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Poll

POLL: ARE BEARDS METAL?

 Thursday, July 23rd, 2009 at 9:45am by

At some point in the middle of this decade, beards on metal dudes became fashionable. Not goatees, not chin-strips, not ‘staches (the latter will never be fashionable in the highly homophobic metal community), but big, bushy, manly beards. But not all was hunky-dory in beard-ville; cries of “hipster!” and “beardo!” resonated through the land, with purists claiming beards are not metal. So…

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{democracy:46}

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  • http://buttor.blogspot.com Buttor

    Metal as fuck !!! There’s nothing more metal than a beard !!!!

    • http://www.myspace.com/shadow_patton Patton

      Eric Adams

    • Fuck You Haters

      I couldn’t of said it better.

      • http://buttor.blogspot.com Buttor

        Eric Adams WITH a fucking beard !!! That would be the most metal thing of the universe

  • JRTME

    Having a beard is more of a Newer Metal thing. I’m no less metal since I shaved my beard.

    • Van

      I’ve got two words for you: Paul Speckmann.

  • West Virginia

    wish i could grow a awesome beard, instead of one 23 diffrent colors and seems to just get stuck at one point where just looks stupid.

  • TurdFerguson

    I have a beard but not because i’m metal but because i’m lazy.

    • poopsmcgee

      that’s very metal indeed

  • Brandon

    There should be an additional option that says something like “can be either metal or non-metal”. I think the more metal beards are the long, unkempt ones, whereas the non-metal hipster beards are the closely cropped artistic ones.

    Mustaches are quite possibly the biggest facial hair faux-pas of all time. Or at least tied with soul patches and superthin chin straps.

    • mrbinky

      Hetfield had a cool stache for AJFA. That was the meanest he ever looked.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Menard/502061034 Jesse Menard

    metal as fuck

  • AngryGeekGirl

    Where I’m from, the only people who where beards are rednecks and cowboy-hat-wearing country music types. Because of that, I just can’t think of it as metal. Beards just remind me of all those asshole rednecks that used to give me so much shit in high school.

  • http://outthrowingroses.blogspot.com/ Matt

    beards that smell like beer, even when at work, are metal.

  • Fufkin

    Vikings = beards
    Vikings = metal

    • Ziltoid

      FUCK YEAH.

    • Ziltoid

      UH I MEAN, FUCK YOU!

    • big_red01027

      QFT.

      Goatees are metal, too, if you don’t want to go full beard.

    • Erik

      Viking = Beard
      Beard + Viking = Alcohol consumption
      Alcohol consumption + beard + loud music = metal
      Therefor: Live in cold regions, drink, and rock! and don’t forget your beard!
      Do the math.

  • http://www.theinevitablenose.com/ The Inevitable Nose

    Phew! *puts razor away for another decade*

  • poopsmcgee

    ok, but are clam beards metal?

    • http://www.theinevitablenose.com/ The Inevitable Nose

      What is clams beards?

      • poopsmcgee

        clam = vagina

  • http://www.theinevitablenose.com/ The Inevitable Nose

    Then no, unless worn on the face.

  • major

    beards are metal, anyone who says otherwise is just pissed off that they can’t grow one

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    I agree a beard is Metal but it has to be one of those big bastards that gets tangled in the Guitar Strings. If the dude doesn’t look like a Yeti then the beard is not metal.

    • kelly m.

      I think I love you.

  • Chimp-0-Neg

    When have beards ever been un-metal?

    Anyway, I’m watiing for the day that people wake up to the wackness of tattoos. Now most people with tattoos are not metal.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Cefaratti/542463984 Chris Cefaratti

      I feel sad and not so metal when I see fashion designers and models (the building I work in has a coupe of floors dedicated to Marc Jacobs) with tattoos talking about lady Ga Ga and other inane B.S.
      P.S. I hate gladiator sandals as well but that’s another rant.

      • Rolling Thunder

        DUDES!!!!

        Tattoos are are awesome and WAYY metal! So are Gagues, flat ironed hair, v-neck t-shirts, Monroe peircings, super skinny stretch jeans and Nike sneakars!!!

        You guys just don’t know what metal is…I am..s-o-r-r-y.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Cefaratti/542463984 Chris Cefaratti

          so you’re telling me wearing Bright Neon pink and yellow high tops are metal, Count me the fuck in!

