CRABCORE = “SIGNATURE CROUCHES”
Monday, July 20th, 2009 at 9:54am by Axl Rosenberg
The above photo of Attack! Attack!, from the NY Times review of this past weekend’s Vans Warped Tour, has one of the funniest captions I’ve ever read.
Unfortunately, the author, Jon Caramanica, praises Attack! Attack! for having “one of the day’s best sets.” But he does include this tidbit, which made me giggle:
The gentleman with “Kill All Posers” scrawled across his upper back in black marker let 3OH!3 know exactly how he felt during its midday set on Saturday at the Vans Warped Tour. Sidling through the crowd bopping feverishly to the band’s dopey, energetic blend of electro, hip-hop and punk, he kept two middle fingers raised and his face squarely on his destination, somewhere far away.
I’d love to buy that dude a beer. I’d also love to know what the fuck he was doing at Vans Warped with a “Kill All Posers” shirt on in the first place.
-AR
poor schecter……
having so many terrible bands play their guitars
its so sad
I went to warped over the weekend…b/c i happen to be a huge fan of the old school guys…Nofx, Flogging Molly, Bad religion, less than jake…And my new favorite GALLOWS….if you don’t know them…check them out!
I happened to walk by attack!attacks! stage…and they had the biggest crowd of anyone there…and the biggest pits…
It’s frightening…
Warped Tour is filled with shit these days, but I am debating going for the old school guys, NOFX, Bad Religion, and Bouncing Souls. I used to love that shit back in my high school days. It might be fun to laugh at the crab people too though.
I would go just to see Bad Religion, Flogging Molly, and NOFX, but Warped Tour used to be a punk tour. WTF happened?
Actually, never mind… there aren’t any good new punk bands any more, just a bunch of emo and screamo bands. It’s a shame, too…
I always try to use this logic, like “Hey, I like Job For A Cowboy, and when I go to a show I can just laugh at all the swoop-haired kids”. But when I get there and I’m expecting it to be 25% swooped hair and it’s more like 75% I just feel confused and out of place.
Yeah, I feel like maybe I am just getting older, but I actually do feel confused and out of place at warped tour these days. I went two years ago when Bad Religion and Pennywise were there and all the other bands were shitty metalcore or pop-punk.
Warped Tour has always followed the trends though. I remember back in 00′ or ‘01 they had Eminem, Black eyed Peas, and Ice-T because rap/hip-hop was cool that year.
haha i know dude! i love my schecter, and it makes me cringe to know that i share a common bond with one of these pricks
Here’s the thing that separates you from them: you just might play yours well.
I’d kill for a Schecter, though. My low-end ESP has had about all the damage it can take.
They appear (from the photo) to have ‘crab boards’, presumably so that while pulling a none-can-crouch-lower pose that the audience can still see their shit haircut. Or perhaps it provides extra grip for thos really low ball crunching crouches. Wankers.
Implying they have balls?
My god you’re right – they actually have crab risers!
And what a way to treat a Schecter.
When does the next subgenre of fuckwits arrive?
probably in about 2 weeks
Fuck man, didnt notice the crab risers till you mentioned it. I lol’d then died a little inside. Kill all Posers guy is my hero, we need to get white masks that say that on them (you know, to hide our identity) & go around culling these fucks.
so is crab – crouching the new “breakdown”
that’s pretty hilarious. kill all posers guy probably needs a better hobby though.
fuck this band
They probably were “one of the day’s best sets”…. BECAUSE IT’S THE VANS WARPED TOUR!
Give it like, 5 months and there is going to be about 6 bands doing crabcore that get signed to Victory or some shit. At least one to Century, too.
Kids eat this shit up – It’s almost as bad as that running on the spot bullshit.
Fuck off.
Then thank god for that small stage, I guess.
well at least bad religion was there i’ll bet(if i had been there) they would have been best. fuck these stupid ass bands that need to either do this crab bullshit or follow a color motif that looks like a highlighter vomited out material and sowed it together with its ass(3OH!3). Btw cool name guys your area code was much better before it was gayified to the max.
this might be the best comment on this site i’ve seen in a long time.
well thank you i aim to please
LOOK IT VERY CLEARLY STATES IN THE CAPTION THAT THIS IS ATTACK ATTACK! AND NOT ATTACK! ATTACK! LET’S NOT MIX UP OUR HORRIBLE TERRIBLE BANDS ANY MORE THAN THE IDIOTS IN THEM HAVE ALREADY FORCED US TO DO.
You won’t believe this, but I’ve already told MetalSucks and all their readers that. Evidently, they didn’t listen.
