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Worst Week Ever

IN WHICH WE CAME TOGETHER AND FELL APART

 Friday, August 21st, 2009 at 5:30pm by

After Eyal’s blog getting everyone to introduce themselves, I e-mailed him to thank him. I told him that the old cliché is true – genius is the simple idea that no one has ever thought of. And he’d brought the community together. I literally used the words “This could be the dawn of a new era on MetalSucks.”

And then I wished Dimebag a happy posthumous birthday and total fucking war broke out.

With all due respect to people who don’t like Dime or Pantera – to say that he wasn’t popular and influential prior to his death is just plain wrong. It’s like saying that grass is pink and clouds are purple and Obama’s health care reform involves death panels for senior citizens. It just has no basis in reality whatsoever.

Here are some other head-scratchers that emerged this week:

  • Justin A.W. wants to know why Gary Suarez writes for us. I want to know why Justin A.W. keeps visiting this site and leaving comments if he hates us so much. I also want to know where anyone with “Trustkill” in their e-mail address gets off questioning our credibility.
  • NoCowNoFood says “Dude if yall dont have Dtv or Dish Network/ u guys are fucking broke.” There’s a huge leap of logic there, man. But you tried to link to Solid State Records and failed, so I do think we can safely assume that you’re an idiot.
  • Dave B accused us running a scam on you guys to get demographic info. Actually, Dave, we just wanted your information. So that we can we better understand how to avoid you.
  • Zilty says that his “one prerequisite is that the music has to be good.” But I’ve listened to every band Zilty has recommended, and they all sound more or less like a thousand other bands in their respective genres, except less famous. So I think it’s more accurate to say that Zilty’s one prerequisite is that they have to be semi-obscure (and I stress “semi”). In any case, I guess we’ll “learn” more when he’s running the site next Friday.
  • Shinaain thinks that Rick Springfield is the shit. Actually, I think she’s right and I have nothing bad to say about her. And now I know that she’s a she, because we scammed you all into giving us your demographic info. Next up: putting you all on an annoying mailing list and selling your e-mails to porn sites.

I’m gonna go listen to some Pantera now. Because they weren’t the sharpest tools in the shed, but they did make awesome music that influenced an entire generation of metal bands.

-AR

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitearmsofathena Josh

    Man, I waited on Vinnie Paul when he came and ate at the Mexican Restauraunt I used to work at. I thought he was a really nice guy, even before he tipped me that 20

    • jackattack

      I saw Kerry King at Steak & Shake once. He refused to take a picture with me. Big fucking surprise…

  • groverXIII

    “But I’ve listened to every band Zilty has recommended, and they all sound more or less like a thousand other bands in their respective genres, except less famous.”

    OH SNAP

    (I like that my tendency to call him Zilty is spreading. BWAHAHAHAHAHA)

  • jackattack

    I’ve said the same thing a million times, but I couldn’t agree more about the Zilty observation you made. The most recent transgression has been him hating on TBDM and comparing them to At The Gates’ SotS style, which they not only sound nothing like but are actually far more similar to bands like Carcass and Obituary.

  • bearwizard

    kerry king is a cunt. and pantera sucked and the bands they influenced sucked worse

    • 2kvlt4u

      No further comments nescessary.

  • Ziltoid

    “Zilty says that his “one prerequisite is that the music has to be good.” But I’ve listened to every band Zilty has recommended, and they all sound more or less like a thousand other bands in their respective genres, except less famous. So I think it’s more accurate to say that Zilty’s one prerequisite is that they have to be semi-obscure (and I stress “semi”). In any case, I guess we’ll “learn” more when he’s running the site next Friday.”

    If you honestly believe that, then you have awful hearing. I’ll take a few bands I listed in your “best of 2009″ topic: Anubis Gate, Synestesia, Vortech, Amorphis, Tyr, Kalisia, and Suidakra. All of those bands are somewhat unique in their genres (even if only slight different from others, they’re still different). And sure, stress semi. Bands don’t need to be obscure to be good. Devin Townsend certainly isn’t obscure (relative to metal), but he’s one of my favorite artists.

