TOP 5 (ACTUALLY 6 OR 7) SONGS THAT I WOULD PROBABLY USE AS MY STRIPPER SONG
Thursday, July 30th, 2009 at 3:00pm by Axl RosenbergLast week, Elise at Reign in Blonde wrote a piece entitled “TOP 5 SONGS I WOULD PROBABLY USE AS MY STRIPPER SONG.”
Improbably enough, this led to a stoned think-session where I came up with a list of the top five songs I would probably use as my own stripper song. ‘Cause I know you all wanna see me strip so badly.
Okay, here we go:
5) SHADOWS FALL, “REDEMPTION”
This isn’t my favorite Shads song of all time or anything – but goddamn is the riff underneath verse a dirty stripper riff if ever there was one. And the way it’s played… so slinky… someone’s been listening to Mick Mars.
4) ALICE COOPER, “POISON”
This is probably a huge cliché. I think I saw a stripper use this on Robin Byrd once when I was a kid and Robin Byrd’s public access show was my only means of seeing a naked woman. Yeah, it was either this or “Feed My Frankenstein.” It might have been “Feed My Frankenstein.” I actually might have imagined it all. Anyways, I still think it’d be a good song to get naked to.
3) CANNIBAL CORPSE, “FUCKED WITH A KNIFE”
This would, in fact, be a horrible song to strip to. The tempo is just all wrong. I only included it to be disgusting. Sorry.
ACTUAL 3) ALICE IN CHAINS, “SUNSHINE”
Elise chose “Angry Chair,” but I think this is a way sexier AIC riff. Probably because the band was still borderline-hair metal looking and were opening for Poison and shit.
Don’t look at me like I’m lying, fuckers. Check the liner notes to Poison’s Open Up and Say… Ahh! live album. AIC were support on one of those tours. Those were weird times.
2) MR. BUNGLE, “THE GIRLS OF PORN”
Okay, so stripping to a song about porn is probably kind of a cliché, even if they lyrics are about hardcore. Still, this song is awesome: Mike Patton’s vocals are awesome, the lyrics are funny (and I’ve only come to appreciate them more as I’ve gotten older and more sexually depraved), and even if you don’t think that the lyrics are funny, the music is just so goddamn good… it’s like the best soundtrack to 70s porn ever. By a longshot. And it rocks.
And, oh yeah, it’s about sex. Just sayin’.
1) GUNS N’ ROSES, “ROCKET QUEEN”
This song infamously features Steven Adler’s girlfriend having an orgasm, which was recorded in the studio as she got fucked by Axl Rose. Yes, Axl was really, really good to his bandmates even then. One of the engineers is even credited as the “fucking” engineer. Most people think that’s some kind of joke, but, no, the guy recorded Axl fucking Stevie’s woman.
Anyways, even if it didn’t have an actual recording of an actual woman either actually having or at least doing a decent job faking an orgasm, this song would be sexy as all hell. I mean, the lyrics are clearly all about sex (at least for the first half), and, again, this is like the filthiest band of all time playing one of the filthiest riffs of all time, back when they were actually at their all-time filthiest. And it provides you with a big finish. ‘Cause when you’re stripping, you need a big finish.
BONUS SONG: LIVING COLOUR, “BI”
I’m not actually bi. But I wanna increase my tips, y’know?
Good God, y’all, I am one hot piece of ass.
Don’t be a pussy. Choose your own five metal stripper songs in our comments section below.
-AR
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCOIprVzWvI
I just threw up in my mouth. A lot.
I know a song that I’ve heard at the club before was Tool’s “Aenima”. Seems to be popular with the ladies.
the only song that i can actually recall being played while i had a lap dance was firehouse’s dont walk away.
damn, i just realized that was 18 years ago.
I’m sorry, but the only thing that comes to mind is the Goodbye Horses scene from Silence of the Lambs.
lol
You sir, have won.
Most Rob Zombie songs would be fantastic to strip to. Also, Freak Kitchen’s “Appetizer.”
Yea, Dragula.
Faith No More – Edge of the World
Good call on Mr Bungle….fucking classic.
“Girls who eat your pee and poo! Guys who love to fuck your shoe!”
Mr. Brownstone by GNR would be a good song to strip too. In fact, I know how I’m going to spend my evening now.
What about the obvious: LOVE/HATE Spinning Wheel
Atheist- Enthralled in Essence from the opening riff to the end this song is just full of hooks and groove
Black Sabbath – The Wizard
Hacride – Zambra yes I know its a cover but that song is also fucking groovy and it has an exotic Spanish lady singing in it
Cacophony- Stranger “I’m a stranger in your dreams” with a chorus like that do I need to explain anymore?
