This grammatically/temporally challenged rule seems particularly biased toward those who possess time machines:

“All your stories must be turned in on Thursday, August 6 to be readied for publication.”

Because you’re advertising winds of plague.

You suck because there is currently a side banner ad depicting a man in nothing but boxer briefs and the tightest t-shirt I’ve ever seen. I saw a dude grab another dudes package at work last night and that ad is seriously more gay than that.

if I win I intend on submitting nothing, because the nothing I write is more informative and relative to the metal community than any of the articles that appear here on a daily basis

1) Your consistent bashing of Metallica tends to be tedious as times. Might I suggest ripping on Slayer more often, a band that plays the same song over and over again and has a douchebag for a guitar player?
2) Your tendency to praise bands such as God Forbid and iwrestledabearonce when they are, respectively, only worthy of “good” status and borderline cliche?
3) The reason why Five Finger Death Punch gets so much hate? … Oh wait, that’s because they’re Five Finger Death Punch, not because of you guys, sorry.
4) The 21st Best Albums… So Far. Need I say more?
5) Random and often times pointless lists. The Pig Destroyer one was justified but a few of them are posted just so you guys can say “LOLZ ATREYU USES AUTOTUNE! WE SURE SHOWED THEM!”
6) Allowing Dallas Coyle to give his views on anything. Oh, and no offense Dallas, but “Coyle Media” sounds kind of gay. :/
7) Your constant repeating of the word “y’all”. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the site was run by Jeff Foxworthy… I guess that would explain the random lists (“YA MIGHT BE A METAL-HAY-EAD IF…”).

That’s really all I can think of.

seriously, a day of metal news without the left-wing jew media reporting would be a breath of fresh air.

You all just want an unscheduled paid holiday, don’t you? Bastards. “We’ll make a contest, and the winners get to do our job, but not get paid for it, while we do nothing, and get paid for it! Fucking brilliant! Now, who the fuck bought mids? Motherfuckers, you know I said Afghan kush…”

I think you mankers should have to post as commenters on the winner’s stories, like us dumb sons of bitches do on all your inane “i sucked more ifuckedacarebear’s cock last night!” articles.

This site sucks because you guys fixate on bands that are horrible. There is little to no mention of solid, brutal bands, only shitty core bands who are popular right now. The writers are clearly fat geeks who never get laid and brag about smoking weed because they think maybe people won’t notice that they are the same fat dorks who played D&D in high school and got their asses beat everyday. Chimera is not a good band. Opeth is not a good band. Who gives a fuck about what fear factory is doing, they haven’t wrote a good album since demanufacture. You guys need to stop mentioning every fucking core band that comes out. They are all horrible and will not be around in 2 years. Tool sucks. No one cares about them.

You suck because you actually opened a discussion up for the haterade mafia to tell you why you suck. Talk about masochistic.

Lambgoat is way better.

Stop Whining and stop making lists wtf is wrong with you people doing what we all hate damn contradicting pricks. Just take a lok at what you’ve done to the fans of this site they are all list making pussies thinking they hold the book of commandments at hand and they have some sort of power when they get their asses kicked by middle school kids. But on top of all that why is there a Daath story every fucking day? Maybe there should be a Daath section so we can just forward all of their stories to that so I don’t have to see that constipated expression,another thing… oh shit I think I’m whining. Look at what you’ve done metalsucks staff you sick bastards.
Give me a shot at this and I will rape it in the ass with a corkscrew.

Is this a cry for help? Are you guys suffering from low self-esteem? You really don’t want to hear about how everyone hates your guts. You just want everyone to tell you how much they appreciate your hard work and devotion to true metal. I, for one, don’t hate you guys. I just dislike you very, very much. Honestly, I don’t know who 90% of the bands are you talk about on this site. You sometimes post pictures of the guys in the bands, but I couldn’t pick them out of a lineup, which is probably where they’ll be appearing next since most of the pictures look like they were taken out back behind a Denny’s at 3 in the morning. Actually, I don’t think you write about real bands at all. I mean, who would name their band iwrestledabearonce? That’s just stupid. I think you guys are just making all this shit up. But I keep coming back because your articles are slightly more humorous than most sites, I like to support the mentally disabled and I’m just really, really, really bored. If I’m forced to say something mean, I guess the only reason I hate your site is because you don’t spend enough time talking about the legendary bands of rock like: Bulletboys, Warrant, White Lion, Europe and Tuff. You know– the bands that will surely be inducted into the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame on the first ballot. And really, it’s about time you start talking about the good up n’ coming bands instead of wasting time writing about how great Metallica or Guns N’ Roses used to be. I don’t think you want to miss the boat when it comes to the Jonas Brothers, Tokio Hotel and Fall Out Boy. If you start now, in ten years you could proudly say you were with them from the beginning. Maybe a day off is what you need. Maybe, instead of getting drunk, giving each other proctology exams or jerkin it to Britney Spears upskirt pictures, you can spend that time re-evaluating what good music actually is then come back refreshed and eager to start writing about real bands that actually make a difference in this crazy, mixed up world we live in.