    Honestly, what they hell does Kalisia sound like to you, Axl? Do they sound like Dream Theater because they have lots of prog influence (hint: the answer is no)? Haha, have you listened to \\\Maytag? Granted, they sound like Sunn O))), but they’re so much better that it isn’t even funny. But no no, keep enjoying crap like Suicide Silence, Winds of Plague, Chimaira, God Forbid, IWRESTLEDABEARONCE, and TBDM. You have not listened to every band I have recommended. Don’t even try to fake it.

    • Gecko

      Ooh! Ooh! If you run the site next Friday you should totally post pictures of my freshly pierced man boobies on here. It hurt like hell…almost as much as your biting criticism of every band ever…KaBoom!

    • \m/Eluveitie\m/

      Ziltoid himself has more fans (and detractors) than any of the bands he champions…and that’s the way it should be! *kneels*

      • groverXIII

        He’s certainly the best known person on here… and that probably includes Dallas and Eyal.

        • Piero

          That’s for sure

        • \m/Eluveitie\m/

          That’s the only reason he’s winning the site takeover contest…just one big popularity contest. People vote for whoever they recognize, there’s no logic behind the voting process. Think anyone wants to read all those entries anyway? Mine was one of the few concise yet entertaining entries that deserved to win. Clearly I’m not pissing off enough people to attain those kinda votes. Time for \m/Eluveitie\m/ to reach out and touch all of you (literally if need be), I gotta become a household name like my hero Ziltoid.

          I do wish to sincerely thank all of those who voted for me, it was a good effort guys!

          == \m/Eluveitie\m/ ’10 ==
          The candidate with your values in mind, muscle, and heart

          • groverXIII

            Heh… I voted for you. I knew it was a lost cause, of course…

          • \m/Eluveitie\m/

            Haha thank you very much…maybe a lost cause in the short-term perspective, but \m/Eluveitie\m/ is a big-picture kinda guy. Your vote was a vital step in getting the name out there and turning people on to a Ziltoid alternative. And remember…a vote for \m/Eluveitie\m/ is always, always a vote for groverXIII.

            == \m/Eluveitie\m/ ‘10 ==
            The candidate with your values in mind, muscle, and heart

          • Sammy

            No, not true. I voted for Zilty because I love a good trainwreck.

          • groverXIII

            \m/Eluveitie\m/ in 2010… A candidate for you and me!

          • \m/Eluveitie\m/

            You’re in the painfully small minority of voters who actually considered their actions, and for that I greatly commend you. That being said I wish nothing but the best for the winner of the competition, even though he was elected by the eyes and not the mind. Say what you will about Ziltoid, but no matter how awful his performance is, there is no way he will fall below the bar set by Vince and Axl. Keep your mind and heart open and use them in careful coordination, and you will achieve great things Sammy! I appreciate your honest vote for Ziltoid with the same enthusiasm with which I would’ve cherished a vote for myself.

            == \m/Eluveitie\m/ ‘10 ==
            Trampling the weak
            Hurdling the dead
            Helping the weak up
            Giving the dead a heartfelt memorial

          • Ziltoid

            \m/Eluveitie\m/, I actually quite enjoyed your entry. It’s difficult to execute sarcasm well over the internet, but you did a great job without overdoing it. Admittedly, this does seem like a popularity contest, tbqh, but if people want to see how I’ll do with the site, that’s their call. I have a lot planned, including an interview.

          • groverXIII

            Popularity/unpopularity contest, as you seem to be the most polarizing poster on this site, if nothing else.

          • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

            And that’s why I have no problem with you winning Ziltoid, I know you’ll bring some interesting topics. I’m just hoping your day won’t be completely humorless, I could certainly use some good band recommendations and reviews, but I also come to MetalSucks everyday for a good laugh. Try to find a way to keep it light and heavy at the same time my man!

            I’m still planning on kicking your metallic ass next time this contest comes around though!

            == \m/Eluveitie\m/ ‘10 ==
            Keep it light, Keep it heavy, Keep it real

          • Ziltoid

            Haha, no worries, I have humor prepared. I’ve already written a satire piece on a certain band that I’ll keep unnamed, so hopefully you’ll get a good laugh out of that, so trust me, I plan on bringing the humor. I guess I shall reveal some plans now:

            satire piece
            interview (the person is a really cool guy and should provide some great answers)
            a few band promotions
            an album review or two.

            that’s the beginning of my main plan for now, but I have other things I’ve been brainstorming.

