MetalSucks

Winds of Plague = really good people. Not only did they know their shit, they also had a sense of humor that wasn’t consistent with that of an inbred southern hick. Vocalist Johnny Plague can bench-press 5,000 lbs a day and keyboardist Kristen Randall may or may not be into making out with chicks – maybe I read too far into some things she said, or maybe I just automatically assume everyone is gay until proven straight, or maybe I just was hoping to make-out with Kristin because, let me tell you, she is pretty smokin’ in person. As a matter of fact, there isn’t one unattractive person in the band. That has nothing to do with their music, and everything to do with being horny. All the time.

ANYWAYS, Johnny’s idea (which may or may not have been plagiarized) for The Great Stone War is pretty nifty. Yeah, it’s yet ANOTHER concept album. But from what I have heard thus far, it’s a solid fucking record. If you weren’t a fan of Decimate The Weak, do yourself a favor and check out The Great Stone War.  If for some reason you’re not into it, at least you have a bunch of sweet artwork from the album sleeve to peep at from time to time.

For the most part, these guys (and gal) are going to be pretty busy the rest of 2009. Rumor has it they will be touring with Unearth in November, so make sure to keep an eye out for an official press release. Below is my slightly awkward interview.

P.S. – Enough with the WOP basketball jerseys. Please. That shit needs to stop. Seriously, this is just silly already.

Alright, introduce yourselves.

Johnny Plague:    Jon!

Kristen Randall:    Kristen.

What do you play?

KR:    Keyboards.

JP:    Sing.

Andrew Glover:    I’m Andrew, and I play bass.

Nick Piunno:    I’m Nick, and I play guitar.

Nick Eash:    I’m Hector, and I play guitar, too.

Let’s start off a little bit serious.  What has been the most destructive strain on the band thus far and what was the end result?

JP:    [Former drummer] Jeff Tenney stealing a lot of money from us… now we have a way better drummer.

Can you elaborate?

JP:    He stole a lot of money, and Nick caught him.  Then we got Art [Cruz], who is our new drummer.  He is way better.

Is that all you have to add to the situation?

JP:    He plays the drums much better.

So there is nothing else besides this?

JP:    What do you mean?

NE:    What do you want to know?

What has put a strain on the band.

NE:    He does cocaine [laughs].

Everybody does cocaine?

NE:    Jeff does cocaine.

That’s not a “strain,” necessarily.

JP:    He used to get really drunk and cover himself in beer and then go pass out in the van.  The rest of us had to fucking live in it. Now we have Art that kind of smells still but not nearly as… well, smells in a different way.

Like?

JP: Like, in an old man who doesn’t wash his hair kinda way [laughs].

NE:    He doesn’t brush his teeth.  What’s it called?  Gingivitis.  He has gingivitis.

No, halitosis.  Beautiful.  Just by the promo off of your album, The Great Stone War, which is out…

JP:    August 11th.

It kind of seems like a concept album.

JP:    It is.

Is it?

JP:    Yep. Good assumption.

What’s the story behind it?

JP:    The apocalypse.

Come on, dude. Elaborate.

JP:    Sure.  The Great Stone War is the theory that the world is going to end with a war that is fought with stone and not modern technology.

And where did this come from?

JP:    My awesome brain.

So there isn’t any sort of historical reference at all?

JP:    No, so historians can’t pick me apart because I made it up.

Seriously?

JP:    Yes.

NE:    You have no idea if the Stone War is made up.

JP:    Yeah, it is.

NE:    No, because they would say World War III would end all wars and the next war would be fought with stones.

JP:    Find it, because I haven’t seen it.

KR:    Are you plagiarizing? [laughs]

JP:    Maybe I read it a long time ago and then plagiarized it subconsciously.  I don’t know.

Who did your artwork by the way?

JP:    Par Olofsson. He ripped it off from some local band [laughs].

Liar.

JP:    I’m just kidding.  We get that a lot, though.

Because it’s fucking awesome.  That shit is brutal.

JP:    Thank you.

It’s very detailed.  Are you guys trying to tell a story in the artwork?

NE:    Our face tells a story.

Your face tells a story?  Is that what you’re trying to say?

NE:    Yeah.

That is beautiful.

JP:    It’s just the concept of a war, of good and evil sides, obviously.