How can I possibly explain the plethora of ways in which MetalSucks absolutely sucks? Let’s start from the top. Wow, your website it called “Metal Sucks.” That would be really sweet and edgy if Primus hadn’t been saying they suck for twenty years. Underneath the title, you’ve posted something either vaguely offensive (I FUCKING HATE JEWS) or something so obscure no one knows what the fuck you’re talking about (REVRENT VS. ZILTOID). The first post on your website is by a guy named….Axl Rosenberg? You gotta be fuckin kidding me. Let me guess, your real name is something Saul Baruch Rosenberg and you thought you’d get laid at least once a year if you started going by Axl instead. So today you decided to post a picture of a seventeen year old kid, offering a reward to whoever can best describe how gay he looks. Real classy, I’m sure you have a smug sense of satisfaction sitting in front of your sweet comp, beer gut busting through your faded queensryche t-shirt, your man tits covered by the hair you haven’t cut or washed since you were 15. Sweet bro. Next up, a post by some guy from a band called Daath. My immediate response is who the fuck are Daath but I’ll read on. Apparently Mr.Daath would like us to know how sweet weed is. Great work. This guy posts on your website every fucking day, asking us retarded bullshit like do we like peanut butter or do we prefer foreign or american made cars. What the fuck do I care what the retards who read this piece of shit website think about The Dark Knight, and more importantly, why the fuck are they telling the guy from Daaaath? Next up is a list of top 25 albums of the past nine years. Mastodon and Lamb of God make up the first 24 and you give Slipknot the last spot. Good to know, I won’t waste my time with the 5,000 other random ass bands you are promoting on your website today. A couple of youtube clips of kids trying to play Avenged Sevenfold and sounding like shit, another post by Daaaaaaaath telling us how comfortable his new shoes are, and one more post from Axl telling us how sweet (insert band no one has ever fucking heard of) are, and we’ve reached the end of this horrible excuse for a website. I’m going to go kill myself, have a nice life fucktards.

Mental fucks run Metalsucks which is the general crux of why it fucking sucks.

You suck because any bong toking, butt-plug-squatting, golden-girl-masturbating, rectal-wart-infested, cock-pimple-sucking whore-monkey can run a word-press site better than a couple of dreidel spinning heebs wrapping their peckers around each others faces while giving each other reach-arounds as you play musical bungholes without the benefit of KY.

But I love you guys anyways!

Cheers!

If the database error was still going on I’d say I’d work on fixing that, damn mySQL errors piss me off (assuming standard LAMP infrastructure). Outside of that, I’d say equal coverage of bands there’s a lot more than the ones covered out there that deserve praise. If we want to continue the lists get some reader input and why they think an album deserved to be in the top 21 etc. There could be some random editorials from some of the readers because as we’ve all seen here that we all can be extremely opinionated but some of us can actually turn that opinion into a well thought out piece (regardless of whether or not you agree with the writer of said). If a *core band deserves mention that day, far be it from me for denying them the coverage, but there is more than some random *core band to cover. Possibly create some polls based on genre/band/”best album” – note the quotations, because frankly having to hear other peoples opinions is nice but once again its more interesting to hear what your “peers” think in my opinion. General ideas, nothing really ground breaking

Now why you suck – its just your opinions, granted that’s what a blog is about but some variety in the opinions we read about would be a much welcomed change.

You suck because you’re gay.

Metalsucks sucks because they are not true to themselves. Here we have a bunch of middle-aged jews running a website. Clearly these men have never seen a real woman naked at any point in their life. Yet instead of running the most vile pornographic site imagenable, the kind where they spent most of their time, they pretend that metal rules their life. Which also explains the name of the site, metal doesn’t suck gentleman, you wish. The sexual frustraion oozes out of everything they write. Not to mention the sexual frustration that oozes out of the comments left by their sorry readers. Who, I can imagine, (i don’t want to, but I can) violently masturbate over their own so called witty comments.

Now you might claim that there are already enough pornsites on the internet, to which I reply that there are already enough nonporn sites on the internet. Ofcourse you can’t watch porn on your work, that might cause some problems and therefore a nonporn site would be of some good. But only if it isn’t filled with embedded movies that are useless without sound, so you still can’t enjoy them at work. So not only is this site of sub-par quality it is totally and utterly useless!

Oooh, look at me, I’m MetalSucks! I steal all my news from Blabbermouth and then link to the St Petersburg Times so it looks like I did the legwork work mah-self! My contributors scoured the Metal Sludge message boards for cutesy hair-metal handles and threw “-berg” on the end so no one would notice! I “broke” the story about Cannibal Corpse’s guitarist becoming’ an Arizona golf pro last May, but acted like you hadn’t read the news back in 2006! I only write about bands with shitty deathcore breakdowns and Baroness artwork, and when I take the day off I make ya feel like I’m doing YOU a favor! Wheeeeee!

It’s August 18th…no finalists…