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Contests

FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A LIMITED EDITION WINO 180-GRAM VINYL!

 Thursday, July 16th, 2009 at 5:00pm by

emo kidLast week’s Funny Photo Caption Contest was a doozy ’cause we had a very special photo, and this week we’ve got another from the same top secret source! But first, the winners to last week’s contest, all of whom will receive a copy of The Agonist’s new CD Lullabies For the Dormant Mind and an autographed poster of the band:

balls: “The average Metalsucks “Top 21 Metal Albums of the 21st Century” panelist just moments before sending in his entry for the list.”

Mutt Weiler: “Fuck! I’m going to have to buy a better camera. Even at 10x digital zoom I can’t see my dick!”

raiseyerfists: “WARNING: Listening to music from Victory Records may cause harm to your health. Monthly exams are advised to make sure your testicles have not disintegrated.”

canea: “Searching for his dignity, a young emo comes up empty-handed.”

Fufkin: “I’m looking for the man in the mirror”

This week we’re giving away one very special vinyl copy of Wino’s Punctuated Equilibrium. It’s on 180-gram vinyl with a bonus 10″ featuring 4 vinyl-only exclusive tracks. Bam. Come up with a funny caption to the below photo and it’s yours.

fag1

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  • morningrise

    Even Paul Lynde thinks I’m too gay.

  • groverXIII

    A young member of the Air Force shows blatant disregard for the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy.

    • jason

      well done!

      • Uglymicrowave

        “look baby I got ya name tattooed on my chest”

        these walls can’t hold me!

      • jello

        He’s Conrad’s cockpit man on Black Sheep. That’s been on RetroTV lately.

  • RyanK

    “Thanks to my new iCamera I can listen to Attack! Attack! in the bathroom and make cocksucking poses for MySpace at the same time!”

  • bearbomb

    Well I couldn’t find my balls… let’s see if I have tits! Nope, I’m an “it.”

    • raiseyerfists

      hahaha nice

  • http://blackcadillacinmontreal.blogspot.com Mui

    Watcha think my post-op name should be? Squeeze my left nipple for Rosemary and the right for Lynn.

  • canea

    To achieve this wonderful feathered look our stylist used the scalps of both Rosemary AND Lynn.

    • http://blackcadillacinmontreal.blogspot.com Mui

      HA!

  • tonyCHAOS

    After several failed attempts at making the coveted MetalSucks ‘Shitstain on the ass of the Universe’ list, Billy decides to take drastic measures.

  • Kevin

    Whats up with the American pride shirt?

  • Mantis

    Mr. Ed is back.
    Now in companion with his wife rosemary lynn.

  • Toolfan

    “I told you to not hold that vacuum cleaner straight to your face!”

  • whyowhy

    Oliver Sykes providing another reason why kids shouldn’t do meth . . . or listen to his music

  • FakeReality

    This kid probably thinks he’s so clever.
    Instead of taking and sending three different pictures, one for each of his e-”girl”friends, he just wrote all three of their names on his chest and sent them each the same photo, allowing him to spend more time with The Devil Wears Prada’s latest album.

    Genius.

  • The Goat

    I’M BEING ASS-FUCKED BY THE INVISIBLE MAN, HE’S PULING MY HAIR AND PUNCHING THE BACK OF THE HEAD…..WHERE’S MY CAMERA, I’M ABOUT TO CUM!!!

  • tyler09

    is that the same dude?

  • jason

    No clever comment, I just want to know what the fuck is wrong with this kid.

    • j

      HAHA – first place brother-

    • Ziltoid

      XD, best one so far.

    • tim

      epic win

      • TrapThem

        seriously what the fuck is wrong with all these kids these days? there’s a million of fuckers like him on myspace and facebook

  • Patton

    Practicing moves for the next Attack Attack! video

  • kyle

    “My mum wouldn’t let me use my dad’s razor blades, so I had to use a sharpie instead…”

  • j

    ** His Dad has just left the building **

  • j

    i wonder how long he sits in the bathroom on a daily basis taking shot after shot—- to get the “perfect” pose??? — yeesh

  • http://outthrowingroses.blogspot.com/ Matt

    Here is what our computer experts have compiled would be Michael Jackson, the final product, had the world not been robbed of his glorious surgical vision.