That’s interesting.  It’s definitely very cool.  The way that I found out about you guys was surfing through MySpace, and your artwork is sort of bringing back artwork to metal.  It got really lost.

JP:    Yeah, it did.

You know for the whole MP3 digital age, the idea of album artwork is just dead, and I really think that you guys are doing a good job about bringing it back and telling a story with it.  It’s definitely appreciated.  Are you trying to do that?

JP:    What we’re trying to do is to trick metalheads into buying our album.  Then they get it, and they’re like, “What is this shit?  What is this poser shit?” [laughs] Y’know?

To date, what tour or gig has really made you step back and realize how far you’ve gotten and where you are going as a band?

NE:    Danzig at the Gibson Amphitheater.

Why?

JP:    Because their parents cried when they saw it, because it was so big.

I don’t think I’ve ever been there.

NE:    It’s like a 6,700 person capacity amphitheater.

And when was this?

NE:    October.

[At this point, a whole bunch of shit gets said that we can't re-print for fear of being sued. - Ed.]

What’s your favorite color?

NE:    Brown.

Because you can’t shit on the bus, so it gets you excited?

NE:    I shit on the bus all the time.

You’re not allowed to.

JP:    You have to poop in a bag.

NE:    You have to poop in the bag and throw it out that window right there.

KR:    Brown bagging it.  You gotta brown bag it.

So you gotta put the bag over the toilet and then shit in the bag?

NE:    Yeah, and then you throw it in another bag so there’s no drippage.  It’s called “The Bag of Shame.”

JP:    Bag of shame!

KR:    Bag of shame!

Didn’t Dave Matthews get in trouble for, like, dumping all of their waste off at some point in time?

JP:    Yeah, they dumped their waste.

KR:    In Chicago, on a boat with people.

Oh yeah! They were going over a bridge, and they dumped it off when they were going over the bridge and it landed on a ferry.  So you guys don’t do that right?

KR:    No.

Okay that’s good.  What in the industry has pissed you guys off that you didn’t expect when you were getting into it?

NE:    Being called a deathcore band [laughs].

Why does that piss you off?  Do labels piss you off?

NE:    Know what pisses me off?  Realizing the ignorance of human beings.

Meaning…

NE:    Dumb, close-minded, stupid fucking people.

In the industry… those are the people that piss you off?

NE:    No, [people] in the world.

So getting into the industry, you’ve realized that there are stupid people in the world?

NE:    Yes.

What about being on tour?

NE:    That’s what I’m saying.

JP:    I hate promoters taking customer merch.  I think that’s really fucking stupid.

Promoters take merch?

JP:    Yeah, because when you think about how much we actually make…

I thought that’s what you guys made your money off of?

NE:    Exactly, by the time we got our money, everyone else has made…

JP:    More than we have.

So do you guys make a decent amount per record sale?

JP:    No.

KR:    No.

JP:    Like a dollar [laughs].

Like a dollar split amongst you all?

JP:    Six ways.

A dollar split six ways.

NE:    Don’t let these Nike shorts fool you.

I was going to say, dude, you’re high branded.  There is actually a strip mall over here.

NE:    Strip club?

Strip mall.

NE:    Strip club?

Strip club.  Yes!  Only about five minutes away if you guys are up to party.

JP:    Seriously?

Seriously.

JP:    Alright, let’s do it!

It’s called the Vu, like in “deja vu.”  Oh yeah, THE trashiest of the trash.

JP:    We took Nick there for his birthday.

Not to the one here.

NE:    Not the one here.

JP:    Oh, I’m sorry, “Frankie” or whatever his name is today.

NE:    It’s “Hector.”

You guys are killing me.  You got to help me out here.  Give me something.

JP:    His name is Nick, and he’s really fucking weird and he likes to call himself “Hector.”

For what reason?

NP:    We’re both Nicks, so we’re trying to differentiate ourselves.

So you can’t be Nick 2?

JP:    It’s like “Nick” and “Hector.”

Back on track.  What newer band has gotten you guys excited?

JP:    After the Burial.

NP:    “New” meaning “up and coming” that we’re excited about?

Not necessarily “new” as in “up and coming,” but “new” as in they are getting big and on tour.

NE:    Metallica.

JP:    Metallica [laughs].