    • exanimate

      I had never heard of Kalisia, but upon reading your post I went and checked them out. Glad that I did.

      • Canvas Of Flesh

        Awesome. The band is absolutely amazing.

      • Ziltoid

        According to Axl, they’re not amazing at all, but that there are other bands just like them. I think we know who is wrong here.

        • Justin Sane

          everything was ok until that bitch started singing… and she wasnt even on key…

        • John

          Actually, he’s kind of right. Its really not that good. Well played, great musicians, plenty of technical wankery, but its just overall doesn’t do it for me. And they do sound like a lot of other metal bands.

    • DemonicLemming

      Tyr really doesn’t sound like anything else that could be related to it (it’s not really Viking metal in the sense that Turisas is), so Zilt has a point there. On the other hand, Anubis Gate is boring enough that I can’t get through the first three songs, so that’s -10 internets. Another point for Zilty is that, while his own list might not be massively overwhelming in its awesomeness, most of the shit “officially” reviewed on this site is nothing more than the most trendy name in the most trendy music at the time.

      ifuckedacarebear is utter garbage (although Garbage is pretty good), WoP got shit on here until, magically, they somehow become special (maybe because the jewmods actually got to a chick whose tits they had seen albeit it on a computer screen, months ago?), Suicide Silence is just trendy shit in the whatevercore genre that’s big right now, Chimaira has been going downhill steadily, and while I like Dallas, GF isn’t exactly a stand-out band in their genre.

      There are scores and scores of good bands out there, even some that fall into the narrowest of the narrow-minded requirements to be mentioned on this site….yet they’re not. Fail.

      • Ziltoid

        Admittedly, Anubis Gate are the most plain band I posted, but they’ve got an interesting thing going on. They’re not one of those prog bands going for the heavy prog sound, like Circus Maximus, but they’re not going for a soft sound like Seventh Wonder either (I rec SW’s last two albums as well). They hit a solid middle ground, and I like that. In terms of song structures, they don’t go overboard like some Dream Theater songs, but they aren’t predictable. Also, Anubis Gate are quite good at utilizing dynamics well. They integrate the softer and heavier passages seamlessly. Now with Jaconb Hansen on vocals, they have a much cleaner sound, and the production (also by Hansen) really suits the band well. Just listen to the song “Snowbound.” How can you be bored by that? Maybe you’ve heard their older albums, but over the past 2-3 years, AG has become one of the stronger bands in progressive metal.

        • DemonicLemming

          Individually, their songs aren’t bad, but for some reason, I just can’t listen to more than about two in a row without getting that urge to click over to the next album. Not really sure why. I only have one of their albums (can’t recall the album name, song titles have something to do with being trapped on Mars, or something like that…) CM isn’t bad, although I haven’t really listened to a whole lot of their stuff so far. Kamelot and Tyr are both unarguably great, though. Tyr sort of seems to be stoner folk metal.

          I’m starting to think you might be me from a parallel universe, without the epic beard. Anubis Gate, Tyr, Circus Maximus, Kamelot….*squint*

        • Trux

          Again… I have to agree with Zilty here…

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richard-Hakli/885670392 Richard Hakli

      Agreed with everything you said. Especially about Tyr. I’m looking forward to your posts on here. I mean, really, you should just start your own blog. You have enough opinions and they’re all strong enough. Obviously, people will read about it whether they like it or not.

      • Ziltoid

        Maybe I should…

        Let’s see how everything goes next week when I take over for a day.

    • whyowhy

      Honestly, man . . .

      Tyr Sucks

      • groverXIII

        While I wouldn’t say that they suck, necessarily, there are so many better folk metal bands out there. And I wouldn’t exactly call them unique.

    • Canvas Of Flesh

      I find it hard to put Kalisia in any genre except “complete awesomeness”.

      • Ziltoid

        I think that’s an excellent genre for them.

    • http://dmxrr15@hotmail.com IsntaTOTALdouchebag10

      Ziltoid all it takes is one shitty band to throw your whole attitude off. Dude you listen to Kamelot…credibility gone

      • Ziltoid

        Kamelot is top tier power metal tbqh. If you want to bash power metal, go bash Sonata Arctica or Stratovarius.

        • Tommy Lindbergsen

          Don’t forget Vision Divine, which I am told can turn you gay if you listen to them long enough.

