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Hair Metal Happy Hour

ARRESTING WILD WOMEN AT A MOTLEY CRUE CONCERT IS LIKE ARRESTING CATHOLICS AT A CHURCH

 Wednesday, August 19th, 2009 at 1:00pm by

15205914

Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting Mets fans at Shea Stadium.

Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting fish in the ocean.

Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting recovering alcoholics at an AA meeting.

Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting tourists at a Planet Hollywood.

Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting douche bags who write for MetalSucks.

-AR

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  • NukeDukem

    An unfunny joke about an uninteresting story about a band that no one’s cared about for 20 years. This one’s got everything, doesn’t it?

    • Sam

      No one cared about ever.

      • Paul

        Don’t be retarded.

        I think they’re kind of a joke myself, but I’m not stupid enough to assert that “no one” “ever” cared about Motley Crue. Either you were born after 1989, when Motley Crue was the biggest metal band in the country (in which case you’re a silly child who doesn’t know anything about the history of the music he allegedly enjoys), or you’re just a moron.

        Sheesh…

        • Sam

          You’re right. Someone did care but it was retards who love seeing guys dress like women & play half-assed metal that cared. Just like Kerry King said.

          Motley Crue weren’t a “motley crue” but just a bunch of panzies in spandex singing power ballads. How lame is that?

          • Pat

            If you dont know, Kerry King is the biggest douchebag of our time. And Motley Crue is much more than power ballads. They combined musical styles, created an entirely new genre, and dictated a decade. They weren’t just powerballads. Actually they only made 2 power ballads in their whole career. All Slayer is is a 2-hit wonder that sounds like shit live. no melody, nothing. there is a point where too fast and too heavy just becomes noise. kerry king is a douchebag, and even Tom hates him and disagrees with most of the shit that comes out his asshole mouth. Motley Crue inspired many people and many bands. Metallica would have never had their big break if Lars didnt pick up a copy of Dr Feelgood and was amazed at the sound and used their recording staff. they also gave GnR a big start. and Tommy hugely influenced the Rev. shall i go on?

    • Tommy Lindbergsen

      The picture of Megan Fox ( at least it looks like Megan Fox I think) is the only reason I read this, I thought it had something to do with her but it doesn’t…moving on now….

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Safin-Islam/1244490122 Safin Islam

        Same here. What a waste.

  • Gary S.

    This is what happens when Tommy Lee misses a show. CHAOS!

  • Glorious Johnson

    those similes are pretty fail worthy

  • Canvas Of Flesh

    God. These bitches make me ashamed to be from around this area.

  • Fink

    Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting people for being assholes in the comments section on MetalSucks…

    I actually really do wish we could arrest some of you assholes.

    • Sam

      You’re one sick fuck fink.

  • Marcel

    Why is anyone complaining about this post? The fact of the matter is that Megan Fox digs hair metal. Rejoice you bastards!

    • The Goat

      Yeah, rejoice we shall! However, that doesn’t make her any less of a stupid cunt!

      • http://fantasyh.wordpress.com fantasyh

        Don’t complain. It’s not like she’s hard on the eyes.

  • Jo

    that looks like my friend tarra if she ever knew how to put make up on right lol

  • Benjamin

    I’d like to me your friend Tarra, Jo.

    I play bass.

    :D

  • http://www.thejamminjabber.com thejamminjabber

    Megan Fox is lame, but that pic is pretty hot. Kick start my cock!

  • SourDeez

    Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting Dr. Rockzo every time he does cocaine.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    I’ve spent my afternoon reading the transcript to the 1985 PMRC senate hearing, and I’ve come across some interesting excerts regarding the Crue and their women (and one boy)…

    Traveling through Texas, I listened to local radio stations. In San Antonio I found myself listening to KISS-FM, a rock ‘n’ roll outlet.

    On the air, one of the station’s disc jockeys mentioned a promotion. “What would you do to meet the Crüe? he said. He explained that a heavy-metal rock band called Mötley Crüe was coming to San Antonio. Listeners were invited to mail entries to the station. The winners would get free tickets to the concert; some would get to go backstage and meet the band.