  • I Hate Ziltoid aka Nacho Cheese Doritos

    An unused actor’s head shot from his attempt to be an extra on Top Gun’s volleyball scene w/ the Cruiser and Ice Man.

  • Sacajawea

    Isn’t this child pornography? Or does the child have to have some sort of genetalia in order for it to be considered as such?

    • Jo

      no my friend this is just classic exploitation god bless ms

  • Sacajawea

    Even the dimmest of sunglasses couldn’t shield his eyes from the light emitted by his flaming homosexuality.

    • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

      win

      • Seth

        1

    • Jason

      whoa! hello! zinnng!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Byron-Ward/797615124 Byron Ward

      Winner. Hands down.

    • Ty

      That’s hilarious!

  • Viking-Shredder

    No wonder the ladies like these kind of guys. Just look at those yellow sunglasses. Excellent!

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Like, what do you mean?

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    President Bill Pullman: “Can there be a peace between us?”
    Emo kid: “NO…PEACE….”

  • (required)

    Yes, I had a 9 o’clock appointment for a breast augmentation / incisor reduction / prison tattoo removal.

  • Ilona

    *Ejaculation fluid photoshopped out of picture for wholesomeness.*

  • Jimmy

    Oh. That’s neat. I see he has his name tattooed on his chest.

  • Harry

    Blinded by her floppy hair and sunglasses, Rosemary Lynn is forced to feel her way around the house. She wails in pain, trying desperately to find and turn off the stereo playing Goatwhore’s new album; her precious ears are disintegrating.

  • Spaceman_Jones

    “Like eww, that Attack! Attack! cd is even to gay for me to handle”

  • sinistatroy

    Vince, you should really stop sourcing your OWN myspace for material for these contests. Have you no shame?

    • Jo

      rofl i was wondering who that was

  • DJ

    No one wants to see the new G.I. Joe movie after they revealed Gung Ho’s new look

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    The last picture taken before Eddie bursts from his chest and devours the poor excuse for a human.

  • The Greys

    Vince Neilstein primped his invisible chest hair and practiced his “o-face” in the mirror one more time, ready make Rose Mary Lynn’s first jr. high dance a night she’d never forget.

  • Santa Claus

    WHO announed today that a new strain of the swine flu could cause instant and irreversable retardation in individuals once thought to be just emo.

  • Mark Wahlberg

    Rosemary Lynn 4 EVA!!!

  • Hyperdrive

    Rosemary’s baby all grown up

  • Anthony

    Hey, it’s me, Dane Cook! Add me on Myspace!

  • Dave

    “if I post this picture online Seargent D will fall in love with me for sure!! *Girly squeal*”

  • Johnny

    And now we present to you a still from the new Attack Attack music video!

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    And be a simple kind of man.
    Be something you love and understand.

  • Jesse

    It’s a hard knock life for an aspiring dumpster slut.

  • JoshBrogan

    Not Pictured: The guy next to him’s cock

  • You Don’t Know Me

    It looks like Rosemary’s baby should have been aborted.

  • Baldish

    “Ow! You promised to use lube, although I like cutting myself so this is basically the same!”

  • http://www.smnnews.com big_metal_al

    “Bree bree”

  • http://www.myspace.com/whiskeyrambleproject x101whiskey_ramble101x

    …another soldier outted on his facebook profile…

    • http://www.myspace.com/whiskeyrambleproject x101whiskey_ramble101x

      nevermind…..guess I should read before posting right?!

      move along, nothing to see here.

  • Joe

    “rosemary lynn isn’t into me, she just wants to fuck my older brother. he has disposable income…and less shoes than her. FML!”

  • S.I.

    The pre-pubescent photos Matt Heafy didn’t want you to see.

  • chugstick

    “pledge now to fund my transition!”

  • mistakefakeemail^^

    “Pledge now to fund my transition!”

    (Sorry for double post, this email is better for reals)

  • elevendy

    GOOSE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    • elevendy

      i meant to put “OMG” inbetween goose and no.

  • Brandonmetal

    if only i had boobs, then i could front an emo band as a female singer.

  • mankvill

    Is it just me, or is Brokencyde just not even trying anymore?

