JUMPING DARKNESS PARADE: DAATH’S EYAL LEVI ON GUITAR CENTER
Thursday, August 13th, 2009 at 4:30pm by Eyal Levi
Who here likes going to Guitar Center? The Kmart of music supplies. Going there always pisses me off because I get some dude in a button up silk shirt with embroidered flames shooting up it trying to convince me how the latest Crate amp is gonna blow the roof off the house. I JUST NEED SOME STRINGS AND SOME PICKS. Why does everything there take so goddamn long? I swear, it takes me an average of forty-five minutes to just buy a pack of picks.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Guitar Center is a necessary evil. When you’re on the road and you run out of gear, well, there it is. Go getcha some. Back in the day they even gave a ten percent over-cost deal to signed artists. Which was fucking rad, considering how much money we would spend there. When you’re not making any money, and the little that does come in continually goes into the same place of business, then its nice to have a discount.
Well, that’s been discontinued, I hear because too many people were taking advantage of it. So it’s back to full price, for everyone which fucking blows. IF we’re making a $250 a night guaranteed, without our discount one small trip to Guitar Center can wipe out all our gas and food money. For picks and strings and an odd cable, which should cost us next to nothing. Considering we buy so many things from the same goddamn place all around the country.
Then there’s the noise factor. How many times can you listen to a thirteen year old playing an out of tune version of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” on a Fender Squire through a shitty practice amp? Or, better yet, rippin’ the solos to one very badly. Shit, Kirk Hammet could barely play them, what makes this acne ridden sperm factory think that he’s got a chance?
But hey, it’s for all of us to endure. I wonder how the people who work there deal with it. Do they tune it out? I guess they have to. But at first. When the job was new. And they had to deal with the endless racket of terrible musicians just hogging the gear. Did it drive them crazy? Did they reach a point where a submachine gun would have just made everything liveable again? Do they just smoke a bunch of weed and tune it out? Do they keep the eye on the prize and just think about that phat commission? Or did they pass the point of craziness to where they just don’t hear it anymore?
I’m trying to figure it out. Thirty minutes in that place and I’m ready to take out a McDonald’s. Families and all. Just to express my rage. How the fuck do you employees do it? I applaud you and commend you. You give us gear, you deal with the worst of the worst, you wear funny outfits, and you do it with a smile. Congrats!
-EL
If you don’t visit Daath on MySpace, Eyal is going to take out a McDonald’s. Families and all.
Oh, Eyal….
Flashback: Wayne’s World I – Dana Strum – HEY! No Stairway to Heaven.
It was Wayne that played the guitar
Yeah, but Dana Strum playing the salesman who yelled “HEY!” and then pointed at the sign, lol.
That was Dana Strum?! LOL, great; now I need to watch it again.
i heart dana strum. cool guy.
I’m really sorry that I’m about to rain on the parade, but here’s what Wikipedia had to say on the matter (from Dana Strum’s page):
“He is often mistaken for having a cameo in Wayne’s World as the guitar store clerk who stopped Wayne from playing “Stairway to Heaven”; the clerk is actually played by actor Eric Crabb.”
funny stuff, yet so true
Two Guitar Centers (one in Albuquerque and one in Lake Forest, CA) where I recently purchased a bunch of gear called me the other day and offered me a $20 gift card when I came back in. Needless to say I don’t live in the same states anymore bit I appreciated the gesture none-the-less.
I hear you though, going in for a “quick” errand is a pain in the ass. Some fucking kid in there the other day was playing the opening to “Nothing Else Matters” over and over and over…(you know the part where you finger pick it and you dont even have to hold any strings down) yeah I wanted to kill him
the employees vary from store to store.
the ones at the guitar center by me at west palm are for the most part very helpful.
but i’ve heard guitar center employees elsewhere act like know it all pricks.
the Metallica thing also confuses me. I mean if you’re a beginner shouldn’t you try something easier?
A lot of Metallica riffs are relatively easy to play.
I used to work at a GC. Those were dark days. I don’t know if it is still this way, but they were all commissioned salesmen back in my day. That means the dude selling you strings has to sell a lot of strings and junk to make any money. I really wanted to put up a “No smells like teen spirit no Fade to black” sign up. It’s true, they all play those songs.
What you need to know about GC is that the only people who work there long term are people who are good salesmen. So they usually are staffed by kids or musicians on the skids who don’t really know the gear they are selling or aren’t very good at selling.
Maybe your best bet is to use the googles to find a local guitar place instead of GC. Is there an app for that?
My (girl) friend just got an iPhone and has already found the vibrator app and the period tracker app. If you can’t find one for guitars and equipment, you’re not looking hard enough. Seriously.