    I called the station. I said I would be interested in seeing the entries. I asked if there were any ground rules. I was told that the only rule was that listeners had to answer the one basic question: “What would you do to meet the Crüe? ["]

    A week later, I read the entries.

    We seem to have come quite a distance from Herman’s Hermits fan clubs and “I Want to Hold Your Hand.”

    From a sixteen-year-old girl:

    “What I Would Do To See Mötley Crüe:

    “First, I would tie you up, spread-eagle and naked, with leather straps. Then I’d shave all the hair off of your chest, and if I should nick you I’ll suck up all the blood as it slowly trickles over your body. Next I’ll cover your body with motion lotion to get things really heated up. When it gets too hot, I’ll cover your body in crushed ice and lay on top of you to melt it down and cool you off.

    “Then I’ll do things to your body with my tongue that you never thought humanly possible. Then when you are screaming for mercy and begging for more, telling me how you want it all, I’ll slam the spiked heel of my right leather boot into your navel, call you a very naughty boy, and laugh as I slowly walk away, telling you I’m just not that kind of girl.”

    From a fifteen year-old girl:

    “I want to see Mötley Crüe so bad I’d wear black nail polish and body glitter. . . . When I see them I’d get on may hands & knees & give them my body & even tear my clothes off if I had to. If that didn’t work I’d do like Ozzy did and bite a dove’s head off & say, ‘Okay, let’s talk business.’ ”

    From a thirteen-year-old girl:

    “I’d do it with the Crüe till black and blue is all you can see.”

    From a fifteen year-old girl:

    “I’m really a big fan of Mötley Crüe’s and I would do anything to meet them. Vince Neil and Nikki Sixx are so fine! I love ‘em all. I would even get fucked by the ugliest, fattest, most disgusting guy in the world to meet them. . . .

    “My boyfriend gets mad at me because I like them so much, and listen to the radio all the time for their songs to come on! I had to beg him to let me write this letter to you. Hopefully, I will win, because I went through a lot of trouble begging my boyfriend to let me do this.

    “That would be just terrific if I won. I would have a chance of meeting Vince Neil! God. [,] he’s so fucking fine! If it would mean losing my boyfriend. I would fuck his best friend to meet these gorgeous guys. It wouldn’t matter, as long as I got to meet Vince Neil and see his fine ass and fine body! God, I can just see it now. Fucking him would be my biggest fantasy in the world! Well, I hope I win! Thank you!”

    From a thirteen-year-old girl:

    “I’d leave my tits to Mötley Crüe.”

    From a seventeen-year-old girl:

    “To get backstage to Mötley Crüe I think I’d give them every piece of action they wanted. I’d give them my body, money, or whatever they wanted.”

    From a nineteen-year-old girl:

    “I would go down to the local hardware store and buy some chains, leather straps, and nails. I would then put together the most outlandish outfit made of nothing but the leather straps, chains and nails. I would go to the concert in this Kiss-Ass outfit, because I would do anything to get close to ‘Marvelous’ Mick Mars, ‘Luscious’ Tommy Lee, Nikki ‘Sexx,’ and Vince ‘Can’t say No’ Neil. P.S. I would take a hammer so the guys (the Crüe) can loosen the nails in my outfit.”

    From a thirteen-year-old girl:

    “What’s up? Well, you asked what I would do to be a Mötley Crüe, so here it is. First, I’d spread whipped cream all over my body. Then I’d let Vince Neil lick it all off! I sure hope you enjoyed this cause I would love for it to happen.”

    From a fourteen-year-old boy:

    This is what I would do to join the KISS Mötley Crüe: I would give them my mother, who is very beautiful. She has red hair and brown eyes. She loves heavy metal and especially Mötley Crüe. My mother definitely has the looks that kill.

    http://www.joesapt.net/superlink/shrg99-529/p26.html
    http://www.joesapt.net/superlink/shrg99-529/p27.html

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      *excerpts

  • leroy pescheur
  • Robin

    Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting police officers at the donut shop.
    I love you Motley Crue, can’t wait to see you again. Hope it’s soon.