Okay. I get it. The boys in Born of Osiris are young. Real young.  And judging by the brand-spanking-new tour bus they were ghost riding in, someone has really big plans for their future. And, honestly, so do I. Those kids can play. They can play real well, and I have honestly been a fan of theirs for some time now.

But I’d suggest that someone tutors them a bit about the history of the music they are making. Also about giving good interview: despite there being obvious differences between their Sumerian debut, A New Reign, and their recently released follow-up, A Higher Place, the boys think the biggest difference is that the latter is… longer. Seriously.

I could explain more, but… it’s probably best that you just read the interview. Full transcript after the jump.

Okay, everybody introduce yourselves.

David Darocha: David. I play bass.

Joe Buras: Joe. I play keyboard.

Tosin Abasi: Tosin. I play guitar.

Cameron Losch: I’m Cameron, and I play drums.

Lee McKinney: I’m Lee, and I play guitar.

So this is going to be an interesting question right off the bat: do you guys hold it in, number 2-wise, until you get to a venue? I walked into the bathrooms in here, and it was pretty disgusting. I’m not going to lie.

JB: The bus?

No, the bathrooms here at the venue.

JB: Oh yeah, definitely. Here on the bus you can’t poop, you can only pee. So it’s like you drive all night and the first thing you want to do is just…

And what do you guys eat? Is it usually fast food?

DD: We get groceries usually if we stop at a WalMart and get some cereal. We have our own fridge and cabinets and shit to put stuff in.

JB: In past tours we ate a lot of fast food.

You guys have been on some pretty big tours as far as reputable bands goes. Who gets you these things? How do you guys fall into these positions, being so young and so new?

LM: Our agency.

Your agency? You guys have no hand in it?

LM: Our booking agency. It’s TKO. It’s Amanda Fiore and Ash Avildsen and our manager, Shawn Keith.

Do you guys set any rules for yourself? Any personal or band rules when you are on the road?

DD: Don’t get too fucked up before you play.

Okay. Anything else as far as food or women or partying or whatever goes?

LM: Whatever you want. You know?

What is your writing process like and how much weed does it involve?

[Laughter]

JB: Cameron’s question.

CL: I just smoke weed all day, man, and write songs and record in my basement.

Really? Is that it?

CL: That’s it.

Then you just invite everyone else in later?

CL: Yeah. Sometimes I take mushrooms and write too [laughs].

What’s the difference between A New Reign and A Higher Place?

CL: The length.

LM: Definitely.

But the sound is more melodic. Where’s that coming from?

JB: The New Reign songs are years old. The Higher Place songs are within the last couple of years.

CL: A New Reign was recorded in high school, and A Higher Place was recorded out of high school. You can hear the difference.

That’s ridiculous. What are the positives and negatives about being discovered so young?

JB: I think a big positive is that we never had to do self-booked tours like a lot of bands had to go through that we know. We didn’t have to scrape through and pay for a lot of the things yourself. We were kind of very privileged to get a van and trailer fronted to us, and the album did well so it was all good with that.

LM: Negatives are people think that we’re too young and that we’re just kids so that’s why we might get blamed for a lot of things.

Like?

DD: Like, I don’t know, just on tour that anything that we get in trouble for…
Anything that goes wrong, you’re like the red headed step child.

LM: Yeah, it’s like it’s the little kids.

JB: Even though it seems like we just got started, we have all been in bands. Even our local bands were pretty successful back before this in high school. It’s like we had experience.

Are there any newer bands that are even newer than you that you guys are excited about?

LM: Periphery. They’re not really younger, but they’re up and coming. Tosin’s CD Animals as Leaders, that’s his stuff, that’s unreal.

Is there anything in your iPod that people would be pretty surprised that it’s there? Any kind of generic pop or anything?

DD: Lil’ Kim.

Into hip-hop then, I got you.

Now I thought we’d play a little game, for shits and giggles. I am going to give you a choice between two people or objects, and you have to tell me which one you’d fuck. Got it?

JB: As a band, or individually?

It can be individually or as a band. If you guys want to get together and decide on one or the other, that’s fine.

So: Susan Boyle or a Pizza Hut P’zone?

DD: Who’s Susan Boyle?