Strapping Young Lad- Satan’s Ice Cream Truck
Strangely, I’ve been ruminating a bit on this same topic recently. Weird.
Meshuggah–New Millennium Cyanide Christ
SYL–Far Beyond Metal
Immortal–Call of the Wintermoon (and I’d imitate the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VBdAY8eA9w)
Ulver–In the Red
Anaal Nathrakh–Oil Upon the Sores of Lepers
Pantera – Walk
Megadeth – Symphony of Destruction
Danzig – She Rides
Metallica – Seek and Destroy
Prong – Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck.
I’m intentionally avoiding more obvious mainstream bands like White Zombie or Marilyn Manson, and all the hair metal bands. This is coming from a strip club DJ’s perspective.
How are any of those bands not obviously mainstream?
+1
By “more obvious mainstream bands” I think he’s referring to mainstream bands that would be obvious choices for stripper music; this is instead of discussing whether or not the band is mainstream.
Right, ’cause Metallica isn’t mainstream at all.
Nine Inch Nails-With Teeth
Nightingale-Nightfall overture
Vehemence-Kill for God
Hypocrisy-All Turns Black
Ministry-Piss
I’m gonna put this out there, even though it’ll get flak, I guaren-goddamn-tee it’s a great stripper song.
ETID-’The New Black’
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2m8wnE3c8M
Now that is a rip-your-clothes-off vibe, people.
Nine Inch Nails – Closer …. mwahaha
NIN has a bunch of stripper worthy songs, Closer being an obvious one.
Just about everything off of Broken could work and that album is also the most metal of all their shit.
Slayer – Here comes the pain
Cancer Bats – Lucifers rocking chair
got a lap dance to both…and they both ruled.
omg that gotta be one freaky chick..
Clutch – Spacegrass (I once knew a stripper who danced to this song… that was my introduction to Clutch.)
Rammstein – Stripped (Appropriate, and it works pretty well, too. Same stripper previously mentioned also favored this song.)
Nine Inch Nails – Capital G (Closer is the obvious choice… probably too obvious. I’d also throw Only in there.)
The Sword – To Take The Black (It’s got a great groove to it.)
Primus – To Defy The Laws Of Tradition (Just because I think it would be awesome to see someone strip to Primus.)
So Axl does this mean we will be seeing you strip any time soon?
so axl just came out of the closet…
sorta…
Nebula – Do It Now
Blue Oyster Cult – Godzilla
Deep Purple – Space Truckin’
Mudhoney – Sonic Infusion
Thin Lizzy – Waiting For An Alibi
Toadies – Hell In High Water
If my girlfriend were to strip to Ocean Planet, I would be so happy
Not really metal, but I’m thinking Faith No More – Edge of The World.
Perfect stripper song if you’re a pedophile.
Hands down…
waking the cadaver – pigtails r 4 facefukkin
Dragula – Rob Zombie
Either Te Quiero Puta or Feuer Frei – Rammstein
Freak on a Leash – Korn
On March The Saints – Down
Demon Cleaner – Kyuss
I’ve thought about stripping to Halo by Machine Head.
and i think you have become my favorite stripper….that’s saying if you where a said “stripper”
QOTSA- Little Sister
Kylesa- Scapegoat
HELLYEAH- Alcohaulin Ass
Motley Crue- Piece of Your Action
Judas Priest- Electric Eye
Motorhead – Born to Raise Hell
Judas Priest – Evil Fantasies
Tesla – Makin’ Magic
Whitesnake – Cheap and Nasty
Prince – 319
Nobody writes music for strippers anymore. It’s a goddamn shame.
thats funny cuz i was listening to a perfect circles “magnalena” today and thinking “this would a perfect strip club song…”
Helmet- unsung
The Abominable Iron Sloth – Parasite Hilton and Other Flaws Inherent to Wealth
John-5 – Dead Art In Plainfield
Sculptured-Bodies Without Organs
Sheavy- One of Us Must Be Dead
brown noise by the acacia strain, just thrust your knob at the crowd, the whole time. BUNG! BUNG! BUNG!
Tool – Eulogy
Monster Magnet- Third Alternative (better for lap dance)
Qotsa – little sister
Primus – To Defy The Laws Of Tradition
Nightstalker- The line
I saw a stripper in London, Ontario dance to Christian Woman by Type O Negative. It was PERFECT
Dope isn’t very talented, but their song “Bitch” is perfect for stripping
Word on the street is mine would have to be Tool’s “Hooker with a Penis”
But you didn’t hear that from me.
Girls Go Choppin – Lordi…. it doesnt get any gayer then that!
Bloodbath – Eaten.
No question.