          • Trux

            that may be the case now that Fabio Leone rejoined the band….. hahahahaha

            Stream of Unconciousness was my top album of the year the year that came out…. and I think that The Perfect machine is a superb album also….

      • Canvas Of Flesh

        Kamelot is some good power metal.

      • Trux

        Wow……. I actually think that Kamelot rules and is a great band !…

        Geeeezzz….

    • groverXIII

      Listening to Anubis Gate at the moment… they’re okay, but I’ve heard this sort of thing plenty of times before. Kalisia is next up… I’ve been meaning to listen to their album even before you mentioned them, but I decided they needed to be moved up.

      Fuck me… still another 109 albums I’ve got queued up and haven’t listened to yet. And that queue keeps getting bigger.

      • jackattack

        That’s the bitch of this site. We all are do diverse in our listening tastes that the amount of recommendations we get are overwhelming. That’s why I never recommend any hardcore here, it’d just blow the already half open door way the fuck off it’s hinges.

      • Ziltoid

        Be ready for Kalisia. Cybion is just an epic beast of an album, and the bonus CD has 4 covers (including an excellent Cynic cover) and their EP redone. Absolutely amazing. But be sure you can devote the 70 minutes to the album without interruption. That is necessary.

        • groverXIII

          Hmmm… not sure if I have the full 70 minutes at this point, depending on when my wife gets done at work, but when I listen to it on my mp3 player that won’t be a problem. And I did make sure to get the bonus disc.

          • groverXIII

            Kalisia was pretty good. And I definitely liked the Cynic cover.

    • 36Thoughtless

      “If you honestly believe that, then you have awful hearing.”

      From what I’ve heard of your likes, I believe that, and trust me, I don’t have awful hearing. Question: Before accusing someone of awful hearing, can you carry a tune?

      “’ll take a few bands I listed in your “best of 2009″ topic: Anubis Gate, Synestesia, Vortech, Amorphis, Tyr, Kalisia, and Suidakra. All of those bands are somewhat unique in their genres (even if only slight different from others, they’re still different).”

      Which is basically an admission of “I can’t objectively quantify how different they are, but take my word for it.” Seriously, unless you can provide some serious musical analysis behind this, how can you prove such a statement?

      BTW, Devin Townsend is overrated.

      • jackattack

        Thank you! I was waiting for someone else to say that. I saw SYL awhile back at Sounds of the Underground and yawned.

        • Canvas Of Flesh

          Do you have a pulse?

          • jackattack

            Yes. One that lives comfortably without Devin Townsend’s supposed mastermind-like nap-fest.

      • Tommy Lindbergsen

        A wise man once said that music is neither bad or good, it simply IS.
        I used to be a real asshole about it and to this day I have to keep calm about other people opinions.
        Everyone likes something someone else thinks completely sucks, therefore, all metal is subjective.
        But “Devin Townsend is overrated”?
        I don’t think so, there is something wrong with you…there is a flaw in your personality
        Go spin your Lamb of God mp3′s and shut the fuck up.
        I listen to Kylisia, Amorphis, Synestesia, and Suidakra because I feel they are doing something unique within the confines of their genres.
        But I also happen to be a Dream Theater fanboy since Images and Words came out and introduced me to prog.
        Music speaks to people differently, I understand that, just don’t expect everyone to stay quiet when people start going on about how awesome Tool is.

        • 36thoughtless

          “A wise man once said that music is neither bad or good, it simply IS.
          I used to be a real asshole about it and to this day I have to keep calm about other people opinions.
          Everyone likes something someone else thinks completely sucks, therefore, all metal is subjective.”

          Yes.

          “But “Devin Townsend is overrated”?
          I don’t think so, there is something wrong with you…there is a flaw in your personality”

          I didn’t say that Devin Townsend’s music is bad, just overrated. There is a difference. I liked SYL’s “Alien” but all his songs are hit or miss with me, partially because I don’t find his brand of humor funny. That said, he’s a great vocalist; it’s his compositional style that I find mediocre.

          “Go spin your Lamb of God mp3’s and shut the fuck up.”

          If you knew anything about me, you would know this is pointless statement.

          “I listen to Kylisia, Amorphis, Synestesia, and Suidakra because I feel they are doing something unique within the confines of their genres.”

