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NEW BAND ALERT: BIOHAZARD

 Monday, August 17th, 2009 at 3:30pm by

BiohazardThe intrepid Sergeant D. of Metal Inquisition has published an in-depth look at Biohazard, a brand new band out of Brooklyn that the MetalSucks Mansion inhabitants all agree you should check out. Says Mr. D.:

They seem like cool guys who like to have fun, but I feel like they’re trying a little hard to do the whole Municipal Waste/Toxic Holocaust thing. I mean they’re definitely good at it, but the thing is that they take it a little too far. In order for it to be funny, it has to be a little bit believable, you know? We talked about this in my “Entertainment Business” class the other day: If all you do is combine every ridiculous cliche from crossover fashion into your characters, it’s too much. You have to use some restraint or you just end up looking like a cartoon. Overkill, Toxik, and Xentrix are much better at doing the retro-thrash thing without going over the top.

True words. Check out the entire post at Metal Inquisition.

-VN

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  • Sean Pulatie

    I’m not sure if Sergeant D. is trying to be funny, or if you’re trying to be funny. Either way, it’s not working.

    • Ziltoid

      Agreed.

      • 20 eyes

        Disagreed, eat ebola dick.

  • John

    um

  • Tommy Lindbergsen

    It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if they were completely serious.

  • tyler09

    another Biohazard? wtf

  • Lord Bling

    “I mean they’re definitely good at it, but the thing is that they take it a little too far”

    The same thing can be said about most of the posts on Metal Inquisition. I like the site, but they are long-winded and beat horses to death. Still though, nothing tops their wigger slam posts. For those, I will always keep visiting.

    • metalguy

      seriously they never shut up. the format pisses me off too

    • Topher

      Their “Heavy Metal Real Estate” Pieces are pretty good too.

  • jason

    You people have no sense of humor.

  • Tyler

    Are you sure this is new? There is a band named Biohazard out of Brooklyn from the 80′s that mixed rap and thrash and sucked. They just reunited. I’m not sure is I understand.

    • metalguy

      its a joke

    • stu1

      Wow. Good work there, inspector.

    • Sgt. E

      Do you mean the Brooklyn out of New York?

  • http://www.blacklodges.com steven

    post brooklyn crossover hardcore is the new black/ eye brow piercing.

  • http://www.metalinsider.net Bram

    wow, Metalsucks readers, really? this is one of the funniest posts Inquisition has run and you’re all taking it seriously?

    • Ziltoid

      No, it’s just not very funny.

      • Double D

        I agree. I’m not confused and I’m not fooled. I’m also not laughing.

        • 20 eyes

          are you double d from Teufuls tomb?

  • Pat

    Is this a band or an ad for a tattoo parlor? Who gives two shits about their FN tats?

    • Double D

      Well, you’re the only one who mentioned them…

  • Shinaain

    Your irony is bombing, but the confusion you’ve caused is pure gold.

    • stu1

      Totally.

  • djabthrash

    I read the whole thing and it was really lame. Sounds like Metalinquisition guys do not know what they’re talking about and are not funny, except for the Waking the Cadaver thingie.

    and BIOHAZARD rules btw !

  • seveword

    Stop posting other people’s shit. I don’t care how much you wanna suck Metal Inquisition’s dick, I’ve stayed at this site because A) you guys were dicks or B) you guys were funny.

    This isn’t funny, it isn’t you guys being dicks. Not worth anybody’s time.
    Start putting thought into your own material, dammit. It’s not like you’re good for anything else.

    • Stuart

      Blimey, shoot the messenger why don’t you.

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    FUCK MAYBE!

  • Sammy

    The problem with the Metal Inquisition article is that it came off as too straight. Good sarcasm/irony/satire should be written in such a way as to blur the lines between reality and satire. It just came off as bland to me.

    • Ziltoid

      Correct.

  • Brutalizer

    Metal Inquisition is a horrible site. That is all.

    • Sgt. E

      According to the comments, it is a good site.

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    I don’t get the funny. Serious or not, why rag on Biohazard? Best concert of my life!! Evan stood on me! I guess he thought I was a monitor.

  • Fufkin

    I can’t stand Biohazard’s Bandanacore either but I think he missed the humour mark here by some distance. Anyway, I don’t care because the Donald Cadaver episode was so hilarious he can do what he likes after that.

  • http://stuffyouwillhate.com Sgt D

    LOL

  • TurdFerguson

    I have a latex molding of Tera Patrick’s ass and vagina that i’d love Evan to autograph for me.

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    Evan did some great things with Biohazard, like making himself a star. This blog just didn’t work….

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Dasher/30826541 Matt Dasher

    wow, this post is fail. NYHC is win.

  • Fong Chung

    Biohazard is and was always a terrible Carnivore tribute band. Whats even funnier, is that wrote a song called “Master Race.” Which cracks me up, because isn’t Biohazadavore 2/4th’s Jewish?

  • Ashley

    This just reminds me of a great line off the Simpsons:

    “Are you being sarcastic dude?
    “I don’t even know anymore…”

  • Benjamin

    Remember that band Death Angel?

    Yeah they where pretty good back in the MOTHERFUCKING 80′s TOO.

  • Kevin

    ok, this is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. Well done sir.

    And good lord, how are people here not realizing its a joke? Are all metal heads that dense? I understand if you dont find it funny, but how hell can you think that was for real?

    • Chilech

      You’d be surprised at the people that you get on the Internet.

  • mattymatrix

    It’s called irony, people.