          • major

            fuck yes

  • http://www.themetalreporter.net TMR

    Fuck Yea!

    Doesnt need a poll though! it’s a fact.Beards=Metal … Maybe a

  • http://www.themetalreporter.net TMR

    “Would listening to Crabcore get you laid?”

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brian-Cartan/724505595 Brian Cartan

      Yeah, but only by chubby 14-year-olds.

  • http://www.myspace.com/molotov_opium Rob_153

    Yep, beards are metal. BUT the only person I’ve seen who can pull off the ‘stache is of course Mikael Akerfeldt of Opeth. He uses it to tickle Steve Wilson’s neck.

    • Chimp-0-Neg

      Lets not forget MIke Patton’s bold use of the ’stache. But then, is MIke Patton really metal? many would answer: no.

  • johnnywhoopass

    With gnarly beards comes beard banging, whats more metal than a giant bush of nasty facial hair.

  • cookie

    talking about what grooming styles are “metal” = very unmetal

    who gives a fuck what the guy or gal next to you is wearing

    stop wasting the internets

    • !?!

      You got the right idea. Everyone needs to step away from the computer and go listen to Slayer.

      • cookie

        already there fuckers!

        • Some Random Dude

          Yeah but it doesnt matter if you dont have a beard. nothing does.

    • Jamie

      personally, I care if a gal has a beard…

  • derp

    full beards = metal

  • http://thejamminjabber.com/ thejamminjabber

    the stache is metal as fuck. Bill from Mastodon’s Fu Manchu? He looks like the straightest gay biker ever!

    http://download.wbr.com/mastodon/site/mastodon-cts-biov2.jpg

  • wata

    Greg Weeks from The Red Chord got the ‘stache right:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ypgv4B2P1c

  • http://www.themetalreporter.net TMR

    CORPSEGRINDER is true the definition of metal!

  • http://www.themetalreporter.net TMR

    Typo:

    CORPSEGRINDER is The True definition of metal!

  • cookie

    katie holmes is metal as fuck

    • http://www.themetalreporter.net TMR

      totally, metal as in to fuck !

  • shapechanger

    Asking whether or not beards are metal is not metal.

  • Heavy Metal

    Amon Amarth.

    Mutton chops are metal also. See Lemmy

    • foofoomagoo

      Amon Amarth is the perfect example of metal beard.

      • Tommy Lindbergsen

        Nah…Metal beards= Negura Bunget

  • Rolling Thunder

    Also,

    What else is on the debate table of Metal/not Metal? I think we are standing at the dooryway to an audit of Metal code and conduct. Let’s not all rush in at once!!

    • cookie

      I think a another list is in order, right? Please tell me what is metal or not so I can comply and conform.

      Or else i may not be metal

      • Rolling Thunder

        I don’t want you to deal with feelings of metal insecurity, feeling insecure is most certainly NOT metal!

        What jewlery or fashion accessories are metal/not metal?
        What foods are metal/not metal?
        What pets are metal/not metal?

        We need to clear the air folks!

        • !?!

          Food is not metal. Unless you just killed it with your bare hands.

          • !?!

            Also, beer is metal. Unless your drinking girly beer. Girls = not metal.

          • Rolling Thunder

            Wait, what counts as a “Girly” beer?

          • !?!

            Smirnoff Ice. Guinness.

          • Rolling Thunder

            WOA….WOA….Smirnoff isn’t beer…it’s a malt beverage.

            Guniess is DEFFINATLY metal…it’s a sandwhich in a pint!!

          • !?!

            Ever tried an Old Rasputin? Black as your soul and dry as the Devil’s tit. Now THAT is a metal beer.

            And you are correct about the Smirnoff. We still call it girly beer though.

          • http://ultimateposerblog.blogspot.com Ultimate Poser Blog

            Orkney Skullsplitter is the most metal beer ever!

          • kelly m.

            “Girls = not metal.”

            what a premenstrual thing to say. very un-metal.
            pushing a living creature out a bodily orifice = metal; therefore, girls = metal.
            hot vagina = metal

            losers discussing girly beer and creating rules of what is and what isn’t metal = not metal at all.