Still holding out for Axl’s oral app…
I usually just use the online coupons and order it when they offer free shipping. When I do have to stop in, it’s usually for something insignificant like a new slide or picks, and the employees aren’t too much trouble. More often than not they’re pretty helpful, they hardly ever seem too desperate to make a sale. I would say a typical trip to GC lasts 5-10 minutes at the most with little hassle in that time. Plus being in for so short a time means I can usually tolerate the noise level.
i chart my course when i go there. in and out. strings and picks and out the door. we have a “b squad” style guitar center. meaning the nicest gear they have is like a fender strat and it’s about 20 feet in the air on the wall so you can’t play it. nothing but solid state marshalls, shitty low-end dean dimebag guitars, and lots and lots of jacksons and squiers. pathetic.
My biggest problem with GC is the shitty music they play on the PA (and too loud too), so if you’re trying out an amp on the floor, you have to struggle to hear it. Or maybe that’s just the GC in my area.
I always feel SO AWKWARD in a GuitarCenter, it’s like a bad trip or something! I just wanna scream “SHUT THE FUCK UP AGGGGGGGHSHGHSGHGHHGHGGAAAAAGHH SHIT FUCKER!!!!”
But thanks for the post, glad I’m not the only one…
My trips to GC are usually shitty. My local one is one of the ones where the employees are jerk off, know nothing douchebags. Example, I usually just go in for odds and ends but I’ll usually peruse the guitars also. So, one time this sales guy comes walking up, “Is there something you’d like to try out?”
“Not unless you have a stock of lefty guitars hidden somewhere,” was my reply. I know they don’t. I’m used to them not having any lefty guitars. That’s why I only PERUSE.
“Well, you should learn to play right handed anyway. That would be better for you.”
No thanks. I just walked away at that point. Keeping in mind the fact that he had no way of knowing that I’d been playing for a couple of years already at that point or that my right hand is borderline useless for precision stuff like fretting(I barely get by with it for picking) it was still a douchebaggy thing to say.
Fuckin A Ben. They all have lefty guitars, but they are always shitty, mexican made strats or epiphone gibsons. I’ve been known to find a rare lefty high end Dime model or PRS to try. This is akin to finding gold.
I have a similar story. I walked in to Hollywood GC and asked to play said Dime lefty model guitar. Salesman says “Are you gonna buy it?”. After he hands it to me, I reply “Not from you fuckface”. I never bought the guitar in the end, but, hey! maybe I would’ve thought about it!
I suggest we all get together, get business cards made that say “You suck. Could you please stop making everyone want to kill themselves and practice at home?” and hand them to the little turds. I think a sociological experiment is in order….
“Not from you fuckface”
+1
Ok, here goes,
1. Your simply the dude.
2. I used to work at GC, I lasted about 2…3 months… (Hibernum) dark days INDEED. That was the second worst job i’ve ever had. 1st? telemarketing. The reason why it was only second is becuase of all the cool and helpful shit I managed to soak up whilst working there. Other than that, it was soul-crushing, full of fake people, parents who think it’s cute to bring their 8-13 year olds in to play the intsruments while they tell you how talented they are becuase they picked up a pair of drumsticks when they were 3. (Ohh yeah, I worked in the drum department…by myself for the entire time I worked there.) If you think about it, that sort of thing acts like a swift kick in the ass to get your life together, I thank the douchebags (Guitar Center Virtuosos) who made my life not worth living, for making the eventual day when I was fired that much sweeter. I accepted my pink slip with a smile, said “Yeah i’m not sorry I didn’t sell enough, your corperate structre does not provide a viable means of growth”…left, smoked a bowl and fucked my girlfriend dry.
…Oh and I live in Jersey…HOLLAR!
“Fucked my girlfriend dry”
This phrase could be taken a lot of ways. I take it as “my girlfriend’s vagina was devoid of moisture before, during, and after the act of sexual congress”. HOLLAR!
Maybe the girl’s name is dry
HAHAHAHA…zing!
ROLLING THUNDER – 0.
EYAL LEVI – 1.
“Shit, Kirk Hammet could barely play them, what makes this acne ridden sperm factory think that he’s got a chance?”
XD, that might just be the funniest sentence I’ve read on this website.
you like laughing at yourself, eh?
I hate going to guitar center. I’m a drummer and I’ve yet to enter a guitar center when they have a drummer to cover the desk and answer questions. There’s never anyone there except for the one time they had the keyboard guy covering the desk. That was helpful.
I prefer Sam ash to Guitar Center, but I guess they don’t have as many Sam Ash’s as they do Guitar Centers so not to as many people know about them.
That acne ridden sperm factory may be just a fan of Daath.
Well I hope he keeps his attempts at learning our tunes to himself
A friend of mine swore by the store.
He was into sampling, mixing and the like, so I don’t think he counted.