They have potential…

JP:    After the Burial.

NE:    After the Burial is sweet.

JP:    They’re like the tightest band on the tour.

Have you guys toured with them before?

JP:    Yeah, we toured with them last year.  We actually played here with them last year too.

NE:    They were the band that broke the stage last year.

Okay, explain.

NE:    They just had a crazy set and the whole stage got ripped down.

What?

NE:    The barrier got pushed over and a security guard died.

NP:    Then we threatened to burn a church [laughs].

Just like Gaahl.

NE:    Then we made good on it.

Then you fucked a bunch of women afterward, right?

NE:    No.

NP:    Kristen might have.

Did you?

KR:    Yeah.

NP:    Kristen fucked a bunch of women.

KR:    Whatever.

NP:    We didn’t have Art yet.

What’s the worst idea any of you have ever had while trying to have fun on tour?

KR:    The worst idea?

NE:    Cutting your finger off?

JP:    That wasn’t trying to be fun.

NE:    Virginia Beach?

NP:    Oh yeah.

JP:  We had the day off with… who was it?

NP:    Born of Osiris.

JP:    Born of Osiris, in our first legit tour ever and their first tour ever.  We were in Virginia Beach just met some random girls.  They let us stay in their nice ass hotel room on the beach.  We decided to take it over.

NE:    We flooded their hotel room.

JP:    We flooded the hotel room.  They had a hot tub in the hotel room, we turned it on and never shut it off so it just flooded the hotel room.  Cameron peed in the girls’ suitcase, and then we’re all just starting to mellow out and crash out and then there’s a big explosion in the hotel.  It turns out that somebody lit one of those mortar fireworks.

Like the shells?

NP:    Our old drummer, who we kicked out for stealing money from us.

JP:    Yeah, lit the mortar and threw it down the hallway.  It just went off, and within five minutes, the S.W.A.T team, the Coast Guard and everything is at the hotel.  I’m dead tired and go to the elevator.  It opens up and four S.W.A.T team dudes come out with guns pointed at me.  That was cool.

NP:    But we got away with it.

Dude, that’s ridiculous.  Did you guys get charged for any of the damages?

NP:    No, they didn’t know it was us.

JP:    I guess they do now.

So he wasn’t in the hotel room when that happened?

NP:    We had fireworks in our van.  He grabbed one and shot it.  He put it in a planter of a tree and just lit it off.  The whole sky lit up because it was one of those ridiculously loud ones.

Anything that leaves the ground, at least in Michigan, is illegal.  Everything has to sit on the ground.  You have to go to Ohio to get your good fireworks.

JP:    He did the really manly, cool thing – he lit it and then hid underneath the bench in the van.

Totally brutal.

JP:    Then he let us sit there and take the blame. Pretty out of character for him really [laughs].

Obviously.

NP:    If you want to know anything else about him, just let us know.

Oh, you guys can go on and on.

NP:    Well, we weren’t going to say anything ever because we were supposed to get reimbursed for all this money he stole from us, but his mom turned out to be a backstabbing whore [laughs]. And she said that if we said anything she wouldn’t give us our money back.  Well she never gave us our money back so now… And he called one night drunk as a skunk confessing to everything he did.  We recorded it.  So we have the voice recording of it.

So why aren’t the authorities not involved in this?

JP:    Because now we get to talk shit about him all we want.

NP:    We get to keep his royalties, and if he ever complains we’re like “Oh yeah?  Oh yeah, Jeff?”

So what did his mom have to do with this?

NP:    She was trying to moderate the whole situation I guess.

JP:    She should have sent him to rehab, but instead he’s still getting drunk…

NE:    And doing cocaine.

JP:    And doing cocaine.

He’s on cocaine!

NP:    He got a DUI when he was 20 and now he has a brand new Charger.  Go figure.

JP:    Because that makes sense.

NE:    She’s a really good parent.

So he’s a trust fund baby is what you’re trying to say?

NP:    No, it’s like his uncle is rich and pays for everything, like  their house.

That’s fucking classy.

JP:    Yeah, he’s a great guy.

Clearly.

JP:    A class act.

NP:    Make sure to put that on there.

JP:    It makes us feel better about him backstabbing us after him being our friend and brother for the last six years.

