, I saw these guys open up for Brokencyde.

    That was an awesome show…

    • Uglymicrowave

      the sad thing is if these guys didn’t dress or look like that…and they dresed like regular bands this wouldn’t be considered that horrible…b/c a lot of metal bands these days have clean vocals and breakdowns…

      I think metal these days are strictly classifed on looks….that’s what pisses me off….

      but this shit does blow

      • Dlabs

        well at least the popular “metal” bands

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    I’m kinda amazed this didn’t make your top 21…

    • ashley

      Touche. LOL.

  • Jewers

    fucking christ.

  • moose_knuckle

    Ha fucking horrible, sadly i probably know a few people that would actually like this shit.

  • ashley

    Well, at least you can judge a book by the cover in this one. “Motionless in White”? Seriously? My bullshit-meter doesn’t even go that high.

  • http://www.concatenationrecords.com Kodiak

    They’re like Attack Attack!, but blander and whinier with a singer that’s trying to pull off the Marilyn Manson look. I’m gonna chock this one up as a FAIL.

    • Agad

      they are slightly better than Attack Attack because these guys are doing that weird fuckin crab dance shit

    • iceman

      they kind of remind me of a suck ass wanna be version of AFI. too bad the majority of the band members of AFI are gay

      • Colin

        Being gay is completely okay.

        Sucking ass on this level is NOT.

  • http://www.myspace.com/ihopeyourot Dave

    wow, maybe I should just link you guys to my little brothers last.fm accounts, you seem to be nailing every band they love.

    …and yes, i think they all suck as well.

  • joshc

    if underoath sucked a giant goth dick…

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Menard/502061034 Jesse Menard

      HAHAHAH

      • timmah

        and Marilyn Manson took over lead vox

  • Byron. W

    I swear I’ve heard this band before somewhere….
    Oh no.. wait… that was Underoath….

    You know it’s going to be shit when each band member has their personal Twitter accounts linked on their myspace page…. Ohh dear..

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Menard/502061034 Jesse Menard

    nice haircut asshole

  • crank

    Christ, they even have the crab dance. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck? These guys have a record deal. Think about that and try not to rage.

    • braincake

      the crab is synchronized to make it even more metaller. yeah…metaller.

  • wackomann

    In related news, there is a proliferation of Uighur slam in China…

  • canea

    hahaha, terrible.

  • http://kzscsledge.blogspot.com GoatRidersHorde

    If they were dressed the same I would’ve thought it was Attack Attack. We need to find the toilet that all these shitty bands coming from and destroy it once and for all.

  • Sacajawea

    Amazing band. Nuff said.

    • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

      HA! That shouldn’t be funny, but I laughed my ass off just now. Thanks.

  • ‘lil billy

    With poor vocal skills comes a great need for auto-tune.

  • Johnny

    Autoooooooo tuneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • BaldAsshole

    the nice thing is probably that the slew of 14 year olds will get older, and hopefully into heavy music.
    Even though they suck balls, I doubt they will ever be on a tour i would see so no care.

  • Lord Bling

    I taped Headbangers Ball about a month ago, for the lulz … and this was one of the videos they played. Yeah, apparently this passes as metal nowadays.

  • Ben

    I’ve seen these guys twice now. Even though they aren’t heavy and occassioanlly use autotune (this song is one of the few songs they have that uses clean vocals alot) these guys are really nice and chill. They love their fans and aren’t douchebags, which is more than I can say for the bands the elitists on this site would like.

    • \m/Eluveitie\m/

      You can be the nicest guy in the world and still suck

      • Superhans

        seconded, no one is questioning how ‘lovely’ they are… I’m sure they all eat their vitamins and go to bed on time etc but they still completely blow!!
        If you were this shit wouldn’t you grasp onto the very few fans you had by actually talking to them?? fuck it would take all of five minutes to greet the 5 people that came to your show

        • Ben

          That is a matter of opinion. Their fans like them. You do not. Shut the fuck up. They’re not my favorite band at all, not even close lol, but I still love these guys and will support them.

          • \m/Eluveitie\m/

            They love you too Ben, they love you too

  • phatchief666

    Please make music stop now. All of it.

    I’m actually crying.