AND this article includes a clipping from the NY Times, they wrote it correctly. No excuse for getting it wrong now.
You know, here I thought they were just one of those low-end commercialized crap bands that Warped always picks up. They’ve apparently also secured a song in Guitar Hero 5 though.. the WORLD will start learning about this terrible band..
Different group.
Attack! Attack! are an alternative rock quartet, from Caerphilly, Wales….The band are commonly confused with the American post-hardcore band Attack Attack!, which only have one exclamation mark; however, the bands both play completely different styles of music. (wikipedia)
its the other Attack Attack lol.. they’re a Welsh band or some shit
These bands suck anyhow…maybe they should try the “auto erotic asphyxiation” stance…they’d be doing us all a favor. Shitty screamo/emo/ bandwagon bullshit.
Metalsucks, the home of the Crab – Crouch.
The funiest part about that caption is that Attack Attack! and the other 10 million bands similar to it are NOT “screamo”.
Jeez, people. That’s like calling Nickelback metal. I think everyone should be forced to listen to Circle Takes the Square and Envy before they’re even allowed to use that term.
There are about a thousand bands I’d rather listen to than listen to Circle Takes the Square again.
Envy’s screamo? I thought they were Japanese hardcore or J-core. Still worth a listen though, as some of their material absolutely rips (the song Left Hand in particular).
fucking crab risers….amazing.
Dude looks like he’s about to take a shit. A very pretty shit.
I’m gonna start a crabcore band, I need the money…I dunno if can handle waking up early though, according to Attack Attack!, they gotta work their asses off for Warped Tour
They don’t work hard, they just “ride the ride”. What a bunch of cock-baskets.
lol…cockbaskets…that’s fuckin great
by “work their asses off” they mean play a 30min set every 24-48 hours? Man, that’s tough.
And by hard work the mean squatting until their glutes hurt. Poor babies. At least they will have no problem if they ever have to shit in the woods.
I’ll bet the poor folks in the front row can see that dude’s junk. Crab-crouch + short shorts = unfortunate
Only if they brought binoculars
LOL
why’s the guitarist on the right wearing an upside down trash talk shirt?
If somewhere there exists a real-life Skwisgar Skwigelf, I’d love to hear what he’d say about this. He could be consulted like The Oracle or something.
“This bands is completes craps.”
We should consult Tommy Blacha and Brendon Small. Maybe they can write us something witty.
Nathan Explosion saying “Uhh….these guys should be murdered!”
“These guy is completes dildos.”
The ratio of crap to good metal bands to come out of Ohio is simply astounding.
Wait, I’m feelin’ a totally needless techno rave bridge comin’ up…right…about…now – CRAB CAKES!!!
CRAB PEOPLE, CRAB PEOPLE….LOOK LIKE CRAB, TALK LIKE PEOPLE
I dont get it, smallish bands in the UK were doing this in like 2007, it looked hilarious, but had a completely different name, something about getting low?
Well whatever, it looks stupid, and they obviously suck if they need to add crabbing to their set.
I made this for all of you!!!
http://crabcorepeople.ytmnd.com/
LMAO
Did anybody see them talk about Attack Attack! on Fox News’ Red Eye last night? haha.. They were saying they were the future of rock n’ roll (jokingly of course). I thought that was pretty funny…
Fuck crabcore
Whoever said the comment about Schecter was right.
Makes me feel bad to be a Schecter owner (C-4 Bass) when these acts are around. Great guitars but good God the horrible horrible bands that play them.
how has nobody mentioned rob trujillo yet?!
ataque ataque fuck em!!
I’m waiting for the day i sign on to Metalsucks and see Crabcore.com “Your source for embarrassing stage moves by shitty musicians and the people who hate them”
I think you mean Attack Attack!
Attack! Attack! (note the exclamation marks) are a rocking Welsh band and are a zillion times better than these guys who seem to be teaching kids that it’s ok to get up on stage and not even try to make music.
This website is retarded. Attack Attack! is completely awesome.
I’ve never heard them so I can’t really judge but tell me WTF they are doing on stage with position and facial expressions that should be reserved for being constipated. It’s like they are trying hard to get a turd to come out but the only things that comes is their music…
I would have to agree Attack Attack! is fucking amazing.
“Noooo theys is my new friends. What with the swingin n’ jumpins and crab-crouchins and guitars swings. theys is fun!.”
“Shut up Toki!”
It’s funny how these guys are used to being in that position. After all, how else would they suck on eachother’s nuts after the show?