  • Jo

    when asked about a new Hollywood undead album he let out a moan of pure orgasmic pleasure and announced with a swift glee in his voice”I wanna dip my balls in it”

  • Nikola Milivojevic

    that’s the gayest fucking emo cocksucker that i’ve ever seen
    go kill yourself and tell your friends how ur gonna slit your wrist
    fucking emo cocksucker

  • Walker

    May 19th will never be the same again.

  • Death Metal Aaron

    I am not a gay fish.

  • hate-crew

    After Monica recieved the previous picture she proceeded to end her own life. The “THING” was alone once more. Now it plans on sucking in TWO girls to its trap. SOMEONE SEND POLICE OFFICERS TO THESE GIRL’S HOUSES! WE MAY ALREADY BE TOO LATE!

  • 10,000 Gays

    Axl and Manson call it the wall of shame, but they would only be the first in a long line of frontmen tricked to sign a “girl”‘s chest in exchange for oral sex

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aubrey-Thomson/203803790 Aubrey Thomson

    Anton Lavey would be so proud of Rosemary’s Baby.

  • Argonaut

    An overdue abortion reminds a regretful dad of the evening he turned away a door to door, coat hanger salesman while little maverick was still in the womb.

  • TheHangingBrain

    This Rosemary Lynn chick is pretty flat chested, but I’d still do her.

  • Jizzmaster3000

    Axl Rosenberg shows the correct way to spell ‘rosemary lynn’.

  • Extra_Nina

    EMO – because homosexuality was not gay enough !!!!

  • TheHangingBrain

    Rosemary Lynn, after seeing this picture of her boyfriend Chris from Motionless in White, came to her senses and realized that this emo shit has done went way to gay and moved back to Kansas to help her parents tend the sheep farm.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Assume the position ma’am

  • Ajax

    Rose, Mary and Lynn…I want you guys to know that I suck massive amounts of dick.

  • Colin

    Who is this fuckin’ bitch and how do I make it die?

  • The Rooktrocity

    Aided by a large, yellow pair of “Truthy-Specs”, the final piece of the gender reassignment puzzle, a female name, falls into place, leaving a young Emo-Crunkcore fan awe-struck by it’s beauty.

  • http://kzscsledge.blogspot.com GoatRidersHorde

    Although he was gay enough, Top Gun still rejected Nick Barham. Nick still received a complimentary sweatshirt.

  • systemsdown

    Much to his dismay, Billy discovered that schizophrenia was not a valid excuse for crossdressing

  • Failure

    “yeah and maybe if i’m lucky i’ll get to show her my oh face, oh oh”

  • Shane Gillis

    Remember boys, if you want me to steal money from my mom’s purse for you, don’t get cum in my hair.

  • Peter

    Gregory recoiled in horror. Upon waking up, he discovered he’d been branded with the very name of the darlings of the 19th wave of the emo generation – screamo-disco titans Rosemary Lynn.

  • deathmasterphlex

    “Lyke, OMG, you guyz. This chick in my camera’s viewfinder is so hot.”

    The sad thing is that this will get this puny fucker laid.

  • Dutchguy

    OMG! I just got kicked out of the Village People-In the Navy-singalong. I am, like, SO badass!

  • key

    Jet Li’s failure to fit in with the emo crowd was better for him than he could have ever known.

  • TWOAF

    Oh, I’m cuming!

  • Rugby

    When my gender reassignment surgery is complete, my name is going to be Rose. No wait, Mary, it’ll be Mary. Ooooo, but maybe Lynn. Rosemary? Marylynn? Roselynn? No it shall be Rosemary-Lynn!

  • battle

    “call me by my slave name, then put it in my mouth”

  • google

    he’s so hot, he did rose mary and lynn

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    Axl Rose’s MILF signed my chest!!

  • http://dgmetal.org The Daily Grind

    This looks like a tattoo…right?

  • Pancho

    This kid is so gay that when he…fuck it. Just give me the Wino record. Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

  • arti d

    Man, I love BORIS but they’re gettin a little too fuckin weird!

  • Pancho

    Vince, so THIS is what you meant by “trying out for the Hot Topic catalogue”!

  • Pancho

    “Aw, it says it’s in love…KILL IT! KILL IT!”

  • Pancho

    This guy doesn’t quite grasp the mechanics of sex change ops…oh well, that’s what a lifetime of Harry Potter books will do to ya.