          I disagree, but that’s the nature of this debate I suppose. In general, I’m not a huge fan of that which sounds similar to power metal, i.e. the traditional metal sound birthed from arena rock. That’s probably why I don’t care much for Iron Maiden. The melodic aspects of Ziltoid’s (and apparently your) favorite bands just don’t ring a bell with someone who doesn’t favor that European-style keyboards and lots of clean singing type of “progressive” metal.

          “But I also happen to be a Dream Theater fanboy since Images and Words came out and introduced me to prog.”

          Okay, there’s one album I thought was good by them, but I’m not an avid fan.

          “Music speaks to people differently, I understand that, just don’t expect everyone to stay quiet when people start going on about how awesome Tool is.”

          “Aenema” is my favorite album: it’s lean, grungy, and filled with great songs (sans the filler tracks) in my opinion. I liked “Lateralus” as well, but “10,000 Days” was arrogance spearheading a weak attempt to write an album. However, I don’t spend much time telling everyone why they should like Tool, so I don’t understand your statement.

          • Tommy Lindbergsen

            You don’t understand my statement, mainly because everything in it besides my comment about your opinion of Devin Townsend was a general statement…not directed at you.
            Of course I kind of nailed it by mentioning Tool, which is by the way, a completely overrated band.

          • 36thoughtless

            “You don’t understand my statement, mainly because everything in it besides my comment about your opinion of Devin Townsend was a general statement…not directed at you.”

            Fair enough, although if most of it wasn’t to me, why reply to my comment instead of starting a new comment thread? It’s easy to assume with several imperative sentences.

            Of course I kind of nailed it by mentioning Tool, which is by the way, a completely overrated band.

            Well, pat yourself on the back then, skippy. While I don’t think they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread, I like Tool.

          • Tommy Lindbergsen

            Soooooo…you like Tool, You dislike Iron Maiden, and you think Devin Townsend is over rated.
            I am almost afraid to find out what bands you do listen to.

    • Trux

      Well, I gotta agree with you Zilty on this one….

  • Shinaain

    “Next up: putting you all on an annoying mailing list and selling your e-mails to porn sites.”

    They have mine already, but thanks for looking out for me. \m/

  • DemonicLemming

    Cept, ya know, “death panels” actually did exist in at least one form of the healthcare “reform” bill. Actually reading the bill line by line > blindly repeating the shit the media tells you.

    • Jizzmaster3000

      I wish they were “death panels” just to rid the world of retards like you.

      • DemonicLemming

        I guess you’re one of the fucking idiots who hasn’t actually read the wording of the reform, right? Denial of end-of-life services when the government decides the cost isn’t worth the expense, and mandated yearly meetings with government doctors to determine what benefits old people still qualify for – basically, the government decides what they’re allowed to have based on how important that person is (you can be goddamned sure a piece of shit like Ted Kennedy would still be getting $50,000 a month treatment under a government medical system, while veterans would routinely be denied – hey, they’re top on the list of “potential terrorists”, right?). If they decide old gramps doesn’t need that $500-a-month medication that keeps him from dying, well, guess what happens?.

        There’s a case in Oregon right now where a woman was denied a $4000 chemotherapy treatment because the government there deemed it was “too expensive” for the results it would have brought in – namely, her survival. Isn’t it nice when the government sets a price tag on the value of a human life?

        Conversely, how much money do we dump into the corrupt welfare system in this country? How about that $800b bailout that did fuck-all for the economy? The $190m Pelosi spent on THREE Gulfstream jets for her personal use?

        I know the points will fly directly over your head, but if you’re going to try and talk shit, at least ensure that you know what you’re talking about first.

  • SP420

    “This could be the dawn of a new era on MetalSucks.”

    That’s a laugh and a half.

    • Ziltoid

      Who knows, they might actually try focusing on good music now.

      Probably not.

      • SP420

        Thing is though, I think he’s talking about the one day “bringing together the community” on Levi’s post. Contrary to what Axl thinks, puerile shouting and namecalling over opinions will never change on the internet.

        As for this site’s content getting better, I’m not holding my breath.

  • bucketochicken

    I’ve been listening to pretty much nothing but Pantera for the past two days. It’s been great. “Far Beyond Driven” is a fucking masterpeice. And “Trendkill” is really, really good too. I really underappreciated that one earlier in life.