I hear ya Eyal, one time i was in there looking for the Flo Mounier drum dvd, and the clerk there tried convincing me to buy some other drummer’s dvd and told me it was Flo after I said it wasn’t. It was even funnier when they tried selling my friend who drove us there a credit card and he said he didn’t have an ID and we’re like how’d you drive us here and he’s like well I got my driver’s license.
Here’s the bigger question Eyal what’s worse those kids trying to play Smells Like Teen Spirit constantly in Guitar Center or those kids who take Guitar Hero/Rock Band so serious that they consider themselves rock stars?
What’s worse is the kid that plays Smells Like Teen Spirit constantly because there’s no possible enjoyment anyone can get out of that
Someone who thinks that they’re a rock star because they kill at Gutiar Hero is fun to make fun of so at least there’s some enjoyment there
Personally Eyal when I used to play guitar, I liked the smaller, independent guitar/music shops better. The clerks at those places would pretty much let you be and talk to you only if you needed their help and not try to sell you a bunch of random shit that you didn’t come there for.
It’s even worse, the people who work there all think they’re the coolest kids in town because they feel like they have some weird part in music. I had friends who worked for one in Orlando and they felt touched when some obscure musician came in and that’s all we got to hear about. But yeah, there is no getting around it. I go on music123.com but it’s pretty tough to do that on the road.
I guess I m lucky since I have never been to a GC. The closest one around here is 60 miles away in Albany NY. I order my supplies online through Musician’s Friends. Yeah if your on the road then your kinda stuck. Only option is to have buy enough supplies before hand to get the band through the tour.
Country Club Hills (which is a dumb name, much like naming your concert venue “The Awesome Place”) has one…
I’ve heard about that one how is it? I’ve been to the one in Joliet and it’s pretty bad.
Eh…it’s decent…if you know what you want. Just be quick and straightforward and they won’t get in your way. Do some bullshit conversation shit while you riff on your dream axe and they’ll leave you alone pretty quickly.
If you don’t know what you want: Like your first set of guitar strings. Try an ask someone who DOESN’T work there.
I remember I wasted 20+ on Dimebag Darrell DR signature strings… They sounded like texas and broke in a month. It all happened because I didn’t know what I wanted…and the cunt in the accessories booth wanted to make commission.
So every time I DO go there…
“Hi would you like to-…”
“D’addario 10 gauge strings please”
“Okay, is that it, would you like to-….”
“No goddamnit, now heres the 5-6 bucks”
and if I’m just there to bullshit on some guitars and see what I’d like to get in the next six months…
“Yeah, so I’m totally looking at what I plan to buy in the near future.” *insert bullshit details about life, brand preference and wood type here* and they’ll nod nervously and walk away as you strum through.
I’ve learned that most, probably all, of the ones in the Chicagoland area suck. Usually will go to Sam Ash instead, much better.
I either go to Sam Ash in Buffalo Grove or GC in Arlington Heights
guitar center drum offs are pretty entertaining. other than that…ehhh.
I hate seeing the kids who fucking play riffs by Avenged Sevenfold or other shitty deathcore/metalcore bands and think they are the shit. Why can’t I hear someone play riffs from Death or Opeth? Fuck those metalcore douchbag twats!
Most of those kids have probably never even heard of Death. That’s out of date for these kids. It’s sad.
in 3 years of working at Ash, I heard about 3 people play Opeth songs. Everyday I hear Sweet Child O’Mine mangled, to the point where as soon as I hear it, i yell at them to stop. Its like chinese water torture. Its not bad at first, but after awhile its going to drive you insane.
I bought my first real guitar from GC back in 94 in hollywood. Rick the bass player from Joe Walsh’s band sold it to me. He got upset when i told him i thought he looked just like Ace Frehley post car wreck. I wasnt trying to be a dick but, he totally looked like him. Since that day every city i have lived in has had GC come in and kill off all of the stores that had some integrity. I was in Long island 2 years ago and the douchebags didnt even let you plug anything in. I live in STL now and the Gc’s here suck ass. None of the sales people know shit about what they have in stock. I will call and make sure they have what i want before i get there to find out after i drove halfway across the midwest ghetto that they dont ever stock that item. When i test out guitars i take them thru several styles of music to see what that particular guitar shines with. I always end up with a crowd of parents and their little kids asking me questions.( I have aided in the sale of many guitars that way) Didnt make a penny off of it. I at one time tried to get a job there but, never got a return call. Fuck Guitar Center. I order my shit online if i can at all help it these days.
Albeit i enjoy the shit out of most of the Blogs here on MS, and i do check the page daily,I definately had a WTF? moment after reading this. I got it that GC is pretty much a corporate monster that 9 times out of ten wont have anyone working there that knows the difference between a Marshall 800 and a Fender Champ (ya i play) but i hate to tell Mr Eyal ,that that kid in the corner playin ‘”Nothing else matters’ is probably gonna smoke you chops wise in about 5-10 years. And im willing to bet that indeed Eyal Levi probably pumped out more than his share of Smoke on the water, Enter sandman, or any other entry level tune most guitar players cut their teeth on. As for havin the salesman in yer face tryin to push products- streamline that shit son, get in, get the fuck out.
