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BLOODY PANDA ARE BLOODY BORING

 Friday, August 14th, 2009 at 11:30am by

Bloody-Panda

I’ve heard a lot of smart people with opinions I respect sing the praises of Bloody Panda, and I just do not get it. I saw them live once and they bored me to tears – and that was while I was high. Do you know how bad you have to be to bore me when I’m stoned? I could stare at my own foot for at least a solid hour if you get me high enough. But Bloody Panda made me wanna go sit through The Sorrow and the Pity again.

A friend at the show with me that night put it best: “They perpetually sound like they’re just about to start the song.” It’s true. Their music is all atmospheric build-up without rockin’ release. And their gimmick – band dudes in executioners’ hoods, Asian lead singer chick conveniently visible to attract those afflicted with Yellow Fever – gets real old real fast.

The band has a new album, Summon, coming out August 25 on Profound Lore, and Stereogum is hosting an mp3 of a new track, “Sacades II.” Listen to it here, then come back and tell me if you agree that these guys (and girl) are the aural equivalent of NyQuil or if I need to open my ears.

-AR

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  • Dale Croverdale

    OK, if you’re expecting them to be awesome and serious, yeah, you’re bound to be disappointed. But if you look closely, said Asian lead singer is as ancient as your grandma and those “executioner hoods” really just look like spray-painted Crown Royal bags. That, combined with the fact that they still need to count down the start of every song when, in reality, every song starts exactly the same way … well, that just makes for a fucking awesome – and totally ridiculous – show.

  • Brandon

    TERRIBLE band name. At first i thought the whole band was Japanese and was about to forgive them, but they’re from NY and other than the singer, they’re all white dudes.

  • Grymmbear

    I dig ‘em.

    Different strokes, I guess…

  • gnarlk

    99% of doom these days has the same effect on me…

  • jc

    HA HA!! Axl I wanna get stoned with you someday!!

  • ab12

    Its doom… its slow and atmospheric. And the singer isn’t anywhere near hot, and I’m sure they all know that so you can forget that yellow fever thing.

  • TurdFerguson

    I can watch a hot Asian chick do anything as long as i don’t have to listen to them.

  • http://runningthevoodoodown.blogspot.com pdf

    If you’re coming at this album (or this band) from a metal perspective, you’re gonna hate it. But if you’re coming at it from the perspective of someone who digs atmospheric, at least partly improvised creepy-crawl music, a “genre” that encompasses everything from Swans and Jarboe to Nico, Khanate, Fushitsusha and other Japanese psychedelic art bands (Shizuka, Kousokuya), then you’ll be into it. Bloody Panda is not a doom band; they kind of nudge up against doom sometimes, but they’re more psychedelic and arty and improv-minded than that. The new album fits right alongside the last Khanate disc in my mind.

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      So if you’re a homosexual, you’ll enjoy it?

      • oblivion

        if ur buffalo bill in the basement with ur skin suit and feeling … exotic?

  • SeanN

    Perhaps they’re an acquired taste. The vocals add a Jarboe-esque effect that makes for an interesting listen. Much better than Sunn0))) in my mind.

  • Robert

    Oh, yeah, they’re boring as HELL, but still…novelty joke band Sunn0))) makes these guys sound like the best thing ever…

  • steve-o

    Zzzzzz….

  • Ryan

    This is really really bad.

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    Hyatari did a better job of this…without a vocalist.
    Boris DOES a better job of this, and they do it every so often.
    Sunn O))) did this with their latest album and no drums…and ages before that…did this with Boris.
    I’m also quite sure that the bands pdf referenced in defense of this band do it better than this.

    The fact that the eyecandy is there is irrelevant because two stupid, yet correct, arguments are going to come out of it.

    “Admit it, you are just denying you like her so you can seem cool.”
    “So there are tits in front of the picture and behind…great. Like we need another band to sell us tits.”

    The girl holds no value, she’s a vocalist…and she’s willing to attempt to establish value to crowds with an image that holds no value except to those dumb enough to put value into it. Just ignore it and you’ll probably be less disappointed.

    This isn’t from a metal perspective either. This is from a perspective that refuses to let “artsy” be an excuse for everything. Boring is boring no matter what perspective you put it in.

  • Marc Salmon

    Ahh it’s ok if your into boring…

  • Duck Billz

    BLOODY PANDA? WHAT A DUMB NAME IN WHICH I AM NOT INTERESTED. JAPANESE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY, SO IT’S OKAY WHEN THEY HAVE A DUMB NAME; BUT WHITE MEN SHOULD HAVE BETTER SENSE, AND I AM NOT A RACIST.
    YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE A HOMOSEXUAL IN ORDER TO LIKE BLOODY PANDA, AND I DO NOT HAVE MACHO INSECURITY.
    THIS BAND IS OBJECTIVELY BORING IN AS MUCH THE SAME WAY AS ART IS OBJECTIVE, BUT THANKFULLY I AM ABLE TO DISTINGUISH TRUE ART FROM BORING “ART.” IF IT IS NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE YOU WILL PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE HOW I CLEVERLY USED QUOTATION MARKS TO DISPARAGE THAT WHICH I DO NOT LIKE BECAUSE IT IS INHERENTLY BAD, AND I AM NOT AFRAID TO BE WRONG (WHICH IS NOT A SUBJECTIVE IDEA).
    NOT EVEN THE MOUTHPIECE WITH TITS COULD GIVE ME A BONER FOR THIS BAND. WHETHER OR NOT SHE IS THE FOUNDER OF THE BAND MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ME, BECAUSE I KNOW HOW WOMEN ARE AND WHY THEY ARE USED. SHE IS NOT EVEN HOT, AND I AM NOT A MISOGYNIST.
    HELLO, I AM COMMENTING ON METALSUCKS.NET.