  • john phenomenon

    this is way better than job for a cowboy.

    • phatchief666

      Seriously, I’m a grizzled bearded cynical metal bastard, and I love JFAC. Their last two records are just damned good quality death metal.

  • Peels Here

    What the fuck did I just watch?

    • \m/Eluveitie\m/

      The chick from the photo caption contest and her sisters

      • grymmbear

        LMFAO

  • kazz

    Not good by any means, but compared to Brokencyde (which I just had the pleasure of hearing for the first time thanks to the above link) they might as well be fucking Mastodon. Seriously, I don’t think i’ll ever recover from what i just heard.

  • beardy

    someone should tell him the tank girl haircut is for… ummm…. suicide girls….. nvm I am not thinking

  • Sammy O’Hagar

    …did they name themselves after a fucking Eighteen Visions song?

    • thisguy

      yes they did…………………retarded eh?

  • ian

    I’m going to just go ahead and give it a name right now – Atreyu-core.

    • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

      You lose. Atreyu are actually talented. These bags of douche, however, are not.

  • Strep Townsend

    I have seen more shit on this site in the past couple of days than I have seen anywhere else all year.

  • builtforsin

    They even do the bass drops poorly!

  • Sammy

    Can someone please explain the difference between this band and every other band that sounds exactly like them?

  • Strep Townsend

    This hip-hopcore BS is a total disgrace to all things metal.

    • Dr J

      Have you ever heard hip-hop? It’s not fair just to label everything that sucks hip-hop influenced.

      • sYgnal

        Have you heard Hip-Hop recently(as in the last 10 years)?? Yes…It sucks.

      • Colin

        ‘Hip-hop’? Is that where people talk over the top of other people’s songs?

      • Strep Townsend

        It sounds like hip hop to me, kiddo.

        • Phro

          Uhhh…What hip-hop are you guys listening to? I’m not a huge hip-hop fan, but there’s some amazing lyricists and dj’s out there. I suppose if you approach it from a metal paradigm (guitar driven music) you may not like it, but there are some truly talented artists out there. Saying that all the hip-hop in the last ten years sucks is like saying all the metal in the last ten years sucks–if you’ve only heard the popular or well marketed music, you could be forgiven for thinking that way.

          But, like with metal, if you look a little deeper and learn to appreciate the skills required to make it work well you could be surprised.

          • Strep Townsend

            I am speaking the fact of the slow paced head bobbing garbage that is too awful to be called metal and is on par with the retarded top 40 that I hear coming out of peoples apartments, car stereos, ect.
            The slow plodding pace of this garbage sounds like hip hop to me, and I am well aware of that there are artists in hip hop that do have talent, however that is a genre that isn’t my cup of tea.

  • fightingmike

    This is a horribly bland version on Underoath with bad haircuts, but not nearly as terrible as Attila. I think that is the worst fucking shit i have ever heard. That takes the wigger slam to a whole new level of shittyness. That is worse than Brokencyde IMO!

    • lkgf09

      at least these fuckers play instruments not like the extreme douchebags in brokencyde. but this screamo bullshit really sucks on so many levels.

  • http://www.theinevitablenose.com/ The Inevitable Nose

    Tis indeed foul. Stupid hair and 7 year olds. I have ignored this type of music for some time in the hopes it would go away. It clearly hasn’t. Shitcocks.

  • Mancubus

    I thought that this genre died out

  • HagstromSpeed

    I need to go wipe my ass after watching that…

  • Colin

    Oh Christ, it’s worse than I thought…

  • DemonicLemming

    Sounds like every other trendy myspace metal band to me, with the caveat that they all have really horrid hair.

    The lead singer thing, though…..is it male, or female, or some combination of Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson? “Kill it with fire” applies pretty well here…

  • linh

    this band tried to add me on myspace a while back. you have no idea how fast i denied it.

  • Slappy

    Doesn’t seem that different than the other cookie monster rock on here?

  • grymmbear

    Why is this band on Headbanger’s Ball?!?!?!?!

    Here’s a recipe for this band’s success, if they should read this (highly doubtful, I know):

    1) Buy a spray bottle of Binaca.
    2) Hold said bottle from mouth a short distance.
    3) In between said bottle and your mouth, hold and light a Xikar lighter.
    4) Spray.

