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Cinemetal

DEAR D. RANDALL BLYTHE: DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB

 Thursday, August 13th, 2009 at 1:00pm by

I love horror movies. Especially cheap-o horror movies. Sleepaway Camp is like my Citizen Kane; fuck, I even love Sleepaway Camp 2 & 3, where Bruce Springsteen’s kid sister, Pamela, played the killer.

So it says something that even I think that The Graves, a new horror film which will feature an appearance by Lamb of God’s Randy Blythe (here billed as “D. Randall Blythe”), looks like crap. I mean, I obviously really like all the cleavage at the start of the trailer, but otherwise, this looks just awful. Not funny-awful, like Sleepaway Camp, but awful-awful, like any Halloween movie that wasn’t directed by John Carpenter. In other words: VO work for Cradle of Filth is still the best thing Tony Todd has done in years.

Metal Insider – which is where I first saw this trailer – also has footage of an on-set interview with Blythe, where it’s revealed that he plays a deacon. Oh, the irony! I wonder if he eventually gets set on fire?

-AR

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  • http://www.youtube.com/user/agmkreptile FuckYourGayEmoHaircut

    “we’re off to the wilds of Arizona to find the world’s largest thermometer”

    what?

  • West Virginia

    those are some rockin titties

  • Seb

    haha looks pretty bad but am gonna see it anyway… go randy blythe!!!

    • metalguy

      thats why hes in it. they know its crap and most Log fans will probably watch it just for him

      • Seb

        yea true but still shit horror movies are pretty funny

  • dlux

    looks absolutely horrible. thought so when i first heard about it a long while ago too.

  • Shinaain

    Come on, Axl. You know you’re going to see it, anyway.

    IMO, horror movies ARE awful and that’s pretty much what I expect, regardless. The less seriously I can take whatever is going on, the better I like it. But then I STILL LMAO at “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.” It just never gets old. And Randy Blythe as a deacon? I’m there. (I don’t think this is what my mother had in mind when she was trying to get me back in to church, but still.)

    In the same vein, wonder what happened to that really awful-looking, super low-budget zombie flick Mick Thomson was in. THAT could have been fun…

  • xXxDarkfoxXx

    Whats up with the pig nosed guy?

    • Seb

      i thought he was great! he couldnt have been less scary. bless him

  • Johnny

    hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  • jtquake

    looks so bad it IS funny.

    i kept asking myself “is that a joke?” during the trailer.

    but i’ll undoubtedly see it when it comes out.

  • jason

    I am diametrically opposed to the use of CG blood and gore in horror movies. You simply cannot beat the visceral grit of the ol’ red dye #5 and Karo syrup splatter.

    • CrapMcPoopin

      I am too… but the problem is CG blood is cheaper than good looking fake blood.

      KNB are like the best, and one of the most expensive FX’s companies to work with.

      • jason

        Is KNB the company who did the VFX work for this? I just think if you’re gonna cheese it up, then you better just really go for it…ya know? Cronenberg these folks are not.

        • Santa Claus

          Cant we just go back to the good ‘ol days? When somebodys head blew up, sparks shot out.

  • deanerhead

    “In other words: VO work for Cradle of Filth is still the best thing Tony Todd has done in years.”

    Hey Axl, Tony Todd was in both seasons 3 and 7 of 24 (playing different characters no less). Season 6 was the worst season…just terrible. And yet I’d rather watch it in one combined sitting than listen to one song by COF.

  • dlux

    there is NO way this will be in theaters. the trailer screams direct to dvd.

  • Slender

    What the fuck….. Dude it looks so lame but I know i’m going to watch it just for Good’ole randy and I bet you all will.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    “I obviously really like all the cleavage at the start of the trailer”

    I dunno, there’s something about the way you stressed that with the “obviously” that screams “Axl is a flaming homosexual”…not that it was any big secret

    • nick

      1

  • DecrystallizingReason

    My only hope for this movie is that that chick’s shirt comes off.

  • Lady Death

    For some reason this trailer reminded me of this movie http://www.bitchslapmovie.com/

    If nothing else, more cleavage for Axl.

  • Justin

    Huh. I prefer Sleepaway Camp 2 to the first because I thought of the second one as a horror-comedy, while the first one was more of a straight up horror movie (with a twist at the end). I wouldn’t call Sleepaway Camp 1 “funny awful”.

  • Big Tricky

    I don’t know, that looks like it might be kinda funny-awful to me.

  • Sandy n Papo

    that priest is so metal!!, just listen to his voice…………….btw, what a crappy effects

  • Sam

    Candyman’s in this shit?