  • Shep

    “I’m gonna go listen to some Pantera now. Because they weren’t the sharpest tools in the shed, but they did make awesome music that influenced an entire generation of metal bands.”

    Fuck yeah dude. I think I’ll pop in Trendkill

    • jackattack

      This made me smile.

  • Eat your own shit

    Horns up to Dime. I’m a big redneck pussy that plays with his sister’s genitals when I get lonely. And the riff in cemetary gates was brilliant.

    Fuck you, MetalSucks!

  • Double D

    Axl,
    I must say that this has been my favorite “Worst Week Ever” yet. I love how you called people out. Great job.
    -Todd

  • Tommy Lindbergsen

    Yawns@the Pantera and Ziltoid drama….
    So anyway….anyone else think that The Title track off of Scar Symmetry’s Holographic Universe is total Strapping Young Lad worship?

    • groverXIII

      Nah, I didn’t really get that vibe… it sounds like Scar Symmetry with a different singer (well, 2 different singers, but considering they did it before with one, I’m sticking with that). I didn’t really hear much similarity to SYL beyond any similarities previously existing.

      • Verdlet

        They still had their original vocalist when they recorded the album, so I don’t know why you think it sounds like them with a differen’t singer. Christian didn’t leave until after it was recorded.

      • Tommy Lindbergsen

        I was referring to the song HOLOGRAPHIC UNIVERSE and how much of the first part of the track sounds a lot like Strapping Young Lad, not the new track that leaked.

        • Verdelet

          I was talking to the guy above you who said “it sounds like Scar Symmetry with a different singer (well, 2 different singers”

          Just pointing out that the two new guys aren’t on the album and it is the original vocalist.

        • groverXIII

          Yeah, you’re right… I missed that part. I think I assumed that you were talking about the new song.

          I still stand by my assertion that it doesn’t sound that much like SYL, though.

    • Ziltoid

      I really got that vibe, but frankly, I don’t mind, since SS has never been that original. If you’re going to copy a band, choose a good one and copy well, and SS did that. I don’t even mind SS tbqh. Very consistent band with some great vocal melodies.

      • Justin Sane

        are you that lazy that you cant write out your shit… i hope that when you win you make a post of nothing but shit like tbqh, imho, blah blah blah…

        • Ziltoid

          I’m not saying that I’d copy anyone (that’s a horrible thing to do), but IF someone is going to copy, it would be better if they ripped off SYL instead of Insane Clown Posse. Thats what I meant.

          • Tommy Lindbergsen

            I agree.
            While I like Scar Symmetry, i’ve never thought they were all that original and I never take them that seriously.
            I have a feeling that Alvestam’s new band The Few Against Many is going to sound a lot like HU.

          • Ziltiid

            Alvestam is in the unfortunate situation of having a magnificent voice, yet always being in generic bands. Such a wasted talent IMO.

  • groverXIII

    Ooooooh… my week just got measurably better. The new Ensiferum album leaked. I won’t be listening to it for another two hours when I get off work, but I know that it’s going to be fucking awesome.

    (The new 3 Inches Of Blood album and the new Children of Bodom covers compilation also leaked, but I’m not nearly as psyched about those.)

    • groverXIII

      Just as I expected, so far the new Ensiferum album is boner-inducingly good.

      • DemonicLemming

        I was just listening to a bunch of Ensiferum today….they seem to take back seat to Eluveitie on here, for some reason. Didn’t know they had a new album coming out, but I’m about to find out what it sounds like.

        • groverXIII

          The new album is so good that I want to marry it, take it back to my lair, and make sweet, sweet love to it.

          • DemonicLemming

            Since Meiju Enho isn’t in the band any more, I couldn’t marry it (hottie Finnish metal chick who wears facepaint? fucking WIN, and she’s toured in Finntroll, too), but I might be convinced to do immoral things with it.

          • groverXIII

            This is true, although the new keyboardist isn’t bad herself.

            The album, though, is fucking great. I’ll need a few listens, but it may be the best thing they’ve ever done.

  • Bicro

    Young Jeezy is still the shit.

    • jackattack

      1

  • jackattack

    I’m curious, Zilty… what’s your opinion on crossover/neo-thrash? Not that I really care, but that’s a newer genre that in my mind has a hell of a lot more credibility than Sumerian-core. I’m predicting you hate it, but you’ve surprised me before.