Dimebag said it best “Dont hear the ugliness just hear the Beauty”, thats another kid pickin up an actual guitar not a fuckin game controller.
In other words..”Lighten up Francis”
How much time have you spent in a Guitar Center?
Too many unfortunately…fortunately my guitar teach runs his own guitar shop so id say 8 times out of ten i dont have to go in there unless they have somethin he doesnt stock- which isnt often.
Its goddamn painful every time
Aye mon, GC are evil, vile pits of iniquity. Last month I had some change in the pocket from selling a car and figured I’d buy myself a new axe..looking at one of those Ibanez ones, around a grand. So I go to the local GC and ask to see the Ibanez way up high on the wall there. Tattoo and nose ring dude sighs and gets the ladder, walks me over to an brokedown Line6 amp, plugs it in, takes the guitar and plays some dipshit Yngwie fuckweed 64th note phrygian sweep run and then hands it to me. I was like “What? Did you and your Hey 1999 called and wanted it’s nose ring back ass have to do that littel widdly widdly showboat thing there? Oh yeah, you’re a fucking SHREDDER dude. Yeah. Ok. So anyway he hands me the guiatr and I was like “Can I get the tremolo arm so I can check out this new ibanez Floyd Rose thing they got on these guitars..” And Mr. Widdly Widdly Phrygian says “Oh we don’t let customers try those out.” Oh. So I just handed the dude back the guitar, pulled the $1200 out of my pocket and said , “Brother, I was about to drop cash on this thing, but if you’re not going to let me try the fucking thing out, well, go back to practicing your widdly widdly sweeps. You just lost a sale.” Walked out, drove ten miles to Sam Ash and bought a guitar there from guys who actually know one end of a guitar from another. Guitar Center is a fucking pit.
I know what you’re saying Eyal…I was actualyl complaining about just this same thing the other day. I can never walk in, buy some strings and some picks, and walk out in less than 20 freaking minutes. I always stuck in line behind some d-bag trying to determine which $20 tuner will be best for junior’s first guitar lesson, and apparently the salesmen at GC do no tknow how to multitask so they just sit and stare at the person (who has no idea what they are looking at) turn the little box with the tuner in it over and over again. I was picking up some drum sticks the other day and waited 15 minutes behind this mom and her Attack, Attack! listening son as they compared to practice drum pads while the GC sales associate jsut stared at them (per company standards) as I stood at the counter right next to them discussing with my friend what drumsticks I was getting in a rather loud fashion, in the hopes the d-bag behind the counter would get the hint. But alas…no hint was taken and I lost another 15 minutes of my life to the soul sucker that is GC.
Ugh, Guitar Center/Sam Ash. Same thing. Ive been working at Sam Ash for 3 years now, in one of our biggest stores. At first, it was flattering to hear how crappy most guitar players were. But then I stopped caring and it drives me nuts. Im not gonna get into ALL the details (fuck i should write a book) but trust me. Its not as fun on the other side as it may seem.
From someone in the guitar business let me suggest you guys please support the independant retailer. They keep the manufacturers who aren’t at GC in business. GC is not cheaper nor do the know anything. Supporting independants helps the entire industry.
uhm every time i’ve been in there, pics were laying all over the place… just ask to play a guitar and walk off with the pics if you can’t see any laying around
I worked at Guitar Center for six months and it was easily the most depressing period of my life. Kids playing the “Seven Nation Army” riff, badly, over and over and over again, were certainly part of it. And the commission system sucked horribly… Before you got any commission at all you had to “cover” your entire, meager, salary at your commission rate (10% of the gross profit per sale and 2% of the gross sales). This was fine if you worked in the Guitar or Pro Audio department where every item was big ticket, but it was pretty damned difficult if you, like me, worked in Accessories and spent your day selling packs of strings and picks. Also, I’m in no way Joe Salesguy, so it was sucky to have to try to compete with your coworkers. Additionally, every employee had to collect ten new customer phone numbers and addresses every day for later spamming, and also send out ten postcards to past customers. Failure to do either of these things was not looked upon kindly by management. It’s hard to get around mailing out ten postcards, but most of us just made up our customer info most of the time because it’s fucking asinine and annoying to customers to constantly ask them for their phone numbers and addresses, and to make up reasons why you needed that information.
It was a while ago and things may be different now, but working at Guitar Center was easily the worst job I’ve ever had.
The upside? I got a sweet discount on the ‘61 SG reissue I play as my primary metal guitar. Oh yeah, and my coworkers were pretty rad, too.