Well, give me other guilty pleasures.  Tell me some of your guilty pleasures that people would really be surprised about.

JP:    Being fans of the Millionaires.

And who are the Millionaires?

NP:    That would be Andrew’s guilty pleasure.

NE:    That new song is really catchy.

KR:    They’re a group of girls.

JP:    Three really cute Asian girls.

Oh, they’re Asian?

JP:    I don’t know what the fuck they are.  It’s just the most ignorant dance shit that I ever heard, and it makes me laugh.

Oh!

JP:    Seal, that’s a good one.

NE:    We love Seal, yeah. I’ll tell the world I love Seal.

JP:    Yeah, that’s true.

NE:    I’ll scream it on the mountain top.

Seal’s awesome though.  Do you have anything that’s on your iPod that you may not have downloaded yourself but you find yourself listening to?

NP:    Boyz II Men.

JP:    I fall asleep to Bach cello suites every night.

That’s not guilty.

JP:    I’m not guilty.

That’s not guilty at all.  What about beyond music that you might not consider guilty because you like it so much, but people might give you shit for it?

JP:    I watch the Home and Garden Network a lot.

NE:    That’s not guilty.

JP:    Yeah, that’s not guilty.

NE:    It’s a good fucking channel.

High fives by the way.  What’s your favorite show on Home and Garden?

JP:    Design on a Dime.

What about Curb Appeal?

JP:    Is that with the gay Asian guy?  No that’s Color Splash.  Color Splash is good.

I got something I’m a little self conscious about.  I can bench press 5,000 pounds ten times.  It’s part of my life.

Why are you guilty about that?

JP:    I don’t know.

Why would people give you shit?

NE:    Because he can bench press 5,000 pounds but cannot open the front fucking door [laughs].

That door is heavy.  Nobody else though?  No generic pop?  No Lady Gaga?

JP:    Oh!

NE:     [fake southern accent] I got some of that Lady Gaga.

JP:    Direct quote from our bus driver.

NE:    [fake southern accent] I’ll tell you that I don’t give a shit about no Behemoth, but I got Lady Gaga.

Is there is somebody on this bus at some point in time that likes Lady Gaga?

JP:    Our bus driver who you would think only listen to Willie Nelson and Lynyrd Skynyrd busted out with this party disc that has Soulja Boy.

Were you guys the ones who went to Catholic school?

JP:    Yes, and our old drummer that we grew up with.

He who must not be named.  Very Harry Potter style.

JP:    Jeffrey Scott Tenney.

Did that Catholic high school thing have anything to do with the influence in your music?

JP:    It’s where we met each other.

But did that have anything to do with your music at all?

NP:    Say “yes” and it’ll make us sound smart.

JP:    My thing is that we took a world religion class ,and you learn about all these different religions and all these crazy people that follow these religions.  You’re like, “Wow, everyone is crazy in the world.”

So did it pull you away?  Was it your choice to go to Catholic school?

JP:    Not at all, but I loved it.  Father Peter Cronin, my English teacher, the only man that has made me cry.

NP:    Priest.

JP:    Made me cry in class.

NP:    Threw a desk at him.

JP:    I don’t know why – I didn’t do my homework or something.  He’s just an intense fucking dude.  He’s a really nice old man.  He did the narration on our new CD.

Oh, so he’s the one talking on the promo?

JP:    Yes.

Very good choice.  It is quite epic I have to say.

JP:    Thank you, my idea.

Very good choice.  So you guys are obviously not a Christian band.

JP:    I mean some might say that I guess.

You are then is that what you’re trying to say?

JP:    Some might say that.

Some might say that?  Would you say that your music has a religious influence?

JP:    Is the Jedi Way a religion?

KR:    Or a lack thereof.

So that would be a negative?

JP:    Yes.

So going to Catholic school taught you guys that all religions are pretty much the same and everybody is kind of…

JP:    No, they’re not the same.  They taught us how they work and how they’re obviously not the same.  Some of them took one idea and made it their own, I guess, in some sense.  It just made you see that obviously, all these people aren’t right.  I don’t know.  It makes you kind of think.

Everybody kind of does their own thing so you don’t really have a preference at this point?

JP:    Oh no, we’re not religious whatsoever.  I’m just kidding you.

NP:    We’re apathetic.

-AG