    • Ziltoid

      Not big on any thrash (Megadeth’s RiP is an exception, as well as a few other albums here and there), and the neo-thrash has yet to do anything good or original yet. I’ve found one new thrash band that I like (Hexlust), but they sound much more like an older band than a newer one. But I fully agree one one point–it’s infinitely more credible that “Sumerian-core”. The thing is, with thrash, is that it’s not that I hate it. I’m just REALLY REALLY indifferent towards it, and this mostly boring neo-thrash movement is nothing different so far.

      • jackattack

        That’s better than I expected… as you’ve probably noticed before, I’m a big hardcore fan in addition to metal, so the crossover stuff like Municipal Waste, Lazarus AD, Toxic Holocaust and the like I’m actually quite into. I’m glad we finally agree on something once though. I haven’t checked out Hexlust yet, so I’ll give that a try.

        • groverXIII

          The new Municipal Waste album is, well, Municipal Waste. It offers pretty much nothing new, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

          • jackattack

            Not a bad thing at all. They’ve etched out a spot for themselves in the genre, and it’s 150% about fun… something metal needs more of.

        • Ziltoid

          All they have out officially is a rehearsal demo so far, and on myspace, it sounds very bad with that shitty flash player. I have some mp3s that I got from the guy in the band, and the quality is SO MUCH better than myspace, but I hear some potential even from the myspace-quality songs. Very old-school sound (some high pitched shrieks, etc.). Here’s their myspace:

          http://www.myspace.com/hexlust

          • jackattack

            I’m digging this… it would be better if the start of the first cued song (“Tombs of the Blind Dead”) wasn’t such on obvious ripoff of “Angel of Death”, but I can definitely smell what the Rock is cooking here.

          • Ziltoid

            Yeah, I thought that as well. They’ve been working on new material for awhile, so hopefully it’ll be good.

          • killerkrayon

            thats badass there playing at goregrowlers ball i think the same day my brothers band is playing

  • terrybeans84

    i could take a shit on the keyboard and people on this site would argure wheather or not it smelled funny.

    • groverXIII

      Well, it’s largely dependent on what you ate previously… there’s also the question of color, texture, consistency.

      I, for one, managed to shit a perfect cylinder about three weeks back. It was the highlight of my day.

    • Ziltoid

      No shit if more metal than diarrhea. The sound of it plopping and squirting out of your ass is too grim for most of you falses out there. Just because solid shit is the stuff the toilet paper companies promote, it doesn’t mean that you can’t dig deeper through all the shit to find the best, most tr00 wet shit of them all. Also, the squirting wet shits can sound like black metal tremolo picking if done correctly, and the echo coming from the cave that its recorded in puts the finishing touches on tr00 metal. That solidified, cookie-cutter shit is for posers.

      • groverXIII

        I don’t know… those shits where it feels like it’s coming out sideways, there’s a huge red streak on the turd, and when you wipe your ass the toilet paper is all red because you’re bleeding? That’s pretty fucking brutal.

      • Ziltoid

        Those red shits are only tr00 if the entire shit is covered in blood. Otherwise, it’s like getting a small cut and declaring yourself wounded in battle. The toilet paper is known to exaggerate the bloddiness of the shit. REMEMBER–IT’S THE EVIL TOILET PAPER COMPANIES WHO PROMOTE ONLY THE POPULAR SHIT. They’ll add some “goth” blood that any 13 year old can get at Hot Toilet and call it tr00 metal, but that is for falses. If it’s a streak of blood it not tr00, only a full soaking of blood makes shit tr00.

        • jackattack

          Especially Charmin. Fuck those cuddly grizzly bears and their stupid pillow like TP that emits bloody dust mites, which only worsens the posing.

          • Ziltoid

            Damn straight! Fight the power!

          • groverXIII

            I’m a big fan of three-ply… I think it might be Charmin I have, but it’s awesome. It’s like wiping your ass with a small furry animal, minus the bites.

      • groverXIII

        What I really hate are the ones I get after eating Taco Bell at 3 in the morning the previous night, where it feels like I’m shitting acid. Makes my poo-hole burn for the next hour and a half, and when I wipe I’m worried that it’s going to eat through the toilet paper and onto my hand.