You guys don’t know who Susan Boyle is?

JB: Not at all.

DD: Who the fuck is that?

She’s that old, ugly lady that was on America’s Got Talent. Not America’s Got Talent, the one over in Europe.

DD: Is she ugly?

Yeah, she’s like huge and ugly. You guys got to look up a picture of her. You have to see what she looks like otherwise this isn’t going to work.

DD: Well both the options are shitty. That sucks. Is P’zone like boiling hot? Is it fresh out of the oven, hot as hell?

You know what? It’s whatever you prefer, man.

JB: Body temperature?

Could be leftovers right out of the fridge.

CL: Would Susan Boyle be dead or alive?

She’s alive.

LM: Oh, she’s that opera chick.

DD: P’zone.

Is that a consensus?

DD: Yeah, that’s a consensus.

Sacha Baron Cohen as Bruno or Gaahl of Gorgoroth?

DD: Who?

JB: What?

TA: Gaahl of Gorgoroth.

You don’t know who Gorgoroth is? He’s super brutal and he just came out.

DD: Is Sacha Baron Cohen gay?

Do you know Bruno the movie?

DD: Yeah.

He plays a gay German guy.

DD: But is he really gay?

No.

DD: Gorgoroth dude sounds a little too intense.

JB: I couldn’t even find him on Google.

Oh, man.

DD: Is he a musician? What’s he play?

You’re killing me right now. Alright, a little bit easier: Barbara Bush or Barbara Walters?

LM: Barbara Walters.

JB: I’ll say Walters. Actually, Bush is bragging rights.

Yeah, but so is Barbara Walters.

DD: Who cares about Barbara Walters?

What? Dude.

LM: Let’s look at Barbara Bush. There’s Barbara Bush.

JB: Oh, whoa. Never mind.

DD: She’s fucking decaying.

JB: I thought that was the next generation down. I didn’t think it was the grandma.
Yeah, she’s the old one.

DD: Walters’ has a slick pussy. Look at her when she was young.

She was hot. Let’s move on. Close your eyes. Think of the craziest woman that you’ve ever met. Her or Glenn Danzig?

JB: Who’s Glenn Danzig?

What?

DD: Who the fuck is that?

You know what? You’re out. You’re done. You guys really need to school David.

JB: I didn’t know the first name. I just thought he was Danzig.

[Kristen Randall from Winds of Plague walks on the bus]

Kristen Randall: Hi!

Kristen actually knows what’s going on right now. She knows who Glenn Danzig is.

KR: Glenn Danzig. Misfits.

DD: I’ve never heard The Misfits in my life. I don’t give a fuck about those bands.

You never heard The Misfits? This is bad news bears. Are you looking up a picture of Glenn Danzig?

LM: No, I’m trying to get Gorgoroth still.

Okay I got one more for you, and if you don’t know who the fuck this is, then no more Jager for you. Either a sack of potatoes or Dino Cazares?

JB: Mash the potatoes.

DD: Who’s that?

LM: Fear Factory. He’s a giant Mexican.

DD: Am I supposed to know all these bands?

Yes you are.

DD: I don’t care. Does anyone here care about fucking band names?

JB: We officially don’t give a fuck about these people you are naming.

Oh my god, you’re killing me.

LM: Alright, if you took the potatoes and mashed them into something softer, that’s the best option.

DD: I would place my sack on top of it and mash it down.

JB: I found Gorgoroth!

DD: Let me see it.

LM: Right there dude.

Alright, one or two more questions and then you guys can be on your way and do whatever you got to do, probably smoke, I’m going to assume.

DD: Nice.

Which band or person constantly did super crazy shit while you were on tour, and can you think of a specific event?

CL: So on our first tour ever, we got invited to this girl’s mansion.

Where at?

CL: It was her parents’ mansion.

LM: It was in California.

JB: Northern California.

CL: Her parents owned a pet shop, but that’s beside the fact. So we were playing with a bunch of lizards and stuff.

LM: There’s a huge open bar, so we were all getting wasted.

CL: There’s a giant open bar too in this mansion. So we’re letting all the pets loose with snakes crawling everywhere. I ended up naked and passed out, and I wake up drawn on.