  • Nick

    Young chang’s pin-up collection for the guys back at jail. Hoping they’d bring fond memories of soap dropping and the names they so affectionately called him.

  • Pancho

    If you thought emo Spidey was gay wait ’til you see what they did to Captain America…

  • RobotScythe

    The new frontman in The Dallas Coyle Experience. Poorly constructed and rambling blog to follow shortly.

  • http://www.myspace.com/sciomancy hater_guy

    Breaking news: Micheal Jackson is STILL DEAD!

  • Tom

    “this is gunna be my face when i get fucked in the ass by everyone at warped tour”

    • The Greys

      The winner!

      • Blake

        Um… no.

  • Klitz

    Rose Mary Lynn, this glass wall of crabcore is the only thing separating us.

  • cougar party

    With the passing of the Metro-sexual trend that grasped the country earlier this decade ; we now witness the birth of a new era: Crabcore-sexual.

  • Shiggy Shack

    I was having a good day, then I realized there are retards like this out side.

    FML

  • Urban Outdoorsman

    What an ASSHOLE.

    Enough said.

  • Ken

    DIPSHIT

  • Haile

    he seems to be a fashion icon, dosnt he know that its tacky to have your own name tattoo’d on your chest?

  • Haile

    Why to we pick on the emo chinese people, anyways?

  • slice two

    it was then that he realized his name wasn’t actually rose mary lynn… and he cursed the 3 wine coolers he had the night before.

  • Thor Jr.

    ‘come on, vogue…’

  • Josh

    TRANSFORMERS! More than meets the eye.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joshua-Geesey/1352102483 Joshua Geesey

    I bet that if I strapped that guy (it is a guy, right?) into a chair and played some really loud Electric Wizard his head would burst.

  • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

    “I dress like a clown because I’m really crying on the inside.”

  • Gerardo

    “Maybe this will make me brutal enough to headline for Attack Attack!”

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    (as the bathroom wall compacts Swoop Guystalker)
    C-3MO: Listen to them, they’re dying, R2!!! Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough. It’s all my fault. My poor master

  • chris

    did i make it into the worlds biggest douches competition?

  • chris

    come on after the crouch grab and the newly exposed chest you must accept me as the new michael jackson except this time i will call it “nevercomebyhere ranch” to give some reverse psychology, because you know thats what people are into.

  • Maigaard

    Oh my god, that’s ME!

  • Ironspudd

    He should’ve joined the Navy instead.

  • Maverick

    Stop!…………Hammertime!

  • Maverick

    “..And the filthy emo makes a face as he accidentally slammed his tiny dick in the drawer, coincidentally taking a picture at the same time.”

  • Brian \m/(-_-)\m/

    To commemorate May 19, the day that rock and roll greats such as Pete Townshend, Joey Ramone, Dusty Hill, and Phil Rudd were born, Monica (otherwise known as Rosemary Lynn) decides to abandon the checkered look for a more manly, bare chested one

  • H2O

    Nice breasts, oh I meant name.

  • Soup

    a brief look into the new sub-genre, Rosemarylynncore.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kim-Kelly/10515129 Kim Kelly

    I’m too disgusted by this photo to be clever. Just send me the record. You know I’ll give it a good home, guys.

  • Maverick

    Behold! the newest front man or our shitstain on the universe band!

  • nolavann

    Kick off your sunday shoes.. Please Louise

  • Matt

    “One day I’ll sprout breasts and be a real girl! And all the boys will whistle and shout Rosemary Lynn when I strut by.”

  • Jake Kobrin

    Inspired by Johan Hegg, young Chad “Mango” Thomson, spends up to an astounding 13 hours a day in front of a mirror practicing his perfect metal “pose”…

  • GORD WILSON

    as his parents pulled out of the driveway, robert, quickly raced to his sister’s room and donned her favorite sunglasses, pants and striped mitts. as he had been undecided on his new identity, robbie wrote each of his choices on his chest to see which one might look the best on a silver chain. now finally comfotable in his skin, locking himself in the bathroom, he is free to sing and dance like the star he knows he will be after winning american idol. only to be cut short by his asshole, jock brother who came home early to take a shit after practice. banging on the door and shouting, “come out, come out you queer!!”.poor robbie, replies “no, no i will never come out! JAZZ HANDS!”