  • Z

    Why the fuck is this band touring with Bleeding Through and Carnifex? Then again, that other “Miss May I” band on the tour is atrocious as well… aiieeee.

  • Tim

    Sounds like Killswitch and looks like Manson. I’m guessing the bad review is ironic, because this is the kind of shit the “metal” writers on this site love.

  • mojo

    did hawthorne heights get a makeover?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brent-Hacker/1173810278 Brent Hacker

    At least they arent running in place.. lolz

  • bearwizard

    when will metalsucks realize this is just satire

  • Strep Townsend

    This is probably one of the worst hiphopcore bands I have heard next to EYES SET TO KILL which I had the misfortune of watching one of their videos on Headbanger Ball last week, it made me weep for the future generations of kids since all I see is dumb little shitheads dressing up like these queers.
    We are all fucking doomed.

    • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

      Damn. I hate these guys, but I actually like Eyes Set To Kill. That girl can really sing. The screamer kinda sucks, but the singer’s got some pipes.

      • http://www.concatenationrecords.com Kodiak

        Gotta agree with you on Eyes Set To Kill – I ran into one of their videos after watching Brokencyde (of all things) and found myself enjoying them, mainly because of their singer. She’s not autotuned either, since I saw an acoustic vid and she was extremely close to the studio version. If/when the band breaks up, she’ll probably be headed to the singer/songwriter circuit.

    • cyrollan

      Eyes Set to Kill: supreme marketing technique. hire pretty femaliens to play in the band. do I listen to them? no. do I google image the band? of course. and yet now here we are, and i know who you’re talking about. and can I guess where to buy the band’s CD? (psst: it rhymes with Got Thropic!) and do I overuse the question/answer method? …a resounding YES!

      why do I consider them a marketing technique? we all know that women can’t play instruments! nor can they drive cars, vote, etc………………… ah, even trolling becomes boring in time. so i’ll give it up now

      whatever, bands do what they want. it just doesn’t warrant cursing! can’t my 10 year old nephew visit this fucking site?!?!

      PS. Attack Attack! rules.

  • O’Connor

    I went to see A Static Lullaby the other week which some people on here might not like or would classify as similar but if you listen to there latest album Rattlesnake! you will see they are southern metal influenced with sick riffs. Anyway, this band opened and I couldn’t believe how bad they were and how gay the singer sound when he talked. To have a dude who mostly screams sound like a gay dude from a movie is pretty weird.

  • MetalRod

    I wouldn’t touch this fucking band with a 14 foot stick. Unless the stick was on fire… then I definitely would.

  • groverXIII

    Holy crabcore, Batman.

  • keepitwolf

    i saw this band on headbangers ball before i saw that attack attack video and thought it was them.

    any band named after an 18 visions song is going to be godfuckingawful

  • Nick

    Looks like a rallying call for crab people around the world. I just pictured a zombie-esque apocalypse scenario where instead of zombies it was these goofy looking fucks crab-walking after people.

    • Strep Townsend

      Crab people….it reminds me of Dr. Zoiberg from Futurama.

      • Nick

        Lol I love Zoidberg. However these crabs are not cool at all. They’ll shuffle up to you with their swoop haircuts and give you a pinch on the genitals causing you to join their androgynous ranks!

        • j-rock

          Admiral Ackbar-core?

  • Colin

    If you like this stuff, please kill yourself.

    And film it.

    And put it online so we can laugh at you while you do it.

  • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

    Horror story of the day: I work at Target in the electronics department, and today a young man in came up to me and if I could direct him

  • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

    Horror story of the day: I work at Target in the electronics department, and today a young man in came up to me and if I could direct him to our metal album section. We have a very limited selection of good metal so I lead him to my favorite release of the year, which is Wrath, and said “Here you go man. This is all ya need.” He stopped, looked at me, and in the most serious voice imaginable said, “No. You don’t get it. I meal REAL metal, like The Devil Wears Prada, or Attack Attack!.” I dropped the Lamb Of God cd in my hands and turned and walked away. Now I realize that I am much more mainstream than the majority of readers on this site, but I have a limit goddammit. I died a little in those few seconds today.