        • Ziltoid

          That’s stoner doom shit. Always feels like acid, all day, all night. The feeling drones on for a really long time with minimal changes, but lots of pain. The hallucinations of your shit coming to life will drive you crazy as well.

        • jackattack

          I can’t really decide if I hate or love them, but the shits that I refer to as spinal-tap poops are memorable. They’re so fucking painful, and enlarge your asshole to a size that even Tera Patrick would blush at, but they’re pretty satisfying after you’ve conquered. I think I have a love hate relationship with them because they’re either painful in the sense of being forced into listening to Attack! Attack! or painful of the sadistic, pleasurable sense of listening to Cannibal Corpse after you get stoned.

          • DemonicLemming

            This has gotten extremely disturbing. I can’t ever recall a discussion about shit, shitting, and the state of one’s asshole on this site.

            Although some bands are arguably a good analog for the shit part.

      • whyowhy

        I need some help. I’m currently shitting and some of my shit is yellow, not piss yellow though, but yellow nonetheless. Oh, and blue shits. Some of the shit is blue. So, my question is: is this metal? And if it is metal, is it tr00?

        Oh, and the McShit. That is the worst. It comes quickly, without warning, and punishes your asshole like a gay guy who was just released from an all-women’s prison.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Gavin/1396340262 Mark Gavin

          If anybody here lives in the Plymouth, MA region… you must know about the Fuji Chen Shit.

        • groverXIII

          I’ve had shit that was green before… like, almost neon green.

          It was weird.

  • Bicro

    Hey guys, just a reminder, The Blueprint 3 is out on Sept. 11.

    Roc Nation.

    • Ziltoid

      Not now, we’re too busy arguing about tr00 shit and false pansy shit in the comments above.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sanskar-Wagley/1376400331 Sanskar Wagley

        GHOULS ATTACK THE BUTT
        CRUSH THE HOLY TURD

        • Ziltoid

          FLUSHING! TOILETS TOWARDS HELL
          WRITHE! WITH BUTT ITCH PAIN

    • groverXIII

      The Blueprint? Never heard of them. Sounds like emocore.

      • jackattack

        Doesn’t it?? Underoath, ftw!

      • Bicro

        Jay-Z

        • groverXIII

          Woohoo! I successfully trolled the troll!

          You mention two hip-hop artists/albums here on a metal site, so I decided to try to bait you back, and it worked. GTFO with your shitty rap.

          • Bicro

            No troll, just lover of rap and metal alike.

  • Kill All

    Aug 28th, I’m waiting in anticipation.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

    Ziltoid, I’m pretty sure you have to write an article dedicated to metal/shit parallels now.

    • Ziltoid

      I’m VERY tempted to.

  • karlos

    ziltoid sounds like the sort of guy i wanna spend my weekends with

    • jackattack

      Don’t do that at the table, Karlos.

      • Nick

        Lol classic.

  • http://www.facebook.com/epiphanystreetphotography Jennifer

    damnit, man. WELL said. I very much enjoyed that. And anyone who downs Pantera or Dime should be punched in the face. Keep the good shit coming! Much love – Jennifer

  • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

    what the fuck is going on? suddenly everyone who hated ziltoid is now jocking him like he’s the second coming of christ. holy dicks, you’re all a bunch of insincere cunts.

    • Ziltoid

      They’ve understood their sins and have decided to repent. I have no problem with that.

      • Jizzmaster3000

        I wonder who will kill him this time round.

        • groverXIII

          Shouldn’t be any shortage of volunteers.

      • lolwut

        youve yet to name a band who has sucked please keep dropping names ziltoid

        • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

          oh, quit it. you know you want to suck zilty off just like the other losers on here.

          • lolwut

            no the man just knows good music

          • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

            uh, don’t mind that. i wrote it when i was drunk and unable to properly read, apparently.

  • Dave B

    Hahaha. Awesome. Of course I didn’t really think you were doing it for ads, but I couldn’t resist the temptation to mock you all.

    I’ll be back……..

  • http://itscomplicatedonlinemovie.vox.com/ LinZi

    Keep up the nice work! Look forward to reading more from you in the future. I think it will be also nice if you add “send to email” tool so people can forward the articles to their friends easily.