  • Permafrost

    Beards are metal. Deal with it, all of you follically-challenged folks.

  • Rik

    The metal scene is homophobic? Maybe the stereotypical elitist metalhead pricks are a bunch of homophobes but I’m pretty sure your regular metal fans are quite open minded about that sort of stuff.

    Oh wait I forgot, this site is full of the elitist prick variety. Never mind…

    • Chimp-0-Neg

      … and Gaahl has a beard. SO there!

      • http://ultimateposerblog.blogspot.com Ultimate Poser Blog

        Gays aren’t metal, just like the only good metal releases are demos from unsigned bands. (Sarcastic comment. No flaming.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Zink/1457523384 Andrew Zink

    If beards aren’t metal then Lord of the Rings isn’t epic.

  • Samuel Hall

    i refuse to answer this question, I do not want to fall into a “beard dichotomy”

    it depends on the genre, and the style of beard

    for example Gaahls style of beard is the only type that does not clash with corpse paint
    if a dude was painted up with a Troy oftedal (cattle decapitation) style of beard he would look like an idiot.
    http://cain1.com/_cattlespace/cattle_troy.jpg

    but i feel that death metal and grindcore is a good place for beards

    jakk wylde
    http://noise.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c83bd53ef011571528231970b-400wi

    amon amarth
    http://z.about.com/d/heavymetal/1/0/V/6/-/-/006_amon_amarth.jpg

  • Blashyrkh

    Johann Hegg.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    You know who had a metal beard? That guy in the old Skittles commercial
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9ZUJNgwlfY
    Now picture picking up small animals and children and devouring them instead of tasting the rainbow

  • GuuGuu

    beard = face mullet

    long, straight bangs = forehead mullet

    say no to mullets

  • Randy

    It definitely depends on the band and the beard. Metal beards= Kerry King, Scott Ian, Zakk Wylde. There are plenty of bands with beards that are not very metal as well though. So maybe the beards aren’t metal, it’s just that there are some cool classic metal bands with bearded members (particularly guitarists).

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Dasher/30826541 Matt Dasher

    If you think beards aren’t metal then you’re answering to two members of ZZ Top, three members of Lamb of God, three members of Meshuggah, Vortex of Dimmu Borgir, both members of Sunn O))), two guys from Primordial, and the zombie of Dimebag have something to say to you.

  • http://ultimateposerblog.blogspot.com Ultimate Poser Blog

    And Liam Wilson of the Dillinger Escape Plan and Greg Weeks have mustaches, as did James Hetfield in the 90s. So stache = metal as long as it’s a handlebar.

  • Tommy Lindbergsen

    Yeah, beards are metal if fashion statements can be considered metal which i’m pretty sure they’re not.

    • !?!

      Corpsepaint = fashion statement. Are you suggesting that Black Metal is not real metal, Sir?

      • Tommy Lindbergsen

        No, black metal is real metal even though wearing corpsepaint is stupid.

  • Fuck You Haters

    Ask Amon Amarth if they think beards are metal.

  • beardy

    I said no, only cause it’s not about metal in general but where beards are applied
    black metal, no, especially if there is corpse paint involved
    grind, yes
    doom, yes
    stoner, yes
    viking, yes
    death, not really see morbid angel
    deathcore, yes! see fashion statement
    thrash, only when you get older and look like evil jesus see tom araya

  • http://www.myspace.com/sciomancy hater_guy

    i’m curious on what type of people voted ”not metal”. Nsync closet fans? glam metal fans?

    • mrbinky

      I’m not sure beards will grow after numerous plastic surgeries and chin tucks.

  • http://myspace.com/thedivinefamily Garry Divine

    as a proud wearer of the mentioned “‘stache” I have to go with the nay-sayers.
    but mustaches are pretty metal in my opinion (but not in ALL my friends, I noticed…)!

  • thehasidfromthemoshpit

    I have a full blown kickass beard that comes down to my waist, but that’s only because I’m an ultra orthodox metal hasid!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Vincent-Forrest-Tippens/1662817823 Vincent Forrest Tippens

    Developing a full beard right now, and I happen to be a metal guitarist in training. About 5 years away from being truly metal :P

  • BEARD DESCIPLE

    Worship the beard gods!!!