    • Colin

      Honestly, is there REALLY a band who have called themselves ‘The Devil Wear Prada’.

      I heard that there WAS. But If I thought that it was true I would have no choice but to hire a hitman to kill each and every single one of these cunts.

      • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

        Yes. It’s true. And they suck. And my store sells their new cd. I try to go through everyday and hide all of the copies behind good cd’s, but there’s only so much I can do without getting fired.

        • Ben

          You’re a real prick. Let other people enjoy their music, who cares.

          • http://www.myspace.com/somethinglikesweet CJ

            lol Lemme guess, you’re into ‘real metal’ too? Haha! (By the way, I fully comprehend the fact that I am a prick.)

    • Strep Townsend

      Lamb of God is real metal now?
      Jesus…..

    • http://www.concatenationrecords.com Kodiak

      I can only think of one CD I bought from Target, and it was Machine Head’s “The Blackening”.

      As for your story, when he made the REAL metal comment, I would have just laughed.

      • cyrollan

        just to play Devil’s Advocate (who needs a god when you’ve got SATAN….):
        some wouldn’t call The Blackening “real metal” (see: where’s Ziltoid when you need him?). it’s all relative, really. all that matters is how seriously a person classifies shit. are the deftones metal? i didn’t think so, until i witnessed “Stick Stickly” by Attack Attack!

        so summarize, I appreciate that you bought a Machine Head album at Target. I would buy more music at Target, but I’ve seen their selection. It’s like looking through iTunes top 25. This troll would much rather spend his money on well-priced Blu Ray discs than the latest copy of Jason Mrazda or whatever’s latest album.

        Fuck, I’ve got an FYE less than a mile from my house (satan bless south st. louis) and they have a well-defined Metal section. Although they don’t re-stock old Deicide or Nile albums, they DO have stuff like the new Goatwhore!

  • Spwee

    i have noticed a lot of younger kids get into true metal through this shit though

  • Patrick

    I dont like it at all, mostly because of the vocals. I like high pitched vocals (Anthony Green, Eric Victorino) but not ones like these.

    But I agree, it’s not terrible except for the fact that we already have one Underoath.

    I actually really like Underoath.

    Their is inspiration and then their is copying.

    • tobytobiasjones

      *There are misspellings, and then *there are dual-misspellings.

      Oh, and *there are SO many other aspects about this band that are garbage.

      It’s not just the singing…

  • Phro

    I love how hard the drummer is working to keep that driving beat going. “Oh my god, my grandmother never taught me how to play this fast!!!”

  • derp

    hopefully the kids who like this crap
    will actually start listening to real metal through bands like this
    and realize that the bands they used to listen to were crap
    ….but we all know thats never gonna happen
    and they will always find new crappy bands to listen to

  • http://blueprintds.com chicago web design

    This makes me rage.

  • Sin and Death

    I could have sworn I had made some sort of commnet here like “These guys bring gaycore to whole new levels unseen since All Time Low came out…” but I guess it didn’t submit properly. Oh well.

  • Charlie B

    Broooootal!!

  • tim

    This makes the sound that I make when I shit sound good.

  • chad

    the resemblances between norma jean and underoath are so uncanny,
    it’s bordering on copyright infringement.
    the formula they use would have been cutting-edge 10 years ago. unfortunately, it’s 2009.
    i’m surprised labels are still signing bands of this tired genre.
    my theory is the same as most cultural-mediums these days,
    nobody has an original idea in their fucking head anymore,
    and everything is a blatant rip-off, remake, or carbon-copy of something else.

  • derp

    im pretty sure that the intrumental part at 1:31-1:40 is a stolen from an underoath song on define the great line
    including the screamed vocals in the instrumental break

    everything in this song is imitating underoath
    from the secondary vocalist who does only clean vocals
    to the way the lead vocalist screams/sings
    to having a person playing synths that are somewhat pointless

    i like underoath
    a lot
    so i hate how this band just ripped them off so obviously
    also their looks just piss me off
    with the singer and his wannabe davey havok hair
    this band needs to die

  • Colin

    Simple fact is they look ridiculous and their music sucks. You can say that same thing about most black metal bands.

  • http://www.themetalreporter.net TMR

    ……Fucking shit bags!!!

    these guys lack everything.