DD: She wrote 7-8-6-1 on his dick.

CL: I wake up to “Oh my god you have a small dick.”

JB: Really, he’s like “What the fuck?”

CL: “Why are you even looking at me? Where am I?” So I fucking choked her out.

Wait, she said you had a small dick so you choked her?

DD: He full on grabbed her.

What happened to the lizards?

DD: Who cares?

LM: This was all one night.

JB: He grabbed her by the neck and we thought he was going to slam her down.

LM: Pretty sure she was crying.

CL: Then we got kicked out.

DD: Then her dad walks in the house in the next morning, and we’re like, “We gotta go.”

So you’re basically confessing to a crime?

DD: Yes. You wanted some crazy shit, you got the right band.

I still want to know about the lizards and shit, because that’s the craziest part besides you choking out a chick.

CL: They had these exotic lizards in the garage in these drawers, and so we opened them all up.

Was this after a show or did you guys just…

DD: We met these girls at a show.

CL: We were at this church venue that was fucking lame. We played and they invited us over. That was it.

LM: She was like, “Don’t drink my parents’ Goldschlager.” There were suits of armor around the house.

That’s it? As far as tours go, any of the bands that you’ve been with, does anybody do anything crazy?

CL: There’s crazy shit that happens every day.

LM: It happens every day. It’s just too much to name.

DD: You almost forget about it.

LM: Yeah, you almost forget about all the crazy shit because there’s always something crazier the next day.

Have you guys ever gotten hurt?

LM: Of course. Who hasn’t?

Broken any bones or anything that has prevented you from playing?

DD: You get cuts and bruises and shit, but that’s about it.

How many women do you get… Average. How many women do you sleep with?

LM: Dry bus.

Oh, I do not believe that. The bus might be dry, but where else do you go? Give a guestimate? Per tour, how many women do you get with?

DD: Zero.

You’re smiling.

JB: We try. It just doesn’t happen.

I do not believe you.

LM: Come on tour and fucking believe it. My girlfriend came out yesterday, so other than that, it’s the same girl. Girls on the road, if they’re going to get to know you enough to fuck you in one night, then they probably got to know a lot of other guys and fucked them in one night.

Oh, so you have some sort of moral thing going on then.

JB: We’re young and we don’t want to catch anything, you know?

Most bands are young and just want to fuck anything that moves. You guys are kind of the opposite of that.

JB: Yeah.

DD: We’re kind of just fucked up people who want to find one person.

Wow, that’s really emo.

DD: Yeah.

LM: I’m wearing girl pants if you didn’t notice.

Are they legitimately women’s pants?

LM: Hell no. I’m just kidding you.

They are nut huggers.

LM: I’m a pizza eater. I’m growing outward.

DD: Girls fuck us. We don’t fuck them.

Should I send women to the bus for you guys while I’m out there?

CL: Yeah.

If I send a woman to the bus tonight, a chick, let’s find a girl more your age.

DD: Like three chicks. That are hot.

Would you at least mess around with them?

JB: I don’t know. If they’re down. If you found them.

DD: No, they would mess around with us.

JB: Yeah.

DD: We’d be sitting there, but they’d be messing around

So there’s been no crazy multiple dudes, multiple chicks type thing?

CL: There was this one time that this girl came on the bus, and she got naked and walked to the back lounge and came back up here. No one did anything.

JB: She took her pants and dropped them. There’s just pussy in everyone’s face – hanging lips.

And you did nothing?

JB: No one wanted to fuck her.

DD: Are you kidding? That’s gross, dude. You’re not going to fuck that girl.

LM: You would do the same if a guy did that.

Yeah, but dicks aren’t sexy. Or was she kind of…

JB: She was a little sagging.

DD: These girls were too forward.

LM: Sagging bagging bare…

DD: They were like 30.

They were 30?

DD: They were old women and were just too drunk.

JB: Born of Osiris likes old women. 40 plus cougars.

Now I know what I’m looking for out there.

DD: Send all the old ladies this way! Where the cougars at?

Do you guys have anything that you want to say to everybody at MetalSucks and to all your fans?

JB: Metal does suck.

LM: Metal really sucks.

DD: Metal sucks.

CL: And we’re here to prove that to you.

-AG